"Umm…"

And I release my grip on her arm. "Sorry, I know it seems random, but-"

She covers my mouth with her hand. "I would love to go, I mean hello, its freaking Hawaii" She smiles and I let a large smile form across my face.

"Really?" I ask in disbelief.

"Really." She wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me close and I am engulfed by the smell of her.

"Cool" Is all I can manage to say, I mean, I'm in slight shock here.

She lets go. "So, when do we leave?" Her eyebrows are raised and a huge grin is plastered across her face.

"I'm not actually sure, hold on" I say and go get the tickets. I look at them. "We leave….tomorrow actually." I am surprised.

"No way?! This is awesome!" She is acting like a little kid, buts its adorable so who cares.

"Yepp, its awesome all right" I say and hand her a ticket.

"Thanks, well, um, I guess I should start packing" And without warning she kisses my cheek and I stand there unsure what to do.

She must notice my awkwardness. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have."

"No, its okay. Don't worry about it." Yeah, I'm smooth like that.

"Oh, okay" And she walks away with a sway in her hips that makes my jaw land on the floor, figuratively speaking of course.

-

"Girl, you are crazy." Dan says while filing his nails.

"I am not" I fling yet another bathing suit in my suitcase.

"Anyways, why did you ask her?" He loves the juicy details.

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know, I just, it felt right I guess" I am being completely honest.

"Oh, to be young!" He spins around and I roll my eyes.

"Dan, you're only three months older than me" I scoff.

"Yeah, but that's three whole GAY months" He falls dramatically onto my bed.

"You are the strangest man I have ever meant" I say.

"I resent that statement." He says and leaves the room.

"Okay!" I yell after him.

-

I'm sitting in my car outside Ashley's waiting for her. I'm here twenty minutes early, but who cares.

No one.

Her door opens and I sit up straight in my seat, and I get the butterflies. She walks to my car and I get out to help her. I pop the trunk and she tosses her bags in it.

"Ready?" I ask as I get into my car.

"Yeah, you?"

"As ready as I'll ever be" I let out a small laugh and then put the car in drive. My knuckles are white and I feel like I might puke at anytime.

All the way to the Airport I don't utter a word, not even when we arrive at the gate. I think I'm stricken with fear, or something. I was never like this when we were together, but she's not speaking either so maybe we are both nervous.

"Good movie huh?" I say with a smile across my face, not that she can she see it or anything, because we are walking in the dark.

"Yeah, it was pretty good" She replies.

"Pretty good? That's all you can say?" I stop walking and so does she.

"Um, yeah?" Her voice cracks and I stare at her because I don't know what to say.

"Okay" I say softly and we walk in silence.

Ever now and again her hand brushes against mine and then she jerks it away in a hurry.

When the night is over I am left feeling confused and jealous of whoever she lets her hand brush against because I'm not that person.

We are on the plane now and I know I should start a conversation with her, but I just don't know how anymore.

She does though. "Spencer?"

My heart jumps when she says my name and I slowly turn my head. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry" Her eyes are focused on her lap and she is biting her lip.

I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. I mean, what am I supposed to say to that? 'No, don't be sorry, its okay that you slept with three other girls' No, I don't think your supposed to say that.

I watch as she raises her head and now is looking at me probably trying to figure out what I'm about to say.

My mouth is beginning to get dry and I struggle to swallow and then that's when the words come out like word vomit. "I know" And I take her hand in mine and give a light squeeze and a tear runs down her cheek. I force myself to look away and let go of her hand.

This isn't the right time for this, not here, not now.

But will it ever be the right time?