So, that's the English version of my story. Special thanks to my beta: onedaytoday – love you for doing this for me. You have no idea how much this means to me ^^
Disclaimer: nothing is mine T_T
Cassie POV
Trust
"Cassie." The softly growled order in this one word, my name, made me wince.
By now I would recognize this wonderful deep voice anywhere at any time. John Pritkin, my personal bodyguard and war mage, dropped a rough hand down on my shoulder. The more I tried to ignore him, the more impatient he became. His impatience was famous and most of the time dangerous and to be honest, I believed it was caused by the ten cups of coffee he drank every day. I never saw him relaxed or content. I never saw him laughing or smiling. In my opinion it was a shame and so I made a promise to myself some time ago to make him laugh, at least once. Unfortunately, none of my efforts had worked.
"Miss Palmer," his hand pressed a little harder.
Inwardly I groaned and clenched my hands into fists to prevent myself from kicking his ass. Hard. Miss Palmer? What was his problem? He knew exactly what to say to make me angry. The whole Miss Palmer and Lady Cassandra thing bugged me to no end. Damn, we were equal, we were partners and something like friends.
"What do you want, Pritkin?" was my own growled answer. God, Billy was right! This man had actually rubbed off on my good manners. And not in a good way.
"Training, what else? You still need a lot of it if you want to face the Black Circle, the vampires and the elves and have a chance of surviving."
His gentle breath stroked my suddenly hot neck. Suddenly timid, I turned my head and looked into ice-green eyes. In that second, I couldn't think properly anymore. I was speechless. There he stood, not two feet away from me. His arms now folded, the blond hair, like always, defying gravity. A slight beard shadow could be seen. He wore what looked like clean jeans (at least there weren't any visible blood stains, dust or dirt) and a black T-shirt that showed his biceps to advantage.
Suddenly I saw something I had never seen in his eyes before.
"You worry about me!" Abruptly I stood up, which caused my book to fall to the ground. I stepped back a few feet. It was so surprising, so confusing that I had trouble believing what I saw. I knew that he didn't want me to dead, but I had never believed there were ever any personal feelings behind his efforts to keep me alive. Today he stood before me with so much concern in his eyes it was as if he had already found me slaughtered in some warehouse.
A mocking smile tugged at his lips and his face was the usual perfect mask of arrogance and self-confidence within a tenth of a second.
"A dead pythia is a bad pythia. As long as there is no other candidate available, I want to make sure you are safe. But with you, there is never any certainty, so I have to train you." A brief flicker in his eyes got my attention. Was that worry about me again or about my position? This man and his mood swings were impossible to predict. Well, at least he gave me honest answers, whether I liked them or not.
"Believe me, until now I got through my life well enough. One of my best talents is to know how to escape," I replied bitterly, while my arms were wrapped protectively around my body. All I ever wanted was a calm life without fear, without having to wonder if I could survive the next day or would be found dead on some cold street somewhere.
Although my eyes were glued to the ground, I could feel his intense gaze perfectly. Hot blood rushed into my head, as thoughts I couldn't control crept into my brain. Thoughts of his slightly flushed skin, his broad shoulders, the kisses that we had already shared. I remembered how he had caressed my body and set my skin on fire with heat and ice...
Crap, my hormones would be the death of me one day.
"Cassie," his voice sounded gentle. "You can't run away from everything. Especially when one is dealing with a demon lord."
"For things like that I have a certain half-demon, slightly crazy war mage," I mumbled while I bent down to pick up my book and avoid looking into his eyes. Pritkin could read me like an open book and right now I didn't want him knowing my feelings for him.
I knew I didn't love him, but I liked him in a peculiar way. Maybe I liked him even a little too much, but to hell with it. Why not? He was the only one who didn't require everything of me, while giving me nothing in return. Pritkin was the most honest person in my world. I trusted him. Even when he hadn't trusted me with the codex, I understood his reasons perfectly. In his presence I felt safe, like I had never felt before in my life. He had saved my life countless times. I also felt bound to him.
"Damn," his swearing interrupted my thoughts. "I already told you once, I CANNOT always be there when something goes wrong!"
Suddenly he looked tired and almost desperate. He ran his hand through his short hair and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they held all the fires of hell.
Oh-oh, an angry Pritkin usually didn't bode well. I already felt the oncoming sore muscles and countless bruises from our upcoming training session.
He started to pace and I'm sure he was cursing in a foreign language. For many people that would certainly be annoying, but for me it had become normal. Honestly, I would probably miss it if the furious war mage, with his explosive power to transform Vegas into rubble and ash, wasn't around me.
"You should be terrified for your life and try everything you can to protect yourself! You shouldn't trust anyone..," he spun around and strode towards me until he had me pushed up against the wall, "...especially not me."
The hurt in his voice made me look up and I was astonished to see the pain in the depths of the dark green eyes glaring at me. Before I could grasp any clear thoughts, my arms were wrapped around his neck. I knew what he had been through. The loneliness, because he wouldn't risk putting someone else in danger, and the guilt, because someone had already died. I had experienced all of this myself, until the moment I had met him. The guilt remained, of course, but we weren't alone anymore. We had each other.
While I was feeling all of this, my lips found their way to his. Perhaps it was a stupid idea, but I enjoyed it. The kiss was wild, hot and exhilarating. All my senses were intensified, my skin was set on fire. My body, my soul screamed out for more. I wanted to feel his hands all over me. I wanted him and at that moment I needed him more than usual. The last few weeks hadn't exactly been a picnic for us.
Shocked, he broke the physical contact off, retreated a few steps and began to pace once more, while I slid to the floor, disappointed.
"But you're the only one I trust," I whispered hoarsely, trying to sort out my feelings. Tears burned in my eyes and a lump formed in my throat.
A bitter laugh was his answer. Wow, I thought, that was definitely not the goal of my little mission.
"Then you are better off with your vampire than with me. Did you already forget what happened last time?"
"You didn't kill me, that's all that matters. Besides, Mircea would trade me for his brother. He would also take away my freedom. Thanks, but no thanks. I already had a master and I don't really need another one. I know that he cares for me, but he doesn't respect me. I also know that he likes me, maybe even loves me and I have feelings for him as well, but this mark on my neck means that I belong to him. Not as a human but as a possession." I stood up and looked at Pritkin sharply. We had already had this discussion a few times before - he only said these things to keep me at bay. As I said, the war mage knew me too well.
"I've done absolutely everything to earn my title as pythia, but in his opinion, the vamps have done this all for me! Damn, I can't even count the people who want to kill me. A fucking demon lord literally rummaged with his hands in my guts, I've chased Myra and tried to stop her attempts to change time, I have saved his bloody life several times and what does he say?" Anger shook my body, while my voice almost cracked. "The vampires settled this catastrophe, which is my life, for me! And YOU dare to send me to him? Do you even know how it works at the vampire courts? Have you any idea? Oh, I believe there are good vampires, but even they have to bow to their masters, whether they like it or not! Mircea has no true master anymore, but nevertheless he has to do what the consul wants him to do, because her word is law. The vampires are my allies, but not my partners. Allies can't be trusted all the time, but I should be able to trust my partner. If you really want me to stay with him, then you have to bring me to him yourself."
Pritkin eyed me uncertainly, but didn't come closer to me. What did I expect? That he would embrace me? That he would whisper encouraging words in my ear? That he would tell me that I could count on him in all situations?
"If you don't want me to trust you, then go! I hereby release you of your oath. You are a free man. You can do whatever you want."
As the last words left my stupid mouth, I immediately wanted to slap myself. I was so stupid, stupid, stupid. I didn't want him to leave me. I just wanted to show him that it wasn't so bad that I trusted him. But this idiot of a man had gone and upset and hurt me. He had driven me to a point where I had spoken without thinking.
Pritkin's jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. I could almost hear his thinking as he considered his next move. Pritkin might know me, but I knew him, as well. I looked away. Most of the time I was glad I could read his facial expressions or the tone of his voice. But this time I didn't want to hear his answer. It would be unbearable to know that he would leave me. It was my usual luck to lose everything that was important to me. It was just a matter of time. Maybe it was my name? Maybe if I could be someone else my luck could change? Denise sounded quite harmless and normal. Yes, Denise would be just fine.
Without realizing he had moved, Pritkin stood before me. His eyes pierced my soul.
"If I go, then you will be dead," his tone was calm.
"Mircea can protect me, those were your own words," I answered in the same calm voice he had used.
"Only if you want to end up as a lap dog."
"Then I'll stay with the Silver Circle."
"The same result, only a different master."
"Then I am a dead woman."
Almost imperceptibly he nodded, but said nothing. For some minutes we stood there, facing each other in silence.
"Damn it, woman, accept it. Without me you won't come out of this mess alive!"
With one step, I closed the distance between us and put a hand on his chest.
"Then let me trust you. Let me be next to you. "
Thoughtfully, he stared at my hand and then my face.
"What happened to Sara must not be allowed to happen again under any circumstances," Pritkin whispered desperately.
"It won't."
"Why are you so sure?"
"I am a seer and the pythia, remember?" A smile tugged at my lips. "My job is time."
He seemed to be torn back and forth for a few moments. I felt that he wanted to believe me, but couldn't really dare to take the risk. I understood him, but I wished that he would understand me, too. All my life I had relied on my feeling and my instincts. Until today I was always right listening to them. Although Pritkin and I had a bumpy start, after all the problems that we had survived together, I knew he was the one I always wanted to have by my side.
Gently, he stroked a strand of hair behind my ear and finally nodded one more time.
Laughing, I grabbed his hand and shifted into the training hall, where I expected he would enjoy making me pay for my behavior today. But as long as Pritkin was with me, I could deal with almost everything.
