Author's Note: wow ok so I did this so early that I forgot to add an author's note. this chapter is basically just a filler, sorta. I'm more then anxious for next chapter, Maureen and Tripp's wedding ;) there's a lot going on next chapter. ok that's all i'm gonna say. read, enjoy, review... please! they make my day.

Manda


Maybe up over the back door hadn't been the smartest place for Vanessa to have picked as a storage area for the things she didn't want anyone else to see but, at the time she'd picked it there hadn't been a risk of anyone walking in. Two days ago she'd been in a rush to put the book, pills, and the pamphlets out of sight before Rufus had gotten into work, over the door had been the least suspicious place to move ceiling tiles. That's why she'd picked it, she'd pulled the ladder over and stuffed the things in there before anyone got there. Her secrets were some she didn't plan on sharing, not till she figured out what exactly she was going to do about it. It had been two weeks since her talk with Maureen, one week since she'd felt like the bronchitis, ear infection, and strep had taken over her head, and nine weeks since she'd gotten into her predicament.

She still had a few weeks to decide what she needed to do. There were days she felt like she wanted to rush to the clinic and get rid of it, get rid of all the pressure on herself. Since two days ago though, she now had the sound in her head. She'd had the cool gel spread onto her abdomen, the small machine coasted along. She'd felt a strange ping of nervous anticipation while the ultrasound technician fumbled around searching. It seemed like the longest few minutes of Vanessa's life. That was a reaction she hadn't expected. She hadn't expected to be a little worried when the women had trouble finding the sound she was looking for. She hadn't expected to be so relieved when it had turned out that the sound still hadn't been turned on. Soon as the sound as on it was there, the fast paced washing machine sound. Hearing it had lifted an unexpected weight off her shoulders, it had also sent her into a state of panic. In the past nine weeks it hadn't been as real as it was hearing the heartbeat. She'd been able to pretty much pretend the thing didn't really exist. It hadn't been anymore then a secret under her shirt. Now, it was all real, so much more than before. This told her that there was an actual little thing inside of her with a real heart beat. It was still something she wasn't very keen about remembering yet. Especially with the fact that she hadn't decided if she was going to stay pregnant or not, it was still a day by day thing.

Even with her indecision she was still taking the prenatal vitamins on the mornings that she could keep it down and she remembered it. It had only been two days but even still she'd only thrown one up so far. The book on the other hand was the 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' book she'd been given at the free clinic. Why she was reading it she wasn't sure but something made her feel compelled to flip through it. The little thing she wished in so many ways didn't exist, but she still felt like she needed to learn more about the baby. About its little heart, the way it was growing and turning into a real baby from the tad pole like thing it was before. It all amazed her, and it scared her, she felt so venerable and afraid when she thought about it. She was losing her grip on being herself it seemed. Vanessa had already fallen for the Upper East Side's titled prince, but she was also falling for the child that had sprung from it. One thing she didn't want to believe in, she didn't want to let herself do.

Jenny and Dan had been begged by Allison to stay in Hudson for the weekend. So reluctantly they'd agreed. Rufus took advantage of the situation and decided to stay with Lilly. He'd told Vanessa that before he'd left for the day. Vanessa figured she was free. She'd stayed till dusk in the gallery, lying on the floor reading the book she'd been given, eating saltine crackers, and drinking ginger ale. Moring sickness had hung over her head all day long. Now that she was calmer it was time to go home and deal with Ruby, who she knew would be leaving for the night soon. All she had to do was take care of Cat then she'd have the rest of the night to sleep just like she wanted. Vanessa was completely worn out by everything around her. Sleep sounded better than it had ever sounded in her lifetime.

So in preparation of leaving the gallery for the night she'd dragged the latter over to the door and stood up on it putting her stuff back into the spot in the ceiling. She hadn't been expecting anyone so the thought of the door opening hadn't even crossed her mind till the ladder started to tip and the head phone fell out of her ear. Before Vanessa could even open her mouth to complain the door had been forced all the way open and she'd lost her balance on the ladder hitting the side of the counter with her left side and expelling a mildly loud 'fuck' as she went down. If her infections and meds hadn't been enough it seemed that she'd be adding bruising to the picture also.

The one who'd opened the door in the first place rushed through soon as he'd heard all the clattering. There hadn't been enough time to prevent her fall but he was next to her in a matter of seconds.

"Jesus… Vanessa I'm so sorry. I tried to call you first but you weren't picking up your phone. I banged on the door. I guess your headphones were too loud. Are you ok? Nothing's broken right? I mean, do I need to call 911 or anything?"

Scott's panicked voice spoke fast as he finally came into her view. Vanessa lay on her back on the floor, knees bent, head resting on her hands. She could feel the bruises forming and she was in no rush to move off of the floor. She knew she wasn't hurt, a little shaken up and a lot red but other than that she was fine. Lying on the floor the coughing fit started causing Scott to panic that much more as he helped her to her feet. He was beginning to remind her of Dan, it was exactly something Dan would have done. Even as she shook her head and attempted to talk with her hands to get him to calm he still asked her every five seconds if she was ok. After limping to the sink for a glass of water she took a sip and cleared her throat to talk.

"Scott, calm down. It was a simple fall, I'm fine"

She said putting her hands up as she watched him back away from her to the gallery refrigerator. Taking one of the ice packs out, she took it from him with a partial smile as she winced at the movement. It wasn't ok to make fast movements it turned out.

"I came to see if maybe you wanted to go get dinner or something. My treat and you can't say no. how about those tequila shots from a few weeks ago."

He'd been persistent with asking her out on dates once a week. Scott at times seemed to be overrun with confidence. His familiar green eyes sparkled at the offer and she could see flecks of brown and gold in them. Vanessa would have loved to say yes. If her heart wasn't already gone with no shot of ever coming back, Scott seemed really great but Vanessa just didn't want it. Besides, those tequila shots sounded way to tempting for her to sit near.

"Actually I was just about to head home, my sister's cat needs attention and so does my apartment. You can come again if you want to."

Knowing he wouldn't refuse the offer she reached for her bag and her phone. Scott spent most days laying on her couch telling her all of the reasons she wanted to go out with him. Vanessa never seemed to budge and Scott never took the hint. She didn't mind it so much, there was just something about him that she couldn't get mad at.

"Only if I can pick up a movie, at least do that with me V, please?"

Sighing in response she clicked a button to check for missed alerts on her phone not that she expected anymore then maybe Scott's calls. It surprised her to find three missed calls from Jenny and five from Dan. Seemed like something was going on, starting to send a text she zoned out of her conversation with Scott only for the door in back of her to slam shut and make her jump as four sets of feet traveled in.

"Damn it V, are you trying to give us all a heart attack?"

The lights in the gallery were all off and she and Scott were sitting in the dark, something she hadn't noticed till Jenny's voice peeped up. Turning around as if she'd been caught with her hand in a cookie jar, with the ice pack against her side she threw a confused look at Dan and Jenny as she looked at the other two with them. Serena, Eric, Dan, Jenny stood in the doorway with their hands full of game boards, colorful bottles of liquor, and sleeping bags. Looked like it was the night for a sleepover and she'd attempted to miss the memo.

"Don't worry V we have your stuff with… who's this?"

To think that he was the one to call her rude when it came to new people, it seemed like she'd figured out where she got it from. Placing the ice pack down on the counter she walked over to them sourly as Scott followed suit.

"Dan, this is Scott. Scott this is my best friend Dan, his little sister Jenny, his ex girlfriend Serena, and Serena's brother Eric. Scott's new in town, from…. Boston?"

She looked at him again to make sure, remembering things lately wasn't one of Vanessa's strong points. Though with everything she'd read it seemed as though it was normal.

"Careful, this one isn't the most optimistic one in the city."

Dan said throwing a look to Vanessa as he put his hand out to Scott to shake. There was a look on Scott's face that left Vanessa trying to figure him out. It was like he was in shock about something. Then she remembered that Serena was standing in the room, that's all it had to have been. She rolled her eyes, of course every guy stops to stare at the Van der Woodsen.

Soon as Dan stepped back and Eric had shaken Scott's hand, and Jenny had waved at him Serena's bubbly self bounded forward and hugged him. It seemed like someone had already hit the liquor.

"Welcome to the city Scott. You'll love it here."

Dan shook his head as he watched Serena's actions and tried not to laugh. Their friendship had improved a lot since Jenny's sweet 16. Dan looked at Vanessa and made a motion of tipping a bottle.

"Am not, it was one bottle and if you'd walked in on our parents having sex on the couch in the living room first then you'd have consumed as much alcohol as you could just to erase the image Dannnnnn don't lie"

Her words slurred together as Jenny and Eric put their hands over their ears and Dan made a face, too much information was turning into a big problem. Sounded like Lily and Rufus needed rules just as much as the kids in the house needed them also.

"I thought you two were with Allison this weekend?"

Vanessa asked as she walked back to the table and put the ice pack back to her side as everyone filed into the gallery and started to set up things here and there for the night.

"Let me tell you, pregnant people just aren't that fun to be around."

At Jenny's words a nervous laugh escaped Vanessa's lips causing Dan and Scott to turn around and look at her with an identical look of confusion. She thought quick and bit her lip attempting to come up with an excise for her actions. She didn't need one as Eric somehow turned music on and Jenny called everyone over to an already set up game of monopoly.


The city was awake and a buzz outside the window of the brownstone. The two inside couldn't have cared any less as they lay sound asleep on the hard leather and wood couch. Not the most comfortable piece of furniture to sleep on but there was something about being together that made it that much more bearable. The steady breathing felt through the rises and falls of chests, a somewhat warm blanket that had been draped over the right side of the couch almost too small to cover them both pulled tightly around their still clothed bodies. Not another space in the world had been more comfortable to sleep just due to the fact that they had one another. The mess they'd made out of the living room surrounded them, chip bags on the table, lap top half under the couch, jeans, coat, sweater, and leggings to make things a little more comfortable littered the floor. Had Anne or one of the maids come in they would have shaken their heads, Mr. Nate and Vanessa (as she insisted) had a habit of falling asleep wherever they decided to settle down for a few moments. Their strange places had included sitting beside the stove in the kitchen back around Christmas time, when they'd attempted to bake cookies, flour all over both of them and the kitchen floor. The other had been the middle of the hallways floor after a snowball fight in central park, poor Marjorie had thought they were both dead from weather conditions. The pair still joked about it, star crossed lovers doomed from the start.

He was the first to wake up; the sun shining on the red walls of the 'family room' did it. Making the walls shine like fire in the early morning sun. It's attempt to alert them that it was somewhere around seven on a Thursday morning was something he'd tried to block out for twenty minutes already. The soft breathing of the female whose body was on top of his, whose gentle breathing hit his neck with every inhale and exhale, would have lulled him back into his dreams if laying with her hadn't been enough. He ran his hand through the dark curls that sprung out soon as she'd pulled all of the bobby pins out of her hair while they watched something or other on the television. He was perfectly content being pinned underneath her and feeling her breath as she slept, listening to the sound of their hearts beat, just knowing she was his. Maybe they were different and all, but it just added more to the relationship than anything else. It made him fall even more in love with her then he already was.

Buzzing on the table made him blink open his perfect sapphire eyes once again only to be greeted with by the morning sun. Nate hadn't ever been a very big fan of waking up in the mornings. Glancing at the table quick he noticed Vanessa's phone attempting to vibrate off of the table. Seeing that it was too close to first period time for Dan it could only mean one thing, work loomed an hour away for her. He'd tried in the past to pay her to take a day out of work but she always seemed to refuse, Rufus needed her help. He knew she wouldn't be happy if he let her sleep, no matter how tempting it sounded to lay with her in his arms all day. She made him turn soft, Chuck Bass would have been embarrassed to know some of the things that went through his best friend's mind. He snapped out of his thoughts. He needed to get up and get them both going for the day, he knew he'd at least make it to the second half of his classes and LAX practice.

Gently he shook her shoulder, his lips brushing the top of her head as he tested out his sleep groggy voice for the first time in the morning.

"V… Vanessa, baby, you gotta wake up. Your gonna be late for work."

The normally light sleeper barely budged, far as she moved was to lift her hand and place it against his lips, her own way of telling him to shut up and let her sleep. Normally it was only something she did when she was falling asleep. Nate kissed her hand as he moved it away from his mouth. A smile crossed his face and he did his best not to laugh at her childish antics. She could be such a child sometimes, just as long as the outside world didn't get to see a moment of it. It was their thing, he loved every second of being with her.

"Come on, Vanessa, You have to get up."

In reaction this time she turned her head into the couch and attempted to burry herself between his arm and the back of the couch to hide. Anything to get his voice out of her head and to keep the sun light from invading her dreams it seemed.

"Nate stop"

Mumbling almost completely inaudible he couldn't help but let the dimpled smile from crossing his face. Even stubborn and grouchy she was beautiful to him, he just didn't understand how he's been lucky enough to be picked by her. He didn't deserve her, she was to good for his world. Regardless of the whole letter to Jenny thing, it just proved how much she loved him.

"The last time I let you sleep through work you didn't speak to me all day. So, you get up now or I'm carrying you up those stairs and putting you in the shower."

Threatening hadn't done anything only made Vanessa ball her fists and put them over her ears trying harder to block him out rather than listening to him drive her crazy to get up. Nate laughed once, he wasn't about to threaten her again as he picked her up and through her still sleepy form over his shoulder where she complained against his back.


Clicking the side of her cell phone the numbers glowed three fifteen AM, go figure, even the time tried to tell her something, that or Vanessa had just watched far too many horror movies in her life time. She knew she'd been the first one to fall asleep. Early on in the game but there weren't many nights anymore when Vanessa didn't crash from being exhausted. when she did sleep her memories surronded her as dreams, being dragged into the shower fully clothed was one of the better ones even if she'd yelled at him to no end after. She didn't have to move very much to know what, or who rather she was using as a pillow. Twisting around so she was laying on her stomach she could just barely make him out in the light of the street lamps. Her eyes were still not right exactly from being sick. Since having the fever they'd been a little out of focus. She blinked a few more times before she'd noticed the blonde's head on his shoulder, her arms wrapped around him, and their legs entangled. They sure didn't sleep as though they could very easily someday be step siblings. Vanessa laughed to herself, typical Dan and Serena.

Raising her hand to his shoulder she shook him a few times waiting for him to wake up. Dan wasn't the lightest sleeper, he'd never been. She hadn't even had to whisper his name before he blinked an eye open to stare at her. She didn't have to say anything back to him she simply motioned to the kitchen area with her head then stood up and headed into it taking a second to turn around in the doorway and look at everyone sprawled out on the floor. Scott was lying with Jenny and Eric, all three were sound asleep next to the monopoly game board. Dan was working on getting Serena off of him without disturbing her too much. It had been a good night all together and everyone had gotten along without much of a fight. With the amount of liquor that had actually been consumed Serena would have been the only one that felt the effect.

She switched on the light in the kitchen and headed straight for the fridge as she heard Dan's footsteps behind her. She wanted cheese cake, or, potato salad, or… well that was a new one. Cravings hadn't existed till now, even more proof that she wanted to hide from after the night she'd had. she'd had fun, with friends, if she stayed pregnant how was that going to continue? Dan wasn't going to speak to her again because she'd been so stupid, Serena would take Blair's side and insist she was trying to trap Nate, Jenny still wasn't over him, Eric she didn't actually know so he didn't count in anything, and Scott would defiantly stop attempting to pursue her. Vanessa's mind had never been so insecure as it was lately, it couldn't have been normal.

"Midnight snack or are you planning on pulling a parent trap and honeying up everyone while they're asleep? Only thing is I think we need to use fluff on Serena, the honey won't faze her any."

At first she'd jumped at the sound of his voice till she'd actually listened to his sentence then a short lived smile crossed her face. Doing that would have been the old Dan and Vanessa before she'd ever gone to Vermont. Jenny had to remember all of the times she'd woken up with flour all over her bed. Allison had called it the 'torture the youngest' game.

"I don't have the energy for that one, I'm just hungry"

Shrugging her shoulders she turned around to face him chewing on one of the deli pickles from the jar. It was just a good thing that Dan wouldn't have thought anything of her strange snacking at weird hours of the night.

"So I was thinking, I'm gonna ask Serena to prom. Just as friends of course. I told you what happened at Passover with Lilly and Rufus. I'll pass on inducing yet another heart attack. I think Lily would have to be committed with another thing like… ouch, Vanessa what did you do?"

Not noticing he'd even caught it she'd lifted her shirt slightly to see just how bad the bruise was. The black, purple, and blue marks along her side looked as though someone had sucker punched her in the side. She raised the side of her shirt again and touched her side with her hand wincing at the contact almost right as soon as she tried it.

"It's nothing, I was trying to fix something and I fell. No big deal."

Giving her an odd look for a moment he gave up and shook his head as he pulled out one of the stools and directed her to sit down as he opened two bottles of water and slid across from her. She'd been more and more secretive lately.

"You and your accidents, that damn cat looks like it's trying to kill you."

Even Dan had noticed that Vanessa's arms were the cat's new scratch board, the cut on her face as slowly fading but still obvious.

"You've been stressing yourself out since Nate and you… split. At least you passed the drinking and smoking faze, no offence but you're scary when you're high and sneaking through my window at night."

His statement made her sit right down, her hand unconsciously going to her stomach. It hadn't actually occurred to her till the moment that she could have actually done damage, for a good four weeks or so of her pregnancy she'd been in such a daze she didn't remember much of what happened. All she could remember was turning to Chuck to make the pain go away, not that Dan knew it was Chuck she'd turned to. Something told her he wouldn't have been very supportive of that one. Chuck Bass was not one of Dan's favorite people, she'd receive too much lecture then she wanted to deal with. She was well aware of hypercritic Dan, he wasn't someone she adored exactly.

"Dan… there's something I need to te…"

Jenny's sudden appearance in the doorway made Vanessa shut her mouth and take another bite of her pickle. She wasn't exactly ready to tell her secret to Dan there was no way that she could let Jenny find out also. Her news would just have to wait, not that was any problem to her, and she was really in no rush to tell anyway. After the pretty ok night they'd had she was in no rush to complicate things.

"Serena, Eric, and Scott are all talking in their sleep. It's a little scary in there. Serena's ordering from some bar, Eric is on a date with Jonathan, and Scott is asking someone why they gave him up. I think I'll stay in here with you two. At last you two are half normal."

Sliding into a chair beside Vanessa Jenny kept on rambling as she took a pickle from the jar in front of Vanessa and took a bite looking back and forth between best friend and brother. Vanessa looked over at Dan to see if he'd heard anything she was about to say before Jenny walked in and it seemed like nothing had registered, nothing had gotten through his brain.


Izzy – poor Chuck, it's one thing he's never going to forget, I mean… he's chuck bass :P lmao. She's still having problems from the fever. She's still running herself down as you can tell, anything not to admit what's really going on. The cat… hmmm it's part will get bigger. Nope they haven't so far, and I was going to try and put a flashback in here but I couldn't get it to come out right. but, next chapter there will be. Though if it'll be pleasant or not I can't say :P actually, edit that one - I think i'll add that flashback in.

rocklesson86 – I think chuck does have a good side. It's just buried deep deep deep deep down.

Christinamarie712 – Chuck being caring might just be sticking around o.O yes he did, though Chuck bass never stays down for too long. The cat is evil, though, aren't most cats?

Jen – Chuck Bass admit he cares about someone? Now that would be a scary thought in its self… or is it?

Alex – Yay! I gave him depth :D mission accomplished. I was trying to stick with making Chuck as realistic as I possibly could. I can totally see Chuck being completely overbearing and protective of someone or… something, can't you? Especially when it comes to a something of Nate's, if you get what I mean ;)

Dan's back! He might not know, but he's back. Besides Nate I see Dan being one of her most difficult people to tell about the pregnancy. She's not ready to admit it out loud much, she's far from ready for Dan to know. It'll all just make it more real. She's attempting to postpone the agony.

Chuck has to know about it, and Dan needs to know about it… hmmm idea there o.O yep I think so

What'll happen when her acceptance letter to NYU is actually thrown into the mess? As if her life wasn't already complicated. Why not just add one more thing for her to think about to it.

Next chapter we still have to deal with bastard Nate, but Fitz is coming, very very very soon

The aww image I'll tell you in the thread :P oooo what book?