PAM:

It is definitely good to be back in Scranton.

The conference was...good, I guess. There was nothing much for me to do there, except take notes. I don't know why I must be taking notes for Michael all the time, he never uses them for anything.

Yeah, I like to be back home. I missed the people.

What, Jim? No, I didn't mean him. Well, I missed him like I missed all my friends.

Karen? Oh, yeah, that. I don't know what I was thinking. I think I was just drunk that night, and by mistake we kind of...well, kissed, but I don't think it means anything. I am not attracted to her or anything like that.

Well, I did request her as a friend, because I wanted to see her pictures and the things she likes. But that doesn't mean anything.

And well, Jim is my friend, and they are together, and I think he would be really happy if Karen and I became friends too. I see it as a sign of maturity if Karen and I can be friends.

Actually, I've always kind of felt like she hated me.

Not at the beginning, maybe. When she first got here, she was nice. Then I think Jim told her about us, about our "special friendship", and since then, I'm pretty sure she's wanted me dead. She hasn't done anything specific, but I can feel it. I usually feel her eyes on me everytime I move, especially if I am talking to Jim. And then, when we went out last Friday, she was just looking at me weird all night. It was like she was trying to tell me something, or she knew something that I didn't.

I was laughing with Jim about something, and I could see how Karen was just drinking her beer and looking at us. I kind of felt bad that she wasn't a part of our conversation. I wonder why was she staring so much, what she was thinking.

Anyway, I am back to the office now and it feels nice. Everybody has been in a pretty good mood today. Well, everybody except Karen. She didn't even come to say hi, when everybody else did, even Angela. But Karen didn't even lift her eyes from her computer. So I guess this is her new thing: she either stares at me weird, or she doesn't even aknowledge that I am in the same room.

Well, it's her loss!

Actually, no, I don't really feel that way.

Why is she acting up so much? What sense does it make, to talk to somebody one day and ignore them the next day?

Ooh! We're getting a fax. And guess who is it for? Yup, Karen. Well, this gives me a reason to walk over to her desk and talk to her. Let's see if she has the guts to ignore me, when I am just doing my job and being nice.

She is typing something and when she sees me approaching her, she quickly picks up her phone and dials something. This is ridiculous! Is she just starting a call so she doesn't have to talk to me?

I refuse to accept it.

- Karen, this is for you.

She starts saying something in French over the phone.

- Karen, did you hear me? You got a fax. I don't want to interrupt, but...

- Then DON'T- she replies. Cold and dry.

My mouth almost drops open. My hands shake a little bit as I put the fax on her desk, and I don't quite know where to hide. I wish I could dissapear. Karen just yelled at me. I cannot believe she was so rude. I...I...it's no use, I'm gonna cry.

This is so stupid.

I go to the bathroom right away, praying that no one is gonna be there. I sit down on one of the toilets, and I proceed to let the tears roll. I know, it's stupid, I am stupid. But it feels so unfair, and I honestly don't know what the hell I've done to annoy Karen so much.

I prepare some toilet paper to dry my tears as soon as they come out, in an attempt to not mess up my make up. All of a sudden, the door of the bathroom opens, and fearing the worst, I slam the door of my stall. But it's too late. Karen has followed me.

- Pam, open the door- she knocks on my stall.

I don't say anything. On one hand, I feel better that she has come to apologize (or to yell at me some more? who knows, but at least it shows she's not indifferent). On the other hand, I'm still a shaky mess and no one can see me this way, before I pull myself together.

- I said, OPEN the door. Look, I'm sorry- she pushes the door, and of course I didn't lock it. I am sitting on the toilet, and I look up at her. This position is unusual, since Karen is shorter than me. But now she looks like she towers over me, in her expensive dark suite, with her perfect hair and make up, looking down at me. Damn her.

- God, are you crying?- she asks. I can't tell if she's worried, annoyed, amused...or if she just can't believe that I am so stupid that I would cry about this.

- You were really rude- I find myself saying, between my tears.- I haven't done anything to you, and you keep treating me like I don't exist. For the last couple of days, it's like you won't even LOOK at me when I try to talk to you- I'm starting to say things and I feel that my mouth is struggling to keep up with my brain.- I really, really don't know how I can make you be okay with me. I'm sorry if I have ever done anything to annoy you. But there is nothing going on with me and Jim, and we've never been ANYTHING, and I am never going to try to steal him from you. And I wish you wouldn't hate me, but I feel that you do, I KNOW that you do, and I just...I just...- at this point, I am so overwhelmed that I break down and just keep sobbing. I'm out of breath.

Oh no! Am I gonna pass out? When I was a toddler, sometimes I would have tantrums so intense that I basically made myself pass out.

But before I can think of anything else, I realize that Karen is actually holding me. It's a sweet gesture, I guess, but her hold is firm. I don't analyze what's happening, I just accept it. It feels really good that she's holding me, maybe that means that she doesn't actually hate me. I don't know. It feels nice. For one split second, I throw my arms around her waist and rest my head on her chest, and she calmly caresses my hair, and she makes a shushing noise. I feel so incredibly comforted, like I could just fall asleep and finally rest, like everything is alright with the world.

What's happening? This is weird. I take my arms back and I look down. This is gonna get really awkward, I think.

Karen kneels down to meet my eyesight. All of a sudden, I just have these enormous eyes staring at me, like two inches away from my face. This girl has no sense of personal space, I say to myself. And also, this girl is really, really pretty up close.

- Listen to me- she says, and I get a hint of her personal scent. There's something like a vanilla smell, but it's not overly sweet. Like a vanilla scent for men.- I don't hate you. I really don't hate you. This has nothing to do with Jim.

I look down again, and I feel Karen's hand under my chin, forcing me to lift it up, and look right at her. She is REALLY close to me. All of a sudden, I remember that weird half-kiss, and I'm not so sad anymore, I'm weirdly excited. Her lips are like, right there. They look perfect. She's not wearing lipstick, just maybe some transparent gloss, but they look just perfect. And the tone of her skin is amazing, and her eyes...are they green, or yellow, or what? I wonder if she would close them if we were to k...

Wooooa! What am I thinking?

It doesn't even matter, because she just shot me a look and now she's gone.

I'm alone in the bathroom again.

No kiss, no way.