GETTIN' MY DICK SUCKED BY A T-REEEXXXXXX

- Donald Gennaro

So, there I was, taking the biggest dump of my life. Two weeks of island food? Do you know what that will do do a man's colon? Imagine Vietnam, except replace the fuckin' goodks with dingleberries the size of you fuckin' gramma's tits. (My gramma's gramma had some big fuckin' titties! Like those goddamn giant pumpkins you see at the fair.)

So, anways. I was takin' the biggest fuckin' shit of my goddamn life.

Oh, wait. Maybe I need to give you fuckers some back story. I mean, I told you about the island food and the shit and alls. BUT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE DINOSAURS?

THERE. ARE. FUCKING. DINOSAURS. ON. THIS. ISLAND.

DINOSAURS. REAL LIFE, STOMPIN', ROARIN', JUMPIN', RUNNIN', DICK-SUCKIN', RAZOR-CLAWED, DINOSAURS.

So, yeah. That's cool, right? I got a call from my buddy, Joey, the other night. He says a new "amusement park" is opening up on some fuckin' island and they need a lawyer to make sure it's koshire n' shit.

"Sure!" I says. An island vacation? Sun, and, and amusement parks? Sign my fuckin' ass up.

So, I get to the island and I'm all like HOLY SHIT DINOSAURS. I. FUCKIN'. LOVE. DINOSAURS!

Seriously, DINOSAURS GIVE ME A BONER.

I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH A DINOSAUR.

So, anyway, I'm checking out this island I and I notice this one T-Rex givin' me the The Eye. You know how it is when a hot fuckin' piece of ass wants to jump up on your CUNT SMASHER. Flutterin' her eyelashes, swishin' her tail. I swear to GOD that HOPA got her claws manicured just for me.

You know what? It totally worked. I was sportin' serious wood all week. Made it hard to concentrate on what I was supposed to be doin', know what I mean? I was lettin' these assholes get away with all sortsa shit cause all I could think of was tapping some sweet T-Rex pussy.

Wanna hear somtethin' fuckin' hilarious? They got this one fat fuckin' asshole runnin the whole IT department. HA! I should slapped them with the biggest fuckin' lawsuit. I mean. You're runnin' a FUCKING THEAM PARK WITH GODDAMN DINOSAURS ON IT. And your whole system's run by one fat fuckin' shithead who's one twinkie away from a heart attack? Please!

I didn't give a shit, though. That fat fuck fucked up the whole thing. Let the fuckin' dinosaurs out, and now they're runnin' the whole goddamn island.

So, yeah. That's what happened. We were taking some bullshit tour of the island in these magic self-drivin' cars or some shit when the brown matter hit the fan, if you know what I mean. I was in the can, cause I just had to get the fuck outta that car. That fuckin' scientsit's gay-ass kid would NOT SHUT UP about the night-vision goggles and I was a jersey second away from beatin' that kid's skull in with my fat purple cock when mother nature came knockin' at the door.

Well, more like bustin' the door down with a SWAT-issue battering ram, but let's not get caught up in semantics.

So, anyways, I'm dropping a whole forest's worth o' logs here, when that hot piece of T-Rex ass busts down the bathroom. Not the door, the WHOLE FUCKIN' BATHROOM.

I'm like, "WHAT THE FUCK, BITCH, I'M DOIN' A DEUCE HERE." But you know what? That freaky fuckin' slut doesn't care. She starts goin' to town on my dick while I'm havin' a number two.

Seriously, guys, it sounds fuckin' disgusting, but YOU GOTTA TRY IT. OH. MY. GOD. Best fuckin' blowjob.

So, anyway. To make a long story short. A dinosaur sucked my dick while I took a shit and then she ate everyone and didn't even give me her fuckin' number.

Slut.