Manda's Note:
Now sadly its been forever and a day since I updated and maybe no one's reading this anymore, come on, show me you still have faith (at least a little) in NV. I don't plan on giving up on them any time soon. So I have a few NV one shots on the way and an update to Yellow on Blue that's half done so far. So yea, leave me your comments.
One of his arms was wrapped around her as the other pulled through her thick curls. He'd been awake while she slept for over two hours. Two hours of not wanting to move and just wanting to watch her, after the week they'd been through holding her while she slept was all he could have asked for. Nate leaned his head down and kissed the top of hers, his hand still combing through her hair. Everything just felt normal as he held her, the fact that they'd been through the most stress in either of their lives three weeks ago felt like something of the past. Not that what had happened would ever be in the past, things just felt a little bit more serene lying in bed as the snow fell outside the window. He dropped his hand from her hair as she reached down and pulled the blankets up around her tighter. Just looking at the snow outside made him cold. It would only be a matter of time before she was awake and on the phone with Cora, arranging a time to take the kids out for a snowball fight. Being calm wasn't Vanessa's style. Two days after her C-section she'd been back in class handing in assignments she'd done right after having him. This down time, with her mouth finally shut was nice. This way she couldn't voice any of her worries or regrets or fears.
It'd been a long time since he'd been able to lay there completely peaceful with arms around her. There was still something missing, he knew once she woke up she'd feel it too. The missing feeling of the infant that should have been lying in a bassinet beside their bed, who was he kidding? Leaving it all behind was a lot easier to think about then to act on. Every time he looked at Vanessa he thought about him, about the little boy that was missing from the apartment. There wasn't anything he wouldn't have done to have Cael with them. He couldn't figure out how to fill the void if Vanessa couldn't agree to it. It wasn't the best feeling to wake up to morning after morning but, he was beginning to get used to it. Still, it didn't diminish the fact that he wanted things to change, he wanted things to be simple. Things weren't ever simple, things apparently didn't know the definition of simple. Not that having Cael with them would have been simple. Getting up in the middle of the night to take care of a baby might have been one of the hardest things there was but it still would have been better then feeling like something was missing.
It was time to wake up, time to get her up, time to face the reality around him. Beginning to lower his head to kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear to wake her up Nate stopped, he could see the VHS on the night stand beside her. He'd been going through things in the brownstone, the random things that his mother had kept over the years. His curiosity lingered for a moment before he made up his mind and reached over her. Balancing his weight above her as he grabbed the VHS and slipped over her off of the bed taking one more pause in his movements to kiss her temple, allowing his lips to linger for a moment. They'd come such a long way from being a blimp on Gossip Girl's radar.
Standing up he walked to the door way, only turning around to look at her once to make sure he hadn't woke her up. She was still sound asleep as he shut the bedroom door behind him and wiped a cloud of sleep out of his own eyes. The apartment was immaculately clean, she must of done it before she'd come to bed. Which only could have meant that her anxieties had been on the rise before she'd gone to bed, he was instantly glad he'd gone to bed before her, they hadn't needed to argue about anything else. He didn't need anything else that would make her relieved when he left to go back and resume classes at USC. He'd been given three weeks to take care of things. Three weeks had quickly worn out and slipped away and now Nate was faced with the big decision. Was he strong enough to actually leave the city and go back to classes. He felt like it was turning his back on everything, but, at the same time there was a part of him that knew it would be for the best.
After putting the VHS in he walked back around to the chocolate leather couch and laid down, remote in hand. The feel of the cool materiel under him told him he should have brought a blanket. It was too late for that as he reached for the remote and pressed play. The video started instantly and Nate's eyes were right away glued to the screen, watching as the images on the tape moved around. They were so familiar yet at the same time he couldn't remember any of it. sitting there watching the people on the tape he couldn't take it, the images made him feel guilty, not the smartest way to start off his morning. He needed to change his mood before she got up too. Shutting off the TV he stood up and tossed the remote onto the couch, he needed to get out of the apartment for a while.
Putting on his shoes and grabbing his coat he was out of the house seconds later, his cell phone still left behind in the bedroom. For a little while he needed to separate himself from everything, go for a run through central park like he'd done morning after morning when the captain had been alive. There were many times he missed his own father, mornings like this was the very example of why. At least he would have known a little bit of what Nate was going through, a little bit of how alone he really did feel.
Her eyes opened seconds after the door shut. The bang of the wooden door making her eyes blink open right away. Her mind not registering that he'd left. Vanessa's arm stretched over to his side of the bed only to feel the bed still somewhat warm from him being beside her. Rubbing her hands over her eyes she focused out the window on the slow falling snow. It was coming down hard out the window. Late November and already there was nothing but a blanket of snow on the ground. At least she'd have a distraction for the day. Cora's kids would have helped with that in a heartbeat. Though they'd ask for more pictures, pictures that Vanessa couldn't give them. It was only Nate that sat there day after day. Vanessa couldn't bring herself to do it, not to get any closer to something she couldn't hold onto. Nate might have been strong enough to handle it but Vanessa wasn't. Closing her eyes tightly she pushed the thoughts from her mind. She wasn't about to wake up in the same mind frame she'd gone to sleep in.
"Nate?"
Her sleep filled voice called out only to get no response. She wasn't sure of the emotion she was supposed to feel. Either relieved that he wasn't hovering and trying to get her to talk about her feelings or upset that he wasn't there with her. Part of her knew she should have been getting along with the silence. Soon it'd be just her and he'd be back at school. That was something she wasn't sure if she was ready for. It meant she'd probably be spending many nights at Cora's surrounded by the kids. Her dorm room was beginning to become harder and harder to stay at, and, the apartment wouldn't be any fun alone. Too many reminders were everywhere she turned. It was all turning out to be harder than she'd planned it to be. She hadn't planned on getting so involved with the life she couldn't have. It was becoming harder and harder to pretend she was still the same person.
The empty feeling that lingered over her every day just made it worse. She missed having him to talk to; he'd been a good listener for the less than thirty odd weeks he'd been with her. Now, Vanessa just felt alone, regardless of how hard Nate tried to get through to her he wasn't helping anything. Being able to slip back into her favorite jeans was great and all but, she really didn't care for it. she'd gotten used to the comforts of sweatpants and baggy shirts.
It was nine twenty-five in the morning she spotted as she stood up from the bed. He couldn't have been too far, probably on his way to the hospital. It was still the place that she refused to venture off to. She'd had her staples fixed three weeks ago but she hadn't been back sense. Distancing herself was the only way she could keep herself together, or so she liked to believe. She hadn't even held him, she couldn't bring herself to look at him. The pictures were all she could handle, all of the machines looked bad enough in photos, and she wasn't ready to see them in person. She wasn't ready to see Cael in person with the possibility that things still wouldn't be ok. There was still a distinct feeling that lingered over her that it was all her fault.
"Nate?"
She called out again hoping that maybe he'd be there, maybe he wouldn't come home again with photos that she didn't want to look at. There wasn't any luck to her call as she made her way out of the bedroom and to the living room. The only noise in the house was coming from the television. It'd been the sound of the little laughter that had made her look in the first place as it was. It was then that she stopped in her steps and focused on the screen.
A sandy haired child about the age of six was moving close to the camera so that his bright blue eyes were only inches away from the lens. Just from the eyes he was unmistakable. The goofy smile on his face as he backed up a few steps just added to the easy identifying. He looked ridicules in the black and lime colored sweater vest, his hair that was supposed to be combed over to the side, something that had clearly been done by his mother, or a nanny. Yet the child Nate didn't seem to care how he looked. He was more infatuated with where the giggling was coming from in back of him. It seemed like every time child Nate got closer to the camera a fit of giggles sounded from in back of him. The amused giggles continued until Nate turned from the camera to look at the source of it. That was the moment the camera panned to revile the source of it, the little girl with ash blonde hair sitting on a younger Anne's lap. She had the same piercing blue eyes as her brother, and her dress held the same colors he had on. There was one big difference, that being the oxygen tubes in her nose, the pick line clearly in the veins of her hand. She looked so tiny and fragile as she sat watching her brother intently.
"Do again Natie! Do again!"
Ruthie's face lit up yet the deep bags under her eyes prevented her from looking happy and at peace. It wasn't hard to tell that the little girl had seen better days, much better days. Her lips were white against her already pale skin as she reached out for her brother to come closer to her. Right away without a moments hesitation the little boy hopped closer to her placing an urgent kiss softly to her cheek making her smile brighter again. So bright that it nearly touched her eyes, the identical smile on Nate's face showed a taint to it. it looked like both of the children in front of the film frame knew a bout of tragedy that was destine to hit. The younger Anne looked like she hadn't slept in week, her eyes were bloodshot from crying as she looked at her two children, taking them in for a moment.
"Ruthie, baby, Mammie and I are going to go get you and Nate ice cream ok?"
Anne whispered as she kissed the little girl's head and slipped her off of her lap and onto the bed. Ruthie nodded her head as Nate took this mother's spot on the bed beside his little sister. The camera shifted a bit as it was left to reflect across from the bed. Focusing on the two kids sitting on the bed, watching as the adults walked out of the room shutting the door behind them. The nursery was changed, it looked more like a hospital room then a little girl's bed room. It looked just as sterile and uncomfortable as a hospital room. the only thing that held it back from being so were the large black and white photos of the two siblings and the stuffed animals placed neatly around the room.
"Natie? Chrissie says I is gonna be a angel soon. Will you still love me if I in heaben Natie?"
There was no doubt that the little girl was wise far beyond her years. Wise and prepared for a demise that no four year old should have been dealing with. Faced with death and ready to handle it, it wasn't like the little girl had any other choice. She knew it and her brother did too, it was obvious in Nate's face that he too knew that his sister was going to die and she didn't have very long left. His blue eyes filled with sorrow as he reached out and took his baby sister's hand, his finger lightly tracing the IV insert very gently. There was a silence for a moment as brother and sister looked away for a moment, letting the sadness linger in the air like a thick blanket of pain.
"I always love you Ruthie. I told you Ruthie, always and forever. I promise"
Little Nate whispered as he laced his pinky with his baby sister's. Even her tiny hands looked breakable compared to her brothers. Yet, he was so delicate with her, touching her as careful as he could not to hurt her. It was visible even in his movements that he'd been reminded over and over that Ruthie was sick and she wasn't getting better. This movements were far more mature for his age then the average six year old should have been.
"Natie? Can you take care of Bear too? So he's not lonely."
It was clear as day as a single tear slipped down the little girl's cheek and she attempted to swat it away with the back of her hand. Nate took the stuffed bear from the bed in back of him and put it in Ruthie's lap as he nodded his head still looking away from his baby sister. Still trying to wipe away her own little tears, with one of her hands she picked up the teddy bear and snuggled it to her face hiding the tears that were slowly slipping.
"I'll take care of him always Ruthie."
Little Nate whispered as he looked up at Ruthie for a moment. The bittersweet scene in front of the camera progressed as Nate grabbed Ruthie's hands and started to play the itsy bitsy spider. His voice singing the lyrics as he traced out patters and letters in the palm of her hand, making Ruthie drop the bear from her face with the slightest of smiles as she turned her face downward to look at her older brother attempting to cheer her up. A scene that would have been a perfect angelic brother sister moment if it wasn't so tainted by machines and for coming turmoil.
She couldn't keep her eyes on the images on the screen any longer. The water that filled her eyes was something she refused to let fall as she stood up and shut off the television. She hadn't cried about anything yet and she wasn't about to allow it to happen. She knew once she finally broke and started to cry it very well might have never ended and she wasn't about to risk it. That was the last thing she needed him to come home to. Looking up at the ceiling to stop herself from crying she took a deep breath before walking back to the bedroom. Maybe she shouldn't even have gotten out of bed to begin with.
It was the first time she'd ever seen Ruthie. The close resemblance she carried like her brother. How sick she really looked near the end of her days. It was also the first time that she'd ever seen Nate looking so innocent, beside the times he came home from the hospital after holding Cael. The pain in Nate's eyes on the video was the same pain that shown back at her every day since Cael had been born. It made her feel even guiltier for putting him through the pain that had been the past few months. The feelings of regret Vanessa had over everything that had to do with Cael were immense and she couldn't explain exactly why. It was the same thing that held her back from seeing him.
There was one thing though, one thing that made her feel like maybe she did need to take a walk to the hospital, made her feel like something was pulling her there for a reason. Lying down on the bed she pulled the bear off of the shelf beside her, the same teddy bear that had been in the video with Ruthie. The bear that Nate had placed beside Vanessa herself the summer after Lilly Van der Woodsen's wedding to Bart Bass. The teddy bear she'd held onto since that morning waking up beside it. now that she knew its history and just how important it was she didn't understand why he'd left it with her. The only thing she knew was that maybe Bear wasn't hers to hold onto. Maybe Cael needed him.
She wasn't sure what exactly what she was doing or thinking when she'd walked out of the apartment and into the snow holding on tight as she could to the teddy bear in her arms. All she'd known was that she needed to drop off the bear, and she'd needed to do it in person. There'd been something in Ruthie's face, something about the video that had made Vanessa feel the need to get out of the apartment and to the hospital soon as she could. She might not have been sure if she was ready to see Cael as more than just pictures. There was a first day for everything. She just knew that she needed to get in the NICU its self before she lost her nerve and turned around running out the other way before anyone saw her. There was so much attached to seeing the baby for the first time, laying her eyes on all of the machines he was attached to. There was something about it all that scared her more than she ever dared to let on. This was all bigger then what she'd thought of any of it, Maureen was supposed to take the urgency about it all away. Something about Maureen and Tripp lately wasn't making her all that comfortable with her decisions.
"Can I help you miss?"
Only steps away from reaching the NICU window a nurse stopped her. Vanessa opened her mouth to talk but the words refused to come out, her hands just gripped tighter to the bear in her arms as she started to shake her head and retreat her steps. She didn't know what to call him, what was Cael to her now? What did Nate say every time he walked into the hospital. It was a bad idea, coming to the hospital. She didn't belong there, he wasn't hers. Why did she want to put herself through any more of it if it was all just yet again going to break her heart.
The past months rushed through her head and all of the options she'd both used and turned away. She'd grown up in the time that had passed, they both had. She'd never seen Nate seem so adult before. In the beginning she hadn't thought it would have been even remotely possible. Somewhere along the way things had turned around. It seemed almost as if the scripts had reversed and she was the one acting more childish and running away, something she hadn't seen as being possible, attachment had always been her downfall but there was a time when it was Nate's too. When he ran away from responsibility and commitment, where had all of that gone?
"Gloria, don't give her a bad time. She's here to see her son."
The sound of the voice in back of her made her look up. Her sister's voice was the last voice she'd expected to hear, the last face she'd expected to see at the hospital. There were moments she'd wondered if Ruby even remembered any moment of the past months or if she'd been to stoned and drunk to remember a single second of anything that had happened. Seeing her sister now walking toured her she was a little confused, maybe everything really was a dream. Because these were bizarre turns in the story her mind could only have fabricated. As Ruby walked forward she grabbed a hold of Vanessa's arm and nearly pulled her forward. She barely had a moment to catch her breath never mind move away from the pulling.
"Ness come on, I'll bring you to them"
She felt like she couldn't move from her spot as her sister held tightly onto her arm in attempts to pull her along. Ruby stopped at that point and stood in front of her. Vanessa looked her sister over and there was something odd that she hadn't seen since Ruby was eleven or so in her eyes, clarity, the drug altered haze that normally clouded Ruby's vision wasn't there. The brown cat-like eyes simply showed dominance that Ruby often expressed.
"Vanessa stop running away, those boys in there need you. So suck up your hesitance and your 'woah is me' complex and get your ass in there right now. Then if you can get Richie Rich out of here at some point tonight the girls and I are playing at the bar cross the city. I badly need to get shitfaced tonight, come smoke for a few hours."
The familiarity that resounded in Ruby's voice sounded like the sister she'd learned to love over the years. She didn't bother to object to the night out as with what Ruby had stated, she wouldn't remember anything she'd said once night came. It was still the fact that she was sober enough to be there. The fact that she was in the same room with Nate without clawing his eyes out hadn't yet hit Vanessa. That wasn't something to typical either. She stood there looking dumbfounded at Ruby for a moment. her brain wasn't working quite as fast as it usually did.
"What's going on out…"
Coming out of the nursery Nate stopped in his tracks and looked back and for the between the Abrams' sisters for a moment before walking up to them. From what Vanessa could tell he had yet to notice the bear tucked in her arms. That took a few more moments. She knew as soon as the sapphire blues connected with the bear that he knew why she was there. She saw his eyes fill with a mixture of surprise and confusion. A look she'd actually missed him having. She watched him turn his head and actually press a small smile on his lips while he looked at Ruby.
"Ruby, can you go watch him for a little bit? V and I… we need to talk."
He said as he reached out to grab a hold of Vanessa's arm carefully. Ruby nodded her head slightly before turning to go back into the room. the pair still left outside exchanged a pointed look before retreating back through the double doors into the elevator.
"She's been good with him, checks on him every day."
Nate said casually as he pressed the buttons on the elevator. There was something in his talking, something strange and disconnected. Looking at him she noticed he wouldn't look at her, he wouldn't even the slightest bit turn his face to meet her eyes. His motions were making her nervous. The elevator ride seemed to take forever till they finally reached the ground floor. He exited out the elevator and the doors ahead of her, never glancing back. She started to worry for Cael, her mind analyzing that he was there to break some bad news to her. She couldn't help but wonder to herself why she'd actually decided to go to the hospital in the first place. Maybe she really wasn't supposed to. That was what the silence proved.
"I know it's probably not something that you really want to talk about but Nate, I have to ask it. Why, why did you give me Ruthie's teddy bear. Even before Cael, you left me the bear…"
Breaking the awkward silence that had settled between them as soon as they'd gotten she tried to follow through with what she'd wanted before she'd gotten there. Somehow the comfort level never came. There was still a cold isolation that stood between the two of them, an isolation that she couldn't figure out. There was something standing between them, some wall that he'd put up for reasons she had yet to know. He was quiet for a while, like the words had escaped him.
"Grandma Margie, who, Ruthie always insisted on calling Mammie bought her this one. She held onto it till the moment she died. That's what my father told me when he brought it home from the hospital anyway. My father, after Ruthie died he didn't want this thing touched. My mother on the other hand was the one that decided Ruthie's wish needed to be followed through. Every night that I slept home until I was fourteen she'd sneak in after I'd gone to sleep and place it next to my head and every morning I'd wake up and wonder how the hell it'd gotten there. I guess part of me just wanted a part of Ruthie to hold onto when I thought it was her sneaking Bear into my room. I know a lot of that was what my mother hoped also."
With him speaking softly she was just as quiet as she listened and followed his lead over to the benches. His refusal to look at her held the nagging feeling that something was coming. Vanessa couldn't help but think for a moment that maybe she wanted his hovering because his cold shoulder was more then she could handle she was beginning to think. She had enough stress and pain to be able to handle anymore. She stayed silent with her eyes focused on the cracks in the sidewalk, listening to the slow sound of his even breaths as the wind blew.
"That night before I left for the summer, after I kissed you goodbye and tucked you into your bed I noticed something. For once I was worried about someone other than myself. I was worried about how you would hold up during the summer, how you'd deal with Ruby's hospital runs all on your own. Believe it or not I didn't want to leave you, I was afraid you'd forget about me and move on, I was afraid that I'd… well, do exactly what I did. I wanted you to have something that would make you think of me, something that in so many ways made me stronger. I just thought that maybe Bear could do that."
Quietly biting on her lip she hugged the stuffed bear to her chest. He was right, the stuffed animal had helped her on the nights he wasn't there through the summer and even following it. it had been her connection to him. daring herself she looked up at him, her eyes settling on him still looking away.
"V… I'm leaving in two hours."
He said softly almost under his breath like. She looked up immediately, feeling like everything had come to a sudden stop. She knew he had to go back. He had classes to get back to. There was only so long that a person could play the mourning cards and pay people off. She just hadn't expected it to be already, maybe it was because part of her didn't want to let him go already. She knew that once he left that would be the last of her updates unless she decided to go and check on him herself. It would be the end of having someone there with her unless she went back to her dorm. The dorm room sounded like the very last place she wanted to be.
She'd fallen apart only moments after Nate had gotten on his plane to get back to California, in the small communal bathroom of her dorm. Against Blair's wishes he'd picked her up off the ground and carried her out to his limo. If Blair was just going to degrade her it was the last thing she needed, even he could see that. Vanessa had been through enough in the past three weeks. Between giving her son away for what she thought was better and the guy that was the one person she'd sacrifice her own happiness for leaving to go back to the life he was living she needed a break for it all. Vanessa's tough image was deeply cracked yet he had no doubt that her walls would be back up with duct tape the next time he stepped into his suit, if she was even still there of course. His best friend was destroyed also. He'd never seen Nate so broken down and out of it. The joint they'd smoked before he'd gotten on his plane to go back hadn't helped either. Nate was still a walking haze, it wasn't even confusion that clouded his eyes, and it was more anger and hurt than anything else. A part of him was missing. Even Chuck could see it.
That's what led him to his new destination in the first place, a place he didn't quite like. Then again who for any reason liked hospitals. Even maternity wards spelled out death to him, they always did and he was sure they always would. It was his mother's final resting place within the walls. Women gave their lives for things that would always be ungrateful for it. The unconditional love that oozed was sickening, it was laced with the someday to be disappointments and straining behavior. All things that he didn't want to deal with ever. When he looked at the big picture though there was a kid in the walls of it that needed him, a kid who's parents had probably deeply screwed him up already in his life. That's what Chuck was there for. To somewhat mend their accidents. Cael needed someone on his side after all. City savvy Maureen and always high Tripp, Chuck would be damned if that's who the kid grew up with. Chuck had spent far too much time worrying about him to allow that to happen. The kid had put too much of a strain on his own friendships for it all to be for nothing.
Flashing the nurse at the door a smirk she looked him over trying to figure out why the hell he was there. Ok, so maybe nurses weren't the best people to pull into closets. They were all too uptight. As if the things in the incubators in the rooms were really that important. He supposed to some people they might have been, Punky Brewster and Nate were sure taking the hit harder then it just being a passing thing. He didn't understand it and he wasn't going to try to. He was just there to say his piece and give his opinion. Let the kid know he wasn't completely surrounded by idiots. He'd checked before he got there, Maureen was at a tea with some committee or other and Tripp was on a boat with friends, sailing to god only knew where. At least, that was the story he was telling people. Chuck hadn't ever trusted a word out of the guy's mouth. Tripp and Maureen, they were already the normal careless couple of the East Side, it wasn't fair to be adding the kid into it.
"Cael Arc… Vanderbilt"
Chuck sneered the end of his name, it was like sentencing the kid with a death sentence with the last name Vanderbilt. Archibald didn't mean half that. At least it sounded less demanding. The nurse didn't budge to move out of his way as he glanced at the watch around her wrist as if to tell her he had places to be and people to see that were important. He didn't have time to wait around for whatever bullshit and questions the uptight woman in front of him was going to put him through.
"Name and relation?"
Rolling his eyes his mind thought fast, he should have been more then he was. He'd still be holding out to be, the two idiots would wake up and notice they were driving their son into hell if they left him with Maureen and Tripp. Cael would have been better with the two of them then he could have been stuck with Maureen and Tripp, at least Nate and Vanessa seemed to have a little more of it together then Barbie and Ken of the Upper East Side did. For some reason Chuck felt like he needed to show Cael that some people could hold things together.
"Chuck Bass… uncle"
The word out of his mouth felt funny, sure, he'd said it before but in either joking or sexual manners. This wasn't either of those. This was real and there was an actual kid hanging off of it. The uptight nurse who he was sure hadn't been laid in months if ever slowly nodded her head still assessing him before she turned her back and started to lead him to the incubators. With a few more steps closer to the incubator a short brunette popped out in front of him in mid stride.
"Mr. popular, he hasn't had anyone here today. I think he was starting to get a bit lonely. Looking at you I'm going to guess you're a friend of Nate's. A friend of Vanessa's was here last night, Georgina? Yea, that was her name. Cael exercised his lungs while she was here yesterday. Here, have a seat. I'll get him ready."
Georgina? So the kid already needed a block list of people that shouldn't have been allowed in to visit him. Why had she been there in the first place? Chuck wasn't about to over think it, he had more important things to be considering and devising. Like the younger nurse in front of him was acting like she'd ingested an entire box of sugar before work. She was the same one from Vanessa's hospital room so he half expected it. Then panic set in, he never said he planned on holding the thing. He was just there to… ok so maybe he wasn't sure why he was even there in the first place. He knew what it was like to be alone, for some reason that wasn't the way he wanted the kid to be, not something that made for a very good childhood. For some reason the kid meant more than that to him. It wasn't the way Vanessa or Nate would have wanted him raised. That was the way of the UES's. Not that it was all bad in Chuck's opinion, Vanessa's opinions was a different subject. Poor kid was doomed no matter what way it was spun.
"He's not doing really well with breathing today but, I think it might be for attention, he likes to hear the sound of the machines going off and everyone to rush over and crowd around him with worry. He's not the biggest fan of being left alone."
As inappropriate as it might have been Chuck couldn't help the light laugh that came through his lips. The kid already sounded like a UESer, doing things for attention. Even if that wasn't exactly the case it was probably better to think of it like that. That would have made Nate and Vanessa much less worried, at least, it would have made Nate worry less. All of that swept from his mind as Gianna turned around with the diaper clad, wire hooked up baby in her hands. Chuck's second thoughts of being there rose to his throat; it really wasn't a good idea to be there. He hadn't planned on any of this. Damn his impulsive thoughts.
"Don't panic, he's not as fragile as he looks. Especially this one, he's a tough little guy."
Letting out squeaky discontented screams every few seconds Chuck looked at the baby as though it were a bomb about to blow up in Gianna's hands. It sounded like a kitten that had been separated far too early from its mother. The little cries sent chills up his back, kids were noisy but this one was halfway mute. He was used to the television's version of child's cries and this wasn't anywhere near that. This cry was weak and lonely. His own nervousness only seemed to intensify as she slipped the low weighted bundle into his hands.
Cael felt lighter than his best old bottle of scotch, yet, that was how Chuck remembered to be careful. Old bottles of scotch had to be tended to carefully as did the baby now in his hands. His head, neck, and half of his body fit right in Chuck's palm as he awkwardly crooked his arm leaving his left hand free to hesitate to touch. So he didn't touch, he dropped his hand to the arm of the chair and just looked at the baby boy who's blue eyes were wide open and staring in an exhausted manner. Cael was three weeks old and already he looked like life had beaten him around. Chuck was half sure it had. It wasn't like the kid had even remotely had smooth sailing when it came to what he'd seen of life so far.
"I'll give you two some time to get acquainted."
She'd missed Chuck threatening her with his eyes not to leave him alone with the squirmy preemie. Gianna skipped away almost as fast as she'd appeared. Leaving Chuck with the tiny child in his hands, he was stuck without any way to just flee out the door and leave till it was over. His eyes looked down at the small thing. Everything about it was littler then anything he'd ever held, the little arms and fingers that were grabby and trying to touch things. If the kid wasn't so wrapped up in tubes and surgical tape Chuck would have been afraid he would have slipped out of his hands somehow. Cael seemed to lack the energetic disposition that all of the other foreign things in the other incubators around him seemed to have. The only thing Cael seemed to do was to open up his big blue eyes and stare quietly without any sort of sound or movement. The silence and awkward quiet of his surroundings around the both of them told Chuck that he was supposed to be doing something other than looking at the thing in his hands as if it were just going to disintegrate. The silence loomed for a few more moments before Chuck felt compelled to say something to him.
"They don't always suck, your… Nate and… your mom and dad"
The words tasted funny coming out of his mouth, referring to his best friend as a father wasn't something Chuck could have imagined, and he still had a hard time with it. Now that his best friend's son was in his hands it still felt surreal. With hesitance Chuck lifted his empty hand and held above Cael for a moment, trying to decide if he should have put it down or not. It only took a moment of his hand looming over the baby for the child's slow reflexes to work and all five of his miniature fingers to wrap as much as a tiny hand could around one of Chuck's fingers. The feeling stung him. Chuck hadn't been expecting the baby to make any sort of contact. He hadn't even expected the kid to know he was there, who knew just what babies comprehended. He was Nate's son, Chuck didn't expect very much.
"You really are listening… aren't you? More than I can say for the two of them kid."
TeamDimples – Updated! Sort of a filler chapter, next chapter is much more intense than this one is. Also, it'll come out sooner than this one did.
Pinkprincess007 – that's what I was aiming for. The relieved suspense that doesn't come till the end. No, if I'd of killed Cael Vanessa would have been a lot less calm then she was. Besides, without Cael I wouldn't have much of a story now would I? lol I've worked to hard on this little boy to let that happen.
Izzy – I don't know if you're even still around :( but anyways. Hated grandfather, and to through you all off he was the only one I could think of to kill off. I guess it worked like I'd hoped it would.
Don't worry, normal Vanessa will be back, I think she needs to have an argument with Chuck over something or other… hmm now I'm gonna go figure out why I always use Chuck to redeem her… interesting. Anywaysss
I think (can't believe I'm saying this) I've learned to like Blair rather than despise her. (wow that was hard to write) as for the NV scene I think I've read it over and over just for the cuteness.
Jen – Blair and Chuck have grown on me… what can I say. As for that Chuck/Cael moment well… I hope you like it. there will defiantly be more Blair coming up soon.
