Chapter 6: aka 'The End: Redux'. This is the Jack/Kate moments from the finale, re-examined with the events of this story in mind. In a certain sense, this is sort of a bridge chapter, if not filler. BUT it does sort of bring the whole 'I love you' thing that I've addressed in this story to a semi-pleasing conclusion.
Kate couldn't believe what she was hearing or seeing. Jack and the man called Jacob stood before her, finalizing the terms by which Jack would take over as protector of the island. It was a job he would observe for as long as he possibly could, which meant eternity to her. It was surreal. A part of her was angry at Jack, and it was the same anger she had felt time and again since they had been back here. The anger that swelled in her when he said things like "You didn't like the old me" or that enough of their relationship had been plagued by misery that he would rather wipe it from his memory entirely. Jack believed this place was the only thing he had left, that it somehow cared for him and could help him understand who he was. It seemed to mean more to him now than she ever could. And now he had signed the rest of his life over in service of it.
But the greater anger that began to surface was with herself. Would this have happened if she had been honest with him from the start? Would they even have come back here? It made her feel so stupid now, and so much of her fear so insignificant. She had neglected to tell him she loved him because of her fear of losing him, which inevitably pulled him away until he actually did leave her. It seemed ridiculous to think of now. If she had just said it from the beginning, from the moment she felt it, if she had just allowed herself to put her heart on the line, they might be back in LA now married with children of their own.
Anger turned into guilt, and she pondered this alone through the remaining hours until daylight, watching from afar as Jack stood stoic, wading in the stream waters. Was it too late? Couldn't she still at least try to reach him? Jacob had said they were approaching some sort of end, and even without that declaration they could all feel something climactic and definitive on the horizon. Through this sense of looming finality, she realized deep down that her time was more limited than ever. If she waited any longer it would be too late. The obstacle was that he already believed it was.
The next morning she approached the stream where he still remained in the hopes of convincing him not to go through with this "job." But as she watched from the shelter of the high grass, she could see that he had already made his peace with it. He had made up his mind that this was his destiny, his purpose. And if she knew one thing about Jack, it was that once his mind was made up, it could not be changed. She thought for a brief second that she should go through with her plan anyway, but she did not want to disturb him only to face defeat. And so she sauntered away feeling more hopeless than before.
Later, as they marched on toward the mysterious "heart of the island," Kate decided she couldn't throw in the towel just yet. She couldn't afford to spend one second asking herself 'what would have happened if…' There wasn't time for that. Jack marched on determinedly ahead of her and Hurley, but she was able to catch him up and ask him exactly what she wanted to know.
"Why'd you take the job, Jack?"
"Because I was supposed to." Kate felt her heart sink, but this was quickly replaced by her frustration that that seemed to be his answer for everything these days.
"Why because our names were written on a wall?"
"I took it because it's the only thing I've got left. It's the only thing I haven't managed to ruin." She didn't know why she had expected him to say any different. This had been his position since they had returned to the island in the first place. But perhaps now, if she forced herself to move past this defeat and try to tell him once and for all that it wasn't too late, then maybe he would see.
"You haven't ruined anything." She stepped ahead and turned to him, forcing him to stop in his tracks and look directly into her eyes. "Nothing is irreversible." She hoped he would understand what this meant: that even though this felt like the end, like there was no going back, he still had a choice. He could still have the life they had put on hold. It was still possible. Anything was.
Jack looked at her intently, processing what she had said. At that moment, though, Hurley interjected: "This would be so sweet if we weren't all about to die."
Kate stood, undeterred by Hurley's pessimism. But Jack simply gave her a half-smile, one that seemed more uncomfortably courteous than anything, before walking on. She followed, becoming increasingly bereft. Perhaps it really was time to give up. He clearly already had.
The harsh rain pelted Kate as it poured down on her, Hurley, Sawyer, and Ben who were making their way to the location of Locke's boat. As they got closer, Kate could vaguely make out two shapes on the rocks, but it was unclear what was going on. However it didn't take long for her to figure it out as she saw them running toward each other only to seemingly collide. She quickened her pace, knowing that Jack was one of these figures and that Locke was the other.
Suddenly she heard a scream that she knew belonged to Jack, echoing across the barren rockface and seeming to penetrate the very core of her. She armed herself and immediately began running toward them.
When she arrived, she was horrified at the scene before her: Locke had Jack pinned to the ground, a knife slowly digging into his throat as he struggled to fight back. But she could see that Locke was only seconds from completely overpowering him. There was no second-guessing what she needed to do.
The shot rang out, and Kate stood triumphantly, her weapon still brandished.
"I saved you a bullet." She said, happy to send this creature back to wherever it had come from. Jack slowly got to his feet, quietly grateful for what she had done. But before they could relish in their victory, Jack had to make sure the job was complete, and with one forceful kick, sent Locke over the edge of the cliff to his death.
It was over at last. Suddenly, the sun began clearing and Kate ran to Jack, helping him back up on the rocks. It frightened her how weak he seemed, especially when he nearly collapsed onto the ground. She caught him, and knelt with him in her arms, propping him up so they could speak. Kate couldn't hide the panic in her voice, Jack's breath was shallow and sporadic, and she could feel her stomach bottom out as he lifted his shirt to reveal a deep wound in his abdomen. A wound she knew was too deep.
"Jack…" she sighed, distressed.
"I'll be fine." He said off-handedly, almost with a smile. "Just give me some thread and I can count to five."
Kate tried to laugh with him, but her heart simply wasn't in it. She knew for a fact that this time, counting to five really wouldn't be enough.
As Kate struggled to understand why the island was still collapsing, Jack explained that it was because "whatever Desmond turned off, I need to turn it back on again."
She dreaded what was coming next.
"But if it doesn't work, if I don't make it happen, you all need to leave now. You need to be on that plane."
Kate refused to hear this. She couldn't give up. Not yet. Abandoning her inhibitions, she stood and moved toward him.
"You can come with us too, Jack. You don't have to do this." She wasn't even trying to hide her desperation at this point.
"No, I do have to."
She crouched to the ground in a rush, forcing their faces to be inches apart, so that he could look her directly in the eye as she begged him one last time to choose hope over whatever it was he thought this island offered.
"No you don't! Let the island sink, Jack." But he merely shook his head.
"Kate…I can't." his voice was serious and honest.
She had to face facts. There was no going back. It was, no matter how much she had tried to deny it, quite simply too late. She stared at him, completely bereft, exhausted, contemplating the sudden and painful awareness that this was the last time she would ever see his face. In these few seconds, she tried to memorize every feature, but the emotions were too great. She stood and stepped away from him.
Kate watched on in despair as Jack said goodbye to Sawyer. Ben and Hurley would go with him, but she knew he wouldn't give her that choice. As he finally came to her, she desperately clung to any last thread of promise she could find.
"Tell me I'm gonna see you again." She said, knowing of course the answer would be no. He sighed and shook his head, not knowing what to say. And in this brief second, she finally realized what this moment was. This was the moment she had lain awake countless nights imagining, fearing. This was the reason she had always kept her love for him at arm's length. But now she understood that no matter what, had she said it a thousand times or none, nothing would make this moment anything less than unbearable. And as she took in the state of the situation, she knew there was only one thing left for her to do.
And so without any hesitation, Kate collided her lips against his. They put everything they had into this one kiss, knowing it was the last of what would always be too few. It was as if they were trying to transfer every emotion they had ever felt for each other into the other's being. As tears streamed down their faces, Jack held her to him as tightly as he could despite the pain from his wound. She didn't want to part from him, but she had to. The words were about to burst out of her.
"I love you," she gasped, feeling the weight of its truth register at last. Jack's breath caught and she could see his eyes rush with fresh tears, this time of joy and something near relief. He then flashed her a smile she had never seen before. And she realized it was because hearing her finally say these words filled him with not only happiness, but a long-awaited peace.
"I love you." He replied, simply repeating what he had always known to be true and what he had told her so many times before. Without another word – because what else was left to say? – Jack began making his way back toward the jungle, ready to face the final leg of his journey. Kate watched on, sobbing quietly, but had to look away. The sight of him walking off into the distance was too much. It was like literally watching him walk out of her life. She knew he was marching toward his death, and before she allowed her mind to begin searching through their past to find every little regret, she was content in the fact that at least he would die knowing once and for all - no matter what had come between them - she loved him. Past, present, and future.
A/N: I know I said last time that there were two chapters left, meaning one more after this, but I've actually written a new epilogue. So NOW it's actually 2 chapters left. Sorry to be so skitzo about that.
reviews are always appreciated!
