Author's Note: WOW! ok, this was the best number of reviews I've gotten on a chapter yet. and for that here, I give you an even longer chapter! keep it up, you know you make me want to write. the next chapter of the new story will be up very shortly too. more at the bottom! Enjoy this!

-Manda


What she wouldn't have done for a coffee, the aroma and caffeine to wake her up and give her a little more energy then what she'd had from being up all night for almost two nights straight. After him waking her up every fifteen minutes the night Scott attacked her and his mother's death the first night because he was afraid something was wrong with her. The second night had been spent in the emergency room. After an episode of severe bleeding and cramping Nate had dragged her in without a choice. He'd already lost his mother in the past day, was going to be damned if he had to lost another. The ultrasounds had been prodding and troublesome and of course she'd complained but nothing was as bad as the looks they'd given him over the marks around her neck. When they'd ever asked him to step out of the room while a social worker came to speak with her she'd flipped out, her heart rate had sped through the roof soon as he'd let go of her hand. Vanessa didn't admit it out loud but when he wasn't there with her she was actually afraid, afraid that something would happen. Vanessa was only as strong as she pretended to be. When her false act cracked there wasn't anything left. With the baby being in danger, being able to feel it kick the previous evening, Nate's half hidden distraught over his mother, and her attack from Scott Vanessa was running on strained emotions. So strained her thoughts weren't her own, she needed sleep, she needed her stresses to go away, she needed things to be normal for just a moment in time. Something she didn't feel would happen any time soon.

It was a little bit better now being back at the apartment, at least she felt like she could almost breathe again. There were few people that knew about Nate's apartment, Chuck and Blair being among the few. Not that that made her feel any better, the last thing she wanted was anyone else finding out just yet. Gossip Girl would catch on soon enough and out her secret, there was only so much a flowy top could do anymore. Eighteen weeks was nearly halfway there. Pretty soon there wouldn't be any hiding it, she just held her breath that it would hold off a few more days. With Anne's wake and funeral coming up in four days the last thing she wanted was to be ostracized as she attended for Nate. It wasn't fair to him to have to put up with the repercussions of their mistakes on such a crucial day either. He had enough to worry about without adding anymore chaos to the days ahead.

She closed her eyes for a second resting against the door frame of his bedroom as he walked past her, glancing at her through tired eyes before pulling down the sheets. She smiled at him a short and hesitant smile and shook her head silently communicating as he walked back to her and leaned his hands against the wall in back of her his sapphire eyes meeting smoky hazel in a combination of tired slight angst. Sleep and stress was wearing on emotions and things were about to explode if they didn't separate for a little while.

"Go take a shower and call Chuck. You and Chuck had plans tonight and you need a break from craziness. I can go to the loft, Dan's bed is always open for me to sleep in. I'll be safe there. Besides I think we both need a few hours with them rather than being together. You need a break from me."

As she talked he leaned his forehead against hers closing his eyes. He didn't even have to agree and she knew he wanted to, more than anything else he needed to. She had plans of her own she needed to get done without him hovering over her like she was breakable glass. Vanessa didn't like to be babied regardless of the situation. She knew he'd argue about it, he wouldn't have been Nate if he didn't. She couldn't handle it for a while she just needed a break.

"V, do you really think that's a good…"

Lifting her head up just enough to kiss right under his jaw line she pulled back from him and walked to the other side of his bed where her things were thrown. Tossing things into her bag she could still feel his eyes on her back as she moved around. All she needed to do was to get out of the apartment then she could do the things she needed to. The other thing was she needed to do it alone without him insisting on going along.

"Nate, I haven't been parented since Allison Humphrey ran out on Rufus so don't start. I'm more then capable of taking care of myself. I've done it for eighteen years this isn't any different. Nothing's going to happen to me and you heard it yourself, it's just fine."

She hadn't meant to snap but lately Vanessa's emotions and reactions were out of control, besides she didn't like being taken care of and he knew that. She threw a few more things into her bag but froze as soon as she felt his hand gently wrap around her neck grazing the finger marks that were there. She let out a low growl that mostly remained in her throat. She knew he caught it when he slipped his hand from around her throat right down to her stomach making her ease up but only a little. That was still a touchy area for her as well, there'd been enough touchy feely in that area to last her for the week. For a while she wanted to freeze off the fact that it was real, just so that she could breathe without being nervous.

"Don't get mad at me, I just don't like you anywhere but here when that son of a bitch is missing. If anything happens to you I swear to god."

Without warning she spun around to face him, her eyes in a slight glare. Apparently she'd spent far too much time laying in a hospital bed for the weekend, too much time listening to the nurses whispers. Not that she'd tell him anything they'd said. He'd just tell her to brush it off and nothing else mattered. They'd sparked her thinking though, her thoughts weren't the most healthy place to be when her mind was already as full as it was. She just needed space for a little while.

"I am not someone that you can control all the time Nate! I don't need you to take care of me, I didn't need you for the first few months and I don't need you to now. Scott didn't mean to hurt me, he does things without thinking. Besides, it's not like I'm going looking for him. I'm going to carry on with my life just as it was before he choked me, I wish I could carry on like it was before I got pregnant, right now, before you would even be fine with me."

He stood dumbfounded as they were face to face. She could see the hurt in his eyes and the anger rising to his throat and it took her everything not to cave to him. It wasn't like Vanessa truly meant a word that was coming out of her mouth. They were just the head of her emotions boiling over.

"I'm starting to think it was simpler when I was with Blair"

Hissing out through clenched teeth it didn't take her even a second longer to stand in front of him as she swung the backpack onto her back and took off with her back to him, she was still shaking with nerves. She never glanced back at him as she headed straight for the door of the apartment only for him to catch her shoulder with his hand as she attempted to jerk it away from him.

"V I didn't mean…"

Without so much as a chance to get the words out of his mouth she shoved his shoulder with her forearm till she was free from his grip. His words didn't matter to her, her only thought and only want was to get out of the apartment before she broke in front of it.

"Part of you did or you wouldn't have said it"

Putting his hands up in surrender he stepped away from her as she stomped out of the apartment slamming the door behind her with enough force he felt the apartment shake.


Taking another drag from the joint in his hand he blew the smoke to the ceiling and raised his glass of scotch. It was going to be a rather long night with Nate's whining and Blair not speaking to him. This new relationship 'I love you' thing meant he couldn't even call anyone to help make it go away. That alone made Chuck have doubts that this whole thing was going to work. He wasn't used of not being able to get away from his pressures without set. The whole thing sounded like a sick torturous joke. He blamed it all on the guy next to him. Had he not had a secret to actually keep he never would have been sitting on the couch all night long working on his best baggie and a few glass bottles of scotch. For some reason keeping his mouth shut for the sake of Nate was more important than spending the night with Blair. Ok, so maybe he was lying, he wasn't doing it just for Nate. Vanessa had an even bigger part in the secret. He wouldn't admit out loud he was doing it for her but he was. even he knew that she didn't need any more stress then she had to handle on a daily basis. They'd become 'friends' somehow along the way. He shuttered, friends, he wasn't even about to figure out how the hell or why the hell it had happened. That was something he'd rather just leave alone.

Glancing over at his best friend for the third time in the hour he hadn't said anything since Chuck had walked in. it wasn't normal for Nate to be a very silent drunk. That was when he usually did his most damage spilling things that shouldn't have been said, never had he ever held his liquor very well. The silence wasn't working here, Chuck had never been a very big fan of silence. That was the thing that poisoned your brain and made you actually think. The mind of Chuck Bass wasn't a very good place to live when it came to things like that. in fact, it was a rather dangerous place most of the time.

"Nathaniel, are you going to tell me what's wrong? Something happen with Punky Brewster and the shrimp?"

Breaking the silence he swirled around the amber liquid in his glass and eyed Nate. His head was back against the back of the couch and his eyes were squeezed shut. It took a little while after Chuck had said his words for Nate to open his eyes and look at him again. In the mean time Chuck continued on smoking. If Nate wasn't going to divulge anything there wasn't anything Chuck could do.

"Scott attacked her the other day, she has bruises on her neck from him trying to strange her. She refused to give him up to the police, because he was Rufus's son she wouldn't tell. I don't give a damn if he's Lily's kid he could have killed her. I already lost my mom and dad I can't lose another person right now. She's just so stubborn I got frustrated with her and we got into a fight and she slammed out of here to sleep at Dan's"

Chuck's eyebrow raised at the beginning of Nate's story. He'd only heard of Scott from Lily and Rufus's arguments. He'd never expected their child to be even remotely dangerous, Rufus Humphrey wouldn't have had a balls for those genes. When Chuck thought about it Serena could have been, he must have taken more after the Van der Woodsen's then.

"Fights happen Nate, so you go to Victrola and enjoy a show. That's if the good for nothing owners didn't change it completely into a cheap strip bar. When I owned it at least it had class."

As he mumbled to himself he heard Nate grunt in protest and Chuck rolled his eyes, typical Nate always attempting to be somewhat sensible. Even if Chuck could see his side in things partly it wasn't something he was going to admit out loud. It wasn't till Nate picked up yet another wine cooler that Chuck decided he couldn't keep Nate living in misery any longer, it was beginning to get sickening.

"It doesn't make you your father Nate. I know that's what you're thinking and it's not true. Stop worrying about your impending doom. You and Vanessa have made it this far without her killing you you're doing pretty well. Yes, I think you're nuts for letting her go through with all of this but I know she's attached. You're taking this as your chance to make up for things you didn't do in the first place, even I can see that it's more than that for you. Hey, I'm just glad it happened to me and not you. I don't know how you put up with Vanessa as well as you do. She caves even less then Blair does."

Nate opened his eyes again and Blair's name burned his ears. He still regretted dragging Blair's name into their fight. She'd seen in Vanessa's eyes that had been what hurt her the most. He took another swing from the glass bottle.

"I'm afraid I'm going to mess this all up. Am I even ready for it?"

Chuck let out an egotistical laugh at Nate's words. regardless of what he thought or what Nate thought there wasn't really an option in it. he should have thought about how he'd handle it all before the condom had broken or he'd forgotten it, which ever… Chuck didn't really care to think about either one of those. That was pushing it just a little bit.

"No but is anyone ever ready for it? it's a big responsibility not to fuck up someone else's life Nate. But it's also someone's responsibility not to create another life if it's not wanted. You'll be ok Nate. If you ask me it seems like as unexpected as it is you're both starting to settle into it. Also if it's a boy don't worry… Uncle Chuck"

He paused trying the name on for size and nodding his head once when it settled. It didn't sound so bad, he could handle that one he decided, when the kid was a little bit older and not so breakable.

"Uncle Chuck will teach him which is the best liquor, which girls to stay away from, and how to work a condom. Even with the tacky banana demonstration since apparently no one ever did that for you Nathaniel."

They both silently laughed and shook their heads in unison, yep, the poor kid was doomed from the start.


The small town of Bloomfield in Essex Vermont hadn't ever seemed as big as it did when Vanessa got off of the bus and started to walk back to the house her parents had bought when they'd decided to leave New York. She could still remember hating the house because it took her away from Dan and Jenny, the Humphrey family that was as close to normal as she'd ever seen. New York had always been her home, even when her parents had dragged her away. Now it felt kind of strange to be running to a place she didn't even want to be. She'd done everything to get out of there but suddenly it felt like with Arlo and Gabriela was exactly the place she needed to be. Her parents might have been eccentric and most of the time out of it they still deserved to know what was going on. Vanessa also needed five minutes to be just a normal eighteen year old that was as far from the drama of the Upper East Side as she could get. It wasn't just the fight with Nate that had set her off it was that as time passed by she felt herself missing her parents a little more. Just because she wanted to be more than they were, since Nate had planted the ideals of college into her head she'd wanted so much more then what they expected of her.

She'd taken her last two hundred and fifty dollars out of the bank in a rush at an ATM that would probably charge her fees for going over by two dollars. Her cell phone had been shut off over a week ago, leaving Vanessa with next to nothing. Vanessa needed to pick up some shifts at work, she shouldn't have spent so much time doing nothing and wasting time when she needed money. She needed money for everything; not working wasn't going to get her anywhere. Those stresses were some she couldn't care or think about. There was already enough beating down on her mind. Seventy dollars to get to Vermont, she'd left New York at nine the night before it was seven in the morning now and she still hadn't slept. Vanessa was running on ambition to get things done only.

Reaching for the handle of the screen door it felt cold. It didn't matter if it was the last week in July the Vermont shade was right over the house. Part of it felt good but most of her was filled with dread, dread of what she had to walk in there and do. Her hand rested on her right over stomach, as nervous as it made her it also gave her a slight bit of confidence. To her the baby was an extension of Nate and that alone gave her a little bit more confidence.

"Here goes nothing"

She mumbled to herself as she looked down for a moment exhaling a breath and pushing the door open. At least that was one thing she could count on, the house always smelling the same. A mixture of paint and pot, it was just as familiar as it had always been. There were paint splashes all over the walls and dishes in the sink that looked like they'd been mounted for years. Part of her wondered if her parents had cleaned anything since she'd been there for a weekend during Christmas. Why was she thinking any of this? She'd never complained growing up, this was all effects of being around them in New York. She'd become someone she'd never been in the past and she wasn't sure how much she liked it.

"Mom? Dad?"

Vanessa called as she passed through the doorway of the kitchen to find them sitting in the living room burning incense, passing a joint, and painting with their hands. They didn't even look up at her calling, not that she'd expected them to. she smiled to herself and shook her head, typical.

"Mom, Dad… I'm here"

Trying a little bit louder they both seemed to snap out of the trances they were in to look up at her. At first they both looked out through a smoking induced haze then her mother stood up. Gabriela wasn't a very tall person, much shorter then both of her daughters. Never the less she completely took Vanessa by surprised as she strode closer to her and hugged her, her parents hadn't ever been very lovey or touchy. Vanessa stood at surprised attention for a moment before hugging her mother back. Maybe coming home to them hadn't been as bad an idea as she'd of thought when she'd first gotten there.

"Arlo would you look at her? Our little girl's all grown up! And would you look at this! It looks little our little Vanessa's had a bit of fun with a boy too."

Right as her mother's hands slipped to her stomach Vanessa felt like she'd been hit with cool ice that was slowly melting. Then again she should have known that they wouldn't have taken it like any normal parents would have. A nervous breath escaped her as her smile became a little bit more real. Gabriela dragged her over to the couch to sit between them with excited haste.

"Our sweet girl is going to be just like us Arlo, you know, we were younger then you when we had your sister Vanessa. Oh! I think we should paint your stomach! Just think how cute it would be! You can deal with the hives for a little while can't you V?"

Vanessa was overwhelmed to say the least as she sat speechless looking back and forth. After her run in telling Anne Vanessa hadn't known what to expect of parental opinions anymore. the only thing that made her shutter was the thought of becoming her parents, that wasn't exactly her goal in life. As much as she loved them Vanessa had thoughts and rules that were all her own. Gabby's other sentence made Vanessa almost laugh out loud. At least her parents remember some things. Six years old being covered head to toe in a rash after they'd decided to paint her and Ruby from head to toe was still something she shook her head at. It wasn't often that the concept of allergies meant anything in the Abrams house hold.

"Your sister told us yesterday when she told us she was marrying Tracy or Trudy maybe? I can't remember the girl's name. All I know is that they're doing it this afternoon. Isn't that wonderful? Your sister standing up for her rights. It's just so wonderful!"

Just like that the subject was off of her and onto Ruby. Things always revolved around Ruby but she didn't mind it, it always meant there was no pressure on her. Listening to both of her parents done on and on about Ruby Vanessa sank further into the couch, her arms crossed across her stomach as she drifted into a light sleep knowing they wouldn't notice her not a wake for even a second and when they did they'd just go back to smoking like they'd been doing before she'd gotten there.


When he'd finally sobered up the effects of everything it him like a ton of bricks. It was five o'clock in the afternoon, five o'clock and she hadn't even called to say she was ok. That could only have meant she was still angry with him. Not that he really blamed her, the things he'd said were uncalled for. He knew how touchy she was when it came to Blair, he never should have opened his mouth. Not even in anger over the way she was acting. She'd been released from the hospital to take it easy and sleep, not to get into fights and storm off to Dan's. Nate felt lousy and stupid, he had since he'd woken up with his head on Chuck's knee. He was angry at his mother, he was afraid of his impending fatherhood; he didn't know where he was headed. He'd used the Upper East Side's oldest tactic, pry on the most delicate of subjects and hurt the person who was standing up to you. The only thing was he was pretty sure those rules weren't supposed to go for pregnant girlfriends. He'd hurt her again, just when she was beginning to trust him again. Part of him wondered if he'd ever stop and treat her the way she deserved to be treated. Part of him had to wonder if all of this was a reflection of how he'd eventually treat the both of them. Could he really handle disappointing not just her but both of them? That was exactly what his father had done to him and he was living proof of its lasting consequences. The thought of doing it to his own flesh and blood made him feel sicker then he did already with his hangover. Disappointment was something he didn't want to pass onto anyone most defiantly not his own child. that was being no better than his own.

He'd taken the subway over to the Humphrey loft hoping that would score him a few brownie points in her eyes right off the bat. He knew there would still be a lot of groveling to be done once he saw her face. That alone would ease his mind and make his nerves stop jumping into his throat, seeing her face to face and knowing she was alright. There was something nagging at him that he couldn't stop worrying about and he couldn't even put his finger directly on it. He'd called Dan's cell phone a few times and he hadn't picked up. Vanessa had to have forbidden it, letting him know anything about her whereabouts, he should have expected that. She wasn't going to be very happy to see him now either, he really needed to choose his words better before he spoke them. Raising his hand to the door he knocked on it and stepped back waiting for someone to open it. Part of him wished it would be Vanessa right off the bat and he could have just begged without an audience. Of course he had no luck as Jenny came to the door before anyone else.

"Well this is a surprise"

Her voice had an acidic air to it as her glare was almost strong enough to burn a hole right through him. Sighing he put his head down, at least he knew that she had to be there. It was at least a start. Never had it crossed his mind that maybe Jenny wasn't talking pertaining to Vanessa. Jenny always had dry sarcasm to her, he'd figured she just had to be annoyed over listening to Vanessa complain about him.

"I know, I messed up"

Admitting defeat were hardly things he ever did, but, this was a case where he figured her had to do it. He'd do anything to get Vanessa back to the apartment. Maybe then his hangover wouldn't seem as intense as it already seemed.

"Woah wait a second Nate, if this is you apologizing and trying to make amends for all the mistakes you've made is one thing. But, I won't hurt Vanessa, I won't do what the two of you did to me. It's not fair to her or anyone else, she apparently really does love you regardless of the feelings that I have for you. Gossip Girl gave you the label she did for a reason Nate."

His hangover was intense but he knew what had slipped out of his mouth hadn't been anything to convey things like that. He'd really scorned everyone around him that everyone thought he owed them apologies. It had already been a long day and the only thing he cared to find was Vanessa, even with the Advil he'd taken his headache still pounded in his ears. Standing in front of Jenny still he just gave her a confused look as Dan's voice broke through their awkward silence.

"Nate? What are you doing here? Where's Vanessa?"

Soon as the words left Dan's mouth Nate felt himself freeze, Dan was asking where Vanessa was. that meant he didn't know where she was either. She wasn't with Cora, Cora had taken the kids and gone to Arizona, she wasn't at her apartment, she hadn't been back there since Scott had attacked her and even with how pissed off she was she still wouldn't have gone back there. He knew her better that. Even if she pretended she was tougher than most.

"Please tell me she stayed here last night"

At the moment he couldn't even get a greeting out as the lump in his throat got larger and larger. Jenny put a hand over her face and peered out at him though one eye clearly embarrassed over her little outburst. Had he not been in such a spin he would have attempted to make her feel better after it all by apologizing, but, there was too much going on for him to stop for a second and think of anyone else but finding Vanessa.

"No, I wasn't home I had orientation at NYU. Which reminds me, she has it at the end of the week, can't let her forget that, it's important if she's going to know what to do next year."

Dan babbled on and Nate leaned his head against the doorway till Dan has shut up noticing that there was more to Nate's accusation then laid on the surface. Dan studied Nate's face closely, he looked not only like he'd had a long night but also the guilt held his shoulders slumped and the worry shown every time his eyes flashed open. There wasn't a subject that was off topic suddenly, it was obvious that Vanessa was missing and there was something more going on than just that.

"You look like hell Nate. Is everything ok? Did something happen with the baby?"

Nate's head raised only enough to catch what looked like Jenny's eyes bugging out of her head. Sometimes it was easy to forget that their secret was just that rather than public knowledge. He was still amazed by the fact that she'd been able to keep it as long as she had. Normally anything happening in Nate's life was public knowledge, somehow with her it was still a secret. He knew she wasn't ready for the stress of everyone knowing. Even if the months were flying by he knew she wasn't ready to tell the world it was real, Vanessa was still processing.

"No! the ba… it's fine. She's fine too, as far as I know. We got into a fight I don't really, we got in a fight when she got out of the hospital the other night. She was already annoyed, I said some things I shouldn't have said and she slammed out of the apartment. Her phone's shut off. I don't know what else to do Dan, I figured you'd know where she was."

As he explained he felt Dan pull him into the loft further. His mind was too far gone to even pay a second of attention to Jenny still glaring shock filled daggers at him. He's just adding to the list of things Vanessa's not going to like very much by being the reason Jenny found out. If Vanessa wasn't missing in the first place he won't have had to do that. That was just one thing he needed to remind himself of, they'd brought the obstacles of the day onto themselves.


Chris and Rebecca Rosson's living room was bigger than her parents yet much smaller than the rooms she'd now become accustom to. There were photos all over it, photos of Scott and who she guessed was Andrew throughout the years. The house proved along that Lily or whosever had put Scott up for adoption had done a good job picking a home and parents. She could tell by the way Chris and Rebecca sat across from her with their hands clasped that they loved one another very deeply, they loved one another and they'd loved both of their children to the best of their abilities. It wasn't their fault that their son had turned out in some ways so disturbed. Vanessa would be the first one to testify first hand that things didn't always turn out the way they were planned to turn out. Her hands resting protectively was proof of that alone. She'd already been away home for three days at her parents' house remembering what it was life before going back to New York. This was her last stop before she had to rush home for Anne's wake and funeral. She knew she was going to pick up heat for not calling him at all but, they both needed space. If she'd been in any danger she would have called, she thought. His comment regarding Blair had stung more then she'd thought it would have.

"You say you're a friend of Scott's? Is something wrong? Are you a friend from Portland or BU? Oh no, our Scott isn't the that did this to you is he? I'm sorry, that sounded rude. We both understand that accidents happen and both my wife and I are here to help in whatever way you need. Is this why Scott is hiding from us?"

Chris talked without giving Vanessa room to breathe or protest. An unsure smile graced her face that became a little more dominant when they mentioned they hadn't seen or talked to him. She'd been a little on edge the whole ten minutes she'd been there so far, afraid that Scott would pop out of a room. The thoughts made her slip a hand to her neck which drew attention to it. She could feel Rebecca's eyes on the finger prints that were slowly fading from sight.

"Oh, no. This isn't his baby, I didn't mean to stress you both out. I'm sorry, no, your son as nothing to do with this. I'm just a friend of his, that's all."

She offered another smile as she placed her hands back into her lap starting to feel a little bit anxious under both of their gazes. There was something in Rebecca's gaze, a certain sadness that she could feel. One that almost felt like Rebecca was disappointed in Scott, disappointed in herself for the way she'd raised him. Vanessa opened her mouth to dispute it. it wasn't fair for her to feel something she hadn't done. The things that happened weren't anything Rebecca or Chris could have prevented and Vanessa felt like it was her job to make them know that. her big part had always been one of her greatest downfalls.

"I know my son, and I know those marks on your neck must fit his hand. Those little hands that I tried so hard to treat others with respect. I'm sorry for whatever he'd done to you. He has a temper and I'm not quite sure where it comes from.

While the words slipped from Scott's mother's mouth Vanessa shook her head. She wasn't about to let someone innocent take the blame for something Scott had done under rage. It bothered her just as much as the doctors blaming Nate for it bothered her. The last thing she was about to do was to let Scott's innocent mother feel like she'd done something wrong in the way she'd raised her son. That wasn't the case at all.

"No, that anger comes from his biological mother's side of the family. I've been told his maternal grandmother is quite the nightmare. Not that any of this is my place to tell you but I think you both ought to know that your son is in New York city. He went looking for his birth parents and he found them. I'm his half brother's best friend and I got to know your son pretty well before I knew who he actually was. I just thought you both needed to know that he is ok, a little hurt and distraught maybe."

Watching the shock on both of Scott's parents faces Vanessa felt herself tense and wrap her arms around themselves. They both looked pained by Vanessa's news. She took a breath before reaching out to touch Rebecca's hand. They both looked up meeting in an eye to eye glance and it was the first time that Vanessa felt far older then her eighteen years. There was something in the shared look that made her feel that every inch of what was going on inside of her was real. The baby wasn't just a game it was something that made her share the emotions and worry that Rebecca Rosson felt on a daily basis when it came to caring for her son. Rather than tainting her more for the first time Vanessa felt ok about it. the responsibility the nerves, all of it felt a little bit changed.

"I don't want you to think we've raised our son to be a monster. We did everything we could for both of our boys and both Andrew and Scott were happy children and they had the best childhoods we could provide us with. We never loved Scott any less because he wasn't our own flesh and blood. The moment he was placed into our arms he became ours. Adopting him was no different then ten hours of labor with Andrew. If anything it was more of a gift because I don't know how his mother did it. how she separated herself from her child like that just to give him a better life. A life that she knew she wouldn't have been able to provide him with. We did everything to make Scott know that we loved him unconditionally. Everything he wanted we always strived for him to have. He was still our precious little boy even if he was adopted. We never looked at him as if he was adopted. He was always meant to be ours. Things aren't that simple or black and white. Giving a child up for adoption ha sot be one of the most agonizing things a woman can do because she's giving away a piece of herself. Scott was a gift, and he still is. Regardless of the things he does he's still our little boy and we love him unconditionally regardless of those things."

Rebecca had filled all up causing Vanessa to retract her hand while Chris pulled his wife into a hug. watching the couple Vanessa once again hugged herself tighter. She'd been dealt her own rough set of cards in life and watching the pair in front of her she could see that it wasn't very often that things went well as planned. There was always a chance that life would backfire even more as time went on. Those were the thoughts that scared her the most. She closed her eyes for a brief second lost in her thoughts before opening her eyes to see Chris still consoling his hysterical wife.


Storm clouds were in the sky as Vanessa stood half behind a tree trunk watching the scene in front of her unfold. She'd silently stood in the back during the wake, watching as everyone took their moments to walk up and give their condolences to the only remaining Archibald. She watched him as he nodded his head and accepted hugs and handshakes. She wanted to be the one to walk over to him after everyone had sat down but the only black dress she'd both packed and owned reveled every inch of baby she was trying to hide. She felt like over the past four days she'd popped out and her baby bump was now completely visible no matter what she wore or what way she turned. That's what kept her behind the tree as everyone filed out of the funeral in a precession, her eyes were glued to him standing in front of the casket that would soon be six feet under the ground. His head was bowed slightly and his shoulders were slummed. He looked warn out and tired from the days past and she knew that part of it was her fault.

Watching the last remaining relatives file out of the grave site area she took a deep breath to herself as she moved out from behind tree. He never once made a move or heard a step as she walked up behind him, she could tell he was too far into his thoughts to let anything else cross his mind. When she reached out her hands to squeeze the arms of his suit jacket he still didn't budge. It wasn't till she stood up a little more and leaned forward enough to put her head on his shoulder that he seemed to come alive again. She felt his mouth open as he began to protest and lecture her but she quickly shut him down by wrapping her hand around and putting it over his mouth as she whispered quiet 'shh's' into his ear softly. He crumbled then, just as she figured her would. Between losing both his parents and the sudden upcoming responsibility of fatherhood including all of the other normal worries he had Nate was under just as much if not more pressure then she was. The skies opened up and the rain began to pour out of the clouds as he turned around in her grip to put his arms tightly around her and move as close to her as he could get with the growing bump in the middle of them making things a little difficult for things to be what they'd used to. she felt him convulse into her shoulder as he held onto her tighter, his anger, rage, frustration, and fear were all pouring out his him as they stood in the rain beside his mother's grave. It was all what he'd needed, the release of all pent up emotions coming lose and pouring out before they did anymore mental damage.

"It's ok Nate, I'm right here… we're right here"

She whispered and he picked his head up off of her shoulder only to slip his hands from around her to get caught in the messy curls that fell around her shoulders. They looked at each other for a second before he leaned in to kiss her. A kiss that wasn't as soft and careful as the past ones had been. It had a fiery passion that somewhat scared her as she put all of her strength into it. His hand slid down her back ringing out a section of her hair as he did so. She felt her heart rate spike a few points so much so she could hear it in her ears as she pulled away from the kiss and put her head down onto his shoulder letting him hold her tightly.

"I was so worried about You Vanessa. I can't lose you, I can't lose either one of you. I've lost my mom and my dad V, I can't lose either one of you two. You're my life V."

Lifting her head again se looked at him as she shook her head and rested her hand on the side of his face. that wasn't what she'd wanted to hear, she wasn't the type of girl for that. of course she loved him without a doubt but, there was so much more to him than that. for some reason she felt like she was the only one to see that. Maybe it was because she was the one that had grown up with hardly much of a family life, she knew what it was like to live for yourself.

"Nate no, listen to me. Your life belongs to you and only you. No more rules or expectations You can do what you want, become who you want. I'm not saying that I'm not along for the ride or anything but Nate this is about you and no one else. I'm not here to replace anyone why taking away everything that can be. That's why from the beginning I was against all of this because that isn't what I want you to do. I want you to be more than this. You can be ,Nate and you know you can, I know you can. This isn't some Twilight movie, You're not living for anyone but yourself. So don't even put it that way."

Staying silent he shut his eyes and she wiped the rain or tears that fell on his cheek bones. For both of their sakes she wanted to get through to him. She refused to let him fall into any sort of cookie cutter ways, not with her he wouldn't. She would be the last person to allow that one. Sure, they were going to be parents, through the trip to her parents and the train ride she'd slowly started to come to terms with it.

"We're going to be right here but we're not a crutch for you Nate. You have to live your life for yourself, the way you want to. This is all something we still have to figure out yes, but, it can't be something that stands in the way of you figuring out who you are yourself or I'll never be able to forgive myself for it. one way or another we're going to deal with all of this but you're going to be you. Do you hear me?"

Her eyes were intensely staring into his as she held onto him working the best she could to get her point across. The hesitation was still in his eyes as he looked back at her with a mix of emotions and feelings. It was the same look she'd gotten after the Van der Bass wedding over a year ago. The look that told her he knew what he needed to do and what was right but he was still torn. Nate wasn't used to living without a crutch and she knew that. she also knew that if he was ever going to live up to his potential he needed to overcome that.

"I still love you"

He whispered like a child trying to get out of time out early, the side of his face picking up into a slight smile. With the slight smile and his sparkling eyes she had trouble resisting him or staying as the authority figure giving orders. She shut her eyes to avoid him as she shook her head doing her best to battle her own smile as she shoved his shoulder back with her wrist playfully.

"I know"

Quietly she nodded her head as she pulled her into yet another kiss that she couldn't resist complying with. His hands unwrapped themselves from around her and slowly slid to resting on her stomach. For the first time it made her smile against his lips, the thoughts and motions of him paying attention. Something she hadn't even wanted to do till she'd seen what it was like to love someone unconditionally. Till she'd been around her own parents and Scott's, sure, maybe her parents were a little messed up and Scott's parents had a troubled son they always needed to worry about. Both sides that she'd seen during her break from reality showed her different things, they also gave her things she needed to think about and consider. His hands still on her stomach he leaned in for another kiss and let it linger there softly. It wasn't till he pulled away that they both felt his cell phone vibrate out shrilly. Against their better judgment he took the phone out of his pocket thinking it would be out of any sort of importance.

Spotted, it seems like one Upper East Sider has mixed his DNA. Could someone be taking on the ranks of something his parents bowed out of not too long ago? Pictures show him looking pretty cozy with his girlfriend's? Ex girlfriend's? very obvious baby bump. How has no one caught this sooner. Maybe Brooklyn was a little more of interest then we all seemed to think. Such a shame.

"Shit"

Vanessa mumbled out and shook her head as she put her head on Nate's shoulder with frustrated regret already. They still had a after memorial gathering at the Vanderbilt compound to attend. This was going to make it one hell of a long day. She knew it would comes but it still didn't mean she was anywhere near ready for it. Damn Gossip Girl.


Jen –Anne was being completely selfish, and she was afraid to lose her son, her only child. him growing up meant she was too and that wasn't something she was ready to lose. Oh the life of an Upper East Sider. Scott is creepy, to think I actually liked him in the beginning.

Jo – the last chapter needed a soft spot after intenseness, at least I thought so.

Francesca – Hmm what the baby is hmmm, take a wild guess ;) though, I'm not sure if I'll tell you that your right or not. I haven't decided when or if they're going to spill :P

YOB updated!

Heehee thank you! That put a smile on my face! I'll keep it up then!

Christinamarie712 – Someone pointed out to me the reason I write Dan/Vanessa the way I do, it's because I read the books. Though they're completely different of course this is more book like. The show should put them together ore _ Scott, hmm, I'm not really sure. Nate has no one really breathing down his neck anymore. he needs to figure out his own life for himself now.

Izzy- The Kitty will come back up again. It was still a spiteful kitty. Regardless if it's not deceased, and, I think you're the only one that picked up on the kitty!

Scott is cowerding surprised at his own rage. He didn't want to hurt her. Scott does a lot of things he doesn't mean to do it seems. Well, that was the point of Anne's death, she did cowered out of it all. But don't think I didn't redeem her. There are still some past items left behind that they hadn't found just yet. And one that Nate perhaps might be holding onto. Very cheesy, I know but I thought that they needed a happy moment for a little while. It's totally unfinished there, there are more twists coming up :P got the ideas in my pocket, or rather in my head I guess. Lol

Pagan-Angel13-

Scott is troubled but he doesn't mean to do the things he does he just acts out of rage without thinking his actions through. I was trying to somewhat redeem him not that I think it worked very well. The boy is just past being redeemed.

Anne cowered out of facing the facts that she wasn't the only one her son needed anymore. she was hurt knowing that he'd found someone else to love. There'll be more from Anne later on too.

V had her reasons for not reporting Scott even if by not doing it she was only worrying Nate more then she should have. He's still Rufus's son and Rufus is like a father to her. She doesn't want him to think he's failed. Even if he didn't have a say in the way Scott grew up.

Dan is Vanessa's best friend, he's her other half, the one person who knows what she's feeling without her opening her mouth. And on the other hand he might have thought that it was a good idea for Nate and Vanessa to be out of the country and bond without the rest of New York City being in their business.

V needed to just punch him, I would have if he kept waking me up like that. jeez, let the girl sleep. No, it was a good thing he didn't let her sleep, as you can tell from this chapter. :D I'm glad you enjoyed it and looking forward to what you thought of this one!

Cherielle – wow, that is a huge compliment, thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it and I will do my best to keep it interesting :D though I'm not sure it's such a good thing if it keeps you away from analyzing classical music specially if it's for classes. :P hope you liked this chapter (:

ALEX – leaving you for last (: because I know it's going to take up a ton of room. Lol :D

You get nightmares from Scott and it doesn't even bother me, I write one NV fight and have nightmares. I think there's something wrong with that picture. Maybe I need to lay off the horror movies?

DV as we've discussed are book DV :D they're the perfect friends. NVC yes! Of course! Gotta start it out with NC ND first. Lol C's gotta make N afraid, poor kid. :P it's in for doom. And hmm they really should discuss CV shouldn't they. Hmm I think an idea just popped into my head.

YES! That was the first thing I thought of when I re read it. lol I actually had to dig out my DVD's and watch that ep. When they showed him on the screen in the spin off I actually ran to hide against my mom. For drama sake of course XD I had friends over with an audience, I love a crowed with dramatics. Lmao.

I was trying to somewhat redeem Scott with that but it failed, Scott always fails. Le sigh, oh well. V only feels safe with Nate after that one :love:

Anne's going to be back around. Well, parts pertaining to her. Makes me wish that the one shots for like after the mask thing I'd actually finished. I have them started, but they failed. Mann, maybe I'll try again. Your totally tempting me here! I can see his phone ringing and him picking up to C as she comes out of his bathroom in one of his blue button up shirts and her hair wrapped in a towel out of the shower. Lol I don't think that C would actually get a finished conversation there. The baby is an adjustment they're both having a hard time coming to terms with. But it's becoming more and more real and they can't get away from it, it's ok though, it seems like it's starting to settle in. I'm sorry! I thought fluttering would be the less scary word to use. That was their calm after the long day. The baby telling them IT, (this is getting annoying now. I just want to say it) was alright. Well I'm going to shut my mouth as for the rest. And you know I love reading and responding to your reviews. Hope that this eased the pain of finals a little bit more. Gotta go work on the other story now, and the next chapter of this while my ideas are still flowing full force. It's going to be a very writing filled day.