I'm sitting on a beach in Hawaii with my ex -girlfriend who is also my ex-best friend. I mean, who would have thought? Definitely not me. This girl broke my heart. She broke everything that I was when I was with her, and when I left her, I didn't have much left except my job, my family and the gayest man on earth.

I remember the first night I slept in a bed all by myself and it meant something. I was single. Alone. I didn't belong to anyone, and it made me cringe in my skin. I cried so hard that night and Dan was nice enough to stay by my side all night long and hold my hair back as I puked my guts out.

And I brought her to Hawaii with me?! I must be crazy. I know what you're thinking. You think I shouldn't have brought her, that I shouldn't even be near her, but I am.

I am brought out of my thoughts by a soft hand on my shoulder. "Spencer, are you okay?" Ashley sounds concerned.

I look at her. "Yeah, I'm fine" I smile.

"Okay" And she returns the drink her Pina Colada.

I breath in deep and stand up. I walk to the bar and take a seat. "A shot of tequila please" I tell the bar tender.

"You got it" He replies. He sets it in front of me and I take it. I stare at it for a minute and then gulp it down. I give him the money and return to my seat on the beach, next to Ashley.

"I talked to your brother, afterwards.." Her voice trails off and I don't know what she is talking about.

"After what?" I ask.

She sits up and turns so she is facing me. Sighing, she takes a large gulp of her drink and then sits up straight. "After, you left"

A pain hits my stomach and I am nervous now. "Why?" I ask.

"Just so you know, I never stopped caring" She says honestly and looks away.

This is a conversation I have been avoiding for months now, and I know this is easy for her either. But it has to be done.

"I know" I reply softly.

"I know how bad you got, and it killed me that I was the reason"

My throat is getting tight and my eyes are starting to burn. "Will the pain ever stop?" Its more of a rhetorical question, but she answers anyways.

"I hope so" And then she gets up and leaves.

She just leaves, except when I watch her walk away, her arms are wrapped around her torso and she looks like she might shrivel up any second.

And then it hits me.

I'm not the only one who is hurting.