Twilight is owned by Stephenie Meyer...I'm just stealing her characters.

Thanks everyone for your reviews and putting me on alert! *kisses*

Now...a little more back story...

"So Bells…how is class going?" Charlie pulled out the chair in front of me and sat down, joining me for breakfast.

"It's going well," I mused, drinking my orange juice. "One more year and I'll be done."

"Your mom and I are very proud of you, honey," Charlie beamed up at me.

"We sure are, darling," Renee swooped into the kitchen giving Charlie and I both a big kiss on the cheek before making herself a cup of coffee.

"I know it's been difficult and you fell a bit behind when you got back from Europe…" Charlie trailed off.

"I know, but, you know, it's a hard program at a hard school and so what if I'm the oldest person in my undergraduate class?"

"Oh honey," Renee dismissed. "You're not the oldest person. You're only 23 for Godsakes and you know what if it takes you til you're thirty to graduate, then so be it. We love having you home, baby."

She started patting my hair and rubbing my head and being all affectionate. Empty Nest Syndrome, perhaps.

Most parents would have been utterly pissed that their daughter fucked around her first two years of college, but my parents were new age parents, I guess, and never really gave me a hard time about it.

Five – almost six – years ago I started school at the University of Illinois – down in Champagne – Urbana. My second semester I got a new roommate assignment – Rosalie Hale – because my first roommate got pregnant and was forced to move back home.

If you ever knew anything about Rose is that she lived her life extravagantly. She was rich as hell – dad was old money, mom was new money – and beautiful and smart. Within the first week of knowing her she convinced me it would be the best experience of my life to go study abroad with her that following September in England.

I had apprehensions – like the fact that I didn't come from a rich family like her or that I was still only a freshman. But, as ever, Rosalie found ways to soothe every worry I had. The cost of the trip would be the same as tuition for one semester and I always had the summer to save up as much money as possible. The rest? Rose would take care of it. Because that is what she did. She and I met and clicked instantly and she was like the sister I never had.

So in August of my sophomore year instead of returning back to school, I was on a plane to spend the fall semester at the University of London. I only was enrolled in three classes – the point of the experience, my academic adviser had told me, was to experience the culture of Europe and not be bogged down with classes.

My parents weren't too thrilled I was living out of the country at only nineteen years old, but I had taken out loans in my own name for this trip and was going with a close friend so there wasn't really much they could do.

Rose and I had only been in town for only two days when I met him. Sitting in the pub beneath our flat and trying to blend in, I made eye contact with him from across the room and knew I was done for.

"Rose?" I remember I had told her. "You see that guy over there? In the black beanie and Stoli t-shirt? I'm going to marry him one day."

"Oookay, Bella," Rose patted my arm. "This couldn't possibly be the pint of Guinness you downed talking."

She continued giggling to herself and making comments about how drunk we were and how she loved London, but it was all background noise to me. I must have stared at him for five minutes before he came to our table and offered to buy us another pint of beer.

That was August 14, 2005 and from that moment on, he and I were inseparable. He was a year older than I was and taking time off of school to do a play on London's West End. He was born and raised in London, but when he was fourteen his father got a job offer at Cedar's Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles and he went to high school in the States.

But as soon as he graduated he moved back to London. He enrolled at Oxford and quickly realized studying English Literature wasn't something he wanted to do with his life. So instead he took small roles in plays and some acting gigs – which upon telling Renee made her giggle like a school girl – and lived with his mates in London.

In December of 2005, I took a taxi with Rosalie to Heathrow airport and watched her get on a plane to go back home. I was able to score a six month internship with the London Reporter from January to June and prolong my stay in London. After dropping Rose off, I went straight to my flat, packed up everything I had and moved in with Edward.

Looking back I wish I didn't have such a free spirited mother or a father who was a pushover who gave the two ladies in his life everything they wanted.

But I couldn't bring myself to regret the two and a half years I spent with Edward Cullen. Because he was my boyfriend, my best friend, my protector, my life. And even at 21, when I found myself sitting on my parents front porch trying to explain myself, I could never regret the decisions I had made.

To my parents' credit, they went easy on me. I knew it wasn't easy for them to see me drop out of school to move to Los Angeles so he could make it big. After almost a year in London, my student visa expired and I had to either transfer or go home.

So we went home. Not to Chicago, of course. Not even back to the University of Illinois. We went to Los Angeles to be near his family and lived in some shitty apartment on the not so good side. We had basically no money – I hadn't worked at all during my duration in London and the small stipend from the newspaper was spent on food and rent (and booze) there in the UK. The money he got from his run playing the Phantom in Phanton of the Opera paid for the first few months rent buying us time to find jobs or enroll in school. We chose the former. His father, Carlisle, found me work at the hospital doing reception work in the ICU. I worked days and Edward worked nights at various clubs playing piano.

We didn't make enough money and I couldn't ask my parents for money while he didn't want to ask his. I don't even remember the times I lied to him and told him I got bonuses or that I was granted overtime hours, just so we could pay our rent when in all actuality Rosalie and my older brother Emmett helped us out. On top of rent, because I was no longer in school, I had to start paying my student loans back. My parents tried to help me with my car payments and car insurance payments, but they finally put their foot down because I had broken the stipulation that they would pay as long as I was enrolled at least half time in school. We had bills - lots of them and we weren't making it.

I was at the point where I should have been suffocating – stressed all the time with little money and absolutely no friends or family on the west coast. I wasn't living the life I had wanted for myself even though at that point I wasn't so sure what that was anymore. I always wanted to be a journalist - working for some magazine. When I was younger it was always Seventeen, then it moved onto Glamour. Then as I became an adult, I always wanted to work for Time Magazine. But, I reasoned with myself, people change. I had changed so much in ten short years that clearly I could change again. I don't think it's fair to have an early twenty-something decide their career path right away with no guidance or life experience and I was beginning to realize why people often went back to school to change their career path.

This is what comforted me. This is what prevented me from being miserable. Because I should have been. But I was always happy. Because I had Edward. And while we didn't have much – we had each other. Girls in my Women's Lib class would shoot daggers at my head if they ever heard me say that.

"Bells," my dad started bringing me out of my thoughts. "People…get sidetracked. We make mistakes, do stupid things, think we're going to live forever…"he trailed off, gesturing wildly into the air to make his point.

"Yeah," I muttered quietly into my food.

"Oh honey…" my mother has said that five times this morning. Its what she says when she has nothing of significance to say.

"Ok, no more: 'oh honey's!'." I stood from my chair. "I'm going to miss the red line if we continue down memory lane."

I got up and cleared my plate in the sink before storming out of my kitchen leaving two very concerned parents on edge.

"Spring Break is next week," Angela mused from where she was currently lounging in the student Union.

I arched a brow in response, urging her to go on.

"We could take an impromptu trip somewhere?" she began tapping her chin. "If we take Southwest out of Midway, I bet tickets to like Arizona or California would be cheap!"

I froze and swallowed thickly before responding.

"Angela, I owe my brother, like, $3000. He'd murder me if I spent money on a trip to California!" I lied. While I did owe my brother money, he kept telling me not to worry about it. Which made me more on edge because it made me want to prove I could be a responsible adult and pay him back. I know it wasn't exactly feasible for a student to make that much money, but every dime I made working at my part time job went into the "Pay Emmett and Rosalie" fund.

"Why do you owe your brother that much money?" Angela's eyes popped out of her head.

Oh, right. I forgot that our entire friendship was based on a lie.

See, Angela and most of my new found friends thought I spent the last two years in England studying…not gallivanting around Los Angeles while my boyfriend was finding his big break. No one at the UIC knew I dated or even knew Edward Cullen. And I intended to keep it that way for so many reasons. When you don't have a Facebook its easy to keep personal photos from leaking off the internet.

"Oh, um," think Bella, think! "My dog needed surgery a couple years ago and it cost $3000 and I couldn't afford it, so he helped me out."

"Aww, Emmett's so nice," Angela sighed.

"Yeah," I could feel tears forming in my eyes. "My brother is an amazing guy."

Before this turned into an all out blubber fest, I decided to change the subject.

"So, did you do anything this weekend? I texted you Saturday, but I didn't hear back from you."

"Sorry about that. Ben and I went to go see that Dave Baxter movie," Angela replied and I internally groaned. "I saw your call, but I got home late and forgot about it. You're not mad are you?"

Only at myself for opening this can of worms.

"Of course not. I just had a question about the Chem homework. I momentarily forgot not everyone is a booknerd like I am."

"Oh, did you ever figure it out?" when I nodded she continued. "Bella, the movie was adorable. Even Ben liked it and he's a guy. I might go see it again this weekend with my cousin…come join us?"

"You're seeing it again?"

"Yeah…I like to spot things I've missed the first time," she bit her lip and looked at me. "Plus, I have a totally normal 22 year old crush on Edward Cullen ok? Sue me."

I wish I could. I wish I could sue every girl who lusted after him and put them in jail so his movies would stop making money and I wouldn't have to see his face mocking me from bus stops all across Chicago.

"Nah, I'm not into paranormal movies." I shrugged.

"It's not paranormal, Bella. The girl in the movie can morph into different entities and that's how she helps track down criminals. It's really actually cool, cause she'll be like I want to be a butterfly – POOF – she is one."

Please stop talking about Kate Denali.

"Oh," I replied lamely.

"She's really pretty. Like superly pretty, but I guess you have to be in Hollywood. I'm jealous of her hair," Angela prattled on, picking at her own hair, which in my eyes looked fine.

"It's probably not even hers," I joked. I knew it wasn't. I had seen her get her hair done on set.

"No, you're right. It's probably not, but when you have more money than God, you can walk into any salon in the world and get hair like she has," Angela sighed.

"Yeah," I, again, replied lamely.

"They got so much to do these movies," Angela was on a roll now. "I mean, I heard the filmed movie number two in six weeks and they got like the pay Angelina gets."

I didn't respond and this gave her the initiative to continue speaking.

"I mean, they're OUR age. I think she's actually 21 and he's 23, but -."

"24," I accidentally interrupted her.

"What?" She looked confused.

"I um read somewhere Edward Cullen is 24. About to be 25. In June,"

She gave me a sly smile. "Is one Miss Isabella M. Swan a secret Edward Cullen fan?"

"Hardly." I playfully rolled my eyes.

"Anyway, they're in our generation, right? And make so much money. It's like, Dear UIC…BRB, going to become an actor," Angela giggled to herself, hand in the air like she was constructing a letter.

"DID YOU LOVE IT?" Jessica Stanley plopped down in the middle of us and focused all her attention on Angela. Her loud shriek gained us some glares, but she ignored them.

"I did!" Angela squealed back. "I was just telling Bella about it."

Oh for the love of God.

"I went with Mike and he cried – CRIED – when Dave proposed to Katherine! The ring was ugly though," Jessica made a face.

"I know! I was like 'OMG, Dave Baxter is rich as hell and he buys her a Cracker Jax ring."

"It was his mother's whose last dying wish was that he marry her. Remember in the first one when the evil man captures-"

"I gotta go guys," I interrupted them, trying to make my escape. "Call me for dinner or something?"

Both girls nodded and I walked off to my next class – which didn't begin for another forty minutes.

There was a slight rap on my door before my mother stuck her head inside. "Bella?"

I smiled warmly. I had really missed my parents. I don't think anyone could have lucked out with a better family than me.

"Yeah, come in mom." I cleared off my bed where my Chemistry book was lying and I patted it softly for her to join me.

"Honey," she worried her lip between her teeth. "Don't be mad."

"About…?" I arched a brow at her.

"Daddy and I think…well, since your back on our insurance now that you're in school full time…and you know your dad gets really good insurance from the City of Chicago…they include mental health services," she said quickly.

"You think I need to go to a mental health hospital?" I spat incredously.

"No!" she waved her hands in front of her. "But, there's a therapist that your Aunt Mary went to when she went through her divorce with Uncle Kenneth. Her name is Dr. Waters and she specializes in relationships."

"Mom," I grabbed her shoulder softly and looked in her eyes. "Edward and I broke up almost two years ago. I'm fine."

"Bella," she sighed. "You never go out anymore. You stay home and study and don't make time for anyone. Honey, that poor boy Jake has been dying to take you out. You should let him."

"Mom, I stay home and study all the time because I. NEED. TO. GRADUATE. I spent two years fucking up and being an idiot. I want to move on with my life."

"You can do well in school and have a life. And you do…I mean, you have Rosalie and Angela and Jessica, but I want more for you."

"Mom, what am I going to say to a therapist? Hi, my name is Bella Swan…you know that huge movie star Edward Cullen? Well, about five years ago he was pretty much a hot hobo living in London who I met while studying abroad and we moved to LA together and I pretty much supported him because he's a really talented piano player, but LA is expensive and oh yeah, my best friend and my brother ended up paying my rent half the time because even though his parents were insanely rich, he had too much pride to ask…so here I am taking out student loans for my last two years with a $5000 debt between two people held under my head, while he made Forbes list for one of the highest earners period last year," I said in one breath while my mom looked at me curiously.

"Oh and yeah, so, Dr. Waters, like I broke up with him because I was getting so paranoid at all the rumors surrounding him and his costar. Oh and because I never saw him because they filmed on location in Miami and I tried to be strong and not quit my job because no one knew how big this movie would do and I didn't want to risk not having a job… but I didn't really want to break up with him. I just was trying to use reverse psychology and be dramatic and basically he hates my guts and accused me of never really loving him and that I was the last person he imagined leaving him."

"Something like that," Renee responded wide eyed. "Think about it, sweetheart."

She patted my knee and stood up quickly. Probably feared impending doom or something. I didn't notice her lingering in my door jamb until she spoke up.

"Bella?" she nervously rubbed her leg against her opposite calf. "You know I'm here if you ever want to talk, right? Your dad, too. It's just I'm worried and I tried to give you space, but it's been two years, honey."

"I know, mom. I love you." I tried to give her a genuine smile.

She slightly nodded. "I love you, too, Bella."

So, that's how I ended up seeing Dr. Waters two times a month. My parents were shitting bricks I was going to jump off the nearest cliff, my brother was actually getting annoyed I was sending him checks every other paycheck, and my friends were about to set up an intervention. It was almost May and I hadn't gone out with them since New Years and that was a quick appearance thing. I ended up going home before the ball dropped.

I think Dr. Waters thought I was lying until I brought in photographic evidence. You could literally see her shoulders relax with relief when I provided proof I wasn't making this up. Like, I didn't date him in my head and that's really why I was in therapy. Because my parents thought I was crazy and delusional.

"So, Bella," Dr. Waters cleared her throat. "Last time we spoke, you were going to write Edward a letter expressing your feelings, but of course, not send it. Have you done that?"

"Yep!" I pulled out the 32 page long letter and held it up victoriously making Dr. Waters' eyes go wide.

"Well, dear, I didn't expect a letter quite so long," she took the pages from my hand. "Wow, front and back."

I just looked at her sheepishly.

"Would you like to read from it? Perhaps it would make you feel better to say these words out loud. You could pretend I'm Edward." She offered. I nodded in compliance and carefully took the letter back from her.

"Dear Edward," I began. "It's been a little over two years since I last spoke to you. Actually, it's been twenty five months, sixteen days, three hours and ten minutes since I last heard your voice. But I can still remember what you said to me and how you made me feel like the previous two and a half years of my life had been a lie. I didn't date a lot in high school. It was kind of hard to with a brother like Emmett watching every boy like a hawk. And I didn't date a lot my freshman year in college either. I think the experience with Bree getting pregnant really scared me straight. But when I met you I knew why I didn't date much. I was waiting for you. I was waiting to find you."

I took a deep breath before continuing.

"The last words you said to me were 'Maybe it's for the best. I could never be with someone who never truly loved me or supported me.' That hurt worse than if you would've broken every bone in my body. The truth is that I loved you more than my own life…that I would have done anything for you. That I kept some things to protect you. I disappointed my parents, my brother, my friends, and most importantly myself in order to be with you. Because you were everything to me. It's been two years and you still are everything to me. I tried calling you some weeks after we split – begging you to take me back. I had everything planned out. I was going to beg you to take me back and apologize for being so jealous of Kate Denali. I should have trusted you. I did trust you, Edward, I knew you would never stray –"

"Bella, it's ok," Dr. Waters was now sitting besides me rubbing my hand soothingly. I shook my head.

"No, I would like to continue. This is therapeutic," I offered a smile through my tears. "Where was I? Oh, here…I know you would never stray. I know I accused you of being a different person...of changing and morphing into someone who would stray, but I now know I was wrong. It seems so cliche to say, but it was her I didn't trust. Not you. Because I did trust you... because our love wasn't puppy love or first love or whatever my parents tried to convince me of to make me feel better. What I had with you...people search a lifetime to find it and not everyone gets it. I'm glad that I got to experience it with you. Anyway, your phone was turned off and when I tried calling your mother for your number she simply told me she didn't think it was her place. Alice and Jasper didn't want to meddle, your other friends back home didn't want to either. I even went so far as to call your manager, agent, and publicist, but I never heard back from them. Which I can understand...in just a few weeks time your status had blown up so much they probably thought I was some dumb girl trying to win you back to ride your coattails, but it still hurt considering I had never been anything but nice to them even when they suggested that maybe this 'wasn't the industry for you' and they weren't sure if they wanted to take a chance on you. I was always nice to them and always supported you. You changed your email, deleted your Facebook, and moved so I had no way of contacting you. I'm sure it was to protect yourself from the legions of fans who had all of your contact information and were now showing up wherever you went, but somehow I couldn't help but think it was because of me. Because you were trying to block me out of your life. I spent most of summer 2008 trying to get a hold of you with no avail. My therapist told me to write this letter to you, but not mail it. I laughed in my head that I had no clue where it would even go…"

I stopped and turned to her. Fat tears were streaming down my face, but I gave her a bleary smile.

"I think I'd like to stop here. It gets into more specifics about our relationship which I don't know I can deal with now."

"Bella? Is this helping?" Dr. Watson asked cautiously. I simply shrugged before responding.

"I think I'm getting there."

Now you know the back story a little. I promise Edward isn't such a dick like some of you think he is! That it's a case of two strong personalities with separate dreams and lots of insecurities. Anyway...please review!

See you soon...