Manda's Note: want to know what the worst thing ever is, when you have a chapter all set and ready to post and at last second the word document decides that it doesn't want to open at all. yea, this chapter would have been up a week ago if the stupid computer wasn't a loser. now due to my wonderful best friend Katie I have the chapter done. without her I would have wallowed in self pitty over losing it. but now its done :) better things are coming!
The summer had faded fast into the cool air of mid September, leaves had changed turning the city into a beautiful mix of red, orange, and yellow colors. Fall had always been Vanessa's favorite time of year. This year was no different, consisting of trips to central park so she could film the people walking and enjoying the change of the scenery also, late night study sessions to cram for tests with new friends she'd made, and working far more hours then she'd ever worked in the past. It was all in a day for Vanessa. She did anything to keep her mind off the fact that issues were mounting up around her and she couldn't fix them for anything, the top thing in the category was the pregnancy. With school finances, Ruby's rent, and food on the top of her bill the night shift that she worked at the café and between classes and morning that she took care of the gallery for Rufus she was close to achieving the income she needed. However that didn't leave her a dime for medical. She'd be damned if she was going to be anymore over her head in debt then she already was with student loans. So Planned Parenthood just had to wait. It seemed like every other week she'd either canceled or put off her appointments, she just didn't have time. Everything felt normal at twenty-six weeks, nothing to worry about. It kicked on a regular basis of two in the morning and hardly ever else, just enough to allow her to forget the issue at hand partly.
The only issues that she really needed to deal with was not killing her roommates. One had separated the room with tape on the floor and the other liked to butt in where she didn't belong. Living in the same room with Blair and Georgina was almost as bad as being in hell. It had been four weeks since Nate had left and Vanessa hadn't talked to him in three. She just hadn't had time to sit down and have a conversation. They'd both settled for answering machines, he was much more hesitant on them, his worry showed. Other then the problems in her life there was school. The Tisch School of the Arts at NYU was everything Vanessa had always wanted. She was finally in the ranks of people like her, people that understood her. She'd never cared so much to be understood, it was just being able to run with the people who didn't think she was crazy for her ideals that made her feel good.
Her late evening class had been canceled by the professor at last moment and Rufus wouldn't let her take on another three hour shift, as though it would be too much for her to handle. She knew he was only looking out for her but Vanessa liked to be busy. She didn't have to think about things when she was busy. Without having any place to work and only ten dollars to her name she knew where to go, a place she not only didn't have to deal with people but a place where she felt she needed to go with Nate not around to do it. That's what lead her to where she was, laying on her side by the fifteen year old faulty headstone. Her theory of modern film book was on the side of her as she hugged her sweatshirt closer around her body. Nate's sweatpants and sweatshirts that he'd left in the apartment were the items she lived in, anything that would hide as much of her expectancies as she could worked well.
"Justin, I told you I needed it done yesterday! My grandfather cut my cousin completely off and he has expenses that he needs covered now, I need you to open the off shore accounts up now."
She knew Tripp's voice without even having to look up and if she had to bet on which cousin he was talking about she was almost positive that she'd be right. Now she knew exactly why his voice was sounding so worried lately, he had more to deal with then he could handle too. There was just too much to pretend everything was going well.
"It should be in Nate… no, Nathaniel Archibald. His name is on the things that I sent you. He's the one I told you about… yea, that was grandfather's final threat. He doesn't get another dime till he's twenty-one, grandfather thinks it'll teach him a lesson… because he's a bastard, as if Nate needed anything else to worry about. You took care of his rent for me right?"
Pulling herself up off of the ground with the strength she could find she brushed off her hands on her sweatpants and slid her hands inside of her sweatshirt pocket. This was one of the many reasons why she didn't want to go through with everything in the first place. She didn't want anything to change or happen to him and here he was losing everything and it was her fault. She needed to think up a way to make it all go away before it was too late. There had to be a way to fix things before Nate had nothing left. Her mind told her that she and the baby weren't worth it, they weren't worth him losing everything he'd ever known over. They were two different people with two different life styles, that was why she'd sent him away in the first. She didn't want to be part of that world and she didn't want him to have to become someone that he wasn't and didn't want to be. Over the past few weeks Dan had instilled it in her head that it wasn't what Nate wanted, it wasn't what any guy would have wanted. She hadn't always listened to her best friend, what reason did she have to not to this time? It didn't matter if he was still in a way upset over Serena and Carter, she still knew he was usually right on things, even if she didn't normally admit it.
"I wired him eight thousand dollars cash this morning and I… you have to excuse me Justin I have something I need to take care of."
She'd been spotted, it didn't take a rocket scientist to know that when he held up the 'one moment' finger it was to her. That and there wasn't exactly anyone else in the cemetery at the point in time for her to brush it off on. She wasn't exactly all that hard to miss anymore, Nate's sweats could only hide so much of her.
"You really shouldn't have heard any of that. Nate's going to kill me. You don't have to worry about any of that V, Maureen told you if you need anything just come to us… speaking of, are you feeling ok? You look exhausted. Maureen said she's tried to call you all week and you haven't pick up. We were starting to worry about you."
Picking up a half smile that she knew Tripp would never see as transparent she shrugged. Vanessa knew she was running herself into the ground but in order for things to work she also knew that she didn't have a real choice in the matter. There was so much that she needed to do with little time to do things. Vanessa didn't know how to get herself out of her own mistakes and lies anymore.
"I didn't think it was possible before but I think you and Maureen worry even more then Nate does. I'm fine I've just been busy putting in extra hours and taking care of school things."
Referencing the book in her arms for show the attempted to brush off any worry, handling things by herself was something she'd always done. In the past week she'd even attempted to brush off Dan who wouldn't stop either telling her to consider her options or complaining about how Gossip Girl spotted had followed Serena all the way to Brown with Carter. Life changed, people changed, it was all just a fact of like. Nothing to stress over, just things to deal with slowly.
"Everything was fine at your doctor's appointment last week? Maureen said you had one. Sorry if I'm prying, just want to make sure my newest cousin is alright. I'm guessing Maureen told you the news about the adoption."
Relief swept through her when he talked to much and changed his own subject. That way she wouldn't have to lie about doctor's appointments she hadn't gone to. she did that enough for Nate she didn't need to add others to that ever growing list. Rufus had asked too and she'd completely made up her own response that the baby and herself were just fine. Meeting eye to eye she looked at him confused. Going through her memory bank she couldn't think of Maureen saying anything to her about any of the adoptions she was looking into. Then again Vanessa's mind wasn't very reliable lately. They had to have found someone.
"You found someone?"
When the words left her mouth Tipp shook his head and Vanessa was left still confused.
"No, they told us to come back when we've been married more than a couple of months. Of course Maureen isn't giving up, she's vowed one way or another she'll find a baby. Can't ever hold Maureen down when she puts her mind to something. She's very persistent, she'll figure something out."
Offering him a slight smile she felt her hands tense a little bit over her stomach, she still couldn't figure out why she and Nate were dealing with a pregnancy they didn't know what to do with and at times didn't even wanted when others couldn't get the one thing they actually wanted. There had to be something in back of it all, some reason for everything that had happened so far. Vanessa didn't like to think of carelessness as a reason for it. She'd had far too many conversations after the lights in the dorm room were out silently to accept that.
"Speaking of, I'm supposed to be meeting Maureen for dinner. Want to come with us?"
She shook her head right away without looking up at him. The last thing she wanted to do was tag along and feel anymore guilty. She withdrew from everything lately not wanting to put herself in the public eye for anything else. She was doing well enough hiding from Gossip Girl so there wasn't much to worry about.
"No, just have her call me later. I have midterms to study for and stuff."
Tripp nodded his head listening to her as she stiffened while he hugged her. she should have been used to it, it was normal Tripp. Something nothing would have expected after being around grandfather but, Nate and Tripp had seemed to have gotten well around his straightjacket ways.
"I'll pass on the message V, and, don't worry about the money. Maureen and I will make sure you, Nate, and the baby have everything you need. That's one thing you shouldn't have to stress over. Isn't stress not good for you?"
He sounded more like a concerned older brother as he gave her one last glance before turning away and leaving Vanessa back to wallow in her thoughts again. Things needed to have final decision soon which meant that she needed to give up and actually talk to Nate about what they needed to do. She couldn't shut him out forever and she knew that. Even if she knew that if she did then nothing would change for him. Everything would be just fine and he wouldn't have to worry. Maureen and Tripp wouldn't have had to save him. Maybe there was something out there that would have been best for all of them. Maybe she needed to find that something and solve everything before they were over their heads without a way out of it all.
A little after midnight he'd finally located her. In a place that he hadn't really expected to find her, a place where he'd pulled his own drunken best friend from time and time again. He should have known that she would have picked up in his place when he wasn't in the city. Nate wouldn't have wanted Ruthie to be alone without anyone there either. Chuck himself hadn't ever been one to visit grave sites; he hadn't visited his mother ever. What was the use when they couldn't hear you? Having a conversation with the ground was something he'd leave for the crazy people. It wasn't Chuck Bass style unless he'd had a little too much Scotch.
That wasn't the case tonight, tonight he was in charge of finding Vanessa. Scott was back in the city. When he'd come downstairs he'd found Lily and Rufus sitting on the couch with the bastard and his parents. By the time he'd gotten ready to go out Scott had run off. The last thing Chuck really felt like doing was giving the news that Vanessa and the child had been killed by the psychopath. After the last time Chuck wasn't about to put it past him. So he'd run to the dorm. Pissing Blair off for the night when he'd asked for Vanessa right away of course. But, while Nate was away Chuck had taken the responsibility of watching over her. It wasn't like Dan was doing a very good job of it. He and Serena had been conspiring to gang up on Vanessa and Nate with their own thoughts regarding what should be done. He was beginning to wonder if he was the only one that saw the things that was going on as their business and only their business.
Never the less Chuck had given up spending the night with Blair to go find Vanessa and drag her somewhere that Scott couldn't get a hold of her. He hadn't expected to find her near Ruthie's grave. At least she wasn't hurt, upset and distraught but not hurt. She and Blair had gotten into another screaming match with Georgina not bothering to intervene. He couldn't count home many times in the past few weeks he'd been called by the wicked witch herself to come and settle down a count of screaming by both of the girls. Every time he did it he swore it would be the last, yet, every time he ended up doing it once again.
"What was it over this time?"
She'd slept a few hours after he'd finally argued her out of the cemetery and to the apartment. Now that her hazel eyes were open and she looked like she was almost awake as he sat down on the side of Nate's bed looking at her. The girls couldn't ever go a night without fighting so it wasn't anything new. Every argument was different then the last.
"She broke the clasp on my necklace, speaking of, did you know that the necklace he gave me was his mothers ring? I can't get over how sneaky he is"
Mumbling out from under the covers she'd pulled nearly over her head Chuck reached for the gold chain on the nightstand next to her. Nate had told him what he'd done but with how stubborn Vanessa was Chuck couldn't blame him. Like he'd said, she wouldn't have taken it any other way. Stubborn and impossible, Chuck had ruled her that right away. Even if they were sort of friends now it was still the same deal.
"Well, Blair has always been very partial to it. It's a piece in history or whatever. Been in the family for years, don't ask me, I don't do the heirloom thing."
He rolled his eyes as he saw her reach for another blanket. With that he knew something was up. Thinking of the last time she'd been like that he reached over to put his hand on her forehead he was instantly met once again with heat. Not as bad as the last time he'd found her burning up. That was the time he was pretty sure she was turning into something from hell. At least thing time she didn't have a hacking cough. This time she didn't seem to be half as sick as she was that week.
"How long have you not felt good?"
Accusing her she looked at him with narrowed eyes as she pushed his hand away and shut her eyes for a moment. The last thing she wanted was him lecturing her. She had to much that needed to be done to be babied. Midterms were coming up and she had study groups to get to, besides working was taking up her life. She hardly had time to be laying in bed socializing. Rufus needed her to open up the gallery. For some reason or other he was busy for the week. something was going on that none of them would tell her and she didn't ask any questions, she had more than enough to worry about when it came to life without still being involved in everyone else's lives.
"I'm fine Chuck, don't worry about it."
She said as she began to kick the covers off only for Chuck to repel against her and pull them back up. When she didn't stop fussing and moving around he started to take out her cell phone and she backed down in an instant to afraid that he'd try and call Nate. That was the last thing she needed. They hadn't talked in weeks; she also hadn't exactly gone to a doctor's appointment in weeks. That was the other reason she dreaded talking to him. She dreaded Nate asking questions she'd have to bullshit answers to.
"You're impossible"
As he said it with a slight sneer she rolled her eyes before shutting them and pulling the covers back to her and relaxing or relaxing as far as she could. She'd been able to block the money trouble Nate was in out of her head for so long on and off she wasn't sure how long it would last.
Throwing a glance to the blonde laying on the bed in his dorm room in her bikini flipping through pages of Vogue not giving a care if it was in fact the middle of the semester and she'd already missed a week of classes, he didn't question it either. Nate couldn't help but shake his head at her. She was always so typical, never one for a change of course. Conformity had only come when one person told her to jump, other than that she was the one person that had always followed her own rules. He wouldn't have expected any different. Nate smiled to himself letting all of his worries go for a second and drifting back in his mind to a time when worries hardly came with a single care in the world. The days he trailed her around in the playground, the days when it was only the non judging breakfast club. They were days he'd loved in the past yet in another way wouldn't go back to for a single second. He had a life and people who needed him now. More so then he had ever had, even if they were in some ways more stubborn then the non judging breakfast club was. they gave him a reason to actually want to be himself, or at least learn who himself really was.
"How do you concentrate in class? When you're out of it you can't seem to get your mind off of them. Nate, I'm pretty sure when Vanessa said to go to college and get the experience out of it that you couldn't get at home it didn't include sitting in your dorm room pining over being home."
With a square hit to the side of the head with the pillow that Nate hadn't been expecting he dropped the picture frame with the sonogram from the first time they'd seen the baby on the screen to the floor and threw a glare to his best friend. She just rolled her eyes and made her own graceful leap from the bed to the floor to pick up the pieces of glass that had come from it. Even in the middle of September with the weather changing into a slightly cooler temperatures she'd insisted upon going to the beach and playing in the rolling waves even if he'd told her it was too cold. She still couldn't get over just how grown up he'd been acting lately, in a way it scared her. It wasn't typical Nate Archibald, but, she liked it. As though Nate had finally learned how to do something for himself and grow up a little bit. She was proud of him.
He sighed and shook his head as he took the photo from the frame and threw the other remains of the glass away. Every once and a while he looked at her and shook his head, she could be the biggest pain in the neck when she wanted to be. For the past week that she'd been there she'd downed as much Vodka as she had in the past and he hadn't so much as taken a sip. Hardly a shot of tequila had slid down his throat in the weeks he'd been in California. God forbid anyone needed him at home, being drunk when Vanessa called would only have given her one more reason to tell him to continue on with his life.
"Serena lay off ok? Why don't we just talk about your new mess of a love life and get out of mine for a little while. It's not something like an argument S, she's completely shut me out of her life. Damn it!"
Tossing the empty glass bottle from an empty bottle of beer from the night before against the wall he felt Serena push his arm before he turned around to look at her and lecture again. Seeing her pulling on the white dress to cover over her bathing suit he raised an eyebrow as she grabbed the keys to his room off of his desk. It could only mean one thing… she was dragging him out of his room and into the real world. She'd tried it enough times in the past week, Serena should have learned that it was completely hopeless. He wasn't about to come out of his moping state for her or anyone else till Vanessa finally gave in and stopped with her stubborn streak that wasn't helping anyone.
"No, I don't want to talk about my latest fight with Dan being my 'step brother' or about my hookup only relationship with Carter Baizen. I'm done with full forced relationships for now, I mean look at the last few I've had. They've blown up in my face. The last thing I want is You, Blair, and Chuck having to bail me out of yet another one of my near mistakes. Especially when Blair now has her 'perfect' relationship with Chuck in my… I'm sorry! I didn't mean to bring that up."
Her flightily thoughts rambled out of her mouth before she could actually think of what she was saying and all Nate could do was shake his head more. He always did that with Serena. Sometimes it was hard to see how he'd been so hung up on her at one point. She was to moving every second to hardly have a conversation with let alone anything else. When he actually thought about it he knew that was what had attracted him to her in the first place, she wasn't the high collar perfect that Blair was. Serena had been a freedom he hadn't been sure he'd get any other way. None the less that was in the past, now, she was just to moving for him. He liked freedom but it had to have some sort of justified calm to it at the same time.
"You can talk about Blair and Chuck all you want. It's not going to bother me. Blair and I were only together again so we could put an end to that one. I don't regret it, well, the only part I regret is leaving Vanessa alone when she could have used me around. Instead she had Chuck… I thought we weren't talking about this?"
Complaining as she pulled him out the door, out of the dorm and into the bright sun he watched her as she let go of his hand and bounced up and down ahead of him with more energy than a bee high off of honey. Her blonde hair blew in the warm breeze and she swung the keys to his car that Tripp had bought him around her finger as she hopped to the black BMW convertible without pausing to see what he wanted to do.
"Why don't you tell me why you're actually here in the first place S. Because I know it's not vacation and I know it's not because you missed me. You're running away from something, I thought you were done with the whole running thing?"
As he started up the car and she put the windows and top down in the car before messing with the radio he questioned her. He'd tried to get it out of her for a week and she hadn't budged, Serena wasn't usually one to stay tight lipped about anything. Even when drunk she usually told all of her deepest secrets. Why she was in California in the first place wasn't one he'd been able to get out of her yet. Maybe she'd really changed in the time that he'd distanced himself from everyone to try and care for the things that were going on around him in the first place.
"Fine, it's because I have an idea to pitch to you and I don't want you to get mad at me for it. I just want you to think about what I'm going to say. Don't just snap like I know you will. Promise me you'll keep your mouth shut of judgment when I get it out?"
Without waiting for him to make a sound she grabbed one of his hands off of the wheel and looped their pinkies in a promise. She knew he'd listen to her regardless of what was going on in his head. After all, she'd made him promise it. The pinky promise was one the two of them had always obeyed and shared when they were young.
"Serena I…"
He started to protest but was cut off just as soon as Serena opened her mouth and started to talk again. She wasn't about to let him have a word in of complaining before she said what she had to say. She knew he wasn't going agree or like it but in Serena's ears it was worth a try.
"Scott's around again and before you say something against him its ok. He's there with Chris and Becca and with them he's perfectly fine. They and my mom and Rufus are going to therapy three times a week. My point is though, and Dan brought this up first so if you want to flip out on anyone don't let it be me. Rebecca and Chris have done everything for Scott regardless if he's adopted. If face I'm pretty sure they are more dedicated to him then our parents have ever been to us. Becca says it's because he was a gift for her, for the both of them. They still love him after everything he's done Nate. What if you and Vanessa don't raise the baby yourselves? Give it up… find someone who can really do it. that way either of have to give everything up. Dan just doesn't want to see Vanessa lose herself and he's afraid that's what's going to happen to her. he says she's already changed with everything."
His hands gripped the steering wheel tighter and refused to look at Serena, that was the last thing he'd consider. There was no way he would have been able to explain it to her without getting angry. No one seemed to understand that regardless of the circumstances he loved Vanessa and he didn't want to let her go. The separation they were in now was killing him. What would it have been like after Christmas? After the baby was born and he'd held it for the first time. The little kicks were enough to prove to him that something was going right. The year had been a tough one already, suddenly losing both of his parents. Nate would be damned if he lost someone else. Especially if that someone was his child, he knew where Dan stood on it. Dan had said the same thing since the beginning. Vanessa had told him that a few times.
"As I said Nate, just think about it. it could be what's best for all three of you. It's not just your own self you have to consider Nate. There's the baby in the middle of it. you seriously think you can handle all of that without a problem? You won't miss any of the life you've always lived? And don't lie to me Nate. I know what your grandfather did. I know he's cut you off. I overheard Chuck talking to Tripp in his study. You're never going to get any of that back if you go through with it. you'll be screwed Nate. I love you too much to see that happen. We all love you."
Hitting the breaks and pulling onto the side of the road along the beach Nate got out of the car and slammed the door. He was done listening to her. not a word she was saying was making any difference to him. He knew what he wanted and what they needed to do and nothing else mattered. She was being just like his mother before she'd killed herself. Trying to tell home what was best for him. He was sick and tired of everyone always doing that. walking away from the car he never once glanced back at her.
Jen - Maureen and Tripp only try to do the right thing. They're only trying to help (just have to say that as a heads up) there are baby names and still the baby doesn't have a gender… hmmm ;) the VBG roommate thing is far from done.. you'll see what I mean soon, very shortly. I wouldn't mind so much having Georgie as my roommate but Blair on the other hand I'm afraid I'd smoother her in my sleep.
Christinamarie712 – well, Jenny is still not speaking to Vanessa and Dan's being a pain. Poor girl, she gets it from everywhere. Well so far there hasn't been any bonding or killing one another, just separating rooms and pulling off necklaces. I don't think that would be a room I would want to sleep in without one eye open.
Izzy – eek, I'm going to hide from you pretty soon, yep, very soon
See I'm in so much of a rush to get to the coming chapters I'm truly slacking with the BGV scenes. After the next few chapters I'll get there. Blair knows how to defend her friends ;) even when what's going on is none of her damn business.
Vanessa's a pain, she needs to stop trying to save everyone around her and work on taking care of herself. Will she ever do that? probably not… she's likes to put herself in pain. Eventually she'll wake up and realize she can't do it all alone. The only thing is… will it already be too late to do anything about it? hmmm
Yeaaaa that…. I'm not going to comment on… you'll see :X
rocklesson86 – I wouldn't want them for roommates. Someone might wake up without a pulse.
Alex! – I think it would be so pretty on film lmao, well, at least the Nate lounging with his shirt off. Goodness, I loveee Chace! As you know :P lol
V's just afraid he'll do what he always does to her. The trust is still broken there no matter what he's done to try and show her he's changed and that he loves her. She's to used to him bailing on her and Dan being a whisper in her ear isn't exactly helping any.
Mallorie and Nina were harmless, they just stood to point out who Nate used to be. It made Vanessa remember exactly who he was. I know! That promo I remember having my fingers crossed that it was V. if only the writers were smart we'd all of been happy. YES! But I have to say no matter what I loved Book Nate. More so then the rest of them lmao.
Ohhh! I haven't even tould you anything about G yet have I? o.O
Holly is a very Blair name *shutters* V would never agree to it. Cael… hmmm, pretty cute isn't it? :P
She just wants him to be sure that it's the life and wants and nothing else. He doesn't want anyone else to be stuck in the middle of any other problems.
Now it's been far to long but you know my computer issues, stupid computer :(
