Chapter 3: As Jack and Kate find themselves reaching milestones in their relationship, they are forced to face, individually and together, their hopes and fears for the future.
A week later, while Jack was at work, Kate puttered around the house as Aaron napped upstairs. Bored and in need of conversation, she dialed the phone and waited as it rang on the other end.
"Hello?" came the voice of Cassidy.
"Hey there," Kate said pleasantly.
"Well hey yourself," Cassidy answered, recognizing Kate's voice, "How's life?"
"Life is pretty great, actually."
"My God. I think that's the first time you've ever answered that question without hesitation. Are you sure this is Kate Austen I'm talking to?"
Kate laughed. "I know, I know. But I mean it. I'm happy. How are you?"
"Oh can't complain. Day to day, you know how it is. The life of a single mother."
Kate hesitated. "Actually, Cass…that's what I'm sort of calling to tell you about. I'm not so single anymore."
"Oh?" Kate could hear the sly grin through the phone, "And who's the lucky guy?"
"Jack Shephard as a matter of fact." An unexpected sense of pride swelled up in Kate as she said it aloud.
"So he came around, did he?"
"What?" Kate was slightly confused, she rarely talked about Jack with Cassidy, mainly out of guilt.
"Kate you realize you were a bit of a celebrity for a while there. Everyone in California heard about him at the trial. Christ, I can't imagine. I mean the guy looked you right in the eye, swore in a court of law no less, and said he didn't love you. But I guess he came around."
Kate smiled, deciding to keep Jack's retraction of his courtroom statements to herself. "Yeah I guess he did. We've been together over a month now and it's going great. It's everything I hoped being with him would be."
"So on the island you two never…"
"Not really, no. I mean it was always there, but we just kept finding excuses not to go for it."
Cassidy was quiet for a long moment, trying to formulate things in her own head.
"Does he know about me and Clem?"
Kate sighed. "No. I just can't figure out how to tell him. Besides, I don't think it would make a lot of difference now."
"I guess, just…be careful, Kate. When you start keeping secrets from the person you love sooner or later everyone gets hurt. Trust me, I know."
Cassidy's words registered deep within Kate.
"Thanks, Cass."
At that moment, Jack walked in the door.
"Look I've gotta go, but I'll talk to you soon, okay?"
"Okay, Kate. Just remember what I said."
"I know. Goodbye."
Kate hung up the phone. Jack entered the kitchen looking tired but content as he loosened his tie.
"Who was that?" He asked just to make conversation.
"No one. Telemarketer." Kate replied succinctly. Her mind was racing with Cassidy's warning. Was this secret too big to reveal or too big to keep? She wasn't ready to make that decision just yet. Jack did not press further, but gave her a skeptical look. He decided it best to just change the subject.
"Hey what are we doing on Saturday afternoon?"
Kate thought for a moment. "Nothing, I don't think. Why?"
"I want to take you somewhere. There's someone really special I want you to meet."
Kate furrowed her brow, curious. "Is it a surprise?"
Jack thought for a moment, smiled, and shrugged. They exchanged a playful look, but she decided not to ask any further questions. Suddenly, Jack let out an exclamation.
"Damnit. I forgot my reading glasses at the apartment."
Kate looked surprised. "Since when do you wear reading glasses?"
He smirked. "Well, you know. I like to retain some air of mystery."
They laughed. "All right I'll be back in a little while." Jack said. He walked over to Kate and gave her a light kiss on the lips before heading back out the door.
As she watched him leave as quickly as he had entered, Kate was faced with a realization. Why hadn't she asked Jack to live with her yet? She was sure he wanted to but was too polite to instigate a conversation about it. He practically lived there already except for maybe a few nights a week, and that was only because he felt obligated to put the apartment to some kind of use considering he was hardly ever there.
But asking him to move in was a big step for Kate. It meant commitment. It had nothing to do with any doubts of her feelings, there were none, but she was keenly aware of her and Jack's opposite attitudes about committing to relationships. If anything, Jack was almost too dedicated to the people he cared about. Kate had never been that way. She attached and detached with hardly any second thoughts.
She wasn't proud of it, it was simply par for the course in the life of a fugitive. But she wasn't a fugitive anymore. The time for running and fleeing was behind her. Now more than ever she had the opportunity to plant her roots and have a family of her own, people to depend on and who could depend on her. But it was scary, as scary as the ever-present evasion of telling Jack she loved him. It was as if saying those words and inviting him into her home was like signing a binding contract.
Saturday afternoon arrived. They had spent the morning at the park with Aaron before dropping him off with the nanny while they went to Jack's mystery location. Kate had taken a photograph of him and Aaron by the swings, smiling and laughing. She promised Jack she would get it framed for them.
Kate had still not asked him where they were going, she figured there wasn't much of a point. But as he made a turn into the parking lot of a retirement home, she grew increasingly curious. She gave him a skeptical look and he just smiled knowingly as they pulled into a parking space.
"Jack what are we doing here?" she asked as they stepped out of the car.
"I told you. There's someone I want you to meet. Trust me, you're gonna love him." Jack walked over to Kate and took her hand, guiding her to the door.
Upon entering, they were immersed in what appeared to be some sort of geriatric Utopian village. Nurses led wheel-chaired men and women to and from the Bingo room, toward the shuffleboard courts and pool area. Kate was overwhelmed but slightly amused. Meanwhile, Jack approached the front desk.
"Hi Doreen," he said to the woman opposite him.
"He's been asking for you all day, Dr. Shephard. Call it a hunch but I think he's looking forward to seeing you." She smiled. Jack chuckled.
"Any recent escape attempts?"
"Once or twice in the last 6 months, but all in all he's been a good boy. Shall I take you to him? He's in the sun room."
"That's okay, Doreen, I'm sure I'll be able to find him. Just follow the loud complaints right?"
She laughed. "Hey, your words not mine."
Jack stepped toward Kate and put his hand to her back, leading her to their destination. They soon entered the sun room where sat three or four men and women lounging and reading. Kate noticed one white-haired man sitting in the corner having what appeared to be a heated debate with one of the orderlies. The man was trying to hand him back a small cup of pills and some water, refusing them, as the orderly somewhat pathetically tried to persuade him to consume them. Jack grinned and made his way toward the man. Kate's eyes grew wide, realizing this was who they were here to see.
"I'll take it from here. I'm a doctor." Jack said to the orderly, taking the pills and water. The young man looked to Jack with utter gratitude and quickly walked over to another patient.
"Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" said the old man. Kate stood to the side, unsure of how this introduction would go, or who she was being introduced to at all.
"I know, I know. It's just been a little hectic these last few months." Jack explained to him.
"Excuses, excuses. Just because you're on TV doesn't mean you can ignore me."
"Well I'm here now."
The man scoffed in acceptance. It was then that he turned and saw Kate standing awkwardly by.
"Please tell me you're my new nurse." He joked. Jack and Kate laughed.
"Sorry. Kate this is Ray Shephard. My grandfather." Kate sighed, finally understanding. She reached over and shook his hand politely.
"Nice to meet you." she said.
"Granddad, this is Kate Austen. She's um…" suddenly Jack was faced with a difficult situation. What exactly where they? 'Girlfriend' seemed far too inadequate a word. "Well I guess she's my…um…"
"She's your 'um.' I get it, Jack." Ray said with a sly smile. "Why don't you kids have a seat."
Jack and Kate pulled up chairs and sat beside Ray. Kate waited patiently for an interrogation.
"So Kate, how do you know my grandson?"
She looked to Jack, unsure if there was yet another fabricated story she was meant to insert here. He simply nodded to her to go on.
"He and I were in the plane crash together."
"Oh that's right. I remember hearing about you in the news, your trial."
Kate grew uncomfortable. Jack noticed this and interjected.
"That's all over with granddad. She's innocent."
"Hey I'm not one to cast stones, you know me." He retorted defensively. Kate looked to him gratefully.
"So why wait all this time? You've been back over a year now."
Jack took the lead here.
"Well it was complicated. Getting the timing right, you know how it can be."
"Psh. Let me tell you kids a truth, here. Love is not something you can wait around for. Once you find it, you gotta snatch it up as fast as you can cause it can be gone just as quickly. Trust me, I'm old. I know about these things."
They laughed but heard the validity of what he was saying. Jack and Kate exchanged a meaningful look. Kate felt like saying to him, 'I know. Just be patient with me, please,' but instead turned back to Ray. They talked for another half hour or so. He told stories of Jack as a little boy, causing the easily embarrassed doctor to blush and Kate to giggle. Finally it was time to go.
"So soon? We just got started!" Ray protested.
"Sorry, granddad. We'll back soon though, I promise."
"It was great to meet you, Ray. I feel like I know Jack better than I ever needed to." Jack chuckled, going red once again.
"Hey what are grandparents for?" they shook hands once more.
"I'll meet you out by the car okay?" Jack said as Kate looked to him to follow her out. She nodded and exited the room.
"So what did you think?" Jack asked.
"Of what?"
"What do you mean 'of what?' Of Kate."
"Does it matter? You love her and she loves you, it's obvious enough. What have I got to do with it?"
"I just wanted to know." Jack was crestfallen.
"Jack, I'm not your father. You don't need my approval. But if you want to know, I say she's a keeper through and through. Do whatever you have to do, Jack. Don't let something like that pass you by."
Jack felt himself on the verge of tears. "Thanks, Ray." He leaned over and embraced his grandfather. "And don't forget to take those pills."
"Eh what are you, my doctor?"
"I'm saying that as a surgeon and as your grandson."
"Fine fine fine. Whatever."
"I'll see you soon."
"Goodbye, Jack."
And with that, Jack exited the sun room and made his way back to the parking lot where Kate was leaning against the passenger door.
"Finished talking about me behind my back?" she joked.
"You bet. Let's go home." Jack unlocked the car and they both got it. The whole way back to Kate's house, she kept thinking of what Jack had just said: 'home.' It was their home. She thought about what had just happened and didn't know how to express to Jack that him introducing her to Ray meant more to her than it probably ever could to him. The idea that he wanted her to meet someone so close to him, family, overwhelmed her. Perhaps it was because of how ashamed she was of her own family, or how private a man she knew Jack to be, but it truly moved her that he felt they were at a point in their relationship where he was willing to share that part of himself. She realized then that it was time to prove they were in the same place.
In moments he was pulling up the driveway. When he parked, he motioned to get out, but Kate held him back.
"Hey Jack. What if it actually was 'home'?"
"What?"
"My house. What if it really was, you know, 'home'? For both of us, I mean."
Jack opened his mouth to speak, but paused, taking one more second to put her words together in his head.
"Kate, are you asking me to move in with you?"
She sighed, bracing herself. "Yeah, I guess I am."
Jack swelled with happiness. "Are you sure about this?"
After a beat, Kate leaned over and kissed Jack tenderly. She pulled away, but only slightly. "I want to wake up next to you every morning." Jack went in for another kiss, this one even more emotional.
"Well then. Shall we?" Jack said, opening his door. They got out of the car and walked hand in hand toward the front door. At the threshold, Jack suddenly scooped Kate up and carried her in like a bride.
"Home sweet home." Jack said and kissed her sweetly. She continued giggling, full of more happiness than she knew what to do with. All of a sudden, Aaron came bounding toward them excitedly.
"Mommy! Uncle Jack!" he called, clearly happy to see them. Uncle Jack was a name he and Kate had decided on since neither felt comfortable having Aaron refer to him as Daddy, although Jack was, for all intents and purpose, a true father. Jack put Kate down so he could kneel and be at Aaron's height.
"I got some good news, buddy!" Jack said.
"Uncle Jack is coming to live with us for good!" Kate said, unable to keep from bursting. Aaron's face lit up with joy. He threw his arms around Jack who lifted him straight off the ground and spun him in the air. Kate looked on, ready to cry, hoping her mental snapshot of this moment would never fade. She knew that this was as close to perfect as she would ever find.
Later, around midnight, both Jack and Kate pretended to be asleep but were each caught up in their own little worlds, Kate replaying Cassidy's words, Jack replaying Ray's. Everything was moving in the right direction now. They were getting closer by the day, but they feared this sense of 'too good to be true' would somehow catch up with them, that they would sabotage themselves as they had so many times on the island.
Though he tried not to let it bother him, Jack was becoming more and more aware of Kate's deliberate avoidance of saying she loved him. Every time he told her, she would either smile at him almost gratefully or simply kiss him. These gestures were well and good, but did not mean the same thing, no matter what they told themselves. Ray had told him today that it was obvious she loved him, and it frustrated Jack that it was so clear to a man who had only just met her, when to him, who had spent more time with Kate than anyone, still wasn't sure.
"Kate. Are you awake?" he asked the darkness. They were not curled up together. He was on his back, she was on her side wrapped up into herself. It took her a moment to respond, she wasn't sure if she should pretend to be asleep or face his questions of why she was awake. She couldn't tell him about Sawyer and Clementine. Not just yet.
"Yeah." She replied quietly. It felt to Kate as if almost 10 minutes passed before he spoke, when in reality it was only a few seconds. When he did speak, it was barely above a whisper.
"Do you love me?"
Kate turned over and they faced each other. She looked thoughtfully into his eyes.
"I don't want to answer that, Jack."
He felt his heart begin to pump faster and faster.
"Why not?"
"Because answering it as a question isn't the same as saying it."
"Then why don't you say it?"
"Jack. You know you don't want this to happen this way. Just let it go." She put her hand to his face. "And trust me, it's not because I don't. Okay? I feel everything for you that you feel for me. I promise."
Jack wanted to continue, but he knew she was right. The last thing he wanted was to bully her into saying it. She would resent him forever if he did that. Instead he nodded, accepting if not understanding. They rolled back into their former positions, but neither fell asleep. Jack mulled over Kate's words for hours before finally forcing himself to admit what he knew was the truth. What she had just said, what she had just promised him, while it wasn't what he was really looking for, he knew deep down that it was the best he was ever going to get.
In the hours of dark silence Kate, too, afforded herself a realization. She finally understood why she couldn't bring herself to say those words to Jack. It was because somewhere so deep inside of her she could barely muster the strength to find it, she knew that one day this would be gone. That he would be gone. That she would lose him for good. And if she told him she loved him, if she sealed the bond those words would create, it would make that inevitable day more unbearable than she could take. She knew that every moment she went without saying it hurt him more and more, little by little, but it was the price she paid for knowing that when he finally abandoned her forever, it would be the end of her life as she knew it. And it was that thought that kept her awake most nights, it was that thought that made her cherish the incredible moments she had with him now, because she understood in her heart of hearts that they were numbered.
As she contemplated this thought, she began weeping. It started as only a few tears but soon enough her whole body was shaking. Jack noticed this and slowly, without words or questions, pulled her to him in a tight embrace. She clung to him as if he would disappear at that very moment. He held her this way until she finally quieted down and the pair steadily drifted off to sleep, not once moving.
A/N: Thanks SO much to my readers and reviewers! I'm so pleased people are enjoying this. Just to give you a game plan, there will probably be 3 more chapters, but I'm not sure yet if that number includes the epilogue (which I've already written) or not. I will also try to keep the updates a bit more regular. Keep reading and reviewing!
