a/n Okay. Time for two things at once—soapbox and thanks. Soapbox: Among other things, I'm a teacher. As such, I get random questions all the time—what's this mean, how fast is this supposed to go, what do I do when this breaks, etc. Sometimes, I get a question that I don't know the answer to, and I find out. I hate when teachers refuse to acknowledge their mistakes, or even begrudge a student for challenging them. I love a challenge, and I love when someone says, "Um, no, you're wrong." As long as I can do my research and get it right.

Thanks: To Mia, for graciously pointing out an error of mine (very kindly, informatively, and constructively, I may add)—the title of this story SHOULD be "Mea Familia, Vita Mea" or something to that effect (for real, let me know if that's right—I did more research, and it sounds right). My original source lied to me—it was somewhere on the net, and I've slept since then. Shocking, that the internet can be wrong… We call this lost in translation, dear children ("prosapia" is more vague and references more of an ancestral lineage, if I've got it right). Mea culpa So beware, at some time in the future, the title will change.

Now, on to what you came for—Jasper wants his say! This chapter needs to be dedicated to Mia, the girl who I'm sure is the sweetheart that will tell you, "Hey, honey, you've got something on your ass," get it off for you, and give you a hug when you're embarrassed about it

At the Hop—October, 1956

It was becoming increasingly difficult to make a decision. One the one hand, he wanted to dance with Alice, who was currently out on the gymnasium floor with Rosalie in a Dior dress, the pair of them laughing and swinging each other around. He wanted her tiny body in his arms, wanted all the pubescent boys in this room to know that she was his, in every way possible.

On the other, it was absolutely hysterical to watch Tanya's attempted advances, and feel Edward's extreme discomfort.

To Edward's credit, he'd changed from his usual laid back look into slacks and a vest over a white shirt. He'd tried to comb his hair, knowing Tanya liked it messy, and the result made him look quite odd.

Tanya, on the other hand, was attracting the attention of a good chunk of males in the room, both teenaged and teachers, in a dress that was probably illegal in some states. It was a black cocktail dress, too short for many, but completely in Tanya's sexed up fashion, with only a single strap holding it up—sleeveless, for all intents and purposes. Her long legs flowed endlessly, and her blonde hair was curled tightly. It hugged her like a second skin, and had absolutely no affect on his asexual brother, except extreme discomfort.

She tossed her head back, sighing heavily, for all intents and purposes trying to look as if she were bored, but Jasper could tell her real intentions. The lust pouring off of her made his pants a little tighter, and he shifted in his seat, shaking his head apologetically at his younger brother.

"I wish someone would dance with me," she said, staring up at the ceiling, her chest jutted out in a way that would have been seductive to anyone else. She rolled her head off to the side and pouted over at Edward, who pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm so damned bored."

"I don't dance," Edward muttered, and Emmett chuckled. Edward's eyes narrowed at Emmett, and Emmett's laughter increased.

Tanya stretched her arms over her head, making a show of bringing them back down, blatantly running them down the sides of her barely-contained breasts. She sighed again, still pouting, as Edward turned his attention to the band. Despite being told over and over by Emmett that it would just be easier if he had Tanya and got it over with, Edward constantly refused. Despite her constant attempts at backing him into a corner, trapping him under mistletoe, staying at home with him while everyone else went out hunting. Despite her comment the other day that she preferred the new brassieres to corsets, because they were easier to get off. Despite her walking around in a towel that, more than once, she'd accidentally dropped in front of him with a sly, "Oops."

He'd looked away, hidden in the woods, locked himself in his room, and she still didn't get the hint. Unless she got the hint and was just really relentless.

A wave of discomfort rushed over Jasper, and he felt a bit of pity for his brother. He watched as Edward, uncomfortable and reeking it to everyone but Tanya, ran his hand distractedly through his hair.

Exit the attempt at tame, enter the messy hair that Edward normally sported. Tanya's lust level spiked, and she reached over to tousle it some more. Edward stayed stone still as she spent an unnecessarily long time messing it up again.

"I don't like your hair all slicked back," she said, smiling coyly. "I like it messy."

A burst of laughter burst out of Emmett. If it were possible, tears would have been rolling down his cheeks. Edward batted Tanya's hand away and stood up abruptly, shoving his hands in his pockets and turning on his heel, his head low as he stalked from the gym.

Tanya scowled and leaned across the table toward Jasper. "So be honest—he's gay, right?"

"Excuse us," Jasper said stiffly, trying hard to contain his own laughter while grabbing Emmett by the elbow and dragging him out of the gym after Edward.

As soon as they were out the front doors, the laughter Jasper had been trying to hold in escaped, and the two of them stood outside laughing for several minutes before Jasper was able to sober up.

"Where'd Edward go?" he asked, glancing around.

Emmett pointed to the car, where Edward's profile could be seen leaning up against the back. They made their way over at human speed, sobering up as they went, but still trying to keep it in. When they reached him, he was scowling at his feet with his arms crossed.

"Just to be sure," Emmett said, his eyes twinkling, "you're not a queer, right? Because I think you've seen me naked a time or two, and I don't want to be the star of your masturbatory fantasies." In perfect imitation of Tanya, Emmett tossed his head back, brushed back imaginary hair, and jutted his chest out, pouting.

It worked. Edward burst into laughter, and Emmett joined him. Jasper grinned. "Girl knows how to lay it on thick, doesn't she?"

"Jesus, I thought she was gonna try and jump him at the table," Emmett managed to get out through his laughter.

"She thought about it," Edward said, still grinning. "I think she has the most vulgar mind I've ever heard."

Voices arose out of the darkness, and the three of them squatted down behind the car.

"I don't think so," one voice said, and Jasper recognized it as Murray Lewis, a greaser who prided himself on his many female conquests. "I mean, I've been in the locker room with him a bunch of times and he's never looked at anyone twice."

"Come on, man." Murray's friend, Andy, was with him. "She's a fast babe—did you see her showin' him her tits?"

Edward mimed beating his head against the parking lot.

"Yeah, but see that dress she's got on?" Murray laughed. "Two words for you, man—high maintenance. He's not queer—he just doesn't wanna be one of those guys following after some doll down the city streets holdin' a poodle and eighteen bags."

"Well, if he doesn't plan on doin' her, I may just introduce myself to the lady and offer to show her around town." Andy's voice was joking, but Jasper could tell he was serious.

"Go for it man," Murray said. "Just don't call me when she wants a ring from Tiffany."

Their voices started heading off to the school, and Emmett's voice broke the quiet.

"Well, looks like you're off the hook for a while," he said, laughing. "She's so pent up, she'll probably put out to the first thing that moves."

The three of them rolled with hysterical laughter again, and Jasper found he was having a better time outside than in. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but he was embarrassed at having to hold back from killing the people around him. He knew Alice was watching closely, and so was Edward, but it didn't stop from making him feel worthless.

Edward had stopped laughing, and was staring at Jasper. Emmett, oblivious, was still chuckling. "This I gotta see," he said, and he got to his feet, glancing around the parking lot before jetting to the door and back inside to watch Andy's play for Tanya.

Edward moved to sit next to Jasper, and said quietly, "I'll stay out and keep you company if you don't want to go back in. Or I can go get Alice."

Jasper considered for a moment before he answered. "You're more than welcome," he said, grinning. "You keep me from killing the locals, and I'll protect you from Tanya."

"God," Edward said, rolling his eyes. "I can't handle her anymore. I mean, she's pretty and all, I'm not denying that." He sighed heavily, and Jasper suddenly realized that Edward hadn't really been able to talk about this with anyone. He could feel his brother's frustration, and it frustrated him back to realize that this was taking more of a toll on him than anyone else realized. "There's just no interest for me. She's so transparent, I don't even need to read her thoughts. I mean, you heard them—" Edward jerked his head at the direction Andy and Murray had gone— "people think I'm a queer. I'm not—I just hear too much."

"No mystery," Jasper said, nodding. "That really would kill any shot at romance."

"Yeah," Edward agreed. Then he grinned. "Plus, she's not my type."

Jasper raised his eyebrows. "You have a type?"

Edward shrugged. "I guess. I don't like blondes," he said, bitterly.

"I picture you as more of a brunette kind of guy." Jasper slid his feet out in front of him. "Everybody's got a type. Mine's short, brunette, and bouncy, with a little crazy tossed in for good measure."

"I'm not crazy." Alice's voice was bitter as she bounced around the car. She was pouting at her husband. "Edward, be a nice brother and tell him I'm not crazy."

"I would," Edward said seriously, "but I don't like lying to my own family."

Alice's eyes narrowed. "I know where your tickle spots are," she said.

"I know where yours are."

"Not if I don't think about it."

Jasper grinned and reached around his brother quickly, before he'd really made up his mind whether he really wanted to annoy his wife or not, and hooked a finger around the back of her knee. She squealed and hopped away, plopping gracefully behind Edward.

The moment felt good to Jasper, who was tired of fighting with his nature, trying not to kill people and drink their blood. Alice had felt at home with the Cullens before she'd even set food on their door, but it was taking him longer.

Today was the first time he'd really felt like part of the family, he realized. He's stopped looking at the Cullens as "them" and at himself as separate. They'd accepted him, just like Alice. He wasn't sure why they had, but it felt good.

He watched his brother try to defend himself from Alice, laughing when Edward would see her attacks a split second before they happened, and blocked her with his hands. The three of them were so distracted that they didn't hear footsteps, or a car door opening and closing.

Edward suddenly froze, his eyes wide, before he groaned. "There's no escape, is there?"

"Oh, my God," Alice whispered. "That is one of the things I don't look for."

"Gross."

Jasper glanced across the lot to where a car was rocking back and forth, moans and groans emanating out, only perceptible to their sensitive ears.

"Does she know we're out here?"

Edward buried his head in his hands, pulling at his hair. "No. That's disgusting. Seriously, I want to vomit right now." He wasn't saying something, Jasper knew from his level of disgust. An errant thought struck his mind, and just as he started to dismiss it, Edward's head snapped up. "Exactly," he said disgustedly.

Alice frowned. "What?"

Jasper was trying very hard not to laugh. "She's picturing Edward while she… you know."

Alice's jaw dropped. "Ew!" she squealed.

The rocking paused.

"Run for it," Edward muttered, and the three of them bolted into the trees.

"We know nothing," Jasper said, laughing, as they raced back home. His brother shuddered briefly before Jasper's infectious mood got to him, and the three of them were in hysterics by the time they got back home.

They tried to sober up, but when they passed their parents in the living room, Carlisle's simple question, "Where's Tanya?" killed the sobriety. The three of them resumed their laughing, and it wasn't long before Carlisle and Esme had started, too.