Author's Note: ok so i'm far to hyper and excited for tonight to take time to write a note, the notes at the bottom even fail today, I'm watching VV, s1 marathon starting with Handmaids tail, I bet you can guess why. ok! so leave me your thoughts. enjoy!

manda


The couch was overcrowded with Blair sandwiched between Chuck and Nate while Serena lay across all three of them. A bottle of scotch half empty on the floor beside Chuck, a shared bottle of Diva vodka for Serena and Blair that was nearly gone in its self, and a Smart Water for Nate. On a beautiful day with the blazing hot sun high in the sky the four of them sat in the air conditioned television room of the Van der Woodsen-Bass suit. Chuck wasn't a sun person unless they were in the Hampton soaking it up with girls in bikinis more than willing to strip it off. So Serena and Chuck had started drinking away without them, drinking away the afternoon and passing together stories till Nate and Blair had walked in sometime later. Things had been simple, the fab four, in the past none of them would have said that they needed anything more than just that. Growing up on the East Side with the parents they'd all been born to the thread that kept them together was stronger than any other thread there was. They were all one another had no matter if it had been rainy days or sunny days. Not that any of them would have admitted it but, it was strange to think that so quickly it had all changed. With Graduation just past everything was starting to come into perspective. Come September nothing would be the same. Chuck would be in full charge of Bass Industries, Blair would be at NYU, Serena… Serena was doing something, not that she was sure of anything yet, and Nate, Nate would have three months left till fatherhood took over. Just two months away everything would be completely changed and simplicity would be just a thing of the past.

Blair's nearly silent snoring made three heads turn to look at her. One thing Gossip Girl would never know was that Blair Waldorf did in fact snore in her sleep when she was too comfortable. Her head on Chuck's shoulder, for B it must not have gotten much better. Blair was only the center of group discussion for a few seconds before everyone went back to the bickering and half watching Toy Story, it shut everyone involved up.

That was a story in its self; Toy Story had always been the group movie of sorts. Whenever parents wanted to forget their children existed the playroom was full of the four trouble makers were tossed together and Toy Story was the only thing that kept three of them from complaining and causing hell to their nannies. Toy Story was the only thing that worked back then Besides Breakfast at Tiffany's of course. Blair was already asleep though, they didn't have to follow her directions for a few minutes, Blair only ever cat napped. Of course that was no surprise when of course they were talking about Blair. Blair didn't like to miss a moment of being the center of attention, they'd all grown up with those rules through the years.

"You can't leave me a message like that Lily! A candid message that you found our son and he's not dead! I want all the details now! All of them in full!"

Rufus's yelling and storming into the suit could be heard over the television that was on insanely loud. All heads that were awake seemed to snap back into reality at the yells. Serena reached for the remote and turned down the TV listening further. They'd grown up in the age of Gossip girl, there wasn't a way around needing to know what the gossip was. For Serena there wasn't a way around finding out what was up with her mother and ex boyfriend's father. The whole thing sounded so twisted. If it wasn't twisted and wrong it wouldn't have been the East Side of course.

"He's been in town for weeks now Rufus. My PI finally picked up on it when he was hanging around the building. He looks like you, and, he seems like he's had a good life. He's hanging around observing us both. You know who he is, you've seen him before, Rufus, he's been in your apartment… he's been with our kids."

All three heads were in full focus on the conversation at hand, all three were curious as to what was at hand. Serena's eyes popped out of her head, she'd actually been in contact with her brother and hadn't known the slightest word of it. She wracked her brain trying to think of who he could have been and if she'd hit on him.

"The only thing is Rufus, when Don checked into his past to make sure everything checked out there was something. He's been in juvie. Do you remember how they told us his name was Andrew and he'd drowned while swimming with some friends? That's because they tried to cover up what happened. There's a very good chance Scott killed his brother out of jealousy."

Soon as the name Scott had come out of Lily's mouth Serena and Nate turned to look at one another. Serena might not have known about Vanessa's pregnancy but she did know that Vanessa was dating him and if there was something wrong with him Nate would have been the first to jump on it. Even if he didn't admit it out loud everyone knew that he loved Vanessa. It was plain obvious.

"Scott? As in the Scott that spends time with my kids? He's our son… and he could have murdered his brother. Lily, you don't think that he'd be after Dan, Jenny, Eric, or Serena do you?"

Rufus had dropped his voice considerably but the three on the couch could still make out what he was saying.

"I don't know Rufus, I don't know anything about him. I do think that till we can all sit down and talk the kids need to be told and we all need to be careful around him. Just until we all know where everything stands."

Lily nodded her head and by the time anyone could say anything else Nate was up on his feet with his cell phone in hand. He hadn't liked Scott from the beginning this just gave him more of a reason to be protective around Vanessa. if Scott was crazy there wasn't any way Nate was just going to sit around when there was a chance Scott would hurt her. She was the only thing in his mind, nothing else mattered as he excused himself and picked up his water hurrying to make a call.


Two weeks had passed since she'd confronted her son's bitch of an ex girlfriend on matters she wished didn't exist. It was just ridicules that the low class whore wouldn't open up her Maybelline embellished eyes to see that what she was doing had the potential to run a family into the mud. Everything Anne had worked so hard to secure throughout her life was going to be lost all because some slut forgot to take her birth control a few times. Half of the women on the East Side had abortions by the time they were twenty that were easily covered up and pushed under the rug. Anne herself had never been through it but all three of her brothers had had girlfriends accidently knocked up and just as easily aborted without another question to it. William Vanderbilt had made sure of it. If there was one thing that William didn't tolerate it was a family scandal. What Nate had caused was bigger than a family scandal. Knowing he'd knocked up someone who came from a background with little to no class would prove to be a scandal to more than just the Vanderbilt name, the entire Upper East Side would have a field day knowing that while Howard Archibald sat in a jail cell Nate was off screwing some cheep bitch who was only out for money. At least, that's what Anne told herself, it was easier then admitting what her eyes saw whenever Nate looked at Vanessa.

She wasn't about to up and admit it seemed like her son did genuinely love Vanessa Abrams. It wasn't something that she'd actually wanted to admit. He was her son, her little boy, the only child she'd had left. Nate was the only thing that she had left, Anne had lost more than she could handle already. Losing both her son and money she'd worked so hard to keep wasn't something she wanted to deal with. She'd helped her father incriminate her husband just to protect her son. To keep the name a good name for him to have, to make sure he had the money to survive on. She'd done it all for him and only for him, every breath Anne took was just to protect her son. After losing her daughter she knew she couldn't lose another child.

Nate wasn't ready to be a father, she knew that. He was still her little boy, how would that mean he was anywhere near ready to be a father. He wasn't mature enough for it, her lacrosse playing party son, how could anyone of expected him to settle down and be a father. Nate hardly knew the first thing about fathers, his own hadn't ever been exactly poster dad. Anne knew her son wouldn't have been able to do it. She didn't want to see his blue eyes flash when he failed at it. Nor did she plan on having anything to do with the child that would take everything away from him. A child that would be born into a world where it wasn't really wanted shouldn't have been born at all. A child should have been treated like more than just a pawn in the game of life. A life should have been more important than that. It was obvious that by not discontinuing the pregnancy Vanessa was far from putting the child first. In Anne's opinion Vanessa didn't give a damn about the thing she was carrying inside of her.

Walking past her son's room she stood in the doorway of the shut door, the bedroom inside had gone through many changes in his life since it had been the nautical themed nursery eighteen years ago. Anne could still remember all of the early mornings she'd spent rocking her infant back and forth in front of the window for hours. He was her pride and joy after all. She would have done anything for her children, she'd tried to do all she could for her daughter. After Ruthie's passing Nate had become her top priority, she'd do everything she could to protect him. Even if it meant taking matters into her own hands she'd see to it that her son's life wasn't destroyed by some money hungry gold digger. Also, she wouldn't stand back and watch him destroy a child's life in the way that Howard destroyed his. She'd see to it that Nate never became his father. That included seeing to it that the child in question never got to that stage.

"…I'm fine Cora. I used Jane's entrance, Nate's on his way. I don't know, he said he had something he needed to tell me and he wanted to do it in person… no! Cora you can't say anything about the car accident. It was minor, something in Scott's text messages took him by surprise and when he looked up he swerved to avoid a car and hit the curb… Cora stop… the cramping isn't anything to worry about and I'm not bleeding. Yes, if anything changes I'll call… Ok, I have to go."

Anne sneers at the prior conversation and can't help herself in wishing that in the hours to come the 'simple' accident Vanessa had described to Nate's other low rent friend had horrid effects. Then her son wouldn't have been in the middle of the complicated mess he was in. Anne would have been able to breathe a little bit better at night. She knew that if something happened and Vanessa lost it Nate would get over it after a while, at least, that's what she did her best to believe. It wasn't like when she'd lost Ruthie, this wasn't a child it was just a mistake, Nate didn't know what true love really was yet. He'd had it with Blair but had been too blind to hold onto it. She should have tried a little bit harder to get the ring that sat on her left hand on Blair's finger before this mess had started. With the things that were in front of her now that was one of her top things to consider. She was sure Nate would get over it after a few weeks and he'd learn to see that it would have been nothing more than just a stupid mistake. Vanessa had been just a mistake.

"Jane, is that… oh"

The surprised look on Vanessa's face told Anne that she was just as excited to see her as Anne had been to see Vanessa. The sneer only took seconds to cross Anne's face as she sized up the girl in front of her. Evidence of her son's mistakes were standing right before her, not something Anne had wanted to see so late in the afternoon, not something Anne had wanted to see at all. She stood there wishing it to disappear with no luck. They both watched silently as Vanessa turned to pick up her bag off Nate's bed to attempt to rush past Anne and leave.

"Not so fast Vanessa"

When the name slipped from her mouth Anne felt herself shutter at it, not a pleasant sound. Vanessa and Nathaniel were two names that didn't sound right together Anne had decided from the very start. Vanessa didn't belong anywhere near her son. Even as Vanessa stood there with a hand over her face in attempts to calm herself down Anne didn't have any ounce of compassion for the girl. The girl in front of her had set out to ruin her life, Anne was sure of it. From the very first time their relationship had started Vanessa had been just a problem and nothing more. She'd even disgraced the staff in the house, people Anne had trained well. Jane had been told to address everyone as Ms. or Mr. and when Vanessa came along she'd asked Jane to call her Vanessa. That wasn't the way things worked on the East Side, clearly, she wasn't cut out to be a part of it.

"I really don't feel like dealing with you today"

Words out of Vanessa's mouth made Anne almost laugh, as if Anne felt like dealing with her. She wanted nothing more than for the girl to disappear into thin air. Vanessa rolled her eyes at the look on Anne's face and made another attempt to walk past her. Anne wanted a word, knowing that Nate was out for the next few hours yet she knew she had time to get what was on her mind out before he was home. She grabbed a hold of Vanessa's wrist and pushed her backwards with a little bit of force.

"Well I have a few things to say and you need to listen up. Since you obviously didn't hear my warning before you need to hear me this time, because, you're making a huge mistake. I know that it was you that changed Nate's mind and made him out his father to the police, and, it was you that made him break his deal to keep the money coming in. don't you see that you've wrecked his life enough. Why do you insist on destroying him further? Don't you care for him at all Vanessa?"

Bow blocking the doorway completely Anne watched as Vanessa backed up to Nate's bedroom window and looked out. Anne felt good, she was finally getting the words off of her chest that had been stuck in her throat since the realization had come that Vanessa was carrying Nate's child. the things she'd wanted to say since her son had gotten back together with the one person she despised for the fact that she changed Nate into someone she couldn't ever have made him. Someone good to wanted to be there for every moment and everything, Anne couldn't understand it. Why someone else had been able to change Nate into a real gentleman rather then it being the way he'd grown up.

"I've ruined his life? Anne, you're the one that allowed him to whore himself out to a deranged woman. You let him degrade himself to keep your own money. All for your selfish reasons Nate was miserable because he felt like it was his job to protect you. That should never be the job of your eighteen year old son just because you and your husband scammed other people. He shouldn't have all of that on his shoulders while on top of it he has the both of you pressuring him into doing well in school, getting into an ivy, and being everything that you're both not. How do you justify that one?"

The last thing Anne wanted to do was to listen to even a moment of what Vanessa was saying. Part of her knew that every word was right, she had done wrong by him. She hadn't given her only son the life he'd always deserved and now here she was with his girlfriend yelling at her the facts that she tried so hard to get away from. Anne was frustrated, with every word that Vanessa said Anne grew more and more frustrated. Before she actually knew what she was doing she'd picked up the vase off the shelf in Nate's room. The Vase that had at one time been her mother's, one thing that Nate had held onto, the red and blue hand painted blown glass Vase. Vanessa had her back to Anne, looking out the window and not paying attention when Anne threw it. The vase smashed into a million pieces beside Vanessa's shoulder scattering around shards all over the place.

Watching Vanessa, Anne, saw her grasp her arm and part of her wanted to faultier. Anne hadn't exactly meant to cause any harm, she'd only been releasing pent up anger. She saw the red line that streaked down Vanessa's arm as she pulled the glass shard from it and Anne winced, she'd never been good with blood. When Nate had been hurt that had always been the nanny's job to care for his injuries. Her hand went over her mouth as she walked forward a little more cautiously then she'd approached Vanessa before. Even if she didn't like the girl very much Nate wouldn't have been happy with the fact that she'd caused any harm to her. She reached out to place a hand on Vanessa's shoulder only for Vanessa to flinch away from her.

"Don't touch me"

Her voice was rough and bitter as she turned around one hand still on her wounded arm as Anne eyed her. She didn't fill with emotion at the pain of her arm like Anne had figured she would. Vanessa was un normally tougher than anyone else Anne had crossed paths with.

"I know that you've voiced your opinion on how carrying this baby is such a mistake to you but it's not your choice to make. Nate and I decided that there's no way in hell that we could end this. We tried Anne, I tried to follow your rules in your damn little game. I have a question for you though Anne, do you remember being pregnant with Nate? How about with Ruthie? Do you remember how any of that felt? That unexplained feeling that changes everything."

Soon as Ruthie's name had come from Vanessa's mouth Anne's hand had raised. She hadn't been able to stop it as her and connected with the side of Vanessa's face in a harsh crack. Both of their mouths were slightly agape as they looked at one another amazed at what she'd done. Vanessa's lip cracked as the blood started to fill it and the side of her nose. Anne was shocked by the reaction she herself had had to Ruthie's name being said. She hadn't meant to do it but surly it was too late to retract what she'd done. The blood had already literally been spilled. Anne stumbled a step back from her as Vanessa who still seemed to be frozen lifted her hand to her face to feel the crimson liquid that seeped from her mouth and nose and Anne noticed where her hand had been before. Still covered in blood from her arm her hand had rested over the partial bump. Looking at the red blood handprint against the white of her shirt made reality come to Anne. Vanessa really was pregnant and she was stuck on her decision without a question on it.

"Vanessa, I didn't…"

Anne was suddenly in hast to repeal her action, this wasn't the way anything should have been. She'd resorted to violence with Vanessa more then she had with her husband. She stood trying to finish her sentence as Anne started to pick up her bag again and make a fast exist to the door. Anne attempted to grab Vanessa again but quickly retracted her hand as Vanessa pushed past her and out the door of her son's bedroom. She didn't venture off to stop her before she left the house, with Anne's luck she'd of been the reason Vanessa fell down the stairs. Her son wouldn't ever forgive her for that.

With Vanessa gone from Nate's bedroom Anne took a seat on her son's bed. She looked around at all of the mementoes, some from his childhood, some from school. It was her little boy's room. She'd head him as he'd fallen asleep at night, she'd turned a blind eye as he'd gotten older and spent the night with girls in it. Regardless Nate was her son, her only living child. Soon she'd lose him if today's incident hadn't worked on that one already. He wasn't going to be happy about his grandmother's vase, but the fact that Vanessa was hurt would be even worse. She could see the man in him that she'd never found for herself, the man that every girl wanted to find. He was a gentleman, sweet, caring, loving, everything she'd wished he'd grow up to be as she'd rocked him in the rocking chair when he was an infant. Now her little boy was all grown up and expecting a child of his own. Regardless of financial issues and surrounding circumstances he was in some way happy. That's what had made her do it, made her rage take her over and her not be able to control her emotions. She was losing her little boy and she couldn't do anything to stop it anymore.

A sorrow filled tear slipped down Anne's cheek as she stood up from his bed running her hand along his quilt. She blamed herself for it all, if she'd just been a better mother then maybe she wouldn't have been sitting in the position she was in. she'd of much rather saw him off to a good college then watched him ruin his life to be a father so young. It wasn't that she didn't think highly of her son she just didn't think highly of family or fathers. Her own hadn't been exactly father of the year material. She didn't have much faith in fatherhood and she didn't want to see her son destroyed. No matter how guilty she felt over her fight with Vanessa it didn't change anything. they weren't ready and the child was going to suffer. Then, they'd both see the mistakes they'd made. When it was already far too late to fix it, when they'd both destroyed themselves and the child involved.

She touched the nautical lamp still on his draws, it was one of the only mementoes left in his room from when it was his nursery. She'd picked out everything that had been in the nursery without Howard of course. He never had been very involved in her pregnancy's. Nate wasn't ready to be picking out things for a nursery, he should have been decorating his dorm. Anne knew, somehow or someway she needed to find a way for there to be no baby. Both Vanessa and her son were far from ready to be parents. It was in their own best interests. She wasn't going to sit around and watch her child's life be destroyed by a stupid mistake.


It didn't take her long to rush up the stairs to the Humphrey loft out of breath and tired. She was through the door and past Rufus in seconds as she rushed straight to the bathroom to spit the blood in her mouth into the sink. Looking at her reflection in the mirror she cringed, her lip was split, her nose was bloody, her arm was still oozing enough to need stitches that she wouldn't go get, her white shirt was stained with blood. If Vanessa hadn't been shaken up enough by the car accident Scott had gotten them into by not paying attention the fight she'd had with Anne had made it even worse. Part of her questioned whether carrying the baby was worth all the misery that was coming along with it, how could it have been. With every cramp she'd felt made her feel worse than the thoughts, the thought of not having a choice in it felt worse. Rinsing her hands in the warm water she washed the wasted blood off of her hands and dried them on the towel beside her. She needed to sleep. Vanessa took a deep breath and looked down, she placed her hand in the exact spot the blood stain handprint was on her white shirt. Much as she tried not to think of it she saw Anne's point, part of her knew she was running Nate's life into the ground.

Sighing she slammed her fist against the wall after tearing it off of her shirt with haste. Why did every decision she had to make have to be so hard. She couldn't do anything about it though, every time she thought about how the outcome of the abortion a week ago could have come out she felt sick. Hearing the strong heartbeat and seeing the image on the screen while Nate was sitting there changed everything she thought she'd be ok with doing. Now she knew there wasn't a way she could have ended it, no matter how confusing her feelings were. They'd created it together and she couldn't just run away from it. Shutting off the running water she put her hand on the door knob to leave only to feel the door pushed open by someone on the other side.

"Dad said that you came this… woah, Vanessa what happened to you?"

Jenny stood in front of her while she crossed her arms. Jenny didn't know about the baby, she wasn't ready for Jenny to know. Even if she didn't voice it, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out part of Jenny was still hung up on him. Vanessa knew he wasn't the easiest person to turn off feelings for. She was sure her pregnancy news wasn't going to be taken with open arms. She herself still wasn't sure about it most of the time. The only key was to take it all one day at a time, there wasn't anything more she could do about it.

"I got into a small argument with someone, not a big deal."

After a day at the beach, a perfect day at the beach this wasn't the way Vanessa had planned on ending her day. Coney Island had held many fond memories for Dan, Jenny, and Vanessa. Allison had taken them on her rare days of playing perfect mommy. Dan had almost put up a fight when she'd told him Scott was tagging along also. Vanessa swore it was only because of his own bromance with Nate. She'd worked him down from his cliff though. It hadn't been so bad other then the fact that Scott seemed to 'over brother' both Dan and Jenny. Vanessa figured it was only because Scott's older brother Andrew had been just like Ruby before he'd jumped into a lake drunk and never came back up. So Scott was just as used to being the responsible one as she was, that was one of the reasons she'd found herself attracted to him.

The beach had been beautiful, the water was perfect, the air was dry and slightly humid, and the company was good. She'd allowed herself to lay on the beach and get lost in the sun listening to the sound of the rolling ocean. Shorts and a semi flowy white shirt had been her beach attire. Just enough to stay cool and keep her secret from Jenny knowing. The accident had been the first thing to taint her good day and her arm still felt a little strained from it but it wasn't a big deal. Scott hadn't meant to hit the curb. Anne had just been the icing on the cake and all Vanessa wanted to do was to find her best friend and sleep away the rest of the day. She couldn't have been bothered to call Nate, she didn't know exactly what to say to him just yet. She defiantly going to tell him that she'd fought with his mother, Anne didn't deserve that no matter what she'd said.

"V, you have blood all over you. Ew, come on let's get you…"

Jenny shut her mouth and Vanessa heard it too as both the girls heads turned to the voice that was talking to a very hostel Rufus. Nate was looking for Vanessa, she shouldn't have been to surprised about it. He'd called her because he'd needed to tell her something. It had to have been pretty desperately important if Nate was willing to follow her anywhere just to tell her.

"Nate, I'm right here"

She called out with her eyes shut as Jenny's mouth opened in shock as she looked back and forth between the both of them with her mouth slightly agape. She watched at Nate turned to face them and part of Jenny wanted him to run straight to her and spin her around like the perfect Cinderella story. Rather than that happening she watched his mouth fall open in shock as his eyes landed upon Vanessa. She was a shock at first glance, Jenny would have given her that one. She looked like she'd been in a fight and the dried blood on her face didn't help lessen the shock very much.

"What the hell happened? Are you ok, are you…"

Vanessa nodded her head slightly as she bit her lip and didn't look at Jenny or Rufus's confused faces. She raised her head a little bit ducking at the confused and accusing looks as she walked forward and grabbed his arm pulling him to the door. The Humphrey loft was not the right place to have a conversation.

"I'll um… call later"

With a final look back over her shoulder she dragged a very confused Nate down the stairs and out to the warm early summer air.


Christinamarie – Well so far for them, yep, Dan can't leave his best friend alone, he cares for her way to much. Hope this chapter was good :D

Jen – Anne has her own emotions and thoughts to this, and as I sit here watching Handmaid's Tale the more I hate Anne, stupid kisfksjdf. Ok, calming down. Dan knows his best friend better then he knows himself at times. and well, better then she knows herself most of the time. :D I'm so relieved that that last part came out the way it was souposed to. Chuck and Nate is coming up pretty soon ;) there are a few things coming up first

Izzy – Goodness I can't wait to get more of this story out so I don't have to keep my mouth shut

Anne has a thing out for Vanessa, as you can see her emotions here. she's not my favorite person and I'm about ready to put her in a boat with Scott and sail them off to the middle of nowhere.

Blair and Nate aren't together anymore, as you can tell here. Writing Blair isn't something I do so well, I'm trying to stay away from it.

YOB is very very nearly done. Yellow on Blue is lyrics in a song by Something Corporate. The name of the song is she Paints Me Blue. I think I had my ipod on random that day. lol

Alexxxxx :D – you won't totally hate me if I don't respond a ton? I'm ten times more then scatterbrained right now, I blame it on Vanessa crying over… Dan! Lol much as I love this ep I wish it was Desperately Seeking Serena.

Heehee, I won't be surprised if I'm watching tonight and I do the same thing. Hm… perhaps it's a good thing I'm watching by myself so no one thinks I'm insane tonight.

I loveddd Karla's video and I agree, he's always smiling with her. The dimples are infectious. I can see Nate being more then totally comfortable around her, wherever she is, awwh, the thoughts make me squee even thinking about it. Side note, Scott in this chapter was totally unexpected to even me.

Dan loves her, as a best friend of course. They don't have to talk about things Nate knows her just that well. Everything about her he knows. That's why he knows her pain without her even talking about it. It's all in their looks for communication.

See sweetie Nate, he's he can always find his way back to being himself.

Not everyone knows about the baby but some people do. B doesn't for one. Anne's not happy as you can tell. It's just le sigh, a mess. Though next chapter is a little bit more of a calm break. ;) you'll see and I'll be asking for your help.

Mmm, you know how I feel about them keeping a baby at eighteen. Ok, going back to my season 1 marathon and bouncing around the house more than hyper for tonight. Oh! So I got galred at and whispered behind my back today because the back of my shirt says 'Team Vanessa' yeaa I know I'm just to coolest. Lol kidding. See farr to hyper. Ok, I'm done. &hearts