Chapter 1: Harry the Doctor
So, as much as we try to avoid it, sometimes Ron and I have to indulge Hermione's Muggle tendencies. Mind you, I have Muggle tendencies as well, but I have probably 3% interest in Muggle books. I don't even know what that 3% would be, because I have about 3% interest in any books, but oh well. It sounded good.
Hermione loves books, of course, and this doesn't cease at books available in the magical realm. Can you imagine things like The Origin of Species and The Merchant of Venice in Flourish and Blotts? Anyone that tried to check them out would be laughed right out of the place.
Every now and then Ron and I agree to go to the Muggle bookstore with Hermione. Of course she doesn't need us to go with her- she's gone on her own plenty of times. But she has this annoying must-be-around-Ron complex (I guess I understand, but it's still aggravating if we want to ride our brooms or something. He either doesn't go or has a screaming Hermione clinging to him for dear life. Kind of kills the whole thing). So we humor her every now and then by going with her.
One time when we went -and Ron still laughs about this from time to time- the cashier kept glancing at my scar. She was pretty casual about it, so casual that I didn't even notice. Ron did though.
"Want to know how he got it?" he asked her with this mischievous, goofy half-smile thing on his face. Hermione rolled her eyes and slammed her bag full of books onto the counter.
"Uh, sure," the cashier replied, with a wary sideways glace towards Hermione.
"Well, you've heard of eclektricity, I'm sure?" Ron asked her. Hermione groaned and covered her face with her hands.
"Electricity?" the cashier clarified.
"Right, electrikticy. Well, there are those… things that you put into the other things to make things turn on, as you may well be aware."
"Oh for Merlin's sake, Ronald, could you be more exact?" Hermione snapped angrily at him. The cashier lady had laughed when Hermione had said "Merlin," and had earned herself Hermione's distaste and thus involvement in Ron's little scheme.
Ron's attempt to sound intelligent and completely in-the-know was, for me, pretty adorable. Hermione disagreed.
"He's talking about plugs and sockets of course. You'll have to excuse him. He doesn't know much english," Hermione clarified. Her all-too-sweet smile was probably quite reassuring to the cashier, but Ron and I knew her well enough to see the fury behind her eyes.
The cashier mumbled something to the effect of, "Sounds like a perfectly good accent to me," to which Hermione tersely replied with, "Mhmm" and a face so froggy that Umbridge would be jealous.
"Anyway," I said to break the uncomfortable silence. The cashier jumped at the sudden sound.
"Yes, well, those long things that connect the elektric thing and the… the socket together—"
"—Cords," I interjected before Hermione's head exploded.
"Yes, of course, cords. Well, during a… a…" Ron started.
"—A routine operation…" Hermione continued for him.
"You're a surgeon?" the cashier asked suddenly, with a look of awe directed intently in my direction.
"Uhhh… well, yes, actually. I'm… Dr. Harry…"
"—Jekyll," Hermione added quickly, casually flipping over one of the books on the counter so its back cover faced up. "His name's Dr. Harry Jekyll. You can look him up; he's quite famous."
"Blimey, really?" the cashier asked in admiration. I was pretty shocked at the girl's lack of general book knowledge. Even I know the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Maybe she just thought it was a coincidence. I don't know. (Hermione likes to defend herself here by saying there are countless people in this world with the last name Jekyll, and it was a perfectly legitimate name to use, so shut up and get on with it. Oh, sorry, not that last bit.)
"Yes, that's him. Dr. Harry Jenk—" Commence the very subtle but forceful 'correction kick in the shin' from Hermione. " —JEK-yll! Jekyll. Blimey, Hermione. Anyway, one day he was… op-urr-ate-ing on something…" Ron said.
"A baby elephant, to be exact," I interjected. "You know, those baby elephants that do the paintings and whatnot?"
"Could you possibly be referring to those precious, talented baby elephants, without whom the world would be a terrible place, Harry?"
"Too right you are, Ron. That's exactly the kind of baby elephant I was referring to."
"What was wrong with it?" the cashier asked, with a sort of sad-blubber in her lower lip.
"Cancer," Hermione immediately responded. "In his painting… trunk."
"Oh no! How awful!" the cashier wailed to us emotionally, looking from Hermione to myself in desperation. "What did you do?"
(Hermione would like to here note that quite a line was forming behind us and that the "insolent" little cashier should've been doing her job instead of staring at us with her mouth wide open. Ron would like to here note that Hermione was totally into the story- for WHATEVER purpose she may have, Merlin-, the cashier's mouth was not wide open, and he's 100% positive there wasn't anyone else in the bookstore at the time.)
"Well, the cancer had to be removed, of course," I replied in what I considered to be a manly, not-scared-of-anything tone. Now I had to think of some way to tie this into cords and sockets…
"Unfortunately, the anesthesia didn't work as well as it should have. The baby elephant weighed so much, you see, and Harry's used to operating on cute little monkeys and… puppies," Hermione stopped to let the cashier liberate a five-second 'Awww'. Hermione continued, "And every time Dr. Harry probed the poor thing's tumor, its little back foot twitched."
"Ah, yes, excellent idea to mention that, Hermione," Ron added lamely. He had been wondering how this story would connect as well.
"And one time I pushed the tumor a little too hard…" I remarked.
"The adorable baby's foot kicked backward—," Ron continued.
"—and knocked over the IV stand." Hermione concluded. Here is where I wondered, almost aloud (but I was muted by Hermione's ferocious glare. Sometimes I wonder if she can read minds), if IVs are even used on animals…
"The IV stand knocked over the heart monitor, which came unplugged. The plug swung up into the air – it was like slow motion," I emphasized the slow motion by waving my arm towards Ron's face slowly in the air like it was the cord. "But I was too slow to catch it, and it cut me right across the forehead." Ron feigned a frightened look and moaned "Nooooo!" slowly in a very deep voice when I moved my pinky in a lightning-bolt pattern over his forehead
"And now I have this scar to prove it." I finished, pointing to the real deal.
"And he even finished the surgery before stitching himself up," Hermione added. I tried to look brave, like I could handle pain in the face of imminent danger if it meant the life of another being. Well… I guess I could do that. (Ron would like to add that I'm a show-off.)
"Wow, that's got to be the most incredible thing I've ever heard," remarked the cashier girl. "You must be so proud of your husband," she directed towards Hermione.
Ron immediately pushed me aside, draped his arm over Hermione's shoulders and said defensively, "I'm her husband."
"Oh, I'm sorry," the girl apologized. She looked a little amused for a second, and then scrunched her eyebrows together and turned towards me. "Wait a minute… isn't it immoral or against some kind of animal rights thing to operate on an animal that isn't completely unaware?"
Hermione and Ron both looked towards me at the exact same time, like the two heads of Siamese twins. Ron cleared his throat awkwardly. I casually placed one hand behind my back and the other I rested on the girl's hand atop the counter.
"Trust me," I consoled her. "I'm a doctor."
