A/N: I'm such a sucker for angst. That being said, I'm trying to pull out of it, but I think everyone agrees it can't be sunshine and kittens right now. There will be fluff…eventually…but I think to do it now would be unfair to both Bella and Edward.

This chapter is basically kind of filler. The good stuff happens next chapter, though!

My internet box /router / whatever thing was broken and had to get it replaced, so sorry if I didn't respond to everyone's reviews in due time. I do appreciate every single one of them and will be sending out a teaser for the next chapter for those who review!

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own…well, not much.

Enjoy and let me know what you think!


If Renee wouldn't have sent me to buy pie crust at Dominicks, I wouldn't have seen it.

Therefore, I'm blaming her for my "mini-meltdown".

It was the end of November, almost Thanksgiving, hence the emergency pie-crust run, and Edward Cullen's new movie – and first non Dave Baxter leading role- was coming out. Therefore, he was on the cover of not one, but two magazines I spotted while waiting in line at the grocery store.

Thankfully, it wasn't a Dave Baxter movie, so I didn't have to see Kate Denali and her new plastic tits smiling along with him like they were carrying on their own private joke.

So, since there was an unexpected rush at 10 p.m. with only one cashier, I opened up the magazine. You know, just to check?

I scanned the pages of the latest GQ – where, might I add, he looked mighty fine. I always thought he was beautiful, but there was something about Edward Cullen in a suit that got me going. I remember attacking him during the reception at his cousin Sarah's wedding because him in a suit made me go UNF!

And on the cover of GQ, it wasn't any suit. It was a charcoal grey three piece suit which made his eyes pop out. I don't know what it was, but something about a three-piece suit made me horny. Which wasn't fun to be in line at the grocery store while staring at pictures of your ex boyfriend and reading an article which made your heart stop.

Edward Cullen slides into the booth across from me here at Wilshire's on Rodeo Drive and I can't help but take note he's early. He looks as cool and collected as he does in the Dave Baxter movies (the title character which gained him worldwide notoriety and made him a household name). But there's something more to Edward Cullen. He's the biggest star in the world right now, but unlike many of his peers he has a sort of humility you don't see anymore. He glances at me apologetically and shrugs, "This place is a bit stuffy. I know a great diner on Grand Avenue," and I quickly realize the man behind the name.

He's not some self-entitled brat who thinks the world revolves around him or that laws don't apply to him. You never see him out partying with socialites or shopping at all the Hollywood hot spots just to get his picture taken. He later tells me he doesn't even know what The Ivy is; the Paparazzi -filled restaurant I had suggested we meet at earlier in the week. Instead, I learn, Cullen prefers to stay at home and "relax with his mates" or his dog, two year old Rigby, a Boxer he adopted from an animal shelter in North Hollywood. He proudly tells me he just learned how to play "Purple Haze" on his guitar and that he's been getting cooking lessons from his mother. "I'm 24 and my Mum is getting sick of me breaking into her house to steal leftovers."

He talks about a lot of things, seemingly whatever pops into his head, but as for his rumored love interest, Kate Denali? He won't say one way or another.

"I don't talk about my romantic relationships," he says over a plate of lasagna. "It's the one thing in my life I try and keep protected. This…whole fame thing [pause] pretty much ruined the best thing in my life, so I try and be extra careful now."

I try and press further, but he remains mum only giving subtle clues to his previous reference.

"I don't like to complain a lot, because it's not in my character, but sometimes this whole fame thing can be overwhelming. Especially for a 21 year old kid who literally over night went from being a nobody to getting followed relentlessly. Just going to the store I usually have 20 or so Paparazzi following me. I even know some by name at this point." He laughs into his drink.

I ask him what the biggest thing he had to give up was to which he quickly replies, "the love on my life." He pauses for a moment , momentarily unaware of his slip and then is conscious of his omission. What we know of his past is basic – born and raised London by Carlilse Cullen, a physician, and his wife Esme, an interior designer and owner of House of Esme Designs on Robertson Avenue, he moved to California in high school when his father took a job at Cedar's Sinai Hospital. He and his younger sister, Alice, attended St. Joseph's High School, a private Catholic High School in Los Angeles and after he graduated he moved back to London to pursue his acting career starring in several plays on London's west end.

So who was Edward Cullen before Edward Cullen was Dave Baxter? To this he responds simply.

"I was just a kid trying to make a name for myself. I was trying to make everyone proud – my parents, my sister, my girl. I never thought that in order to get what I wanted I had to make such big sacrifices. I am grateful for my career, my fans, and the good fortune I have now. And I don't think I would ever want to give it up, but sometimes when I close my eyes, I'm 20 years old again living in my flat in London, surrounded by the one person who meant the most to me."

He won't give names or specifics, but in front of me I can clearly see this isn't Hollywood's new Heart Throb, half of the dream-team of Denali and Cullen, or an Oscar winner in the making. I see a glimpse of Edward Cullen that is rarely seen. The boy who would trade everything in the world for the girl he had to leave behind.

"Miss?"

I raised my head above the magazine and let the cashier see the big, fat tears streaming down my face.

"Oh, um," he scratched his neck. "Are you alright, Miss?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I choked out between tears and threw the magazine on the conveyer belt. Rosalie and I had a lot of things to dissect tomorrow.


"Do you think he means me?"

I had to shove the magazine underneath my coat in order to sneak it past Renee and into my house. Rosalie had come over the very next morning and we were discussing this as I was getting ready for class.

"Uh, obviously. Weren't you with him when he was 20?"

"Yeah, but he could mean, like Garrett or Seth, or another one of his friends from back home. Or, like, Alice."

"Yeah, I'm sure he'd give up fame and fortune to hang out with his sister every day," Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"So what does this mean?"

"Why does this matter? Why am I here, Bella? You have Jake now. Live and let be!"

"Isn't it 'Live and Let Die'?"

"Same difference."

"Okay, well this is a recent interview, right? It means he is clearly still thinking about me."

"Maybe he is."

I looked at her, urging her on.

"Okay, Bella. I love you, you know that, right?" When I nodded she continued. "But, you haven't changed your number or email address in the last seven years…"

"So you're saying if he was thinking about me he'd call me?" I finished for her and by the guilty, sympathetic look on her face, I knew that it was exactly what she was thinking.

"What if he lost his phone and doesn't have my number? Or what if…he can't remember my email? What if…"

"Bella," Rose interrupted me. "Alice knew your address to send you a wedding invite. And she still has your number, too. I think Edward Cullen is just a dick who is playing the sympathy card for all the women who gush over him to think he's a hopeless romantic."

"Thanks, Rose," I muttered sarcastically.

"Babe…I was there. I knew how much you guys loved each other…so I'm not saying this to drive you crazy or anything…"

"I know."

"Does he mention anything else in the article?" Rose pried.

"No," I sat down on my bed. I had to stop myself from pacing. "Same bullshit. He talked about the movie, and they always alluded back to Kate even though this is a different fucking movie. Like, bringing myself outside the picture, I kind of feel bad for him." When Rose arched a brow I continued. "He's wanted this for so long and now all he's getting recognition for is where he puts his pecker."

"Well, good thing you were first. I heard Kate Denali has Herpes."

I rolled my eyes. "Stop going to those gossip sites."

"But I get text alerts on my phone!"

I looked at her skeptically. "They text alert you that Kate Denali has Herpes?"

"Well…no, but still…" she blew a strand of her blond hair out of her face.

"Anyway, what I don't understand is that it's been almost three years. If he's still hurt about it, why can't he just call me and talk about it? He was always such the girl in our relationship. He constantly wanted to talk about his feelings."

"Male pride," Rose nodded to herself.

"Really?"

"Oh, absolutely."

I huffed. "Or maybe he'll just never stop hating me and when he's fifty he'll write a tell- all book and paint me as the villain."

Rose brushed me off. "No one cares about you. You're not famous. I think you should write a tell- all book about him. Better yet, sell a bunch of his shit on E-bay. That will pay off those student loans."

"Rosalie!" I cried. "I don't have anything of his anymore." I flopped onto my back.

"Stupid girl."

"Hey!"

"What? I'm just saying!"

I threw a pillow at her face.


So, lots of things happened. I quickly forgot the "Article Which Shall Not Be Mentioned" and actually began to move on with my life. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Years holiday's came and went.

For Christmas, I had gotten Jake tickets to see the Cubs play the Mariners.

He got me diamond earrings which were too big, too gaudy, and too not my style. Which, in turn, made me think of Edward and how he always knew just what to get me. Like that Christmas when he bought me concert tickets to see my favorite band, Hypnosis, play. Tickets had been sold out for weeks, but he knew a guy who knew a guy and ended up getting them and going with me - even though I knew he detested it. It wasn't his things, but he self- sacrificed for me.

Well, sometimes.

That time he did.

I swore I wouldn't think of him again, but then New Year's approached and I remembered the first NYE celebration in London. With him and our friends - Garrett, Riley, and Peter were his closest friends. They had been friends since childhood and they had quickly become my friends, too. I felt comfortable around them and hung out with their respective girlfriends all the time when the boys had nights out.

Then, after the New Year passed I promised myself I wouldn't think of him.

I did, though, on Valentine's Day, but that was only normal, right?

Jake and I went out to dinner and he got me the matching diamond necklace to go along with my earrings. The earrings I only wore on special occasions to appease him, even though diamond earrings could be worn daily.

He never caught on.

But things with Jake were good. I was finally in a steady, committed relationship. My parents loved him. My brother and him were best friends and they always were going to ball games and somehow merged their respective friends and would host a weekly Poker night at Jake's apartment.

Rosalie and I sometimes crashed. Neither of us knew how to play poker, but Rose had one hell of a poker face, so somehow we ended up winning several rounds.

Sometimes Jess and Mike and Angela and Ben would even join and eventually what had become a boy's night out (or in?) became this weekly couple retreat.

Dr. Waters had sensed I was doing better and had cut down our appointments to once a month. Which my parents and I were grateful for. I was beginning to move on and now realized that while

there was no doubt I would always love Edward...what we had was a distant memory and it was important to not look back on it with regret, but no, more so with admiration and love. Because I did love him. For so long and didn't want to waste all the energy I had on something that had already happened.

I couldn't change the past. I could only change my behaviors and hope for a happy and healthy future.

Speaking of...

It was now March and my parents were urging me to apply for jobs so that once graduation came I could have an employment opportunity to fall back on. There were at least - at least - thirty newspapers and magazines in the Chicagoland area. And I applied to all of them. I even applied to the local, lesser known newspapers. And have been applying since January.I even applied for jobs at news and radio stations...doing something, anything.

No luck.

"Here's something from the Glencoe Star," Renee had brought in the mail and the above mentioned envelope on the table. I quickly tore it open and scanned the contents.

"Dear Miss Isabella Swan," I read aloud. "We appreciate your submission of your resume, but we regret to inform you…UGH!"

I crumpled the rejection letter into a ball and threw it at the opposite side of the kitchen.

"A 3.76 GPA, activity on the school newspaper, two internships and no luck," I sat down at the kitchen table and began pulling at my hair.

"Maybe you should apply outside of Chicago?" Renee offered as she sat down across from me and sipped her tea.

I raised my head. "Like…in another state?"

"Yes, Bella," she responded slowly. "That would be outside of Chicago."

"I could…"I tapped my chin, then shook my head. "Nah."

Renee quirked a brow. "Why not?"

I couldn't think of a reason so I began applying for jobs in different states. I think I applied for a position – any position – in all 50 states plus Washington D.C.

It was almost May and I hadn't heard anything yet. Charlie kept telling me it was just the economy, Renee suggested I should "fluff" my resume, and Emmett told me to 'chill my balls' because the parentals wouldn't kick me out of the house and I should 'milk' free rent as long as possible. I just told him I didn't have balls and went to stewing quietly in my room.

A break finally came in late April. I was in class and when I walked out of the large lecture hall I had noticed I had a voice mail notification from a 617 area code.

"Hello Isabella, this is Jamie Wilson from The Boston Herald. I received your resume online a couple days ago for our Assistant Editor position in our Books and Literature department. Call me back at 617-555-5555 so we can set up an interview! Thanks!"

I hadn't mentioned to Jake, thus far, that I had applied for jobs out of state. I frankly didn't think I would hear back from anyone, anyway, so I decided not to tell him. I didn't want to cause a fight or hurt him for no reason. Now that I had an interview in Boston looming, I knew it would be best to tell him. I also knew he wouldn't take it lightly.

"Bella, Boston? Seriously? No…no you can't be serious."

We were sitting at Friday's, ironically on a Friday, eating dinner and I just kind of blurted it out. And I was right – he wasn't taking this lightly.

"I talked with Jamie, the director of HR. She said if they liked me I would sign a one year contract. After that, who knows? Maybe I will have enough experience to get a job at the Tribune or Times. Maybe the job market will have picked up by then," I offered.

"But you're going away for a year?" Jake asked. "Where does – where does that leave us?"

Good question. It had been something I had been thinking a lot lately as well. I loved Jake to death, but I wasn't sure I was in love with him…and should I have known if we had been together for almost a year now? We spent weekends and all the important holidays together. We shared our friends and had inside jokes and had sex on the regular and I was still doubting my love for him.

"This is if I get it, Jake," I responded. No one said I was going to get it.

"Ok, but you applied to how many other jobs in how many other states?" Jake was mildly panicking now.

"A couple…"I muttered.

"And you didn't even think to discuss this with me first?"

"Jake, I've been applying for jobs for, like, three months without a response. I didn't think anyone out of state would grant me an interview when no one in state has!"

"Bella…I have a bad feeling," Jake sighed into his drink. "I feel like this could be the end of us."

"Only if you let it," I bit back.

"Long distances are hard…"

"I know."

Jake flushed.

I comfortingly placed my hand on top of his. "Listen, Jake. I'm only going on the interview. Let's focus on that right now, okay? If they make me an offer than we can discuss what we're going to do, but for now let's enjoy our meal, okay?"

He just nodded and we ate the rest of our dinner in silence.


I had Rosalie accompany me to Boston for my interview. We bought our own tickets, but the newspaper put us up in a nice hotel right down the street from the Boston Herald Building. We hadn't gotten much time to explore the city at all because we didn't have time. Our plane got in at 11 am Eastern time and my interview was scheduled for 2 pm the same day.

We rushed to check in and as soon as we were in the room, I ran into the bathroom to baby wipe the post flight grime off my face, re-flatten my hair, apply another coat of mascara and lip gloss, and change into my pants suit.

Rose laid on the bed, raided the mini fridge, and asked if the newspaper would be opposed to her buying Pay-Per-View porn.

I shot her a dirty look at I was closing the hotel room door and hauling ass downstairs to make it to my interview on time.

"So, Isabella," Jamie started once we sat in her office.

"Bella," I corrected her politely.

"Bella," she smiled back at me. She was a woman in her late 30s with soft eyes and a pencil stuck behind her ear in her hair. She took time explaining about the position and what my roles and tasks would be should I be hired. She explained why the position was available and how there was much room for growth within the company and after she covered everything I thought she could cover, she began the dreaded interview processes.

"You have much experience in terms of internships and an excellent GPA. But this is all on paper. Tell me why you think we should hire you."

"Well," I cleared my throat. "Like you said, I have done two internships with two different newspapers and worked on my college's newspaper, so I know the atmosphere and mechanisms of the job. I am very driven and motivated in everything I do and pay great attention to every detail. I am reliable, hard working, and I believe I would be an excellent asset to this newspaper."

I gulped nervously and watched her stare at me, seemingly deep in thought.

"There are nights you could be here until 3,4 in the morning only to turn around and come back here at 7. Is that something you could handle?"

"Absolutely," I responded with enthusiasm.

"We are always busy and there are times there are last minute changes that could, quite frankly, be a pain in the ass. Our deadlines are daily, even hourly sometimes. Is that something you could handle?" She asked again.

"Absolutely," I repeated. "I love a good challenge and welcome it."

She nodded and then began asking me typical interview questions. Where did I see myself in five years? What can I bring to this newspaper that other candidates can't? She began playing different scenarios with me and taking note of my responses.

"Well, Bella," she pursed her lips together and I could feel the rejection coming on. "You come with high recommendations, the pieces you submitted with your resume showed excellent reporting skills, and you seem like a headstrong young woman. If you're interested, I would like to offer you the position so that you can start in late May after graduation. I can give you a day or two to think about it if you'd like."

"Oh wow," I wasn't expecting to get it. "No, I'll take it. I'd love to take the position!"

I chastised myself for looking so desperate, but I needed a job.

Jamie raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you wouldn't like to think about it?"

"No," I repeated. "I would very much like to work for the Boston Globe." I sounded like an infomercial.

"Okay, dear. I will have to draw up your offer letter and contract and have it notarized, so why don't you come back to our offices at around noon tomorrow and we'll sign them?"

"Sounds perfect!" I jumped out of my chair and shook her hand. Her assistant, Melissa, led me out the doors and to the elevator.

"Congratulations, Bella," Melissa gave me a warm smile and I instantly felt peaceful and at home. Maybe this was a good idea. Maybe working here would be good for me and my chi.

I'd have to thank Renee when I got home.

I walked back to the hotel – no need to take a cab since it was on the same street – and busted through the doors. When I walked in, I noticed that Rose was laying on the bed reading a Cosmo and no doubt texting my brother.

"I got it!" I shouted when she looked up at me.

Rose immediately sprang off the bed and engulfed me in her arms. "Really!"

I nodded. "Yes! I sign my offer letter tomorrow!"

"Oh my God. Congratulations, B! What did Jake say when you told him?"

Oh no.

"Bella? What's that look on your face?" Rose asked. "You did tell Jake…right? Before you accepted the position you did discuss it with your boyfriend of a year, right?"

Oh no.

"He'll tell me not to take it," I reasoned. "This could be a good thing for me and he'll tell me not to take it because he's scared of losing me."

Rose made a face. "You think he'd do that?"

I nodded. "We've only been dating a year…he can't expect me to give up my life for him. Who does he think I am?"

Rose shot me a knowing look.

"I can't renew my Visa in May unless I enroll at a school over here," I explained to Edward. "My school puts a limit on how long you can study abroad for through them and since my internship is technically counted as a semester…"

"We'll move back then," Edward shrugged.

I sighed in relief. "Really? You'll move to Bumblefuck, Illinois with me?"

"Oh," Edward stopped. "I think we should move to Los Angeles. I mean, if you'd like. It'll just be easier for me to land a gig and they have a bunch of really good schools in the area."

I was silent.

"Bella, I want to be with you so badly... I'd go anywhere for you," he took my hands in his. "But I just think moving to Los Angeles would be a better option for both of us. We can even live with my parents for awhile til we get on our feet."

"And you don't think we're moving too fast? We've only been dating for six months."

"When you know, you know," he shrugged. "You're the one for me. It doesn't matter if we've been together six months or six years, you're the girl I'm going to marry."

And with that it was decided. We were moving to L.A.

"Come on," Rosalie swung her arm over my shoulder. "Homebody at the front desk informed me of the nightlife here. Apparently McMillian's pub down the street is an awesome bar. Let me take you for your first congratulatory drink?"

"Ok," I agreed. "I have to be really wasted for when I call Jake and tell him I'm moving for a year."

Rose just laughed at me, but I couldn't shake the feeling of more impending doom.


Sidenotes: I don't know if job interviews for newspapers usually require multiple interviews, but for the sake of the story let's pretend Bella is amazing and landed it in one interview. Also, like I said, this is a bit of a filler chapter to get things moving along!

Let me know what you think…here's hoping for the next chapter by Thursday? Don't set that in stone, though it is mostly written…

Oh, and you might (wink) be seeing Edward next chapter (not in a flashback) if you are all good boys and girls :)