She looks out of the kitchen window. Sees him sitting on the back step, smoking. She opens the door, waits for a moment while he moves slightly to one side, and sits quietly next to him. Without looking at her, or saying anything, he hands her the half smoked cigarette, and she takes a long drag. Naomi squints through the cloud of smoking as she exhales, hands it back and finally says:
"We really should stop meeting like this, people will talk"
His shoulders move once as he exhales a small laugh. He says nothing, stares at the middle distance. She reaches over and takes his hand, he doesn't resist. They sit a while longer.
"I don't know what to say to you" she finally admits
He doesn't look at her; "You don't have to say anything, it's OK" squeezes her hand gently
"Cook, it's far from OK, why didn't you say something, tell me before?"
He smiles "Oh right, that would have been cool "he looks her in the eyes, continues "Oh, Hi Naomi, long time no see, did I tell you about a girl I fell in love with? No? She was made into a chair..." he looks away, "that would have gone down well"
She flinches, takes a sharp breath.
He casts a glance in her direction, "Sorry" he mumbles.
"It's so horrific" she shudders at the thought of it "How are you...coping?"
"I was coping by not thinking too much about it," he laughs ironically "Not working out as well as I'd hoped, to be honest" he breathes out the last of the cigarette smoke, stubs out the butt on the step, Naomi notices the small pile forming there. He takes a long breath in, shakes his head "War stories"
"Sorry?" Naomi says
"War stories," Cook says louder, "always promised myself I wouldn't be one of those sad sacks telling war stories down the pub" He smiles weakly.
"Oh Cook, "she wraps a protective arm around him, "What are we going to do with you?"
He half smiles, "Naomi," he begins gingerly "Some advice?"
"Go on." She says simply
"If she...If Soraya, "he pauses for a long moment, as if mentioning her name causes him physical pain "If she taught me anything, it was just, you know? Don't let stuff get in the way of being in love, OK? You, her. Work it out, Yeah?
"Ohhh Kaaay, " Naomi makes a face, looks suddenly ashamed as Cook looks at her seriously "OK...I'll talk to her."
He nods, satisfied.
OooooO
"...But I don't know what to say to him" Effy bites a nail unconsciously, looks out the window.
"You don't have to say anything Eff", Naomi rubs the bridge of her nose, "Just...just be with him for a bit, yeah?"
Effy stands, thinks for a moment, nods, turns and opens the door, sits next to Cook, puts an arm around him. Naomi can hear them start to talk quietly.
"How is he?" Emily is standing in the doorway
Naomi turns, smiles sadly "he'll be Ok, I think," she shrugs, "I dunno... Effy's with him."
Emily nods, says nothing, crosses her arms, uncrosses them, looks away, then back at Naomi. "Last night..."she begins.
"About last..." Naomi speaks at the same time. They smile at each other.
"I was drunk, " begins Emily "I shouldn't have..." she stops as she sees the look on Naomi's face. "What?"
Naomi takes a breath, now or never, she thinks "Emily," She looks at her hands, "can we talk?"
"Sure, I s'ppose"
"Let's go for a walk, I need to get out of here"
They walk slowly down the leafy avenue away from Panda's place. It's a nice evening, and they walk in silence, falling easily into pace with each other, Naomi resists the urge to reach for Emily's hand, instead reaches into her pocket for her fags, offers one to Emily, who shakes her head and looks at Naomi. She sighs, and without saying anything, puts the fags back in her jeans. As they walk, they wander slowly down unfamiliar lanes, the houses become sparser, until finally they notice they are in the space where the countryside and the edge of town meet in uneasy truce. Emily looks around. "This looks sort of familiar"
Naomi hasn't been paying attention "Really?" she looks around, "you sure?"
Emily grows more confident, she smiles, "I never knew she lived here..." It goes unfinished as she sets off more quickly, more determinedly, she shouts over her shoulder "C'mon" she breaks into a jog.
"Emily, wait, "Naomi runs after her downhill and round a small corner, and there she sees where Emily is standing, Naomi is bought up short "oh".
"Fancy a swim?" Emily is standing in front of the large green pond, its surface covered in green weeds, and floating debris. Ducks flap and quack.
Naomi smiles at her, "I'm not falling for that twice."
They look about, a couple stroll past, and they can hear children laughing from the other side. "Popular" says Naomi, she stands next to Emily at the side of the pond, Emily scuffs stones into the water with her toes, and they both watch the ripples slowly spread.
"You wanted to talk" Emily says finally, still looking at the water.
"About us..." begins Naomi
Emily looks up, and interrupts "There isn't an 'us', Naomi. Remember? You made that clear when you asked me to leave you alone." She holds Naomi's arm up turns it over to reveal the tattoo; "Enough, Remember?" there's bitterness in her voice. She drops Naomi's arm, and walks a short distance away.
Naomi suddenly realises that this isn't going to be easy, that perhaps just declaring her continued love for the small woman standing some distance away wasn't actually going to be enough. It was all very well for Cook to tell her to mend this relationship, but that needs two people she thinks, and perhaps one of them doesn't actually want to repair it. She sighs, opens the packet of Marlboros, and lights one. Gratefully breathes in a lungful. She walks over to Emily, stands a small distance behind her. "But, last night, we..."
Emily spins around "We were drunk, we had sex, let's be honest Naomi, that part of our relationship has never been difficult, right? Perhaps that's all we ever had"
"You don't mean that" her voice breaks slightly and Naomi resists the almost overwhelming urge to cry. Only Emily can hurt her like this, she thinks, only she knows her weaknesses. She takes another lungful, "So last night? Just a random shag? I just happen to be the most convenient person in that club, the idiot you knew wouldn't turn you down?"
Emily's head falls, she turns away, Naomi can see her rub her face, she's quiet when she finally answers "No, I didn't mean...Sorry."
An uneasy silence falls between them.
Naomi finishes her cigarette, she starts slowly when she finally says "Seeing you this weekend, after all this time, being with you, and yes, making love to you again..."
Emily turns and looks at her, there are tears falling down her face, her bottom lips quivers as she tries unsuccessfully to hold them back.
Naomi continues, "...Made me realise"
"What?"
Naomi looks at her feet briefly before continuing. "That I'm still in love with you."
Emily sighs, says nothing, and the silence stenches between them. Finally she looks up, a small satisfied smile creeps across her face. "Hurts, doesn't it?" she finally says.
"What?" Naomi is confused.
"When you love some-one and they reject you, it hurts"
"Emily, please" Naomi reaches out for her hands, but Emily is already moving away from her.
"No, " Emily is shaking her head, "You don't get to do that, you don't get to say that to me, and expect everything to be OK," she pauses, people start to look at them as Emily raises her voice, and counts on her fingers "Bitter, petty, jealous, those were some of my 'better' qualities I seem to recall you saying last time we had this conversation, this argument, when I begged you not to throw what we had away. " Emily pauses, shakes her head, she begins to walk away
"Emily" Naomi calls after her
"No, I'm not listening to this" Emily doesn't look over her shoulder, walks away into the darkening evening. Leaving Naomi stood alone at the edge of a pond on the outskirts of a city she doesn't belong in anymore.
OooooO
"Where are you going?"
Naomi doesn't look up from packing her small case, answers "Home, I shouldn't have come here"
Cook walks into the room, "Did you talk to her"
Naomi simply nods.
"Did you tell her how you feel?"
Naomi stops for a moment, "Oh yes, I made a real fucking idiot of myself, I told her, like you said, she more or less told me to fuck off. Last time I take advice from you, Cook" She finishes her packing, looks at him, her face softens, "Stay in touch, OK" They hug briefly.
Naomi manages not to cry while she waits for a taxi, and she keeps it together all the way to the train station, and stares blankly out of the window on the journey home. It's not until she reaches the small flat that they used to call theirs, that she finally breaks, and the tears flow. They don't seem to stop no matter how hard she tries.
