Chapter 17:

Will and I have become really good friends. He is really nice and I am trying to convince him to go out with Karah. Karah is just looking for a good time, but I have a feeling Will takes things more seriously than that. Either way I thought it would be fun.

"Hey, Will?" I asked while we were in the middle of doing an assignment.

"Yeah?" he answered.

"Tonight Hayden and I were going to go out and I was wondering if you have given any thought in Karah?"

"I guess she seems cool, why?"

"Well, I was thinking we could all go on a double date tonight. Karah is interested if you are," I said.

"I don't know..."

"Please," I said giving him my best puppy dog eyes. He stopped and lost focus for a second and then coughed to hide it. I laughed.

"Uh, sure I guess. I still have to meet Hayden. Gotta make sure he is good enough for you," Will said and I rolled my eyes.

Later that night we all went out to dinner and a movie. Hayden and Will didn't get along as well as I hoped, but at least they tollerated each other. Karah and Will weren't really that into each other, but I guess it didn't hurt for them to be introduced. Hayden sat back in the booth when he finished eating and put his arm around me. It was normal and I expect it, but this time it seemed more protective.

"So Will," Hayden started. "What are you studying?"

"Well I am really interested in Marine Biology," he said and I nodded already knowing the fact. "How about yourself Hayden?"

"I don't know if Jensen mentioned to you, but her father is a lawyer. I have been very interested in the kind of work he does."

"She might have mentioned it somewhere along the line," Will said and everything got uncomfortable. We didn't really talk about much the rest of the dinner and I was glad to be able to leave and watch a movie. After it was all over I gave Will a hug goodbye and then walked Hayden back to his dorm.

"So what do you think about my lab partner?" I asked Hayden while grabbing his hand and leaning into him.

"I think he likes you a little more than necessary," Hayden responded and I paused a bit, but then kept on walking.

"What does that mean?"

"Well he obviouisly really likes you, Jen."

"No we are just good friends. Nothing more to it than that," I said. Hayden has changed a lot lately before we started college. When he didn't say anything I stopped him.

"What is up with you lately Hayden? You know that other guys have been interested in me before and it has never bothered you this much before. I have never seen you be the jealous boyfriend before."

"Maybe it is because I knew those other guys and I knew what you acted like around them. With Will though... Jensen I just don't know what goes down when you study together or are in class," he said and it made me a little upset.

"I thought you trusted me, Hayden," I said sadly.

"I do trust you, Jensen. It is just with Will...," he said.

"Well what do you want me to do, Hayden? Drop the class?" I asked. He knew I needed this credit in order to graduate when I was planning on it.

"No, of course not. I guess I just am a little jealous. I mean he is better looking than me and smarter and charmier," he said and I laughed and nudged him so he was up against the wall not able to escape because of me. I went up on my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a kiss. He automatically pulled me in closer. I rested my forhead agaist his.

"Nobody is as sexy and charming as you," I whispered, teasing him a little. He smiled.

"Well thanks, I am touched," he said and I laughed and pulled him by the hand again. "There is just something weird about that guy."

"He is sort of edgy. At times it freaks me out a bit," I admitted and he smiled.

"Don't worry I will protect you," Hayden said and I just rolled my eyes and smiled back.

When we got to his dorm he pulled me into a hug and rested his forhead on mine again. I closed my eyes and smiled slightly.

"Will you stay?" he whispered and I so badly wanted too. I sighed.

"Will needs me at 8 in the morning tomorrow," I said to tease him a little and he smiled and shook his head.

"Well lucky for Will, I have an alarm clock."

"Tempting," I said and he opened the door and we started walking in.

"And I can cook you breakfast," he said and I smiled.

"Still thinking about it," I teased and then he kissed me and we ended up back in his bedroom having a little fun enjoying the fact he doesn't have a roommate.

I woke up to a little bit of sun streaming through his window and then remembered that we forgot to set the alarm. I looked at the clock and it read 7:45. Frantic, I jumped out of his bed and threw on my bra and underwear and just threw my hair up. Hayden stirred in the bed. "Do you have any extra clothes of mine?" I asked looking around. He rubbed his eyes and answered.

"Yeah, some jean shorts in the closet I believe. I think you left them here last week," he said and I ran and thankfully found them. I walked out with just my shorts on. Hayden smiled at the sight and I rolled my eyes and stole one of his smaller shirts from the dresser.

"Bye, love you," I said and gave him a quick kiss and started rushing towards the science building. I arrived about 2 minutes late and the professor, thankfully, hadn't started yet. I ran over to Will.

"Sorry I'm late," I said and he smiled, amused at the sight. He had an extra cup of coffee and handed it to me. "You are a life savor this morning," I said and took a sip.

"Well I guess I can't tell you that you are completely put into the hall of shame yet, but pretty close," he said.

"Ha ha," I said and he smirked. "We just forgot to set the alarm," I said.

"We?" he asked and then I knew I was caught. I just rolled my eyes and that made his smirk grow a bit. "Nice shirt," he said and I glarred.

"How did the rest of your night go?" I asked.

"Well, not as good as yours I'm sure," he said and I felt my face get hot. "But, Karah and I decided to just be friends. She says it is too obvious that I like you."

"Oh," I said and things got a little awkward.

"Look Jensen, I really do like you, a lot. But I know that you are with Hayden so don't think I am going to try and steal you or anything," he said. "But you know we could still hang out," he said and I shifted my weight.

"I don't think that is a good idea," I said.

"Why not?" he asked and I shrugged. I knew that I had maybe a little bit of feelings for him and might possibly persue them if Hayden wasn't in the picture.

"You like me, right?" he asked and I rolled my eyes and closed them while nodding. I couldn't lie. I am terrible at it.

"And you say I am good looking and sweet...?" he said and I sighed.

"Please, Will...don't do this," I said. I really don't want to lose his friendship, but if it got to the point that I would have to choose, it would be Hayden in a heartbeat.

"Why not?" he asked again.

"Because I can't be with you," I said.

"It's because of him right?" he asked and I nodded. "Well I have time, but I am not giving up," he said and the class time was up and I nodded while he left. We just got a big project assigned which meant I would be spending more time with Will than Hayden over the next couple of days. I started walking back to Hayden's dorm. I knocked and he answered with a smile.

"Mmm..smells good," I said and he gave me a kiss.

"Thanks. I made you breakfast like I promised," he said and I smiled. "How was class?" he asked while we walked towards his mini kitchen.

"Good. Will and I have a big project we have to start. So that means I might not see you as much the next few days," I said and he tensed a little, but let it go.

Over the next couple days I hung out with Will a lot. You couldn't help but like the guy. He is really sweet and has this warmness about him that makes you want him to be around all of the time. We have developed a very strong bond and I really like him. But I believe that my feelings for him are clouded with the confusion that he is my best friend. I feel really guilty though because I know he really likes me and I feel like I am leading him on too much. But telling me not to be flirty with him is like telling a bird not to fly. It is almost like I have to. He is just so easy to be around. But that is the same thing with Hayden except it is much more intensified there. I think that because Will is so new it is exciting for me. Overall I know who I would choose if it came down to that and I had a feeling it would.

"And...we are done," Will said after finishing the last part of our project. I smiled and gave him a high five and a hug.

"Nice," I said.

"Yeah, we make a pretty good team," he said with a double meaning. I just nodded. He always makes it awkward between us when he says stuff like that. He sighed noticing my uncomfort.

"Look Jensen, you know I like you. There is no questions to be asked in that. So why are you holding back? Why can't you just feel what you want to feel?" he asked and I felt myself tear up a bit.

"Because I am with Hayden and I have stronger feelings for him. I am in love with him. You have to understand that. I am feeling what I want to feel, trust me," I said and he took in a deep breath.

"He knows that I like you, right?" he asked and I nodded. Hayden also knew that we had a little fling going on, but after discussing things, I told him that he could trust me with all of his heart. "Think about who is a better fit for you. Sure he is your boyfriend, but I am your best friend."

"Okay," I said and then got up to grab my stuff. "Umm..I'll see you around," I said and headed over to my dorm. I laid down on my bed and thought about things.

I really have never gone out with any other guy before. I mean sure I had boyfriends before Hayden, but never as serious. Maybe I need to look around. After thinking about it for a long time I fell asleep. I knew that my heart will always belong to Hayden. I know our relationship and it never gets old.

My alarm went off indicating that I had to go turn in the science project. Will had decided to take me out for pizza today and I was glad that he was willing to let Hayden come as well. This lunch won't be awkward at all.

After eating in a little bit of silence we all starting walking back to the dorms and Will stopped walking for a second.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Jensen, you know that I like you. Too much actually. And so does Hayden and the whole world for that matter. But the thing is that I feel like I am being cheated. Tell me what I am doing here with you. Tell me why I get to suffer."

"Will...," I said and Hayden tensed a little but I squeezed his hand and he relaxed. "I don't mean to make you suffer. You are my best friend. I don't want you to feel any of those things," I said with sadness. I do care about him and I don't want him to be sad.

"Then tell me where this is going because I feel like I am waiting for nothing. You are welcome to be with me alone, but I can' do this," he said while motioning a circle around us three. "I can't pretend like I am okay with this."

I felt a lump collect in my throat as I spoke my next words. I had to be honest with him. "Will...You are my best friend. So please...," I said taking a deep breath in. And I shook my head to make the tears go away. "Don't make me choose. Because it will be him. You know in your heart and head that it has always been him," I said and he got a look of sadness in his eyes and I just wanted to go and hug him.

"Jensen...," he said and I felt a tear escape. He just turned around and walked slowly somewhere else. I looked after him and closed my eyes and nodded. I could let him go. I wiped the tear away that escaped and turned back to Hayden. He had his hands in his pockets and was looking down at the ground. I walked over and ran my fingers through his hair. He looked up and smiled slightly.

"I'm sorry," he said and I knitted my eyebrows together.

"For what?" I asked.

"That he left."

"Well he asked me to choose so I did. Hayden my choice is always you. And if that isn't the same for you then I would really like to know now before my addiction to you becomes stronger," I said and he smiled a little bit more.

"My choice is you. Always. You can be addicted to me for as long as you'd like," he said and I let him hold me while I let all of the guilt push away from my head. "I love you, Jen."

Making it through the rest of the semester with Will was hard. He would only talk to me when necessary and sometimes not even then. I really hurt him and you could tell. But I know that he forgives me. I just have to forgive myself.