A/N: Again…much love for the reviews and alerts and favoriting! We're almost at 100 reviews and I'm verrrry excited!
My internet at home is very shaky right now for some reason, I'm thinking of getting another provider. Maybe a Clear wireless adapter thing? Anyway, this is the reason I couldn't send out teasers or replies to reviews…because I've had NO internet besides on my phone, and well, that doesn't work out well...just because I didn't have access and I'm actually posting this right now from the library…I hope I can do it with this next chapter.
Here's a little glimpse of what Edward has to say…
Once again: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own nothing.
EPOV
When she walked out of my hotel room later that night, she looked so forlorn, so beat down. So unlike the Bella I knew and loved for so long. And I hung my head in shame knowing I had made her feel that way.
She asked me to accompany her back, but I felt like hopping into my pajamas, crawling into bed, and sleeping for the next 100 years.
The reality of the situation sunk in.
The girl I loved, the girl I needed, the girl I thought about every day of my life was here in town and would be for an extended period of time. I did the math already – I knew she must have either recently graduated or was still about to, so her time in Boston had been short thus far. I also knew that I had arrived here a week ago and filming would begin on the next two movies in May and last until November.
Boston was a random city. She wasn't from here and I certainly wasn't. Production had to be moved from Miami to Boston because of the way the book proceeded and they had originally picked filming in Michigan before this last minute change.
I couldn't help but think maybe the universe was trying to tell me something. It had to be fate, not a coincidence, that I would run into Bella again.
Right?
Ugh and how I missed my girl. She looked the same and the familiarity of her clung to my heart. Her hair was a bit shorter and her face was a bit more mature, but she was still the same. She was still my girl even when she wasn't.
To say I hadn't thought about her every day since we parted would be a lie. Because she was the only thing I thought about.
I had been too much of a coward to call her and apologize. To explain I never wanted to end things and that as cliché as it was, hurting her hurt me more than it did her. In the days following our breakup, I could barely get out of bed. I dodged all calls. I kept contact with people at a minimum. I hardly showered, barely shaved, and once in a blue moon remembered to change my clothing.
Alice and I weren't on speaking terms for six months. Jasper later let it slip that she cried herself to sleep for a good two months after I had basically forced her to cut off contact with Bella. That confession made me feel like horse shit and I felt like I was back to square one.
My parents were upset with me. My mother, in particular, worried herself to sleep that I was 'losing my way'. My grandmother told me I was a dumb arsehole and that Bella was a nice girl who obviously deserved better than me.
I could only agree with her.
I spent weeks, months, in a comatose-like state. I hardly ate or went out. If I went out with my mates, I was usually smashed by 10 pm and too fuzzy to feel anything. I had no emotions and like some psychotic serial killer, I kept her picture in my wallet and the photo of us in front of the Eiffel Tower as the background of my telephone.
I dreamt about her. I wrote in my journal about her. Yeah, my journal...it has a black leather bound cover and is very manly. I'd even call her home phone number anonymously a few times just wanting to hear her voice, but Charlie answered every single time. Once I heard her in the background asking Renee a question and my heart nearly beat out of my chest. I ended up ending the call and throwing back a couple shots of Vodka.
Once I got out of the alcohol-binging phase, I tried to actually make amends with my family. Alice and I had been, for the first time in her entire life, on the outs and truth be told, I rarely called my family. I knew my fall out with my family was my fault and I definitely knew the reason Bella and I were no longer together was my fault. So I did what I knew best back then…I focused on my career, spent 360 damn days a year working, and didn't do anything that reminded me of her.
I definitely didn't date nor was I dating Kate Denali. Everyone knew she was dating one of the cinematographers, but we had to keep that hush-hush until the series was over. I didn't know where these stories about secret date nights and romantic getaways came from. Every time I read something, I cringed, and secretly hoped Bella either wouldn't believe it or remind herself it was all for publicity.
After the third movie came out this past March, I had thought about calling Bella. The hype had died down a bit and I saw how easily Kate could manage her relationship with Sam. I wanted to call her so many times to explain things…to apologize…to perhaps persuade her to give us another shot, but I never could.
Call me a coward, because I am, but the thought of rejection debilitated me enough that I couldn't pick up that telephone. I was a coward and a liar and an idiot for sure, but I was also human. I was young and inexperienced in everything and wanted more for her. Back then it didn't matter if I provided the best security on earth for her, I didn't want any part of her private life ending up on the internet. I had seen the information people could get. Within five minutes they could have her entire family's history uploaded onto their sites and not that there was anything in there, but I couldn't do that to her.
But that was back then, before I knew how to play the game. Before I knew I could make 'deals' with the Paparazzi and hire the best lawyers on Earth to magically erase certain information. Before I knew how to protect what was mine and who I loved.
She had to be okay and at the time I knew the only way that was possible was if she were removed from this life. I was naïve. I thought this could be the beginnings of all of our dreams, but you never truly know what it is like until you are on the other side. In the last few years with the emergence of picture phones, twitter, and facebook, it was damn near impossible to escape from privacy evasion.
But I think the main reason why I neglected to contact her during all those months apart…was the fear she would have moved on with her life. The fear she had gotten over me…that our relationship meant more to me than it did to her. I didn't want to get closure because that might mean it was finally over.
I should've known something was fishy when a prostitute named Carla showed up at my door and said she was a gift from James about a week after Bella and I split.
I just shook my head in confusion and slammed the door on her.
I knew my agent and manager were a bit cautious of Bella. I knew that they wanted me to go the Leonardo DiCaprio, Johnny Depp, Robert Pattinson route of 'Heart Throb' to 'Serious Actor'. I just was naive enough to think this was all a misunderstanding.
"James," I seethed into the phone. I glanced at my alarm clock in the hotel suite and noticed it was midnight, but James was in LA and it was still 9 o'clock there. Not that I cared.
"Cullen!" James greeted into the phone. "How's Boston treating you? I bet you had some nice East Coast pussy to welcome you."
Ugh, I should have known.
"I have a bone to pick with you," I started in on him. "How the fuck could you do that to me? To Bella? I trusted you to take care of my girl and you didn't."
"Woah…Edward. I have no clue what you're talking about!"
"Oh really, so you mean you were paying for the apartment and our bills when I was in Miami filming the first Dave Baxter movie? You mean you never made Bella work overtime to scrape by? To make her resent me and push her out of the picture?"
"Is that what she told you?" James laughed. "Oh, Edward. Come on. You're the hottest thing right now and you have more money than God. She's scamming you, man!"
I rolled my eyes. "That's not Bella."
"Sure, sure," James replied. "That's not her. I'm sure you're right. She doesn't have student loans or car payments or anything she might need a couple extra dollars for."
"You're fired James."
"Come on Edward! You know I'm right. Everyone knows how much money you're worth, it's about time for some bitch you were fucking to come out of the wood works-"
"Don't you ever talk about Bella like that again or I swear to God I will slander your name and make you non hire-able." I threatened. "And believe me James, you just lost me, so you're going to need your good name."
"Ok, ok, Edward," I could tell he was nervous. He should be. I made this man a millionaire in two years time. He needed my 10%.
But he wasn't getting it.
"I admit, maybe, I kept some things from you, yes, but it was for your own protection. I couldn't have you going off and marrying this broad without a prenup and losing all of your money!"
"Money has never meant a thing to me."
"Ok, well let's say Missy gets pissed and slanders your name and you don't get acting roles anymore? She seemed like the type, too, man."
"I don't need roles. Or money. I've only ever needed her."
"Sure, Ed, sure," I could hear James rolling his eyes over the phone.
"You're fired." I repeated my statement from earlier.
"Fuck you man, I made you a millionaire!"
"No you didn't," I scoffed. "I made that money on my own."
"I got you that role!"
"You got me the audition. I landed the part. Listen, it's time for me to start making wise decisions and this is my first one. I don't need anyone in my life or on my team hindering my life."
"Oh, come on."
"Goodbye, James." I pressed the end button on my iPhone and threw it on the bed.
Ok, so step one is complete. I fired James. Now the inner workings of my brain were going crazy. What does this mean for Bella and I? She told me she still loved me, but what does that really mean? Was it a romantic kind of love or a, like, we were together for a long time you will always be in my heart kind of love?
Because truthfully? I was still absolutely out of my mind in love with that girl.
I should probably be a better man and let her move on with this new idiot she's dating.
Okay, he's probably not an idiot, but still.
I knew Bella and I knew she was stubborn. I knew if she forgave me it would take weeks if not months.
Probably months.
I was betting on months.
If she ever took me back? Hell that could take years.
Jane strolled through the door moments later, breaking up my thoughts, and giving me a knowing look.
"Oh, Edward," she sighed, taking a seat next to me on the sofa.
"How were drinks with Rosalie Hale?" I joked. "That girl is still the biggest pain in the ass I've ever met in my life."
"I got lots of funny stories about you. Give a girl a Redbull and vodka and she'll sing like a canary," Jane chuckled. "Did you really streak through your neighborhood after losing a bet?"
"I didn't know Bella could eat more tacos than her 300 pound neighbor, Gus! There was just no fucking way! He was training to become a professional eater for Godsakes!"
"Ahh, Bella," Jane sympathetically patted me knee. "What are the odds?"
"Not bloody likely," I muttered.
"So what are you going to do?"
"Nothing? She has a boyfriend and she's…" I gulped. "Happy. I guess."
Jane snorted and repeated my words. "Not bloody likely."
I gave her a confused look. "What?"
"Blondie says Bella is miserable without you. You know, once you get her back, you should really advise her to pick friends who don't have enormous mouths."
"What?"
"What?" Jane shot me a confused look.
"You think I should try and get Bella back?" I questioned. I knew I wanted to, but I was out of my right mind and didn't know if I should.
"Jesus Christ, Edward," Jane slapped my face. "Yes, I do. Now, I'm not one for romantic love myself, but there has to be a reason why you ran into her tonight. Plus, I'm sick and tired of seeing you mope around all the time like someone stole your puppy."
"I really love her."
"I know. It's sickening."
I pushed her shoulder softly. "Come on, Jane. Even an old maid like you has a soft spot."
Jane shook her head. "I do. It's going against everything I was taught during my internship at Metro & Meyer, but I think you should do what's best for you. So what if some people freak out and boycott your movies? Evidence has shown you draw enough numbers to indicate you have a stable fan following for your work and not your personal life. Congratulations, kid, you're getting there."
I raised my eyebrows. "What happened to my rough and gruff manager?"
Jane waived me off. "Ok, this very well could be the three shots of tequila talking, but you're beginning to rise above this teeny shit. You're thisclose to becoming a bonafied movie star and no one will care if you're dating Kate Denali. Matt Damon and George Clooney are both with regular women."
Who knew Jane would be the voice of reason?
I slung my arm around her shoulder. "I like you drunk."
"Well don't get used to it."
"I fired James."
I heard Jane gasp. "What? Why? Edward, he was close to getting you a part in the new Batman movie!"
"He's a slime and a creep and there are surely better agents than him."
"Edward…I don't think that was-."
"Did you know he wasn't paying our bills while I was filming the first Baxter movie? Did you know everything in that contract was going un-fulfilled. Did you know I could technically sue him for breach of contract and clean his ass out?"
Jane shook her head. "I didn't know that, no. Is that why Bella…?"
I just nodded.
"Oh, Edward, I'm sorry."
"Whatever. It's not like I need an agent. I get 30 scripts sent to my house a month."
"Edward, you need an agent."
I huffed.
"Listen, we'll get Marcus Fairchild. He's the best in the business. Perhaps the transition from Heart Throb to Leading Man will go smoother."
"Sounds good."
Jane nodded and got up from the couch. "I'm going back to my room, but here." She pulled out a piece of paper from her bag and handed it to me.
"What is this?" I asked.
"Don't ever say I didn't do you any favors."
With that she left the room and I flipped the paper over so I could read it.
Bella's # 312-555-3455
The Hilton Hotel
Room 2331
I couldn't call her or go see her. Something was physically stopping me – I just knew it. So, like the pussy I always was, I texted her.
Hey…it's Edward. This is my new number. Call me if you ever need anything.
I sent the message and immediately felt like a douchebag. Three years too late, Dickface.
My phone buzzed in my hand and I retrieved the incoming message.
Thanx.
Thanks! Just thanks? No, 'Oh Edward! Come to my hotel room and ravish me!' or 'Oh, Edward, I love you too much to stay mad at you! Let's elope tomorrow.'
I shook my head. You fucking fool.
Tapping my chin, I tried to think of something clever to get her back, but after an hour of sitting in the same spot, I couldn't think of anything.
I was pacing the floor when my cell started to ring. I nearly lost my footing trying to run to the phone.
"Hello?" I panted into the phone forgoing looking at the caller ID.
"Edward? What's wrong? Why are you out of breath?" Alice.
"Fuck Alice, I thought you were Bella," I sighed.
"BELLA?"
"I ran into her yesterday, Alice."
"Edward, this is big news and you're telling me now?"
"I'm sorry. I've been like a walking zombie. Not knowing what to do…what to say."
"What happened? What did she say? How did she look? Did you guys get to talk at all? Is she mad? Well, of course she's probably mad…but is she mad or upset? Did she say anything about me? Did-."
"Alice," I groaned. "We talked yes. We talked about us meaning Bella and I. You were not mentioned, no."
"So she didn't mention if she was coming to my wedding? I sent her an invitation, like, eight months ago…"
"What?" I gasped incredulously.
"What?" Alice repeated.
"You sent Bella a wedding invite and this is the first I heard about it?"
"I told you…" Alice paused. "Didn't I?"
"No, you certainly did not tell me," I yelled.
"Sorry…oversight," she sighed.
"Pretty fucking big oversight, Alice," I seethed.
"Well, I don't think she's coming anyway," Alice defended.
"I'm sorry," I apologized. I knew it wasn't enough. I knew it wouldn't ever be enough. I knew my sister like the back of my hand. She had been my best buddy and confidant for the last 23 years. And when I hurt Bella, I hurt Alice. And I hated myself for it because they were my girls and I loved them more than anything.
"It's okay, Edward," she replied in a small voice. "You're my blood. I'm always on your side."
"None of this should have ever happened. You should have your best friend in your wedding," I muttered to myself.
"Well, technically, I don't have anyone in my wedding," Alice snickered. She and Jasper had decided they wouldn't have a wedding party. I think it originated because Alice didn't want any of her 30 Sorority Sisters to get upset, but I know it's because she had wanted Bella to be up there besides her.
"So, what's Bella doing in Boston?" Alice pried.
"She works here now, I guess. I didn't get many details," Cause I'm a prick. "But, I don't know. She has a boyfriend."
"She doesn't love him," Alice said with certainty as if she knew Bella still and continued on with the conversation. "So what does she do?"
"She's a reporter and what do you mean she doesn't love him, Alice?"
"She loves you. I know these things."
I just roll my eyes. My sister thinks she's some sort of mind reader / psychic.
"I know she loves me. She just doesn't trust me. And I don't think she will again."
"We'll just see."
"We'll see?" I asked.
"I'm gonna help you get her back."
I know a lot of you hate Edward, which is fine, but people make mistakes and lord knows how stupid and naïve some people (men) can be.
I hope you liked it. Next update will be probably next Thursday or Friday. I will send out teasers for reviews…I'm sorry I couldn't last update, but I'm going to get this internet thing resolved ASAP!
Next chapter will have lemons. I can't say if they're past, current, future or imagine, but they are not between Bella and Jake…so if you want a tease of it, please hit the review button!
See you all next week!
