Author's Note: ok so this chapter came out ok, I'm not sure if it's as good as I wanted it to be but it's done. I'l looking very forward to your reviews so please review and tell me your thoughts! I have a hard time continuing on without reviews. (: ok I'm gonna keep this short and sweet, read, think about it, review, and maybe Noelle will even give you a cookie after. by the way, yes I did change her age. I needed her a little bit older.
enjoy!
-Manda
Sneaking into Cora's apartment wasn't all that hard, the spare key was always under the doormat in case of emergencies. In Vanessa's opinion it was an emergency. In four and a half hours she was to be at a church, in the same small vicinity of Nate. To sit at his cousin's wedding beside Chuck and smile like she wasn't hiding anything. The fact along that she had to sit there with Chuck was enough to start up her hesitations. She needed to find a dress that hid both her bruises from a week ago, scratches from the cat, and the mini bump that she swore she could already see just by looking in the mirror. Her thoughts were going to be the death of her, that was all she knew. Vanessa hadn't ever been very good at hiding things and all of these secrets were driving her crazy. Sitting at the kitchen table she'd reached for an unopened bottle of vodka a while ago. So there she was, spinning it around and around. Part of her could already taste the liquid in the bottle; she knew that the effect of it would numb her pain for a short while.
"You know darling, that baby's favorite drink is not vodka"
Cora startled her by putting a hand on her shoulder, Vanessa hadn't even known she was up yet. She sighed and stood the bottle back up. She put her head into her arms on the table not looking at Cora, she couldn't look at Cora. She knew that if she looked at her Cora would try even harder to make her feel better and Vanessa didn't think that was possible. Just the thought of having to be in the same room as Nate was making her sick, how was she actually supposed to do it? How could she look at him with Blair and still be ok after it all? Being anywhere that family made her nervous, the thought of seeing William, it wasn't going to be a good day.
"Do you have any idea how tempting any type of liquor is right now? Anything, any type of liquor or anything to make today better then it's going to be. I mean, is any of this even worth it Cora? Is this baby even worth it, I don't know if I can do this. I really don't know. A baby doesn't deserve to be in the middle of any of this mess."
Working herself up was becoming a common occurrence for Vanessa. She over thought things and stressed out over everything. The baby decision was one she didn't know what to do about and Cora had tried to reason with her over it a number of times. Vanessa's mind told her that it was all just going to crash and burn right in front of her, but her heart told her she needed to stop and she needed to give everything a shot. The same heart that had been broken into little pieces, that's what made everything so hard. After trusting herself to be with Nate she didn't trust herself with anything anymore.
"V, if you do that do you really think you'll be able to live with yourself. You drink that bottle and something happens to that baby without your consent, will that all really be ok with you?"
Pulling out the chair across from her Cora sat down and Vanessa lifted her head for only a moment. It was long enough to catch Cora's eyes.
"Yes, no, maybe… I don't know anymore."
Slamming her head back down on the counter she sighed, the wedding really wasn't something that she wanted to attend. It gave her to much to think about, going with Chuck just made it that much worse. There wasn't a doubt in the fact that she'd be gawked at and glared at all afternoon and evening. She owed it to Maureen though; she'd been good to her without reason. She'd kept her secret.
"I think you need to stop stressing out Vanessa, just take everything an hour at a time. You'll be fine today, maybe something will happen and you'll even find the courage to tell him."
Cora only received a grunt in response as Vanessa didn't bother to sit up again. There was complete silence in the yellow and green kitchen till the pitter patter of little feet across the linoleum floor interrupted it. Both Cora and Vanessa looked up to see Noelle dressed in her peter rabbit pajamas dragging her beloved blanket in one clenched fist. The sight of the small child was enough to make anyone smile. She stumbled right past Cora and straight to V putting her arms up with a sleep hazy smile spread across her face. Cora shot Vanessa a warning look as though to say that thirty pounds was too heavy to pick up and Vanessa paid no attention.
"Veevee… beebee"
Noelle's actions made Vanessa's eyes flash up to Cora's, Noelle had placed her hand right over Vanessa's white sweat shirt, right on her stomach. She sent a glare to Cora, how else would the small child know. She was speechless, words didn't even exist to say anything on the matter of the baby. She wasn't ready to admit to anyone never mind a child who was very close to Nate. Feeling Noelle's hand over her stomach she couldn't bring herself to show any type of emotion, she wasn't sure of any type of emotion.
"mommy sayed beebee is a fishy. It's swimming in your tummy"
Maybe the honors program for a nearly four year old was not that good of an idea, she had much to large a vocabulary Vanessa decided then. She was speechless at a complete loss for any sort of words to either deny or admit to anything Noelle was saying.
"who else's fishy did I tell you it was Ellie?"
Vanessa felt her heart rate speed up as she watched between the child in her lap and her friend. Of course Cora would encourage it all. She'd been on it since the prospect of the baby day one. Of course she'd been that way, with Nicolas's death Cora's motto had been seize every day you have like it was the last one you'd ever live. Somehow that one included having and taking care of the baby. Elle's smile increased spreading cross her whole face as a light blush came to her cheeks as it always did before talking about or to Nate.
"Natie!"
She squeaked out in a happy voice as Vanessa gave her a light fake smile and almost nodded her head. At least that was one thing she'd come to terms about. She still felt it hard to believe at times that there really was a baby inside of her, even after the weeks that had gone by she still hadn't wrapped her mind around the whole thing yet.
"What did mommy tell you though Ella bell?"
Listening intently to what was going to be next to come out of Ele's mouth Vanessa looked back and forth between Cora and Noelle half holding her breath. When it came to Cora it was anyone's guess what Ele was going to say next. Vanessa could only hope that it was something good and not something bad, she didn't want her secret coming out from the mouth of a four year old.
"Shhh, no Natie"
Noelle said taking her voice down a few levels and putting her finger to her lips. At least that was a little bit of a relief, knowing that she'd been told not to tell him.
"Veevee? Can I speak whale to the fishy? Will it understand me?"
Finding Nemo was all three of the kids favorite movies so she should have expected it. Vanessa put her hand over her eyes for a second before looking at Cora and shaking her head quick as Elle looked at her impatiently on her lap. Noelle had somehow coiled herself up so that her ear was to Vanessa's shirt. She was listening as thought she'd be able to hear something.
"Do you have to eat fishy food now? So the fishy can grow into a beebee"
Giving up her protective feelings she couldn't hold it up anymore, the little girl on her lap was waiting for her to talk back. Ele was waiting for her to be positive and to talk about the baby like she was happy and excited that the little thing was coming. Vanessa knew she wasn't going to be able to go along all that way. She knew though that she needed to try.
"No silly, I just have to eat healthy."
Playfully ruffling Ele's hair she avoided looking at Cora at all costs, she knew Cora would have a smile on her face. an actual genuine smile that might or might not be very contagious. It wasn't often that Vanessa didn't smile around the kids, even in the darkest days they had their ways. sitting in the silence, Noelle's ear still up against her sweatshirt the shrill ring of her cell phone broke all concentration in the room. The sound of the phantom ring she'd assigned to Chuck sounded in her ears and she looked at it confused for a moment before lifting it to her ear.
"Hello?... what?… why?... fine, yea"
With a short conversation she hung up the phone and put it back on the table. Chuck was demanding her presence at the Van der Bass suit hours before the wedding. Part of her was anxious just to be away from Cora and Noelle before she felt anymore suffocated by the thought of the baby or before something changed her mind on the facts in front of her.
"I have to go, but, I'll call you right after it's all over ok Cora?"
Vanessa said as she lifted Noelle off of her and sat her down on the table top pausing for a second to hug the little girl tightly. Whatever idea chuck had for before the wedding couldn't have been good, any idea that came from the mind of Chuck Bass wasn't ever a good thing.
"Take care of yourself and that baby today ok Vanessa?"
Cora chided as she got up to walk Vanessa to the door of the apartment, Noelle trailed behind dragging her stuffed bunny by the ear. Once they got to the door Elle grabbed a hold of Vanessa's hand so that she couldn't go anywhere for a moment. it was one of the many ways Noelle was just like Cora.
"Fishy"
Noelle whispered getting close to Vanessa as though she were telling a secret up to Vanessa's stomach. Vanessa saw the corners of Cora's mouth pick up into a smirk and Vanessa did her best not to smile too, Noelle seemed so serious.
"Fishy, take care of Veevee, mommy's are important"
Wincing and shutting her eyes at the word mommy right away Vanessa needed to get out of there. That was a place her mind didn't go and had no intention of going any time soon. Cora saw it too as she picked her daughter up and opened the door for Vanessa. had everything else been under different circumstances maybe things wouldn't have seemed like just a mess but the fact was things were a mess. Vanessa couldn't let that one go. They were a mess with no getting better in sight. The goodbyes she bid were silent as she rushed out into the street letting the cool morning air hit her face right away. Anything to get away from her thoughts, even, if it meant going to Chuck to do so, he always knew that to do and how to make her escape from the places she didn't want to be. Even if it meant having sex where he chose it to be. Her mind just needed a break and she needed to escape from where she was for as long as she could.
The whole dress just yelled fun at her, and after trying on the past thirty-six Vanessa was more than relieved. In the past two and a half hours she'd tried on everything from a simple black Vera Wang that cost nearly two months of her rent to the classic vintage yellow summer dress in the back of her closer. None of the other dresses had been anywhere near as perfect as the one she had on. Name brands were something she couldn't have cared about, but, everyone else at the wedding did. Chuck had advised her to take note of the designer. Nanette Lepore, cobalt blue with rose red and lime green butterfly bursts, a lime and red tiered pattern along the hem, and a red ruffle tie behind the neck. It was unique and loud. Just the perfect Vanessa style, something that not many people would have picked. It was so much better than the champagne gown she'd nearly been forced to wear. When Blair had become a brides made at Grandfather's orders Maureen had let Vanessa off the hook. At least she was able to move in the loose fitting dress she had on without worry of her secret escaping. It didn't matter if she wasn't showing much, she could still feel it, she still felt like everyone could see it when they looked at her. Trying on the sixty-two other dresses Chuck had forced her to try on she could see it with every dress. Ten week hardly showed anything on her figure, but, Vanessa could see it all. Even standing in the small bathroom of the Trump Tower she could see it. She swore Nate had been able to see it to when he first laid eyes on her. It was only the hand slipping it's way to her butt that reminded her why Nate was really gawking at her. Chuck Bass wasn't the most suddle person around.
Maureen had insisted Chuck escort her. Apparently somewhere between the slash mark cross her face from the cat and the purple, yellow, and green bruises all over the left side of her body from falling off of the ladder Vanessa wasn't the best candidate to do things alone. How being around Chuck was supposed to make things better she wasn't sure. Secondhand smoke was just as dangerous as if she smoked it herself. None the less she agreed. Her subconscious told her she only agreed so that she could see the looks on both Nate and Blair's faces. In that aspect she'd been right, their faces had been covered in matching shades of outrage and disgust. Vanessa had played along through, half against her will she'd played along. They'd walked in not holding hands but rather with his hand in a very inappropriate spot. They'd sat in one of the pews and Chuck's hand had slipped it's self between her thighs, she'd attempted to pull down the short dress so that no one noticed. From the look in Nate's eyes as he stood up beside Tripp he'd been a witness to it. Even in a church Chuck Bass had no shame. The thought made her feel dirty as she smoothed another layer of clear gloss over her lips, she wasn't a whore. Sleeping with the Upper East Side manwhore while his best friend's baby developed inside of her did not make her a whore. It just might have made for a slightly twisted episode of Maury, but, Vanessa was not a whore.
The door to the bathroom opening and shutting behind her made her thoughts vanish and her hands retract from the spot where her abs had at one point in time been decently solid. The slight weight gain there hadn't been something preventable, just as the expansion of her boobs hadn't been optional either. She shuttered to think it would get worse and there wouldn't be any avoiding her secret.
"Vanessa?"
The sound of her name out of his mouth made her shut her eyes as she glanced at him in the mirror. She took a breath and turned around slowly. Facing him wasn't one of the easiest things she did anymore. Between hiding her secret and knowing that she was intimate with Chuck Bass she didn't want to be face to face with him. It just wasn't a good idea she didn't think.
"Are you ok? You don't look so good"
It wasn't like she was just going to admit her morning sickness to him. Not in the middle of his cousin's wedding. She didn't want to have to tell him at all. It would have been nice to complain to him that her morning sickness lasted all day, nice to have someone that would have been just as scared as she was. The most restricting part about telling him was not the part that knew he'd resent her, or the part that knew Blair would make a public scene out of it all. It was the part that told her that his first thoughts verbalized on it would be him telling her it was a mistake and that she needed to have an abortion. After the four weeks of knowing it was inside of her she'd gotten used to the idea. She felt as though if anyone was going to make the decision to get rid of it it was her. The last thing she felt like putting up with was his negative views on what she was doing.
"Yea, I'm fine, I'm just…"
Vanessa trailed off as Nate slipped a travel size Motrin from his pocket to the counter top.
"Hung-over? "
Part of her wanted to say she wished. Wished it was just a hangover that would pass in a few hours. She didn't bother to respond, she just picked up the Motrin off the counter top and held it in her hand. Ibuprofen was yet another thing on her not to have list. That list seemed to be one that never ever ended. Never in Vanessa's life had she had as many restrictions to things that she had now that she was carrying the little thing inside of her.
"I guess that's what you get for sleeping with Chuck."
When he hissed out his words she winced and wanted nothing more than to tell him the truth. Her hormones were acting overtime and all Vanessa wanted was for him to wrap his arms around her and put his hands on her stomach. No, she pushed the thought from her mind. That was the last thing she wanted him to do. She didn't even want him to know about the little thing she was hiding. As far as she was concerned he didn't need to be involved in her decisions. It must have appeared that Vanessa had zoned out again because Nate reached for the pill packet. When his hand lingered against hers she felt Goosebumps rise on her skin. His eyes showed he'd felt it too but it quickly ended when he tore his hand away from hers with the pill packet in it.
"Nate, I…"
She hadn't had the first clue of what she was going to say as she started to break their silence. Her brain wasn't working in coordination with her speaking. As much as he had no right to be mad at her, he was the one that had broken up with her; she was the one that had suffered a broken heart. He didn't even care what he'd done to her and he'd done so much more then he actually knew.
"Save it Vanessa. I don't want to hear any excise you make up for what you do. You're not my problem. Acquire as many STD's from Chuck that you'd like. Or, wait weren't you shoving your tongue down some other guy's throat at the park last week? What happened to that?"
Her mouth fell open soon as the words slipped from his mouth and she wasn't sure if it was because of how much of an ass he was being or because he'd actually used a word like 'acquire' rather than just the word 'get'. He wasn't acting like the Nate she'd fallen in love with. More like a jealous asshole was more like it, lately she didn't even know who he was.
As for the kiss it wasn't much, Scott had surprised her with a dinner in the park that she didn't really want. She'd been nice and went along with it anyway, she had nothing else to do after work. Dan was working now trying to make money for college, her friendship with Jenny wasn't right enough for her to be hanging around with, and Cora's kids were sick meaning Cora had barred her from being anywhere near the apartment, Ruby was away for the week with the band. She had no reason not to let Scott try and take her mind off of things. He'd been sweet; they'd watched a movie in the park on his iPod and at the night he'd kissed her only for her to pull away. She wasn't ready to be kissed, she wasn't ready for a relationship, she wasn't even ready to be honest with anyone. Somehow gossip girl had found it though, her kiss had been an update on spotted. He, he didn't have any right to care, he didn't have a hold over her. Thinking it through again she felt her face heat up in both embarrassment and anger.
"You! As if you have any room to talk! You hadn't even dumped me yet and already there you were screwing around with Blair. How do you think that felt to me Nate?"
Her voice was thick with ice as she balled her hands into fists and dug her nails into her palms keeping them at her sides so that she kept all of her physical harm to herself. Lately Vanessa wasn't one to hold herself accountable to her actions, mood swings were set off at even the slightest thing.
"Well obviously you're over it. Tell me, did Chuck Bass even compare to what we had?"
It was more than obvious that he'd had quite a few drinks at the reception already. Vanessa sneered at him one more time before turning away and heading back to the door of the bathroom. She wasn't even sure why he'd come into the women's bathroom to begin with unless he'd been looking for a fight with her the whole time anyway.
"I don't feel like dealing with you."
She said with her back to him as she started to head out the door and into the hall only till he caught her wrist making her stop in the door way with the door open. how they'd gotten to where they were now she couldn't figure out. Vanessa felt like they were complete strangers. There was a part of her that wanted nothing more than to fix it and a part of her that wanted to run away from it all. For it all just to go away and go back to what it had once been before she'd known anything about the Upper East Side, before she'd known anything about Nate Archibald. The baby was her tie to him, the longer she stayed pregnant the stronger her tie to him got. She'd tried to schedule the abortion but she couldn't go through with it, not without him knowing. There was something that told her he deserved to know too. Sure, it was her body and her final decision but it was a piece of him too. Even if she didn't want to be a part of him or be anywhere near him the baby still was, and, he still owned a piece of her heart, and a piece of the thing inside of her.
"Of course you don't"
He mumbled and Vanessa spun around to face him biting the inside of her cheek and trying not to scream at him. It was Maureen's day. Maureen who had been nothing but nice to her lately, checking to make sure she was alright and trying to take care of her. No matter how much she refused Maureen was still persistent with her trying.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Of course I don't? You're the one that gave up on us to go back to being everything that you said you were sick of. I never once walked out on you so don't be an asshole and turn this all around on me. I wasn't the one that decided to change overnight. That's you… that's all you."
Angry and fierce she looked him straight in the eyes and tried not to faultier to falling apart. Verbally fighting with him was going to take all the energy she already hardly had away.
"Of all people to move on to, never would have thought you would have picked Chuck. That's for sluts and whores to do, never thought you'd be one of them. Your no better than the rest of them Vanessa, I don't know what I ever saw in you."
Her mouth fell open with how hurt she felt with what he'd said. Of all people to give her a name she hadn't expected it to be him, he'd done just as much wrong if not more then she had. They stood glaring eye to eye without words, hurt written all over both of their faces as no one could conjure up any more hurtful words that wouldn't have been stepping any further over the boundaries then they'd already done.
The rain was drizzling down around her but Vanessa could have cared less, after the things he'd said at the wedding all Vanessa wanted to do was to turn herself off and not feel. She hadn't let Chuck kiss her tonight, not even once. She'd wanted it rough and fast, anything to make her head forget for a while. Forget the messes she was in and the things she'd gotten herself into. She pulled the sheet closer around her body and let the rain beat down on her. The green sheet was already soaked, she wasn't sure if it was actually from the rain or her tears. Vanessa Abrams didn't cry, she wasn't supposed to cry over moronic boys that broke her heart. Tougher than that, she was always supposed to be the tough one, taking care of everyone else was her top priority. She threw her head back letting the rain water beat down her face, perhaps not the best idea when a person was still recovering from bronchitis. Vanessa couldn't remember the last time she'd made a good decision; it sure as hell wasn't lately. If it had been lately she would have just given up by now. She'd of had the abortion and gone straight back to Vermont without ever looking back at New York.
There were still things that kept her in the city. Her sister for one, Ruby's drinking and drug use wasn't something that she could dared to leave alone. If anything happened to Ruby she'd always blame herself. Then there was Dan and Jenny, it was the last summer they'd have together before college came up and turned everything upside down. Even if she and Jenny weren't as close as they'd once been Jenny still needed her around to keep her grounded when ever everything progressed with Rufus and Lily, Cora and the kids, she wasn't sure she could actually leave them. Cora had been so good to her lately, she couldn't turn around and end it. So it left her in the city, in the city sleeping with Chuck Bass for an escape.
She felt herself shutter with an involuntary sob and she put her arms around her legs keeping the sheet covering her. This was all too much, when the sound of the rain beating down couldn't even calm her anymore she knew it was all far too much for her to handle anymore. Secrets were something that Vanessa hated, they just made matters worse. Sitting there trying to concentrate on the rain Vanessa hadn't heard the door in back of her open and shut.
"Are you crazy?"
Footsteps behind her broke her concentration as she leaned back to look up at him walking forward with a cigarette between his lips. His hand shaded it from the water coming down so it wouldn't be watered out. She sighed and lay back down on the hard top of the roof shutting her eyes and taking in the cool air and rain.
"Probably"
Vanessa mumbled out as Chuck exhaled smoke into the night air trying to hide a laugh deep in his throat. He'd already figured out that she wasn't exactly normal but she was different, that's what kept him coming back for more. Something about her he couldn't quite figure out. She wasn't like anyone else, and, it wasn't because she wasn't from the East Side. She was just different all together. She wasn't Blair but she had qualities to her that kept him content. His eyes were stuck on her comfortably laying in the rain with just a sheet wrapped around her and clinging to her every curve.
"Nate really did some damage to you tonight didn't he?"
Chuck observed her closely as her eyes were shut. Her hands rested on the sheet over her stomach leaving lingering patters of up and down as they moved. It was almost like she was attempting to sooth herself from something. Little did Chuck now she was calming herself down from another buildup of sobs that tempted to come loose from her throat. She was using the baby to remind her that at one point in time there had been a Nate that she loved, that Nate didn't exist anymore she'd decided.
"If you'd gotten Blair or any of your other conquests pregnant your first way to fix the problem would have been by telling them to have an abortion right? So if they'd gotten pregnant and just gotten rid of it without saying anything it wouldn't have been that big of a deal right?"
It was an odd question coming out of her mouth and Chuck actually had to stop and think about it. Pregnancy and babies were two things he didn't like very much. After his mother's death in child birth pregnancy wasn't something he ever wanted to see anyone he almost cared about, he wasn't any good with children and never really intended to have to take care of any, and responsibility wasn't something he handled well. There was another part to it all though, there was something actually living involved and… NO.
"Vanessa, you're not trying to tell me that… I've never forgotten protection and you're on the pill you have to be. You were with Nate, I know that he doesn't take care of his business very well. You'd have to be on the pill."
Eyes flicked open in slight annoyance as she shook her head and looked up at him. That was one thing she was glad about, at least she knew for sure the paternity of her baby, she'd already been pregnant when she'd slept with Chuck for the first time.
"I was on the pill, and Nate doesn't take care of things very well."
She was tired of hiding and tired of lying. If Chuck told he told, she couldn't have cared less anymore. She needed to have the abortion; ten weeks still didn't mean anything. She could do it long as she didn't think about it, as long as she disconnected herself from the fact that it was actually a real baby. She couldn't think of it as a piece of her or of Nate, then she'd coil back into the mess she'd been in to begin with.
"Wait, you're telling me you're knocked up and you've been knocked up this whole time? Nathaniel is going to be a father and you haven't even told him yet? Vanessa that's not even fair, he has a right to know. I never thought Archibald had it in him, but apparently he does."
Mumbling the end mostly to his self she looked back out into the night sky. She'd just told her secret to his best friend, on any normal night she would have re thought it with a 'what was I thinking' but not tonight, she couldn't have cared less. She knew what she had to do and how she had to do it. Nothing would go back to what it once was until she did, she'd be off the hook then, and their ties would be severed.
"It doesn't matter, none of this matters anymore. I'm not doing this"
Upon opening her eyes he was right in front of her, hand out stretched to help her up. As she rejected and started to again close her eyes he grew more impatient and took her hand helping her up anyway. She sighed feeling his hand on her back as he led her back into her apartment. Still shaking her head she walked away from him to pick out dry clothes to change into.
"If it wasn't Nathaniel at hand here Vanessa, I would say the option was all yours. You need to give him an option in all of this. You can't not tell him, that's not right or fair, you both got yourself into this mess and it's not all on you to get out of. Even I can tell you that."
With clothes thrown on and her hair thrown back in an elastic she turned back to look at him laying on her bed with his eyes shut and hands folded. Without any hesitation she crawled up beside him on her bed and laid her head on her pillow, she was worn out enough for the both of them.
"I'm going to tell you a something Vanessa not because I like thinking of other people's issues but I think you need to hear it ok? Nate, did Nate ever tell you that he had a sister?"
A sister? That was a new one, as far as Vanessa knew Nate was the only child Anne and the captain had ever had. There wasn't a sign of any other person in his house nor had there ever been, there weren't even photos of Nate when he was little. Vanessa had learned over the months that Anne was funny like that, Nate's baby photos an any other photos in the house were always hidden to display pieces of art that were worth an actual price tag.
"You won't know anything of her, they don't talk about Ruthie. She was born when we were all two, I don't remember her any, and I don't think many people do. She died when we were six, Nate's blamed himself even though not a second of it was his fault. Tay-Sachs disease doesn't give a child very long to live once they're born, and, she wasn't even born a very strong one."
Vanessa was at a loss for words as she shut her eyes listening to Chuck's voice as he told things about Nate she hadn't had any idea about. It wasn't that the story changed her mind any on the matters at hand, but, it did give her new insight to his cluelessness. Any type of early childhood trauma would do that to a person, losing a sibling defiantly counted in those marks. It just made her think of Ruby, and all that she'd give up to stay in New York and take care of her.
"Since then he's always been good with his cousin's brats and what not"
Letting her mind back to Cora and the kids she thought of Noelle and the way he was with Noelle, the way that Noelle had already pretty much claimed the baby. Her mind was full as she turned on her side away from him only to feel him pull the quilt up over her. She'd never tell anyone of course but Chuck did have a sweet side, it might have been hidden deep deep down but it was there. She'd noticed that also after being with him she'd wake up and his arm was almost always over her rather than them lying on different ends of the bed like they'd always start.
"You just need to tell him Vanessa, talk it though with him. And, you know, allow me to my time of celebrating because he fucked up before I ever did."
She suppressed a sleepy eye roll, shutting her eyes and letting her mind take her thoughts over. She had a lot left to consider and think about now, with the fact that Chuck now knew too she had even more to consider. There was no doubt in saying that Nate would find out one way or another, part of her still wanted to have the abortion before he found out. Before she had a whole new mess to straighten out, she knew that if she did it and he found out after there'd be no chance at any type of friendship or relationship between the two of them. If only rewinding time would actually work, then she could have gone back to before everything had happened. Vanessa had a lot of tough choices to make and the clock was ticking on them, too much longer and she'd just have to face everything that was going on with only fewer options. Sleep sounded better than ever suddenly, escaping sounded like something she needed.
Izzy – well there's the first time they've talked to one another face to face since the break up. As for YOB I totally understand, don't apologize… keep doing it. I might get it done that way. It's only like half there right now.
Christinamarie712 – yes! Exactly who Scott is. Dan and Jenny finding out, hmmm well it's coming down to the wire here. as for keeping the baby, she's still very back and forth with it. Vanessa doesn't do very well with decisions.
Jen – lol poor Serena, she's tainted for life now, bring on the liquor! :P I wonder how Lilly and Rufus would have liked to see all five of their children actually getting along. Was that enough Chuck Bass? ;)
Alexxxxx! :D – yes they should shouldn't they… Josh and Steph should hire me. Though gotta admit, I'm falling in love with Chuck after last night. He was a sweet heart, Nate on the other hand still needs his brain transplant.
I'd be most afraid to tell Dan if I were her, love Dan but he's very judgmental. She'll get there sooner or later, after she calms down a little bit.
On that one I have a few ideas and if I wasn't so lazy they'd be written as one-shots. As for in here there's a way coming that will turn him back into Fitz that we all love, he just might be a little too late for some things. We'll see, I just started working on it.
Hmm Scott, she starts falling for Scott only to notice that he knew who he was and he lied to her also I don't think V's going to be very please. She doesn't like to be puzzle pieces in people's games as we've noticed, so we'll see what happens with that. Scott's persistent and he likes to get his way, I don't think Nate's going to like him very much.
There's Chuck again!
NYU is coming up, and V's going to learn of a few more decisions she has to take care of.
Two more people finding out this chapter, what's the total up to now? four?
Hope this chapter was as good as the rest!
Nope, I've never heard of the books by the way :-/ maybe I'll check them out!
