KAREN:

AAAAARRRGGHHH!

I know everytime I speak I seem to be screaming about something, or complaining, or whining. I'm sorry, but...AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHH! I think I'm going crazy!

That's not news, either.

Well, sorry. If I'm boring you, go find another neurotic to talk to. There's lots of us out there.

So, as I was saying, AAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!

It's Wednesday,the week after we all spent the night at Jim's. You know? When Pam accused me of things that were totally true, and I freaked out because I didn't think she knew.

The next morning was awkward-fest. Thank God for Jim. Pam and I did not talk to each other, I didn't even look at her, but we could both talk to Jim. He was being nice and light, making fun of their common hangover and everything, so it saved me from having to talk to Pam.

But for some reason, it's like she not only remembers our conversation, but has evolved into a sexy kitty that comes to work all dolled up.

Yeah, you heard me right: PAM. Pam comes to work wearing this skimpy outfits now. And get a load of this: she's wearing make up. And her hair down.

The guys are having a field day with it. I've never seen more people standing next to a desk for hours, staring at a woman's cleavage for so long. Even Kelly mentioned something about Pam's outfit being awesome because it was just "the right amount of slutty".

Call me crazy, but I have this paranoia that it's all AIMED TOWARDS ME. I'm not acknowledging it at all, I'm back into full-shield mode, and I didn't give Pam a second look. That she knows of.

But i was kind of observing her when the parade of guys were there to check out her curves, and she looked pretty uncomfortable around them. So I don't think she's doing it for their sake.

I really think that she's trying to prove a point.

She's trying to distract me and prove that I like her.
THE LITTLE BITCH!
Well, I will die before I let her be right. I have my dignity too. I'm nobody's game to play.

Fine, it is insanely hot to think that Pam is dressing up for me. It is a mind-numbing turn-on, to think that she's put her hair down and put up a push up bra and undone three buttons to see if I care. Yes, that is hot.

Ha! Little does she know that I've already seen her boob once. She can push up those things as much as she can, I'm WAAAY ahead of the game. HA-HA.

The thought makes me feel powerful (which is nice, I never feel that way lately), so I reinforce my decision of NOT showing her that she's right. She doesn't need to know that I'm in fact, crazy about her.

I'm still a working woman. In fact, I earn more than she does, I'm more important to this company. I need to keep some self respect, and Pam needs to see that, and she needs to respect me too. So, no amount of new outfits or make up or tight little pants are gonna change that.

My resolution is going great. The next couple of days go by, and I feel like I'm doing this long-distance hand wrestling with Pam, and that I'm winning so far. She has kind of paraded herself arond my desk a couple of times, and I've even managed to look at her like I don't care, and go back to my work. So it's not like she's intimidating me and I can't hold her eye, no: this time i LOOKED, I decided I wasn't interested, and I stopped looking. That has had to burn! I...hope!

Actually, it wasn't even that hard to fake. I am not sure that I like this Paris-Hiltonized version of Pam. Too much make up doesn't look natural in her. I like to see her facial features. Once, a while ago, she brought her glasses to the office, and she had them on and a ponytail, and i think that is the cutest that a person can ever look. Just a ponytail, and glasses, and the whole natural look. I find the red lipstick kind of scary, actually.

But I'm managing to avoid her insinuations,and I'm proud of myself, and I think things are going well. That is, until Michael calls us all to the Conference Room, to discuss next week's trip to Philadelphia for the something/something/paper selling convention.

How could I have forgotten about that? Does anybody in this office even work? Ever? We're always on trips or on appreciation seminars, or celebrating birthdays, or getting drunk at the Pub!
Michael rumbles on about all these activities that we're gonna do once in Philly. Pam is handing out a printed sheet to some of us, with an IItinerary and Schedule to be confirmed. Here comes the kick: I am going. And Andy is going. And Dwight is going. And PAM IS GOING (to take notes again?). And Jim is NOT.

I lift my eyes from the paper and I look at Pam, who is shamelessly staring at me. She rises an eyebrow, in a gesture that I can only assume she has copied from Scarlet O'Hara, and she seems to be smirking. Does this fricking girl read right through me, all the time?

OKAY! So we're going to be away for a couple of days. I don't even want to start thinking about what could happen or not happen. Instead, I should just take care of some unfinished things right now.

I need to talk to Jim.

I steal him from the Conference Room and we both sneak out of the office. I'm nervous, but we both know we have to do this. And yes, we have the break-up talk. And yes, Jim has been thinking about it too, for a while, because it is clearly not working for either one of us.

I apologize, because I haven't been invested in the relationship lately. I have been selfish and very worried only about my own problems.

Jim agrees: I have been distant and cold. I kind of get annoyed that he's so ready to tell me that I haven't been a good girlfriend, but I have to admit it's true. I would have probably been a better girlfriend if I was in love with him. But I don't tell him that.

We are both very adult and business-like about it: we hug, we smile. We agree to not be awkward at the office (we are gonna try, I swear to God I intend to try for real). I am very, very grateful that he made it this easy. I think that he must have been wanting to break up with me for a while too.

We return to the office together, and even though nothing seems to have changed, I feel lighter. Part of my guilt is gone. Now we're both single.