Chapter 11:

The rest of our honeymoon was much the same as it had been at the begining. As of right now we are on the plane about to land back home.

"I am really going to miss Hawaii," I said. It is Sunday and I decided not to go back to work until Wednesday.

"I know. The nice all-year-long weather, quiet, no Alice..." Edward said and I laughed and nodded.

"I bet they are all at the airport," I said.

"Probably not. They all have work."

"I bet you 20 dollars that they are there," I challenged and he laughed and said, "Your on."

The plane landed and we exited the plane and saw nobody in front of us.

"Told you," Edward said and I rolled my eyes.

"We have not come all the way out yet. You never know wh-" I started but then was cut off by Alice screaming my name and coming up to tackle me. I smiled and hugged her back.

"How was your trip? Your flight? I bet it was beautiful, was it beaut-" I cut her off.

"It was all wonderful. I will give you details later."

"Okay," she said and then I said hi to Rose, Emmett, and Jasper. Edward's parents are both working so they can't be here.

When Rose and Alice would bug me with questions, I would wave them off and tell them later. "How about we go to lunch right now," I said looking that the clock said noon and I was hungry.

"Kay," Alice and Rose said as we walked toward's the car. They only brought they big car that Carlise usually drives. Greatt...

Going out to lunch with all of them was really nice. We got to catch up and Edward and I compared the island we went to and the island that Em and Rose went to. Not much of a difference, but they had cooler weather overall.

****A YEAR LATER****

Edward and I were in the doctor's office waiting to hear the news. We have been trying to get pregnant for about 3 months and I was late so I took a test and it said yes, so here we are. We were both really excited when the doctor confirmed it. I want a baby so bad and I think Edward feels the same way.

We went to lunch with all of the Cullen and Swan family to let everyone know that I am 6 weeks pregnant. They are very excited and Esme and Alice are looking forward to decorating the nursery.

While Alice and Japer got married about 2 months ago, Rose and Em had a baby about 3 months ago and they named her Bethanie Jane. It was a cute name and she was an absolutely adorable baby. I loved going over to their house after work and helping Rose out a bit. I would stay until about 5 and then left to go back home to meet Edward.

Edward is wonderful with baby Bethanie and that is how I figured out he wanted a child of his own and that he is going to be an excellent father.

The doctor informed me to eat more than I usually do because I am feeding for 2 and also because of how small I am. They are worried that I might not be able to carry the baby around if I don't gain wieght. So it is a win-lose situation. I get fat, but the baby lives. I guess I can handle it. I quietly laughed after that thought.

~*~

Everything has been going great. I am now 9 weeks in, but of course I am not showing yet. The excitement has gone down a bit because we all know of how long of a process it is.

Right now I am at the Cullen's house. It is summertime so that means all I have to do is prepare for next year. It was a good first year. I got married. I am going to have a baby. My life is starting finally.

We are watching Bethanie because Rose wants to go back to work, so she is finding a nanny or a sitter. I told her I would take her for the summer without any money. She said that it would be great if I could do that. So Esme and I together figured out a schedule that we would work around.

Esme wanted to do something fun with Bethanie today so we are baking cookies. Everything was going great until something started happening. I didn't know what it was, but I knew it was bad. My lower stomach started to hurt. Really bad. Like I can't think straight it is so bad. It is like someone stabbed me in the gut. I put my hand there to try and soothe it, but nothing helped.

"Esme," I whimpered and she turned around and once she looked at me horror struck her face. "I don't know what's happening. I hurt. Bad. Hospital," I gasped and she didn't need to hear anyting else. She turned off the oven and grabbed Bethanie as I started to walk towards the car. I was going slow because I hurt and Esme ran past me with Bethanie in her arms.

Once Bethanie was buckled in I was seated and Esme flew into the driver's seat and started the car. I kept fading in and out of conciousness the whole way there and then suddenly I felt myself only see black. I was put to sleep and that was the only explanation.

I woke up in a hospital room, on a hospital bed. I was covered in nothing but the gown when I opened my eyes. I saw Esme rush towards me.

"What's going on?" I asked and she had a look of helplessness in her eyes.

"Well honey, you see about an hour ago you were in my kitchen and you told me to bring you to the hospital because of stomach pains, so I did," after she said this the memories came flooding back to me and I suddenly realized something very important.

"Is the baby okay?" I asked and I saw a tear streak down her face and Carlise walked in.

"Bella, you look good," he said but I couldn't really hear him because I was freaking out.

"Is my baby okay?" I asked again and he sighed.

"Bella, you had a miscariage. That was the stomach pain. My guess would be that your body wasn't used to things growing inside you. It is little and needs a notice, which it didn't have. Believe it or not, this happens often to people like you. I am very sorry for your loss," Carlise said and I froze not wanted this to be real.

"I lost it?" I asked and he nodded. I just laid back down and looked at the cieling. Frozen and in shock. I felt tears stream down my face. All I could think about was Edward. Will he be mad at me? I mean will he regret marrying me for being too small? Will I ever be able to have babies again?

I felt someone put something in my IV. I am guessing meds to help my sleep because I faded out and into sleep.

When I woke up I was a little groggy and my guess is that my eyes are red and puffy. I felt someone holding my hand and laying their head on my hand. I turned to see Edward. He heard me move and when he looked up, I saw that he had been crying a little bit himself too.

"Is it true?" I asked still not wanting to believe it. He nodded and I closed my eyes for a split second trying to control myself.

"I am so sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to do whatever I did wrong. I feel so bad and-" I was cut off by looking into his eyes to see him crushed at my words.

"It is not your fault, Bella. Please know that. You didn't do anything wrong, nor did anyone for that matter. Things happen and there was nothing you could do, okay?" he said and I nodded and put my head back on the pillow.

"I love you," he said and I closed my eyes. "I know you feel responsible because that is just how you are. It is not your fault."

"Why does it feel like that then?"

"Because I wasn't there when it happened. I am so sorry for that, too. Bella, please don't blame this on yourself or anything for that matter. It is just the way nature is. Okay? So can you please do that? For me?"

I sighed and nodded. I knew his words were true. "I know you are right. I just need a day or two to let all of this soak in."

"Okay," he said and got up to kiss the top of my head. When he started to walk away, I pulled him back.

"Dont leave," I said and he smiled and shook his head.

"I am not leaving. I was just going to get something to eat for you."

"I'm not hungry."

"Bella.... you need to eat," he said and I rolled my eyes and he smiled and went to go get me food anyways. I really was in no mood to eat right now, but I guess I can try.

When he came back into the room I saw standing outside the door all of the Cullens. They disappeared when the door shut and I heard Edward moving toward me.

"Here. I brought us some bagels and fruit. Sound good?" he asked and then I looked at him.

"Bagels for dinner?" I asked, trying to be sarcastic but it came out more monotone.

"Uhm..Bella, it is 10 in the morning. You have been sleeping the whole time. The doctors say they do this so the experience would be less dramatic," he said and I felt my eyes widen. I can't believe I have slept this long!

"Oh. I'm sorry," I said and he started to put cream cheese on our bagels.

"Don't be. You looked peaceful when you were asleep," he said and smiled a bit, then handed me half of a bagel. I looked at it and then put my head back against the pillow.

"I don't want it. I think I will go back to sleep now. Thank you for bringing the food though. Sorry, but I am not hungry," I said.

"Bella...," he said and I looked at him for a second and he went on. "You can't just sleep the rest of your life."

"I wasn't planning on it."

"I know how you get when you are depressed."

"I am not depressed," I said trying to be convincing.

"You are not eating. That is what you do when you get depressed."

I sighed, defeated. "I know. I will try and eat later. I am just not hungry right now."

"Okay," he said sadly and turned to put the food on the bedside table.

"Why are they outside? Why don't they come in?"

"Who?"

"Your family," I said.

"Oh. Well, they know what condition you are in right now and think it is best to leave you alone."

"Can I see Rose?" I asked and now it was his turn to sigh in defeat as he opened the door and motioned for her to come in and then he left to leave us alone.

"Hey," she said with sadness in her eyes.

"Hi. How is everyone? Truth please," I asked.

"We are all worried."

"Don't be I am fine," I said.

"Bella, you look like a mess. I am saying that out of love of course," she said and I laughed a little bit, but it was forced somehow.

"Thank you, Rose. I was just so excited, you know? I feel like the world is mad at me. I also feel like Edward should hate me. Why does he have to be so nice?" I said while I started to cry harder. She sat up on the bed with me and held me.

"Shh...Bella, it's okay. The world is not mad. And I thought you knew it was impossible for Edward to hate you? He loves you more than life itself. You know what I think?" she asked and I shook my head saying, "What?"

"That the only person you need to seek forgiveness from is yourself. Bella, this happened for a reason. You need to know it is not your fault. It is not anybodies fault at all. It is just how somethings work."

"Thank you, Rose. That actually helped a lot. Ugh, look at me I am a mess," I said while wiping a tear from under my eye and smiling a bit. "Can I go home?"

"Yes. Why don't you get dressed. I will send Edward in to help you and then after a couple minutes I will come back in. Do you mind if the whole family comes in?"

"No," I said and she started to walk outside the door. I took a deep breath in and blew it out. Edward walked in after that and I got up and started to dress myself. I was shakey and couldn't button my jeans, so I got frustrated and just stopped messing with it. Edward noticed my problem and came over to help me. After doing that and putting on my shirt, he pulled me into chest and held me there for a little bit.

"Thank you," I said and he kissed the top of my head and there was a knock on the door. "Ready?" he asked and I nodded.

The others didn't say much to me except for their sorry. I just wanted to go home and Edward sensed that so he took me.

"So you are not mad at me?" I asked just to make sure.

"Bella...Please. I can't be mad at you. I love you. We can try again and if it doesn't work, then we can adopt. There are so many different options."

"Okay. Lets just not talk about this anymore. I just want to go to bed," I said and then he nodded and I stripped down and got into bed to sleep.