Author: empty_firefly

Summary: "Let us hope that we are all preceded in this world by a love story" – Don Snyder. Lily and James aren't suited, Lily and James don't work, but it is Lily and James that match, muggle quote by muggle quote.

Rating: Really, the rating could be argued, but at the end of the day it's PG13 if you're comfortable with swearing and violence, M if you're not. Figure it out yourself!

Warnings: Well, there'll be violence of a sorts, swearing of a lots, fluffy love… meh, I'm not offended! Why are you?

Pairings: Well, Lily/James, Sirius/OC, as far as I'm concerned Peter doesn't get a girlfriend… well maybe one… where was I?

Disclaimer: I have an idea, when you think I'm legally in the wrong, let me know!


Chapter Seven. Alice Roosevelt Longworth

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

I'd like to point something out: the second that you decide you want absolutely nothing to do with some jerk, that's the very second they decide you are the number one person to annoy.

I mean, the most obvious example here would be James, but now we have another name to add to the list: Griffiths. It's like when a guy finally notices that you detest them their ego is so battered that they have to spend as much time as possible bothering you. I mean, bloody Hell!

So, for those of you that understand the deranged ramblings of a homicidal maniac, you may have realised that Griffiths has decided to make friends once more. And if possible I think he might actually be more annoying than James. Partially because I'm so bitter and twisted about his sucking face partners that I've turned into a woman scorned.

Sigh, where's a good castration spell when you want one.

It took me about two days with his new attitude to crack under the pressure. In the middle of Transfiguration. By dropping my head on the table and banging my forehead until it felt better.

"Lily, my dear heart, I don't think McGonagall is going to appreciate you damaging her desk in that manner." Sirius' dulcet tones made their way into my ear as I refused to stop. And yes, he had decided to partner with me in Transfig, presumably because he likes to see me whimper to myself.

"Ever feel like the universe is designed to make us miserable?"

I felt a small pat on the head, "Well sure, we're teenagers, if we weren't miserable all the time we'd never be happy!"

How very comforting, not.

Actually, Sirius was annoying. Maybe he knew the right way to make someone else stop...

"Sirius... you're a pain in the arse, right?"

"That has been agreed upon, yes."

"Then you know how to make someone stop annoying you, right?"

"Nope."

Ah, there it goes, the slight spark of hope I had of somehow ending my pain. Dashed against the side of my desk. Clearly, there was only one thing left for me to do: run away and join a Polish circus.

I slumped even further down, with Sirius chuckling at my pained expression.

"Then how in the world am I going to make Griffiths leave me be?"

"That's easy! Start dating James!"

I sat up so quickly I nearly got whiplash. I also managed to kick my table with my toe.

"OW! You know what Sirius? I am so sick of that joke it isn't even funny anymore! I have an idea: why don't you shut the fu- why hello Professor!"

McGonagall's nostrils flare when she's angry.


"Black, this is completely your fault."

Do you know what I hate? Detention. Friday night. When I should be with my friends. But instead I'm cleaning trophies, with Sirius, being overseen by a disgruntled looking McGonagall. I didn't even think she oversaw detentions anymore.

"No talking Miss Evans."

"But Professor, this is completely unfair! Black was provoking me, otherwise I would not have dreamed of interrupting your class!"

Oh Gods, I am such a slimey suck-up.

"And yet, Miss Evans, I am unmoved. Perhaps if you did not attempt to sleep in my class Mr Black would not find you so tempting to provoke."

"Yeah Evans, stop being so tempting!"

Of course, anyone knows never to interrupt McGonagall when she's ripping apart a student. Except Black apparently. She rounded on him immediately.

"And you! Seven years of detentions have somehow failed to teach you to actually behave in class! I cannnot help but wonder if there is some internal damage that makes you incapable of behaving!"

I hold in a giggle as Black glares across the room at me. I smile sweetly and return to polishing the trophy.

"Now, you are both going to clean in here in silence until I believe you have learnt how to keep quiet for more than five minutes."

She walked over to the desk and sat down, pulling out a gigantic book to help her pass the time.

I returned to the amusing activity of poking my tongue at Black through the trophy reflection.

Seeing as I had no alternative, I also returned to the enjoyable past-time of fuming over stupid Griffiths and his stupid need for attention. Maturity thy name is Lily Evans.

Scary as it may seem we managed to keep quiet for three whole minutes. Probably right up until the point that Black was starting to lose his mind.

"Professor, why aren't you married?"

I groaned and began banging my head lightly against the cabinet. When were we going to get out of here?

"Mr Black! That is a highly inappropriate question!"

"Aah, married to the job then?"

"I will owl your mother if you say one more - oh what is it?"

I looked up, and instead of McGonagall roasting Sirius's testicles there is a scared First Year standing in the doorway. Apparently about to pee his pants.

"P... P... Prof... Professor... D... Dumble... d... d... dore... w... w... wants t... t... to see y... y... you..." The poor thing gasped for breath as he finally finished his sentence, looking about ready to faint.

"Of course my dear, thank you for telling me." Suddenly, she was her normal stern self, as opposed to the banshee of moments before.

She headed for the door, then stopped to fix us both with her worst glare, "You two are to stay quiet, and don't you dare leave before every trophy in this room is clean!"

With that she was gone.

As if he had been waiting to do it the entire time, Sirius ditched his cloth at the doorway. "Honestly, the way she acts, you'd think we were children!"

"Well, maybe if you stopped acting like such a child that wouldn't be a problem!"

"What are you saying?"

"Asking her why she isn't married? Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

Following his lead I put down the cloth and leant against the cabinet. He smiled and shrugged.

"What can I say? I live for danger."

There was a brief pause, then he groaned quietly. "Look, I'm sorry Lily. I didn't think you'd freak out so much at me mentioning James."

Honestly, what did he expect then? Me to dance the wedding waltz at the idea?

"Then why'd you say it? Usually it's just to piss me off."

Actually, I probably wouldn't have been so pissed if it weren't for the fact that James isn't such a jerk at the moment, so it's harder to deal with those sorts of comments. I dunno, how are you meant to react when you don't loath the guy?

"Well, mostly because I just think you two would be pretty great together."

"Except for the fighting, the different interests, the different priorities, the different levels of maturity... all that stuff?"

"That's what would make it so great: ying and yang!"

"Honestly, you're like a matchmaker! Do you just get up in the morning to fix everyone's day with your stupid ideas?"

He smirked proudly, lacing his fingers casually behind his head. "What can it say? I have a simple philosophy: fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches."

"You're an idiot."

Without further ado I went back to cleaning to trophies. How else was I going to get away from such stupid company.

Oh dear, I just realised. Sirius is a friend... and I don't hate James. This does not bode well for our heroine.


Once again, it took me forever. But I'm finding my way back. I have a dream that one day I'll finish this story. But I guess we'll just have to see about that...

As always, super sorry guys!

Next Time on Muggle Studies Quotes:

"All I know is that he's a liar and a cheat, and if I were you I wouldn't believe a word he says."

"I'd like you to go to Hogsmeade with me."