Author's Note:

ok, I'm officially done battling my demons trying to get the Europe trip to stop throwing me plot bunnies that try to kill me in my sleep. Needless to say I'm writing and it's going to be in full Nate's POV I'm thinking right now. currently chapter one has 120 words it will have 1000 when I post it. We'll see, right now I just can't get it to go away so I'm writing it. as for this chapter it's intense and drama full and I think you'll like it. remember to drop me a review and leave me your thoughts. This past chapter elated me! You guys are the best but duh, you already know that. ok I'm gonna shut up no so you can read and I'm gonna go back to making some avi's cleaning my bedroom, and writing, lol I like multi tasking ;)

Enjoy!

-Manda


The moment his best friend's face was visible through the crowded air port a smile spread across Dan Humphrey's face as he rushed forward. She heard his name right away when he called out to her. Three weeks had been a long time for the pair to be apart. They hadn't spent three weeks separate since she'd moved back to the city. Three weeks with hardly any classes back and forth had proved tough for them both as he watched her let herself go from Nate's hand and rush forward to him. Nate had taken her for three weeks to Europe to get her away from the craziness, not that she knew a word of any of it. He caught her immediately and spun her around like a scene out of a movie. The only difference was she wasn't his soul mate she was his best friend. The best that he could have asked for, that was something he'd known since they were six. Since she'd watched him break his arm then pretended to video tape it with only a laugh of her telling him to 'suck it up' as he screamed in pain. They'd always been best friends even in the twisted ways their friend ship started out. He hugged her tightly as he stopped spinning her and put her back down on her feet beside Nate as she still clung to him, her arms tightly around his neck.

"I missed you V"

Kissing her cheek Dan backed away for a second, their hands still held together tightly as he looked her over. Her skin was golden caramel from all of the sun she'd taken in throughout Europe. Her hazel eyes showed an almost peaceful happiness as her smile graced her face. the cut on her arm had turned slowly into a scar he could see as he looked her over, inspecting that Nate had returned her in one piece just as he'd asked. Of course Dan knew the real reason behind the scar on her arm, but he wasn't all that worried about Anne. Even if she had a heart of stone she still had to have a heart somewhere in her chest. He also knew that she refused to tell Nate about it, something that he didn't understand. Anne had attacked her, Nate had every right to know about it. She was Vanessa though, her words stood for more than anyone else's. for whatever reason Vanessa was trying to protect him more then he deserved. Dan was there to help with whatever his best friend wanted, no matter what it was he was the one there for her to be dependent upon.

"I missed you too! What are you doing here? I thought you were with your mom?"

Stepping back and letting go of his hands he continued to look her over. His eyes only noticed it once Nate's arm had wrapped back around her and to cling tighter right under her stomach. It was unmistakable then, clear as day that it was just a little bit more then weight gain yet so easily covered up with a loose shirt. He still had a hard time believing that she was actually doing it. It made her both more stupid and braver to him. Trying to do something that she herself hadn't ever had a great show of, mothers weren't something either of them was very big on. Gabriela and Allison weren't exactly prime examples of what to do right. She was going into it completely blind.

"I wanted to come see you first. Three weeks is a long time to be without your best friend. Besides, pretty soon the alien is going to take over all of your time. I'm heading up to my mom's after this. Jen's already there."

Dan smirked as he looked at her. His Vanessa was back as she playfully hit his shoulder with slight force. They both laughed as she shrugged her shoulders slightly but even with her tainted slight sad eyes he could see it even if she couldn't, he could see the smile that lay under her nerves. He'd always been able to see thing things about her she hadn't been able to see herself.

"Nate, um… it's still no better, I don't know if you want to…"

The shrill ring of Nate's cell phone as the harmony of his grandfather's tone run g out shut them all up as Vanessa's confused eyes turned to look up at Dan. Nate partly nodded his head before releasing Vanessa and silently excusing himself to go tend to his phone. Dan knew he was in trouble soon as he turned back to look at her, standing there with her hands on her hips waiting for a response as to what he'd been talking about. If anyone knew better than keeping Vanessa in the dark it was Dan. he knew as soon as he looked at her and she'd asked he'd spill everything he knew regardless if Nate thought it was a bad idea or not.

"Daniel Johan Humphrey what is going on?"

She raised an eyebrow as she middle named him and put her hands on her hips waiting for her to explain. As he looked at her he attempted to figure out some way to get around it but there wasn't one. Besides, in Dan's past experience it was better to just be up front with her. She'd be somewhat less mad that way.

"I'm just going to come right out with this because I think the guy is an asshole and I don't want to see anything happen to you. Scott's my half brother and he's been stringing you along. He's dangerous Vanessa and you need to be careful."

It was evident in her eyes just how fast she processed the information and he watched her hands ball into fists. She wasn't happy, he hadn't expected her to be. Vanessa didn't like to be kept in the dark. He'd warned Nate she'd react that way. Nate had taken it upon himself to make sure everything was alright before he told her. That wasn't going to work, they should have known her better than that.

"Wait a second! He knew about this and this is why he took me away isn't it? And you let it happen? Dan what the hell where you think… Rufus! Your dad has to be going crazy. How could you not tell me? You know what, forget it. I don't want to know. And right now I don't want to hear an explanation out of your mouth or from his. I'll call later"

She tore her wrist out of his grasp before he could tell her anymore and he knew better then to make a scene, she would have flipped out. Vanessa didn't like to be called to with attention of everyone else around her. Dan would just have to make sure Nate went after her. It wasn't like Scott was even in the city anymore, he couldn't have been. No one had seen him in a week and Gossip Girl surly had reported if she had.


Scott was enraged and partly out of control. His girlfriend had unexplainably been missing for three weeks without so much of a phone call. When he'd woken up first thing in the morning to a voice mail saying she'd be back in the states soon he'd felt his blood boil. He didn't like to be in the dark, he'd spent almost twenty years of his life in the dark and here she was being just like the rest of them. He didn't tolerate that very well. Scott had a bit of a temper that he couldn't control very well. Andrew had seen the best of that when they'd been sailing. Three years older Andrew, Drew had always been his best friend, they were brothers. When the words slipped from Andrew's mouth that Scott was adopted Scott flipped. Before he knew what he was doing he'd pushed Andrew overboard. He'd known when he heard the motor of the boat stall and bang like something had been stuck in it that he'd done something that he couldn't ever take back. it was a good thing they'd been drunk and high or the charges of underage drinking and possession could very easily have been murder. Yes, Scott had killed his brother and he knew it. Since then he'd been in dozens of fights and other misdemeanors. With this situation of being lied to he felt the same emotions of rage that he'd felt that cool morning sailing with his adoptive brother. There was something in Scott that made him tick.

Things hadn't ever been bad for Scott, he was just a kid with an angry tempter and a deceptive manor to him. He'd always felt like something was missing in his life. Being told he was adopted after living his full life up to eighteen years till the truth had come out. He was upset with everyone that surrounded the case, he'd been lied to for his whole life regardless of his feelings or the way things should have been. Thinking you were one person only to find out your someone else doesn't provide a person with the greatest sense of self. Scott had spent days after the accident and after the truth had come out telling himself that it wasn't his fault. Something he knew very well to be a bold faced lie.

Coming to New York he'd had one thing on his mind, revenge. He'd done enough research and observed enough in the past year to know exactly who they all were. Lily, Rufus, Dan, Serena, Eric, Jenny, and even Vanessa, they were all under his watchful eye. He'd taken a semester off from Boston University and lied to his parents and said he was deferring to transfer to NYU. He thought that would work, that he'd be able to watch them quietly, get close, and then figure out his final plan. He hadn't ever meant to get close to any of them. Vanessa was just another pawn in his game in the beginning. She was someone who was close to Rufus, Jenny, Dan, and even a friend of Serena. He'd figured she'd be the best person to use to get into the middle of them. Then he slowly realized how fragile she was, how the tough front she put up had a very deep crack in it. He hadn't expected to actually feel something for her. She was unknowingly beautiful, partially broken beyond her own realization, and deeply in need of someone to renew her trust in everything. He might not have been the best person for the job but it sure as hell meant he was going to try. She just couldn't learn who he was before Scott was ready to tell her himself.

Someone had found him out, he'd found out three weeks before. The same day his girlfriend had taken off for god knew where for three weeks. Getting that text message he's contemplated a car accident, killing all four and a half people in the vehicle he was driving. Instead he'd run them into a curb, enough to shake them up. She'd been the reason he'd stopped. He'd watched her in the mirror the entire drive since she'd insisted on sitting in the back with Dan. he'd watched his 'brother' teasingly pull at her hair and poke her stomach. He'd listened to Dan mocking her about the 'alien' that she was carrying. It was a genuine smile on Vanessa's face. She was content and happy. The part of him that was so partial to her couldn't cause something that would have destroyed her. Something he wouldn't have seen her perfect smile again for. Regardless of how much he despised the fact that she was pregnant he could see her smile and lay a hand across her stomach when she thought no one else was looking. He just wished there was a way to destroy it without her feeling so lost. If he could have figured that out it would have been one of the first things he did without a question to it. Scott never saw himself as cruel, he was just a realest who saw the way that things should have been.

He had a list of people he despised in the city that wasn't just restricted to Rufus and Lily. Serena and Eric had made that list due to the careless and free way they'd grown up. He'd read the magazines, they had hardly any restrictions when it came to morals or wants. At least, that's what he'd gathered from Serena. Eric on the other hand seemed a little more dark and human like. Jenny was quite obviously a wannabe bitch, not quite like Serena but under far too strict of rules to be her so far. The, there was Dan, Dan seemed like a bit of a pompous ass from day one. Even his story Scott had picked up in the paper carried an air of arrogance. A story that in Scott's eyes was twisted beyond belief, his brother and sister had hooked up. Well that would be a new one for therapists and talk shows. His father was some washed up musician raising two kids and his mother was a whore of a socialite who married men only for their money. The life he could have been born into sounded like a bad television comedy. Of course mentioning the people he had a strong distaste for Nathaniel Archibald made the top of the list. A guy that had hooked up with Serena, made a play for Jenny, and knocked up Vanessa. Scott wasn't his biggest fan to say the least in it all. He despised the guy more than most would have. That was one of the reasons that made him disagree with Vanessa's choices even more. A child of his shouldn't have been anywhere near existence, not if it was already doomed from the beginning.

All of it went through his head as he contemplated everyone and all of their issues in his head. Sitting at Vanessa and Ruby's apartment he looked around at all the things. He'd picked the lock since she hadn't been home yet. That had been a week ago. He'd expected her to have been home waiting for him to get there. The lock did just as well, if she was doing anything behind his back he would have caught her. It's not like her drunk of a sister was ever home anyway. The photos around the apartment were of Ruby and her friends, of Vanessa and Dan, or of Vanessa with Nate. Those were the ones Scott could have smashed upon seeing. He restrained himself though, he was trying to do better when it came to that. It was due to him putting Vanessa's needs before his own. Something Scott wasn't very good with but he was trying. For her he was trying.

Scott had been hiding in Vanessa and Ruby's apartment for a week, no one had thought to look for him there as he was sure they'd been looking for him. Lily and Rufus had both attempted to talk to him and it hadn't gone so well. He hadn't wanted to hear what they had do any about the adoption or their thoughts on how crazy he was. his was just disappointed, things had strayed far from what his life had been and it was a shock. So he'd barricaded himself in Vanessa's apartment. She was his girlfriend; she would have understood it all. He knew she had to.

Consumed in his own thoughts of how to do things and how things shouldn't have been done he hadn't heard her door shut or her walk in. it wasn't till she was standing right in front of him suddenly staring at him in idol shock that he knew she was there.

"How did you get in here?"

Her voice was strong but almost shaking as she stood there looking at him wide eyed. The fear in her eyes alone told him that she knew what he'd been accused of in the past. What he knew he'd done. Not just that but she knew he'd lied to her about who he was. He wasn't just some simple kid who'd grown up in a two parent family, watched his brother and only sibling destroy himself, and had great friends. She knew he wasn't anything much like her. His mind started to go over who had told his secret and he started to drive himself crazy as she stood there waiting for a response from him. A response from his mouth wasn't coming when his mind hadn't yet processed the words she'd said.

"Scott, I said, how the hell did you get in here? My sister's away and we don't have a spare key."

Her voice full of resentment and anger made him slip from his coma like state to finally look at her. He could actually see it when he looked at her, the small bump that protruded slightly over the top of her short shorts and under her tank top. The fact that she didn't care any longer to hide it from the outside world made him seethe that much more.

"I see it's becoming more and more obvious that you're pregnant. Did you run away so they wouldn't call you a whore? I'm sorry I didn't mean that."

Standing up Scott started to get closer to her as Vanessa backed closer to the door making Scott raise an eyebrow. She wasn't acting like the Vanessa he'd fallen for, she was acting like the rest of the sorry ass people who'd judged him for the things he hadn't meant to do. Just like Rufus who had cornered him to talk before he'd run off and still had yet to look back. As he'd observed Rufus wasn't what he'd been looking for, he didn't need yet another father figure to lie to him about everything. He still got closer to Vanessa standing only inches away from her, her back pressed up against a wall.

"You knew you were Rufus and Lilly's child and you never bothered to tell me. I don't like liars Scott, I think you'd better leave because right now you're not one of the people I want to see. So go, go before you do something that we'll both regret. Dan's my best friend and Rufus has been like a second father to me over the years, I don't like people screwing with them just for their own benefits. Rufus and Lily did what they knew was best for you. I'm sorry that it's not the way you would have wanted it but that's what happens some…"

Vanessa didn't get a chance to get the rest of her sentence out as Scott's hand wrapped around her neck and slammed her backward to the wall with as much strength as he could, tightening his grip around her neck as he held her in place. Fear came to a bubble in Vanessa's eyes as Scott held on without letting go, squeezing her throat tightly so that Vanessa couldn't breathe or gasp for air. Her every emotion had rung dry as he held her back with such blaring force her eyes were wide and she had to have been shaking. Vanessa hadn't ever been so afraid in her life.

When he started to ease up Vanessa unfroze from her shocked state as she felt him get closer to her, his hand still loosely around her throat as he leaned in to kiss her. Scott himself knew that she was going to flip out when he released her, his mind told him he just needed to make her comfortable enough to trust him again. He hadn't expected her knee to come up and sharply paralyze him where it hurt most as he tore his hands from her neck to keel over in pain as she fell to the ground in a harshly breathing mess.

She scrambled to her feet, hands against her throat so fast she could hardly think of what she was doing or where she was going she just needed to get out of there and get away from him as fast as she could. She couldn't even take a second to see what her eyes had connected with while he'd held her life against her. Her sister's kitten laying on the floor with a steak knife through some part of it. The thought made her shutter and rush faster accidently skipping a few bottom steps and falling to her knees as she attempted to get out of the building as fast as her legs would go. She could hear him moving around upstairs as she finally got through the door and frantically tried for a cab rather than the subway. Her life hung in the balance of her getting out and getting as far away from him as she could have.


Dear my beautiful, smart, loving son,

I just need to start this off by telling you that I love you. So much more then you know or can even imagine. Leaving you is something I already regret but doing it this way is the only way I can. Taking my own life is the only way to make everything better. Through the past eighteen years Nate, you have been everything in the world that matters to me. Looking at your big blue eyes day after day when you were little and even now has always been exactly what I needed to make the stresses of life as thin as smoke. When I looked into those eyes I always saw my little boy I took home from the hospital that day, the same one that gave me stick candy kisses after running around with lollypops after I told him not to. I love you Nathaniel and I don't think I have ever said that enough. I've never told you exactly how proud of you I am and that is something I deeply regret. Seeing you graduate and knowing you've been accepted to both Colombia and USC show just how well you've grown up and how smart you've become. I'm so sorry I've never praised you enough for that. In every instance I've seemed to pull out the bad. Like finding your father's drugs I never should have blamed you for it without hearing your side of things first. I hope you can find that in you to forgive me for. I've never been the type of mother that you deserve Nate, but you've made me so proud. I know the same words stand for your father also. I know that had he been alive he would have done everything remotely possible to be at your big day with us also. There are so many things I would go back and do if I had the chance, so many things that have turned out to be so much less than fair to you over the years.

I tried to provide you with everything and somewhere through the years I lost track of what you really needed, family. Believe me, that's something I regret every day. I miss watching you and your grandmother walking around in her garden and picking the flowers. You used to look so little compared to the sunflowers she kept. I know you miss her, and I'm sorry about the vase in your room. I know it was one of the only mementoes you had of her. I know that if she were still here she'd be proud of you too. You lit up her life Nate, you lit everyone's life. We were the ones that shouldn't have taken it for granted as much as we all did. your father included in that. Thinking back on it now there were so many times we could have done more family things. We could have shown you we were better parents then what we were, all that we could have been. But we didn't do that before, and it's too late to go back and right our wrongs.

As for what I've done now Nate, I'm sure you're less than thrilled with me and I don't blame you for that. taking my own life was something that I needed to do for myself. Every day I wake up and see someone that I don't know anymore, someone that I don't want to know anymore. I don't like the person that I've become over the years Nate, I don't like lying to you and everyone around me. I miss your father terribly and I'm hoping that by doing this I'll be reunited with Ruthie. It doesn't sound fair when it's just written out without a real explanation but Nate, I know you're going to be ok without me. She's given you a reason to live and be happy. She'd given you more already then your father and I ever did it seems. Because when she's in the room there's a smile that I haven't seen since your father took time out of his day to play basketball with you when you were nine, before you learned that he stuck by his expectations for you even when he didn't stand up for his own obligations. She makes you smile and for a very long time it was the last thing I wanted to admit. I'm your mother, we don't ever want to think of the times when little boy they'd done everything to raise happy and healthy comes home with a girl that now owns more of a piece of his heart then even you own anymore.

This is hard even to write out but she's good for you Nate, and from what I can see you're good for her too. I can tell she didn't tell you what I did because I know you better then not saying anything. That alone shows that she's much more of the person I never was. I was the one that threw your grandmother's vase, I also reacted to her in ways I'm far less then proud of. I never meant to hurt her, I just lost control and it is something that I now deeply regret. She didn't deserve it; you both have enough to deal with. I understand that it was unexpected, and I'm sorry that I called her the things that I did. I know she wasn't trying to do the things that I accused her of trying to do. I see now that this wasn't something she did deliberately and she's just as afraid and unsure as anyone would be given the same situation.

I still think that it's too early for the both of you to have to do this. You both have so much ahead of you and this is going to stand as a road block in both of your futures. It's not a very easy job as you can tell and I can't bear to think of it breaking either one of you. You both deserve so much more then what this is going to provide you with. I'm so sorry Nate but I can't watch any of this happen to you. It's not what you need and I'm not going to change my mind on that. This isn't me saying that you can't handle it and that you'll do the same job that your father and I have done. I know that that won't happen, both of you are more of the people then your father and I ever were. I know you'll do the best you can Nate, but this is a very big responsibility that I don't think you're ready for. One that you shouldn't have to be ready for a very long time, I just wanted better for you Nate. It sounds like the same thing all parents say for their children but you'll understand. Unfortunately it'll be sooner rather than later for you. I'm sorry Nate, I just didn't want this for you.

Please let her know that I know it's not her fault despite what I might have said to her. Also, she's hardly showing still, (please don't be upset, Don was only watching over the both of you to make sure everything was alright) that's the way I carried with Ruthie. My bets on it being a girl. I just hope she's half as strong as the both of you are. I also hope she's healthy, god knows you two already have enough to deal with. Something being wrong with her is the last thing you need.

I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you Nate. I hope that someday you can forgive me and all of this. I'm just glad that I know that you're going to be taken care of, if there's anything that I'm sure of it's that you'll be ok. I wouldn't have done this otherwise. I know that your father and I never had the perfect marriage but I miss him Nate. At least when he was sitting in a jail cell I knew I could go see him. But since his death nothing has been the same. Seeing you grow up before my eyes isn't helping that either. This is something I did for me, to make things alright for me. I know your grandfather isn't going to be very happy, he'll tell you it's just one more thing he needs to cover up. But I need this Nate. Just always remember that I love you, I always have and I always will. Don't ever doubt that and the last thing I want you to do right now is blame yourself. You didn't do any of this Nate. And you're going to be ok.

I'm so sorry for everything that I've done to you Nate, one day, in a very long time we'll be together again. You, me, your father, and Ruthie. Someday after you've lived your full life. Take care of yourself Nate, yourself, Vanessa, and that baby she's carrying. You're everything I was always afraid to be my son. Keep your head up and remember who you are and you'll be just fine. I love you

Love,

Mom

Reading through the Note the officer had handed him Nate dropped it to the ground placing his head in his hands. Even after reading the letter he couldn't figure out how his mother could have done it to him. His father had hardly been dead two months and already he'd have to bury his mother next. At least Chuck had had years in between rather than having to do them one in back of the other. Everything felt like it was moving so fast and Nate couldn't breathe. There was one thing his mother had been right about, Vanessa was the best thing that had happened to him. He knew that she'd be what he through all of his energy into to get through all of the hardships that were thrown his way. As the last few officers picked up the last of the evidence and his grandfather chatted away on his cell phone to someone or other Nate wished that someone was there for him. He wished they hadn't fought and she'd just gone home with him. He would have felt better if she'd been there to squeeze his hand. Soon as she called she'd come straight over, he knew that.

His mind was so focused on what his mom had done and how he was going to get by without her his mind was too preoccupied to think of Scott or the fact that nether Rufus nor Lily had seen or heard from Scott in over a week. it had been bothering him since Serena had reported it, that why Nate had tried so hard to keep Vanessa from coming back home. After finding out about Andrew Nate had done everything he could to keep Vanessa as far from Scott as he could. She and the baby had been his top priority up till the plane had landed and his grandfather had called claiming emergency. There was too much in Nate's life going on for him to think of it all at once.

The very rasped out sound of someone who's throat was already strained tore Nate from his thoughts soon as he'd heard it. Nate turned his head expecting one of the officers coming to say that they were leaving now but the image he saw completely shocked him. Her neck was beat red and there were partial finger prints that he could make out without question. Nate didn't even have time to react as she stumbled a little bit and nearly stumbled into his lap as he put his hands on her hips to pull her onto him before she fell. His heart that had already been quickened before suddenly skipped a few beats. Her breathing was erratic and fast as Nate's intense eyes caught Jane's and he watched Jane hurry to get her water.

"V… hey, baby look at me"

There wasn't anything else in his mind other then what was right in front of him, she was the only one his mind thought of, the only thing he couldn't get past. As Jane rushed back Nate touched the finger prints gently and even that made her wince. Soon as Jane was back over with the cold glass of water he nudged Vanessa gently till she sat up a little more and took the glass to take a sip with her shaken hands. Her face wasn't stained with tears like anyone else would have been, her eyes more showed regret than anything else. He wanted for five minutes for her not to be as tough as she always was. Holding it all in wasn't good for her. As he finished the thought in his mind something else occurred to him. Holding it all in wasn't good for her but it wasn't good for the baby either. How something so important had skipped his mind for even the slightest of moments he didn't know. As she sat on his lap drinking the water he moved his hand from her shoulder to just gently resting against her small stomach in question of it all.

Feeling her slip her hand over his to squeeze his hand over her stomach he leaned his head against her shoulder and let out a relieved breath. At least one thing of importance was perfectly alright. There wasn't a question to Vanessa being a fighter as she put the glass down beside her and he caught it as her eyes drifted to the note beside them. His mother had written his name in her best cursive, then, after she'd shot herself she had to have touched the note because her blood had smeared all over the front. The thought of it made him suddenly stop and shutter. His brain and reflexes didn't work fast enough as she picked up the note in her weak hand and began to read it. He could tell it didn't take her more than a few seconds to get through the first few lines as she dropped the note and turned to look at him, her face completely written over with worry suddenly. The regret was coasted over with worry, worry for him.

"Nate"

As raspy and hardly there as her voice was he could hear the compassion and worry it would have been laced with if her throat didn't feel like it was lit on fire. He felt her hand lift from his that was place over her stomach in her disarray way of sitting. As he went to object he felt both of her hands suddenly placed on the sides of his face as she leaned her forehead down against his. Silently his mind mentally traced the marks around her neck, he could see how tight they were and he knew exactly who they'd come from without even having to question it.


"Vanessa, V, wake up please?"

Hearing his voice break through her foggy hazy sleep state her body jumped and she felt him tighten his hand on her stomach as like a reflex. Tonight, his hand hadn't strayed very far from her stomach. She could tell it was to assure him that the three of them were ok; nothing would happen so long as he was there. Sleep hadn't been the easiest of things to come by on a night as the one it was. Between his mother's suicide and Scott strangling her neither one of them had taken sleep very easy. He'd spent almost two hours rubbing circles on her stomach before she'd settled into a very light sleep, light was putting it as an understatement. Hearing his voice had brought it all rushing back as her hazel eyes blinked right open only to close again with haze a second later. She didn't want to be awake, sleep called her, pulling her in tighter. Vanessa felt like she'd just shut her eyes and already he was poking and prodding her to get up. She tried to figure out if hours could have really gone by that fast or if he was just being a pain.

"Vanessa, are you up?"

Her eyes blinked open again as she peaked out of one at the time on the night stand. 2:57, the numbers stood out to her as she remembered the last time she'd looked at the clock the time had read 2:32. A complaint from deep in her sore throat came out as she rolled from one side to the other to face him. As always resisting his perfect puppy dog blue eyes was nearly impossible as they locked eyes and he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She could see all the hurt in his face, how much betrayal he felt by both of his parents. There were so many things she wanted to say to him, things she wanted to do, but, it just wasn't the night for any of it.

"Mmm"

She almost non verbally complained as she started to close her eyes again only to feel him press his lips to the bone right under her left eye. Once again her eyes opened as she recognized one of the ways he'd always gotten her up in the past. She didn't bother to hide the yawn as she looked at him silently waiting for him to open his mouth again. Vanessa hadn't ever been one to be woken up from sleep, especially when she was overtired. Tonight, Nate had a habit of doing everything he could to keep her awake.

"I think we should have had your head checked, he slammed you up against that wall pretty hard V, what if you have a concussion?"

Overprotective with good reason but it still wasn't enough to make her want to wake up and function. It had been a long day and all Vanessa wanted was to lay in his arms and forget that it existed for a little while. His arms were the only thing she wanted to think about, that and sleep for a few hours. She started to shut her eyes again not bothering to agree or disagree to his questions as a little bit of fluttering made her eyes snap open and her eyes squint a little as she attempted to figure out exactly what she'd felt. The strange sensation she didn't quite recognize. Feeling the tiny flutter again she felt a surge anxiety and amazement through her as she turned onto her back causing Nate to sit up in alarm. Her eyes shut and she blew out a breath of air as her hand made a path down her abdomen to where she'd felt the tiny flutter.

There was still a part of her that wanted to forget it and pretend she hadn't felt anything. Just because it had been thirteen weeks since she'd gotten the positive test and eighteen weeks since it had been conceived she still had a problem remembering that it was real. Even as the evidence protruded a little more every week part of her still wanted to run away and pretend it wasn't going on. There was still a part of her that couldn't help but think that maybe if she'd gone through with the first abortion everything would have been different, everything would have been fine. Those were the thoughts that made her feel sick to her stomach. Her mind tried harder to figure out how she could think that about something that meant so much to her at times. her thoughts were doing the best to eat her alive and she almost forgot why she'd started to think in the first place till Nate's voice once again interrupted her.

"What's the matter? Is something wrong with…?"

She felt almost guilty when his hesitation to say the word made her smile. Had he said baby she would have thought more than before that something was wrong with her. The word sent chills up her spine whenever she thought of it. Four letters made it real. Soon as the words slipped from his mouth she felt it again, the sensation that had started her off to begin with. A few seconds later it stopped again and she opened her eyes to look at him, a coy smile spreading across her face as she shook her head.

"You can't be serious"

Partly she laughed to herself in disbelief as she stayed silent for a moment waiting for the movement. When there was nothing she looked at him and shook her head as his panicked face looked at her like she was nuts. She watched him silently still waiting as she bit her lip for a moment before giving up. It was obvious what the whole thing was about already. Someone already knew how to play favorites it seemed. If that really had been what she'd felt. Part of her was in the middle of doubting it.

"Nate, say something"

Watching her carefully he didn't listen to her right away as he just looked at her not knowing what she was talking about. She could see he was starting to think that she'd been more hurt then she'd cared to admit before.

"Vanessa you're starting to…"

Her hand was over his mouth seconds after the first few words left it. Just as she'd thought she would, she felt the tiny fluttering just like she had before, it was real and it was there. Vanessa did the best she could to get rid of the realization nerves that threatened to make moment more than tainted. For the moment she was going to do all she could to pretend they were worry free and unlike what Anne had mentioned in her goodbye letter that the odds weren't against them both.

"Say something again"

Taking his hand she looked into his deep blue eyes doing everything she could to mask the nerves and distrust in herself disappear from her own. She just took his hand and glided it to the spot where she'd felt the last little jolt. To the left a little lower then her belly button, that was where it had been.

"Vanessa I really don't get what… was that just?"

Sure enough soon as he'd opened his mouth the movement had been made again under his hand this time. There wasn't any getting around the fact that it was real with the proof that thumped right under their hands, right under her skin. She could see it in his eyes that part of him was unsure too. The kicks made it all that much more real, that much scarier when it proved the fact that there really was a baby in the middle of it all. She knew part of him wanted to run too, just the way she'd wanted to too. Then there was the part of the both of them that was relieved that everything was alright. After all of the stresses that the day had brought with it all three of them had survived through it. A part of them that knew the baby was what showed them they both needed to keep pushing ahead and going for it. The realization made her shutter a little bit as her eyes stayed completely locked with his. Then there was something there, something that stopped her and made her straighten up and made her need more as he started to lean down to her mouth and she never once objected. Instead when his lips brushed her own she put her hands through his hair and pulled him closer to her making the kiss deeper. He was as careful and delicate with her as he could be as he rolled on top of her using his forearms to keep him propped up in order to hardly to touch her other then brushing up against her. Her head was carefully between his arms as he continued to kiss her, breaking his lips from hers and tracing long needed kisses down her neck and collarbone against the blue of her tank top. His kisses were tender and gentle as they were over the bruises and abrasions left from Scott's finger prints. They were marks that made him tense and angry every time his eyes caught them. Her hands gripped around his bare chest as if it were the end of the world only this time it held passion rather than reliance, because he was what she needed not just what she wanted.

"I love you"

They both knew it was three words she couldn't comply with saying back but it was a feeling that was more than mutual. It was even more proved by the flutter that he too felt against his stomach making a smile come to both of their faces that was slightly unexpected on both parts. It might have been slightly tacky in both of their eyes but she couldn't have felt much better as he trailed a line of kisses down her tank top to pull it up above her belly button.

"And you too squirt"

He whispered receiving a few more guppy kicks as he placed an open mouthed kiss straight to the spot reminding Vanessa of a tacky television show. She couldn't have cared, after the day they'd both had they needed something that wasn't dark or depressing and oddly enough something had seemed to listen to them. Then his words registered in her head and a small laugh escaped from her lips as she shook her head breaking the serious moment.

"Squirt? Ok, now if you start saying dude I warn you ahead of time that I'm burning Ele's Nemo dvd."

They both laughed as the baby kicked in response and Vanessa sighed and looked away. It was hard to believe something so simple could feel so good after the day they'd had. Even with all of the complications and mistakes that still hung in the air everything was alright for the moment. As Nate rolled back onto his side Vanessa snuggled closer to him as he wrapped his arms around her. They'd find a way to make it alright. She felt him kiss her forehead as she her eyelids become heaver again as she gave into temptation and fell into a light sleep. Her whole body felt comfortable and relaxed as he held her close to him. There wasn't another spot in the words she'd of rather been or he'd rather of had her. The kiss proved to her that every emotion was still between them and he'd felt it too. Things might have been complicated and messy but there wasn't any mistaking what it felt like to be close to one another, to have one another to remember how to breathe again. Even as she fell deeper into sleep she knew that with him she was safe, there wasn't a way he'd of let anything happen to her.


ChristinaMarie712 – well after this chapter I'll let you make your own assumptions of how crazy Scott is, I'm not sure, what do you think? Lol and, after seeing him on the screen and my best friend pointing out that he looked like Adam Lambert I'm in no rush to see him again. Anne, well, as you can tell she's not someone to worry about anymore. Jenny on the other hand is someone I don't like very much so we'll see how she takes things. Everyone will start to find out very very soon.

Jen – Scott is creepy, very very creepy and he's more dangerous than Anne ever was. I think he most defiantly comes from Lily's side… don't you? He's got Ceecee in him. Jenny and the others will come up very shortly. Though I do have to warn you that I'm not a very big Jenny fan to be honest and as for clothes, well, you'll see.

Francesca – I think I've mastered this whole empathy thing 8-)

As for the baby it's tough like she is, much tougher then it's father that's for sure. We'll see, they have quite a few more tests coming up.

Izzy – oh darling :D

Yea, he has some unresolved issues that he needs to have sorted out, I'd say he takes after Ceecee. A little bit out of his mind.

Anne's not a problem anymore now is she? Though there are other people who don't want to see this baby in existence to it's not exactly out of the woods yet.

I'll try my best to be nice to Jenny, even if I don't like her. I'll do it for your benifit. lol

Layla Persnickety – :D hope this one was filled with just as much, don't worry, Drama is in full stock and you'll like what I have in store. I'm pretty sure anyway. Your review put a huge smile on my face, thank you so much, I try to make them as human as I can. I'm so glad I succeed, hmm perhaps this sort of worked for Scott too.

Pagan-Angel13 – What they want to do and what they feel they should do are two completely different things. They both have a lot to think about and a lot to work on that's still going to take time yet.

Dan knows the best of Vanessa whether she knows it herself or not. He's like her other half only more judgmental and cynical. His reaction on Scott will be soon and after this chapter I'm going to say that he even less then likes his brother very much. Anyone that can hurt his best friend like that regardless if their blood or not doesn't get the time of day.

Well, I don't think Anne will be a very big issue anymore, she can't exactly push Vanessa around from the grave. Besides, she's come to see just what Nate feels for her and the child she's carrying she doesn't agree but before he death she at least saw.

Even if Jenny and Vanessa aren't as close as they'd once been Vanessa still doesn't want to hurt her and she knows the news that she has will hurt Jenny perhaps more than Vanessa's hurt her in the past.

I don't think Nate will allow him within five feet of Vanessa after what he's done to her now.

Empathy is a very strong feeling and I just love to invoke it, I hope this chapter did the same as the rest of them :D

Now, if only I could promise Squirt would be healthy and happy that would be great. To promise IT's even going to be born would be great now wouldn't it? But IT (having a hard time not writing the real thing is killing me here) still has twenty-one weeks left to go and a ton of people that don't want to see it alive. Poor thing.

ALEX! – so did Scott come off just as well? Not that there is really any way to make him anywhere near justified because well, he has no morals and he's frustrating. I don't know, I can't make myself like him. Hope this chapter was just as intense enough for you. ;)

NCBS always seem to be best friends regardless of what they do to each other. They've all shared everything including one another o.O lol that sounds so twisted when it's written out. And, at least they have things in the past that keep them together because without that I'm pretty sure none of them would have had anything to go on when it came to one another.

Lol there are many reasons suddenly I'm going to quiver whenever I see Scott on the screen come September. But this, this just takes the cake. He's ruthless and cruel in this chapter even if he doesn't quite mean it. That's the Van der Woodsen in him, he has some unresolved hissues that need to be sorted out. You really like it coming out through the RL fighting thing? :D yea it was just a random though I thought might be a good idea. I could see it in my head and it totally worked out the way it should have. Yay!

Anne was a very twisted person who should have perhaps taken more anti depressants then she did throughout her life. She watched her world fall apart and she didn't know how to get out of it. She sees what Vanessa has and it's something Anne hardly ever had. she was far to jealous of it all to make amends or peace with any of it. She didn't mean to hurt her it just came out before she could do anything about it. Vanerssa didn't want to see Nate any more hurt then he is, her heart is to big for that. besides, he dragged her out of the country for three weeks before Vanessa had any way in it. Nate's gonna see everything that went on and what his life was like, he still has a lot of stress left to deal with.

Though I'm not sure why she trusts the Humphrey loft to be the safest place to go. I mean, Jenny's there. I like Jenny bout as much as I like Blair :P Jenny might prove to be a bit of an issue, I'm still deciding on that one. Hmm, we'll see.

S2 is amazing to watch and I wish it hadn't deleted off my DVR while I was living at my sister's house. Can't wait till it's on DVR to make me happy again. It's not soon enough.

That's it for my review. Not great, but I hope it's not going to disappoint you to much. :hug:

The Season finale was sooo good, everything about it was perfect and I'm hoping that we do still get to see jealous Nate but I want that drunken hookup. And more ;) we'll see.