Why do we do things we do?

I want to know, because right now I am not entirely sure why I asked Ashley to come with me to Hawaii.

Is it because I didn't want to be there all by myself? Yes.

Is it because I still love her? Yes

Is it because I'm still in love with her? Probably.

Even though I said yes to all those questions, there still isn't a reasonable reason to why I asked her. I mean, we haven't talked in at least a year and then suddenly I invite her to come to Hawaii with me? I must be out of my mind.

With the help of one of Ashley's coworkers I am planning on surprising her in New York on her business trip. She's been gone a week, and I've been in a funk since she left. I need her, I can't breathe with out her.

I step off the private jet that Ashley bought so she could fly back and forth easily for her job, and for when we need to get away, we just fly somewhere, anywhere.

The East Coast air is chilly and I tighten my jacket around me, and walk towards the car that comes with the jet.

Nice, I know.

-

The driver opens the door and lets me out. I hand the bell boy a ten dollar bill and he takes my luggage from me.

"Room number?" He asks.

"445" I say and walk to the elevator.

I am getting the butterflies in my stomach from being so excited to see her.

-

I slide my cardkey in the door and the light flashes green.

I open it slowly, and huge grin spread across my face. "Ashley?"

That's when I see it.

Ashley, and some blonde skank fully naked laying across the bar.

Her.

My Ashley.

"Spencer?!" Ashley pushes the girl off her and she goes flying to the ground. The girl shrieks and hides behind the counter. "This isn't what it looks like" She pleads with me, while grabbing a robe to cover herself.

I am too dumbfounded to speak, not even able to utter a word, I walk out of there in a hurry. I tell the hotel to send my bags to the airport and I hurriedly hail a cab. I look back when I hear my name being yelled. I see Ashley standing there, looking like a mess. She is chasing the car, but I tell the driver not to stop, and then she isn't running anymore. She is hailing a cab herself. I bite my lip so I won't cry. I can't cry, not here, not now.

-

I am happy to arrive at the plane. I get out and start walking to the plane, and as I set my hand on the railing, and car drives towards me and then comes to a screeching halt. Ashley gets out and I begin to walk up the stairs.

"Spencer.." I can tell she is crying by the tone of her voice, its cracked, husky.

"I'll see you at home" I deadpan, too afraid to say anything else. Afraid that I might break right here.

"Wait" She grabs my hand and my whole body is on fire. Her mouth opens like she might say something ,but nothing comes out.

"Goodbye Ashley" I say and kiss her cheek, acting like I saw nothing. Because that's what it was, nothing. She loves me and only me. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. It won't happen again I repeat in my head and get onto the plane.

I stir out of my slumber and see that Ashley is still sitting next to me and we are still on the plane. She is listening to her Ipod an I can faintly hear her music. I straighten up in my seat and my arm bumps against hers. She jumps and I stiffen up. "Sorry" I say quietly.

She pulls the head phone out of her ear and smiles at me. "Hello Sleeping Beauty" I can feel my cheeks getting hot. "Sleep good?"

"Yeah, I guess." I don't explain further because I don't want to talk about how I dreamed about when the first time I caught her cheating, it hurts to much. And every time I see her thinking about it, sorrow and pain is written all over her face and I get sick to my stomach.

-

We arrive at the hotel and I am happy to find that there are in fact two beds in our room. Our hotel is right on the beach and it has the perfect view of the ocean. The smell of the ocean fills my nose as I walk out onto the deck. The wind blows through my hair and I close my eyes.

I feel her presence before her hand touches my arm. "This is amazing" She breathes out in a low voice, one that I haven't ever heard before.

I turn to face her. "Yeah"

"Which bed do you want?" She asks and for a second I am confused at her question.

"Oh, I don't care, either is fine" I furrow my eyebrows.

"Good because I already chose the one closest to the bathroom" Her nose crinkles and she skips back into the room.

Slowly she is tearing down the walls I put up because of her, and all I can do is watch her, like I always have.