A/N: I wasn't going to post this til next week, but I got so excited by the reviews and alerts for this story that I decided to haul it and post this chapter today! So, again, thank you so much for reviews and alerts and favoriting this story. I'm still working on responding to everyone…I usually get the alerts on my phone and am at work so I can't respond right away.
Also: this isn't a Bella and Jacob story. It's a Bella & Edward story. And while some people might not be able to see them every getting back together considering their past…I'll just say if Bella can forgive Edward for dumping her in the woods and fleeing to Italy, I think she can forgive him for this.
But can he forgive her? Muahahaha.
Just kidding…have faith, please :)
Oh…and Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
You know that feeling you get right before something bad happens? The feeling of impending doom? I was having that right now and I had no clue why.
It happened to me right before I was seven and our family's Labrador Retriever, Scooter, ran out into the road and was hit by a truck.
It happened in sixth grade when Mara Johnson told the entire school I stuffed my bra, leading Andrew Barnes to reach into my shirt and essentially feel me up when he discovered there was no said tissue in my bra.
It happened my freshman year of college right before Bree announced that she was pregnant and moving out of our dorm room.
And it was happening now.
I couldn't shake this feeling and it was beginning to really frighten me. It was now October and I was sitting in the student Union listening to Angela and Jessica plan their annual Halloween party.
"Are you and Jake going as a theme?" Angela interrupted my typing – and internal musings – as she looked up from where she was making a guest list.
"Uh, I don't know," I shrugged. "I think I'm going as Tinkerbelle and he's probably going as Michael Meyers or some dumb shit boys do."
Jacob and I were officially dating. Like, I had a drawer in his dresser-he came to our weekly Sunday family dinner-we took our first trip to Door County-we're official on Facebook (even though I don't have a Facebook) kind of dating.
And we had sex. And it wasn't awful. And I cried afterward when I slipped into the bathroom to clean up because I felt like I cheated on Edward.
Oh, that brings me to my crazy doctor.
Dr. Waters and I were tight. I still saw her every other week. Only now we don't talk about Edward so much as we just…talk. About my childhood, about my family, about Jake. I even mentioned Scooter to her once and she listened to me as I cried over my poor pooch who met his maker too young.
"Oh come on," Jessica whined. "Mike and I are going as Bonnie and Clyde!"
"Ben and I are going as Batman and Catwoman," Angela nodded.
"That whole couples Halloween is super cheesy," I brushed off.
"I can't believe you're making me do this!" Edward whined from the bathroom.
"Shut up and come out. I bet you look cute!" I yelled from the bedroom.
"No way. I'm changing and we're renting a scary movie and having sex."
"Nothing turns me on more than a scary movie, Edward!" I rolled my eyes.
"You got wet when we watched 'Interview With a Vampire'," Edward defended.
"That's because Brad Pitt is on my list." I straightened my dress and turned to look in the mirror from the side.
"Your list?" Edward asked coming out of the bathroom. He looked so cute in his Roger Rabbit – bunny outfit.
"Duh," I flipped my red Jessica Rabbit wig off my shoulder. "The five celebrities you can have sex with without your significant other getting mad. Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, Anderson Cooper – although I think he bats for the other team, Orlando Bloom, and, oh, James Franco."
"You have bad taste," Edward made a face.
"I picked you, didn't I?"
"Touche."
"Everyone here is dressed as a team, Bella," Jake whispered in my ear.
"It's stupid," I replied automatically.
"I think it's kind of cute," Jake joked. "Look at those two. They're dressed as Simon and Paula." He pointed to some girl in a Lakers' cheerleader uniform and a guy in jeans and a too-tight black v-neck.
"Yeah, adorable." I rolled my eyes.
We had been at Jessica and Mike's apartment for almost an hour and the whole night was pretty uneventful. Ben had gotten food poisoning, effectively ending the night for him and Angela, and Jessica and Mike were currently fighting in their bedroom.
Jessica thought Mike was checking out some girl's rack (he was), he denied it (he's not a very good liar), and madness ensued.
So now poor Jake and I were standing awkwardly in the kitchen amongst drunken college kids looking for their latest hookup.
"All I'm saying, Bells," I hated when he called me that…reminded me of my dad. "Is that I'm willing to do the cheesy shit girls like."
He grinned his million dollar smile at me as I tried to keep the bile from rising up in my throat.
"I don't do cheesy shit, Jake."
Not anymore.
"Do you want to sing 'Endless Love' or 'I Got You Babe?" I asked Edward.
"Do they have 'You're All I Need To Get By?"
I looked at the DJ who clearly heard Edward ask his question. He just shook his head.
"No," I looked back at Edward. "There's a limited selection, baby. Now pick."
"Endless Love, I guess."
I grinned, nodding for the DJ to begin the Karaoke music.
"You're lucky I love you so much, Swan."
"Right back at you, Cullen."
"I swear to God, if Mike doesn't change his ways, I'm moving back home with my parents and letting him rot in this apartment by himself!"
It was now an hour later and Jessica beckoned me into her bedroom to vent about Mike.
"I mean, who the fuck is he? Doesn't he know who I am? I'm Jessica Fucking Stanley. Do you know how many men, this week, have asked me out? He doesn't need to look at another girl's bad tit job when I have natural perky C's right here!" She started feeling up her boobs and I looked away.
Before I could respond she sighed and continued. "Anyway, what's going on with you and Jake?"
I shot her a confused look. "Nothing."
"Oh," she responded. "I just could tell by your body language that you two seemed to be in a fight or something."
"Nah, Jake and I are good," I waved her off.
"Well that's good," Jessica sat down on her bed next to me.
"Yeah," I agreed. "Good."
"But not great?"
"No, we're great," I responded with fake enthusiasm.
"I'm happy for you, Bella," she laid her head on my shoulder. "I'm glad us three girls are in relationships."
Instead of responding I just patted her head with my hand.
The knock on the door interrupted our reverie and Jake stuck his head in.
"It's getting late, Bells," he looked apologetic. "I told your dad I'd have you home by three."
Ahh, Jake. Every father's dream. He had me home on time, made sure my homework was always done, and monitored all the vegetables on my plate were eaten.
I wonder if my dad bribed him to marry me yet.
I walked into my house at quarter to three and noticed my mom sleeping on Charlie's Laz-E-Boy. The television was still blaring, so I tip-toed into the room to turn it off for her. When I turned back around to place the remote on the coffee table, I noticed she had awoken.
"Hey," she greeted me groggily.
"Still waiting up for me?" I teased. "Aren't we both a little too old for that?"
"You'll understand when you have a child one day, Isabella Marie."
"Oooh, you middle named me," I stuck my tongue out.
Renee rose from the chair. "Anyway, I hope you had fun tonight and am glad you're home safe. I put your mail on the table and there's a piece of strawberry pie in the fridge for you."
"Thanks, mom. You make a girl never want to move out."
She shot me a look before kissing my cheek and ascending up the steps to join my father in dreamland.
I walked into the kitchen and bee lined straight to the fridge. I was eating my pie with a glass of milk when I saw the envelope.
There was no return address, but I couldn't help the eerie feeling that lurked in my stomach. I knew that hand writing.
I quickly tore open the envelope and gasped when I read the contents inside.
Save the Date!
Who: Mary Alice Cullen and Jasper Brandon Whitlock
When: July 21, 2011
Where: The Beverly, Beverly Hills, California
Impending Doom.
"Tell me about Alice," Dr. Waters' asked me as soon as I was done telling her about the Save the Date card.
"Alice was my best friend," I admitted. "I was much, much closer to her than anyone in my entire life. It's like the moment I met her we just…clicked. She was the sister I never had."
"She's Edward's sister?"
"Yes, she's his younger sister. Their relationship kind of reminded me of Emmett and I. Maybe that's why I felt so connected to them?"
Dr. Waters made a note on her legal pad. "When was the last time you spoke with her?"
"I called her to ask her for Edward's new number. She told me she loved me to death, but I had hurt her brother and she didn't know if it would be appropriate for us to continue speaking."
"It sounded like that was hard for her to do," Dr. Waters remarked.
"I guess," I shrugged my shoulders.
"I bet you're confused as to why you received a Save the Date card?"
I nodded. "I mean, Alice and I were inseparable the entire time I lived in Los Angeles. I mean, it was literally like this weird, annoying, incestuous relationship. Her, Edward, Jasper, and I were always together when we weren't working or in school – she went to a fashion institute in Los Angeles. I went from seeing her every day to her cutting me off, too."
"You obviously were important to her."
"I was. I think somewhere in the back of my mind…I'm angrier at her than I am at Edward."
"Why is that?"
"Because…I don't know. I figure…okay, if Rosalie and my brother split, I'd still talk to her, you know?"
"But your brother and Rosalie met through you. You and Alice met through Edward. Some would say there is a difference."
I ignored that. "I wanted to be in Alice's wedding." I spoke softly and the look on Dr. Waters' face urged me to continue.
"I mean…no one really wants to be in Alice's wedding. I'm sure she's Bridezilla on Crack and making all of her bridesmaids go on some crash diet and color coordinate their pubic hair or something…but we…we promised each other and ugh…as stupid as that sounds I feel like she broke it. Is that weird? I haven't spoken to her in two years!"
"It's not weird at all, Bella. You didn't only lose Edward. You also lost his family and essentially part of your support system."
It was silent for a moment.
"Are you going to go?"
"I could," I replied. "I already checked. It's after I graduate, so I'll probably have some money from that…especially since Emmett still won't cash my fucking checks."
Dr. Waters' mouth twitched briefly and I could tell she was holding back a laugh.
"I didn't ask if you could go. I'm asking if you're going to go."
"Should I?"
"That is for you to decide, Bella."
"This is what my dad's hard earned money pays you for. Make my decision for me!"
"Oh Bella," she shook her head.
"I don't know what to do. I feel like if I don't go…in this weird Alternate Universe she'll be mad at me. And I will feel like I missed out on something…Jasper was my friend, too, so it'd kind of be like I was missing two events in one or something…and I would feel like he won, you know? But…if I do go…I feel like it will be awkward. And I'm scared he'll have beefed up security or something waiting to taze me at any moment. And I don't want to sit at a table with all the cousin's that no one likes and cry into my roasted duck or whatever."
"I think you going to support Alice and Jasper would be a very brave thing. Not everyone could do it."
"It'll just be so weird to see him. What if he approaches me and I don't know what to say? What if he doesn't approach me and I feel like I want to die by the end of the night? What if he brings a date? Should I bring Jake? Would that be rude?"
"I can't tell you what to do, but if you do go, I think maybe bringing your brother or Rosalie would be a better option."
"No way," I quickly responded. "If my brother or Rose ever were in the same room as Edward, they'd both choke him."
Dr. Waters laughed quietly and shook her head. "Okay, maybe neither of those people."
"I don't think I can go. I can't handle seeing him again. I can't be at Alice's wedding and see her get married and know she's a virtual stranger. I loved that family for too long for them to just awkwardly greet me as the girl they used to know."
I wrung my hands together in my lap.
"I can't see him again. Not in a wedding setting. That was supposed to be us."
"Big church wedding or small, intimate setting off the coast of Spain?" Edward was stroking my hair as I lay in his lap. We were in the middle of an impromptu picnic in Hyde Park. He had the day off and my boss at the newspaper was on Holiday so I snuck out early.
"You know it's not even up to us, Edward. We won't even be planning the wedding."
"Alice," we both said at the same time.
It was early May now and I had officially known Edward's younger sister, Alice for four months. She was studying abroad – like me – and had been staying with us for the last two months. When Edward approached me with the idea, I didn't mind. I knew how close he was with his little sister.
And she and I became fast friends. She went to LAIF – Los Angeles Institute of Fashion—and when Edward and I would be moving there next month, she and her boyfriend Jasper would be just a couple miles away.
"Do you think we'll get married first or Jasper and Alice will?" I questioned.
"Alice will probably try and make us have a dual wedding and she'll probably plan your pregnancies together, too."
It was quiet for a moment. "Pregnancies?"
"Yes," Edward replied. "I want six."
I snorted. "You give birth to three, I'll give birth to three."
"Four?"
"One?"
"Three?"
"Let's see what we get. If we have two boys, I'll try for a girl. But if we get three boys, I'm closing up shop, Cullen."
"It's a deal, Swan."
"I can't believe that cow invited you to her wedding," Rose was sitting on the counter of Caffiene. It was the coffee shop Ben's parents owned in Lincoln Park and my current place of employment. It was nice because I got paid more than probably was fair. I also got to work with Angela most nights and could do my homework at the counter while we were slow.
"It's a Save the Date card, Rosalie. And Alice and I were very close at one point."
"I was close to Casey Montana in eight grade, but I wouldn't invite her to my wedding."
I rolled my eyes.
"Bella, this girl…your supposed best friend, didn't contact you once when you broke up with the love of your life? Fuck her…seriously. She should have given a shoulder to lean on and a bucket of Ben and Jerry's when that dickface broke your heart."
Rose was getting animated in the middle of the shop and I had to stop her before she caused a scene.
"Rose. You're an only , you don't know what it's like to have a sibling you're protective of. Alice was trying to do right by Edward and I get it. I love my brother to death and I probably would've done the same in her shoes."
"You're defending the bitch?" Rose shrieked.
"Shhh," I scolded, looking around to see if anyone had noticed. When the coast was clear, I continued. "I'm defending her, yes, but I'm not over what happened. And for the record, Edward and I simultaneously broke each others hearts and Alice was, in a way, put in the middle. "
"But you're still going to her wedding?"
"No, I've decided I'm not."
"Oh," Rose scrunched up her nose. "Then why are we talking about this?"
"You think she's a dumb cow for inviting me," I deadpanned.
"Oh, right. She is, Bella! She knew inviting you would evoke memories. She knew you wouldn't come. She's just doing it to be a bitch, Bella!"
"That's not Alice," I defended.
"I say you go. And take Jake. And don't let him wear a shirt!" Rose cried.
I rolled my eyes.
"Or, I could go with you. I'd love to run into Edward Cullen in a dark alley."
I laughed. "So would about 90 percent of the teenage population."
Rose's phone rang and she looked at it before silencing it. "That's your brother. I'm late for dinner. Call me later?"
I nodded my affirmation and gave her a quick peck on the cheek before she walked out the door.
"Bella? What's going on?"
Jake and I were currently lying on his bed, almost fully naked, and he was hard as a rock and grinding into me. But my mind was elsewhere.
The sex wasn't phenomenal or Earth shattering, but it was a good release and I got off. Jake knew what he was doing.
But I couldn't get into it. At least now today.
Maybe its because Alice's invitation arrived in the mail last week. And it was constantly staring at me from where I shoved it in my underwear drawer. Even now, when I was at Jake's apartment, I felt like it was boring holes through my head from my bedroom in the suburbs.
"Nothing, Jake, why?" I lied.
"You're not wet, baby." He removed his fingers from me and spit into his hand.
"Jake," I pushed his shoulders, trying to find a distraction or a lie to refrain from what I really wanted to say. "Do you ever think we had sex too fast?"
"Uh, no?" He looked at me like I had five heads.
"Oh, okay."
He bent down to kiss me, but when he noticed I wasn't getting into it, he stopped. "What is this, Bella? You think I don't respect you or something because we didn't wait long enough to have sex?"
"No. I just…I don't know. Maybe we didn't know each other well enough before we had sex."
"Ooookay," he bunched his forehead together and rolled off of me, lying beside me. He pulled me to his side and tucked me under his arm.
"What is this about, Bella? Seriously?" he sighed.
I began to tear up and the rolled down my cheeks onto his stomach.
"Bella?" he lifted his head up and looked at me with concern.
"I have some things on my mind. I'm sorry…I just am distracted."
"Like what? You know you can always talk to me, right?"
I was silent for a minute before my word vomit came spewing out.
"Alice Cullen is getting married next month and I was invited and I want to go, but I don't want to go and the invitation is in my underwear drawer and it's, like, taunting me and I don't know what to do and its all I can think about and she was like my sister and I don't know what to think or how to-,"
"Cullen?" Jake's nostrils flared.
"Uh, his sister?"
"You're not going!"
"You can't tell me what to do!" I sat up on the bed and smacked his chest.
"Stay away from that fucking family, Bella." Jake seethed. I had never seen him this upset before.
"Jake…"
"No, stop!" He held his hand up. "You've told me about Alice and how much she hurt you. A real friend would've never abandoned you in your time of need. I don't want you to go and get sucked back into that mess. They both knew how to manipulate your feelings and your loyalty."
"I don't think she would invite me to her wedding to hurt me, Jake."
"Maybe not. She probably did once care about you. That was before you needed her emotional support and she ignored your phone calls."
I was silent.
"I'm not going, Jake."
"Why? Because you realize Alice wasn't a good friend to you? Or because you're afraid to see him again?"
I figured there was no use in lying. "Both."
"Damnit, Bella!" He punched the mattress beneath him.
"What?"
"I thought you were over him!"
"I told you I'd probably never be fully over him!" I defended. "But, besides that, this isn't about me being over him or not. I don't want to see him because I choose not to willingly walk into uncomfortable situations."
"Bella, it's been three years almost," Jake stressed. "You've been going to therapy for damn near six months. I thought we could move past this, but clearly we can't."
"Jake! This is our first discussion about this. Sorry I have a lot of things on my mind. It's not about him. I don't want to be with him anymore," I cried.
"I wish I could believe that," Jake sighed.
"Maybe we did move too fast. Sex complicates things," I sat up and got off the bed, searching for my clothes which were scattered on the floor.
"Sex complicates things? We're in a relationship, Bella. An exclusive, committed, adult relationship. Whether we have sex or not, I'm going to be pissed off that you're still into your ex boyfriend, so stop trying to make me feel guilty!"
I didn't respond. Instead I tried to find my bra which had landed somewhere in his bedroom.
"Where are you going?" Jake reached out and tried to grab my arm.
"I think I should leave," I explained.
He just shook his head. "It's almost four in the morning. I'm not letting you leave."
"I'll be fine," I protested pulling my shirt over my head.
He shook his head again. "Please don't leave, Bella."
I stopped all actions when I heard the sincerity in his voice. I lifted my gaze to meet his eyes and saw a mix of guilt and nervousness there.
"Okay," I conceded.
"I'm sorry," Jake told me.
"I'm sorry, too, Jake," I cried.
I sat back on the bad and he joined me, sitting behind me and pulling me into an embrace from behind. He rested his head on my shoulder and gave me soft butterfly kisses over my shirt.
"I don't want him anymore, Jake," I explained, trying to assuage his fears.
"I know. I'm sorry I doubted you. I'm an asshole." I felt like hell for making him apologize. I felt bad because this fight ended quicker than it began and I knew, in part, it was because Jake was afraid of telling me what he really wanted to say - what I really needed to hear- in fear that he would lose me.
Because he probably would because I'm crazy like that.
We didn't say anything for the rest of the night. Slowly, we descended onto the bed and fell asleep in a spooning position.
And I fell asleep feeling like I was the asshole.
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