Disclaimer: It is my fate to never own Naruto. I am but a poor bird trapped in a very lonely and dirty cage…
Nin Tech
Chapter 2: Time to Take Over the World!
By Irritus185
The fevered pitch of children yelling, laughing, arguing, and overall being themselves echoed in the classroom. Even though it was still fairly early in the morning, the energy levels of the newly minted genin were bursting to newfound levels. To be fair, it wasn't every day they got to become legal adults at the age of twelve or so.
Too bad they didn't quite realize all the ramifications and responsibilities that came along with it yet.
Naruto yawned softly as he nudged his way through the door. He had pulled another all-nighter. After discovering the kage bunshin, he had applied it to every practical and theorized idea that he could for the past week. The results were simply amazing.
They were exactly like him – same anatomical structure, same astral signature, same behavioral and thought patterns, even the same little quirks right down to the nervous tic around his right eye that formed whenever he started to deal with volatile chemicals – everything was the same.
Sure they couldn't take hits worth a damn (one particular clone had taken an iron spike to the shoulder and 'poofed!' just like that), but with the balanced nature of having hundreds of yourself working at all times, they could easily pick up the left-over slack. Also, they were able to keep their own train of thoughts and perform various jobs without needing to verify or check their programming constantly.
They were like the ultimate walking/talking analytical device!
Even now he had a horde of them ripping up his apartment building and renovating it back to somewhat acceptable living conditions that met the health and zoning laws. Reinforcing the structural integrity, rewiring the infrastructure, finding any loose-end experiment he may have (and most likely did) left lying about…
He hoped that the 3B prototype hadn't somehow made its way off the premises. The sheer power held in that fist-sized device could level an entire block easily. The fact that it only took one press of a button as he had not encrypted the chakra signature made it even more dangerous and probably stupid to not prioritize its finding.
Idly, Naruto wondered if his neighbors had been carefully keeping track of their insurance premiums.
There was only so much the Naru-kuns could do. They were the main security and surveillance force for his home, but they ran on a power source they had to be constantly connected to and with their small stature, doing what the clones were doing was very far off for them.
So, back to the clones. He had dumped a huge amount of chakra into their creation, and it was becoming more and more apparent to him that his reserves were indeed gargantuan in proportion to many other ninja. At least now he knew the reason why.
Kyuubi no Kitsune.
That glorious bastard…bitch…creature…thing! Sure it had nearly annihilated his village; sure it had turned almost all of Konoha's citizens against him; and sure it had made his life a living hell, but still…
He had the most powerful bijuu in existence as his tenant!
Praise the heavens!
The experiments he could do, the knowledge he could gain, the absolute power that was dangling from the ends of his fingertips – he had it all! This could only make things easier for him in the long-run. It could only make his dreams of world conquest that much easier to grasp.
Just from this simple fact, all of his plans had advanced years, decades even! With that much power, his ambitions would be realized and fulfilled!
Now if only the stupid thing would just talk to him.
Naruto was smart (insanity had nothing to do with one's intelligence). Naruto was a good person. (virtue was relative after all). Naruto had all the qualities of a ruler (he wanted to be one; how much more do you need?)…
So why wouldn't the incarnation of evil, death, and the inevitable apocalypse just let him in and command it?! ARGH! It was so frustrating!
It wasn't a complete loss at least. Now that he had the knowledge, he could work on a way to contact the being.
On to other matters…
The glory and hell that were minions.
Konohamaru was a wet-behind-the-ears brat, but he had the makings of a valued minion. Naruto grinned slightly as memories of yesterday's encounters trickled into his consciousness.
The Hokage's grandson was young, malleable, untouched. He was like a lump of fresh clay, just starting to be molded by those around him. All Naruto had to do was poke in at different intervals and make some (slight) changes to the whole.
Nothing on the levels of brainwashing – Naruto found that entire concept distasteful. Who'd want people following them because they were thought of as a god or something? That never ended well; cults usually fell on the end of mass suicide or genocide, and as the future commander of the Elemental countries having your people die needlessly was detrimental and opposite to your goals.
But still, cultivating affection and some brand of loyalty within the lad would be smart. It was such hard work to find quality underlings these days; people just weren't looking for that job title.
The boy had taken to his lesson of the Oroike no Jutsu like a fish to water, or a certain toad sannin to perversion, or a certain slug sannin to alcoholism, or perhaps a certain snake sannin to a less widely-accepted form of perversion (hey, everybody's got needs). Naruto never really expected his customized henge to really come in use, but after seeing the effects it had on that elite nin (Ebisu, was it?), he had come to the conclusion that polishing his basic academy jutsu was in order.
After all, he had to keep a proper image in front of his horde. He was the "boss," wasn't he?
NTNTNTNTNT
Somewhere across the dimensional planes, a toad the size of a large circus tent felt a multitude of shivers creep down his back. Looking around, he wondered why he felt as though a thousand voices had cried out in terror only to be silenced.
Shrugging, he turned back to his sake jug and took a long, hard swig. Bah, probably didn't have anything to do with him anyway.
NTNTNTNTNT
Of course, there was also the unexpected yet pleasant side-effect to the kage bunshin that brought him even more glee.
The clones retained all the experience and knowledge accumulated in their short existence and then transferred it back to the original Naruto. With that, he could "cheat" his way around hundreds of hours of training and crafting by ordering his clones to work on it while he worked elsewhere. Still, the sensations caused by his clones' dissipation were a bit…
He sneezed as his sinuses suddenly flared. Right, bypassing that particular electrical circuit was not a good idea. Had to remember that.
Thank the gods he had enough mental memory to rival even the public Konoha library's dusty storage rooms. He would not have survived as long if he kept making those same mistakes over and over and over again…instead of just over again the second time.
He was still wondering what he was thinking when he retested the flame retardant material that made up his outfits…while he was still in it.
…oh, right – live data.
Almost stumbling into the classroom, he collapsed into the first free chair he could find. The last several of days had been tiring. Fail the genin exam, learn some forbidden jutsu, beat a rogue chunin, create a thousand copies of yourself, run every experiment possible on those thousand selves, put yourself into overdrive to revamp your living space…Naruto was working on only a few hours of sleep in the last 96 hours, his chakra reserves had been depleted Kyuubi knows how many times, and the only thing keeping him conscious was the concentrated coffee syrup he had been chugging like it was water.
He was sooooo sleepy…
Luckily, he knew that simply falling asleep wouldn't disperse the clones. Apparently it had something to do with the particular brainwaves of the person, and the delta waves provided during the REM cycle managed to keep the kage bunshin up and running despite the lack of concentration. If he was forcefully knocked unconscious, however, there was nothing to ease the transition and it was like basically pulling the plug on the clones' life support.
Laying his head on the table, he closed his eyes. He just needed to rest for a moment.
Even the greatest of geniuses needed their sleep. Naruto was sure that once he got his energy back, he could continue with his plans and goals.
Yes…the world was his for the taking.
All was according to plan. All was…
A random student noticed the bedraggled boy and made his way over to him. He didn't know why Naruto was there, but it was always a plus to make fun of the class clown. The adults constantly shunned him, and it was easy to guess why considering the boy's unhinged and loner demeanor.
Naruto was always avoiding the other students. In this respect he was almost like the class heart-throb Uchiha. But unlike Sasuke Naruto wasn't acting "tragic" or "cool," he simply avoided everyone going on about how he needed total focus on fiddling with his devices.
What a weirdo!
"Huh, Naruto, what the hell are you doing here? Only those who passed the exam are allowed here."
He didn't receive a response, so he tried again. "Yo! Naruto!"
A broken snore was his answer. Looking down, he blanched at the drooling that was going on, Naruto's face locked in a calm visage of slumber. Oh boy…He…he should probably leave the boy alone.
Yeah, that sounded like a good idea. Just walk away slowly and-
"Out of my way!"
"Like hell I will!"
The classroom went silent as two aspiring kunoichi burst into the room, one with pink hair closely followed by one with blonde. The pinkette made a victory pose as she let out a brilliant, shit-eating grin.
"Ha! Take that Ino-pig! I was the first one in so that means I get to sit next to Sasuke-kun!"
"Che!"
The blonde stomped her foot in frustration before making it to a free seat in the back. The pinkette made her way to her prize.
Enter the fangirl. A dangerous and highly volatile species, the fangirl should not be trifled with when attempting to hunt their favored prey – the elusive and irritating emo bishounen. Those that do tend to leave this world in a messy and painful way, thereby creating a warning for any others that may dare.
The fangirl's only natural enemy is another of their kind, which leads to violent, both physical and verbal, confrontations that can only lead to wide-area destruction and monumental property damage.
However, in this particular case, there is something that is even more dreadful and dangerous than a fangirl in the middle of the hunt.
Sakura looked down at the boy who was blocking the way to her beloved Sasuke-kun. She growled softly, a sound that made everyone shudder in fear. "Naruto! Move out of the way!"
"H-Haruno-san…?"
"What?!"
The boy who had failed to leave the area pointed at the jinchuuriki, his finger shaking subtly. "Naruto's taking a nap right now, so maybe…"
The entire room froze. Only soft snores emanating from the lad could be heard.
Not much was known about Naruto. Sure, his status as the village pariah was widely acknowledged, and there was obviously something…off about him, but for the most part, he was rather secretive about his life except for the occasional fevered speech about his genius.
But there was one thing that was well-known to every student and teacher in the academy.
You do not wake a napping Naruto Uzumaki.
Unlike the resident Nara, who slept through pretty much every lecture or practical test that the academy had, Naruto's ventures into dreamland during class time were far and few between. He rarely paid attention, if ever, in class, but there was a large difference between being completely unconscious and simply not following the lesson at hand.
When Naruto's nap was interrupted, Bad Things happened. Not bad things, Bad Things. You could literally hear the capitalization.
The last person to suddenly wake him had his hair frizzed out from the electricity for weeks. Nothing could completely dissipate the shock given. And the entire time Naruto had looked around like nothing had happened before drowsily apologizing and then going to work on one of his tools.
So Sakura was left at a conundrum. Either she could wake Naruto to move him and arrive at her Sasuke-kun's side and risk his wrath, or she could just cut her losses and try to corner the boy another time.
Possible bodily harm or Sasuke-kun? Possible bodily harm or Sasuke-kun?
Two tiny figures appeared on her shoulder – small copies of herself – both with labels written on their chests. One was "self-preservation" and the other was "true love."
"You can't let something like this keep you down!" TL exclaimed. "If some little shrimp can stop you, then how can we make Sasuke-kun fall for us?"
"Screw the little whiner! I wanna live!" SP cried.
"But doesn't Sasuke-kun mean everything to us?"
"Not if I'm going to lose a piece of my hide in the process!"
"But that's just a small sacrifice in our quest to show Sasuke-kun the true path of love!"
"Forget your stupid love! I am outta here! C'mon, forehead girl!"
As SP tried to drag away Sakura by the ear, a monochrome hand jutted out and grabbed it. With an audible 'pop,' the small figure exploded into a plume of dust. TL looked back to see a rather irritated and large version of Sakura with the words "inner" tattooed on her forehead. "Screw both of you! We'll do anything to get Sasuke, and if the dead-last just gets in our way then we'll just simply remove him. Shannaro!"
"But we can't harm him! If we do, then Sasuke-kun will…"
Inner Sakura grabbed TL, grinning nastily. "Are you gonna get in my way, too?"
"No, ma'am!" it squeaked.
"Good girl."
Oh come on, we all knew this was going happen. Now just keep quiet and enjoy the inevitable fireworks.
"Naruto! Wake up and move before I-!" Before Sakura could even place a hand on Naruto's shoulder to shake him awake, she suddenly found a small orb hovering right in front of her face. She didn't even get to say one word before it cracked open and a fine, orange mist escaped from its confines, which was quickly inhaled by her.
The rest of the room blinked at the speed things had happened. They hadn't even seen Naruto's hands move, but he had somehow thrown something in the air which had just exploded in the pinkette's face.
Sakura blinked. A dreamy smile spread across her once furrowed face and she giggled softly. "Heehee, I'll take the purple kitten. No, I don't want the gorgonzola pancakes so put the hammer in the pudding."
Then she collapsed.
Naruto blearily looked up from his position. When he saw that the rest of the room had grown quiet, he wondered what was going on. He then saw the unconscious Sakura. Pursing his lips in idle thought, he frowned. "Hey, what happened?"
Nobody answered, too afraid that he would subconsciously target them next. When he found no one was coming to bat, Naruto shrugged, picked up the drug-addled girl, and set her next to him on the seat. He then swiftly fell back asleep. She tilted to the side, resting an open, drooling mouth on the Uchiha's shoulder. The boy grimaced, but he found it was easier to just ignore her rather than try and move her and gain Naruto's awareness.
The boy was scary on levels even Sasuke didn't want to touch.
And so Sakura achieved one of her biggest dreams. Too bad she was off in happy-pastel-funland and wouldn't be able to consciously enjoy it.
Slowly, so slowly, the minutes passed and Iruka entered the room. "Okay, everyone, settle down and…" He trailed off. Why was the classroom so quiet? Shouldn't these kids be happy that they passed the exam? Why weren't they jumping around like idiots and-
He saw that Naruto was sleeping at his desk, and Sakura was drooling all over Sasuke's shoulder. Oh, so that's why…
"Did Haruno-kun try to wake Naruto up?" The class simultaneously nodded. "Right, let's just continue with our last class then. It's been a long time since you entered this academy, and I'm proud to say…"
Iruka continued with his obligatory spiel about the responsibilities of the new ninja before finishing up and switching to the team assignments for the class. He was proud of them all, especially Naruto; he was also just so damn grateful that Naruto was out and would be terrorizing some other poor sap instead of him.
"…Team 7 under Kakashi Hatake will be Naruto Uzumaki, Sakura Haruno, and Sasuke Uchiha. Err…" He looked at the inert and chemically subdued duo. "Uchiha-kun, you can tell them their placements once they wake up."
"Sensei." The gruff statement was something that was not to be ignored.
"Yes, Uchiha-kun?"
"Can I have a new team?" Sakura's drool was starting to soak through his clothes. He didn't like the sticky feeling one bit. He also didn't like being paired up with a pink-haired psycho and blonde fool who was probably a closet psychopath.
Actually, Naruto was quite open with his insanity, people just tended to ignore the signs – the large neon orange signs with sparklers and the fog machine.
"No, Uchiha-kun."
"…hnn."
Well, maybe he could dispose of them without anyone noticing and get put with a new team, or better yet, be a team all his own. It wasn't like he needed anyone else.
"But I don't want to play hanky-panky, Mr. Potato Head."
Definitely not her.
Naruto mumbled happily in his sleep. "I'll show them all…It's all happening according to plan…"
NTNTNTNTNT
The single grey eye glanced around the room. It was a mess of sheet metal, empty ramen cups, and various oil and mechanical liquids. It locked back onto the wizened man with the triangular hat. "So this is where Naruto lives?"
Sarutobi nodded. "It's a bit messy, but that says nothing for his mind. Unlike what many people might think, Naruto is quite clever and intellectual. He just doesn't quite…fit the normal example of a genius." The man's eyes twinkled at some unknown joke. He cleared his throat at the look Kakashi was throwing at him. "I assure you though, it would be best not to underestimate him."
The silver-haired jounin rolled his eyes. "And the reason you chose me?"
"He can be troublesome at times. A perfect match for you, Kakashi. I think you'll get along quite well." The Hokage chewed on the end of his pipe, wishing dearly he could light it. However, he had been at Naruto's many times before, and from numerous prior experiences, he had found it in good taste (and personal safety) to not keep an open flame no matter how small. "Plus, you'll also have the Sasuke of that Uchiha clan on your team."
"Huh."
"Yo, jii-san!" The two turned around to see a Naru-kun walk into the room and salute the leader of the village. "What are ya doing here? Boss won't be back until late tonight."
"Oh, I was just showing Naruto's future team leader around. I thought that-"
"Who?" The small robot snuck a peak to the side, its eyes flashing as it seemed to realize for the first time there was another person in the room. "I don't recognize this person. He's not in my security data banks. Initiating defense measures."
"Now, now, I'm sure it doesn't have to come to that," Sarutobi gulped, a small sheen of sweat appearing on his forehead.
Twin red lights emerged from the top of the Naru-kun's head, a loudspeaker coming from its chest. The lights began to spin rapidly as red was poured all over the room. A booming voice ripped through the building.
"WARNING! WARNING! INTRUDER! THERE IS A FOREIGN ENTITY IN THE BUILDING! REPEAT! INTRUDER! THERE IS A FOREIGN ENTITY IN THE BUILDING! PURGE! PURGE! PURGE!"
The rumbling of many feet could be heard outside the room, and Sarutobi grabbed Kakashi by the arm. "Perhaps it would be wise if we left now."
Kakashi smiled lazily underneath his facemask. "And what could the little toy do to us?"
"INTRUDER!"
"INTRUDER!"
"INTRUDER!"
Kakashi turned back to see an army of the Naru-kuns popping their way out of each little doorway, nook, cranny, and wherever else they could enter. Soon, the entire room was teaming with them. They all zoomed in on the man, their neon eyes flashing to red and orange from their normal blue. As one, they shouted their intentions, creating a resonation that shook the building to its very foundations.
"INITIATE 'CRUSH-FACE' PROTOCOL."
Ch-chick.
Kakashi found himself staring down dozens of barrels, oversized rockets, and rather sharp-looking weapons.
Those looked like they could hurt someone…
As the room, and subsequently the window, exploded from the onslaught of the tiny death machines, he absently noted that the Hokage had disappeared somewhere in that short frame of time. Really, the man knew what he was talking about. He was called the "Professor" after all.
Sarutobi watched from his safe position a mile down the road from Naruto's apartment building. A window had burst open in an array of glass and smoke, and he could see flashing and various explosions occur. He hoped the charred and smoking object that had just been propelled from the opening wasn't the body of the late Kakashi Hatake. It would be so much paperwork to try and hire another jounin that would be willing to look after Naruto.
A ninja's life or paperwork – obviously being Hokage for the second time had taught Sarutobi to organize his priorities.
NTNTNTNTNT
The room was still, quiet – a perfect moment of serenity and tranquility.
"Argh! Where is he?!"
Okay, maybe not so much.
Sakura stomped her foot on the ground, her frustration having already gotten the best of her and deciding to see if it could make another drive-by. She faced her team members.
She still couldn't believe she was a team with Sasuke! It was the best thing that could have possibly happened to her! Now she actually had a real reason to spend all day around the boy, instead of just stalking-err, following-err, bumping into him whenever she could. She could spend all day cheering him on and looking at those dark eyes and pale skin and lithe physique and sweet ass…
She cut off the daydreams before they got the bets of her. Inner Sakura had no such problem. A rosy tint involuntarily rose to her cheeks.
Then there was the problem of her other teammate.
Naruto…
She understood why he was on the team. Each one had to be balanced and her team consisted of the top kunoichi, rookie of the year, and the dead last of the class. With Naruto's grades there was no way he could be on any other team.
But still…why?
Naruto looked up from his device at the girl who was frantically rubbing her fists into her temple. That couldn't be very healthy or useful. Sighing, he returned to his work.
Naruto adjusted the hitai-ate around his neck. Although it was more commonplace to keep it on one's forehead, that spot was already occupied by his goggles, so he figured it would be best placed around his throat. Already that piece of metal provided a small barrier for his jugular. Though grim in his preparation, at least he thought ahead.
The screwdriver stripped a bit off the screw head.
Three hours had gone by.
Three hours since all the other teams had gone off with their jounin senseis, leaving him and his cell to wait in the room until theirs showed up. He understood that perhaps there might have been something that could have happened, but really, it was common courtesy to at least attempt to be on time for people you would take care of for the next several years.
He supposed he could get a little revenge for the matter.
Walking over to the chalkboard, he picked up a stray eraser. The other two genin watched in interest as he then made his way to the door and shoved the eraser between the sliding door and its frame.
"Naruto, you really think that's going to work?" Sakura asked, exasperation heavy in her voice.
"Our teacher is a jounin, the elite. They're not going to fall for such a simple booby trap like that. Were you even paying attention during the lessons on traps, dobe?"
Naruto shrugged and placed his hands next to ears, fidgeting with something before he snapped on his goggles and went back to his invention. "It's just a test. If it works I get I cheap laugh. If it doesn't then no harm done."
Sakura and Sasuke's faces melted in disbelief. Could anyone really be that stupid? Still, they were a bit interested in what would happen. That simple prank could tell a lot about their future instructor.
The uneven tapping of feet could be heard from the hall. Waiting for who would appear, their minds were a mix of excitement, trepidation, and anticipation.
An unruly and matted and somewhat sooty mop of silver hair poked its way through the opening, the door sliding out. Kakashi made his way through the doorway. It was then that three things happened in rapid succession.
First, the eraser fell, colliding with the jounin's skull and spreading chalk dust everywhere. Second, something clicked and the cyclops' eye crinkled in irritation as his mind muttered, "Crud." Third, one orb on both side of the doorway was launched up.
The room was bathed in a blinding white light and resounding, crackling boom.
Sakura and Sasuke screamed and grunted in shock as they pupils withered to accommodate the sudden change in light, their ears ringing from the loud sound. Kakashi, at ground zero, had the sudden urge to just whip off his hitai-ate and use his Sharingan to throttle a certain mad jinchuuriki. Also, why was he hearing a consistent 'wah-wah-waaahh~" in the back of his head?
Sakura was the first to regain her composure. "What the hell was that?!" Okay, not so much composure as the energy to lash out her rage at someone.
"Huh, I didn't think that'd actually work. The eraser was a gimme, but the flash bang was unexpected."
They all looked up to see Naruto removing ear plugs and his goggles. His face was a mask of bemused pride.
Sasuke rubbed at his eyes, growling at the colorful dots that refused to leave his vision. "When did you place that one?" As angry as he was for being caught unawares, the way he had not noticed the traps at all was something that he had to find out. Naruto wasn't clever enough to do something like that.
"Don't you have anything to say for yourself?!" Sakura had no such qualms.
Naruto blinked. "I think I used too much magnesium in that mix. Too sudden a flash without bleeding enough off for a more sustained lighting."
Sakura's eye twitched.
"Get the little bastard!"
Kakashi interrupted before the pinkette could launch herself across the room and pummel Naruto into a broken, bloody pulp (though later he regretted that decision; ah, well, he could always wait till the next time.) "No killing your teammates. I don't get paid enough to explain to your guardians that their wards have become violent murderers of their own allies. Now, meet up at the academy's roof. We'll have a talk."
He made his way out the room before poking his head back in. "Oh, and just to let you know, my first impression of you all is that I don't like you." He pointed a finger at Naruto. "Especially you. You, I hate."
Naruto blinked again.
"Eh?"
NTNTNTNTNT
Kakashi stared at his new charges from across the small clearing on the roof. He already knew about them – he had rifled through their academy records – and was particularly aware of both Sasuke and Naruto. But it was that personal touch that would make it easier to gauge their reactions and thought processes and thus make his game plans clearer.
"Okay, so let's start with the basics. Give me your name, likes and dislikes, any hobbies, your dream for the future, etc."
Sakura had finally calmed down enough from the earlier fiasco to collect her thoughts and put forth a reasonable request. The fact that she was sitting right next to her Sasuke-kun had nothing to do with it…
Really.
"What about you, sensei? None of us really know anything about you."
"Fair enough." The man rubbed his chin. "I'm Kakashi Hatake. I don't feel the need to tell you my likes or dislikes, my hobbies are…and my future dreams would only give you nightmares, or the best dreams ever if you swing that way."
The three were silent. "That…doesn't tell us much at all."
"You're not a very good teacher, are you?"
"Hnn…"
Kakashi ignored the comments. Flapping a hand, he flicked a finger at Sakura. "All right then, you're up first then, girly."
Sakura grumbled and then sat up straight. "My name is Sakura Haruno. My likes are…" At this she snuck a look at Sasuke, a fierce blush staining her cheeks. "I hate Ino-pig! As for my dream, well, they…" Instigate next level of blush and add some squeals into the mix for good measure. "My hobbies…"
For some odd reason, Sasuke felt a chill creep its way down his spine. He had the thought to buy some thicker curtains and a dog.
A big one.
A big one with large, pointy teeth.
One with severe anger issues. Preferably one that was put into the pound for attacking people.
Maybe the Inuzuka clan had one they'd be willing to part with?
Right, stalker fangirl. There always has to be one. Kakashi scratched his cheek. "Okay then, next."
Sasuke grunted. "I'm Sasuke Uchiha. I don't have many likes, but I doubt it matters because I hate pretty much everything else. Hobbies are worthless, but I do have a dream…or an ambition, to…kill a certain man."
Well, isn't he one little ball of sunshine. I can tell this is going to be fun already. Why did he always get the freaks? Never mind the fact that he wasn't exactly normal himself.
The Icha Icha called for him…
"And last, we have Twitchy-kun."
How nice, a nickname already. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki. My likes are ramen, coffee, Metaru, and my kinzoku jutsu."
The others looked at him in confusion. What the heck were those?
"My dislikes are when my experiments fail and people who are close-minded. My hobbies are training, practical jokes, gardening, listening to music, and reading."
Reading? From the boy who had the intelligence of a rock? Who the heck was he trying to fool?
"My dream is become Hokage and then take over the world!"
Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "What was that last one?"
"Become Hokage?"
"Right…" Kakashi wondered what god he pissed off recently to deserve this. And to round it off, we have a megalomaniacal midget with the world's strongest creature in his belly. Kakashi hated his life.
"Well, in any case, I want you to meet me tomorrow morning at training ground ten at eight. We'll start our ninja duties then and you'll have your final genin exam."
The three pre-teens looked on in shock. "Wait, what do you mean test? Didn't we pass ours already?"
"Oh, that? That was just to weed out the real weaklings from those with actual potential as ninja. This is to determine if the ones left over can really make the grade." He put a hand to his mask-covered mouth, giggling devilishly. "Ahh…I can't wait for that."
"What the hell is so funny?!" Sakura cried out.
"Ahh…nothing, nothing, just a little joke that has to deal with the exam."
"And what's that?"
"You sure you wanna know?" Finding their expectant faces as his response, Kakashi forced himself not to burst out laughing. "This exam is so difficult, the failure rate is over 66%. Out of the twenty-seven students that made it, only nine will become legal shinobi! Fantastic, ne?"
"You suck, you know that?"
"So I've been told. Anyway, the test is based around survival training, so study up on that. Make sure to arrive early and don't eat anything! You'll probably just puke it up in the end. See ya!" With that, the ex-ANBU made a quick hand seal and disappeared from the rooftop, leaves swirling in the void he left.
Naruto blinked at the shell-shocked looks on his teammates' faces. They obviously weren't expecting this as well.
This certainly threw a monkey wrench into his plans. But if there was anything he knew about wrenches, it was that throwing another into the mix usually had a positive effect.
And he had plenty of wrenches.
Naruto grinned.
NTNTNTNTNT
"I'm home!"
After the meeting with his new cell members and teacher, Naruto had gone to Ichiraku's for his evening meal. It had gotten pretty late into the day what with Kakashi being hours late. Once again, Ayame had glomped and cuddled him like an oversized doll. It's not like he minded. The girl often gave him ramen at a discount and sometimes free if she was in a good enough mood.
She could do whatever she damn well wanted with him.
If only he knew just how much she wanted…
"Mr. Snugglebuns" was not going to be taken away by another girl so easily.
Closing the door behind him, Naruto removed his boots and slid on a pair of slippers. Taking in his surroundings, he was pleased to see just how good a job his clones had done on the building. Gone was the decrepit look of a structure that would most likely fall down in a strong wind – holes punctured everywhere, floorboards squeaking with every step, lights tinkling on and off, the very structure shaking under the enormous strain of deadly explosives and weapon caches.
Oh wait, that last bit was normal.
A greeted him as he made his further into his home. "Welcome back, boss."
"Thanks, A." He scratched his cheek. "Did something happen while I was at the academy? A few of my clones viewed some kind of massacre from outside the apartment."
"An intruder made his way into your abode. We simply removed him from the area."
"You didn't kill him, did you? I don't want to have to deal with jii-san again because some idiot thought they'd get prestige by invading my home."
"Actually, jii-san was with the intruder. Something about the person being your new team leader. However, by that time I had already fallen back onto my programming."
Naruto paused for a bit. He raised his hand in the air, a foot or so above his head. "Tall guy, silver hair, face almost completely covered?"
"Yes."
The sun-kissed blonde did nothing before chuckling, which soon turned into blown-out laughter. "So that's why he said he hated me!" Naruto held a hand to his stomach as pains began to shoot through it. "And all this time I thought it might have been because I was a jinchuuriki!"
"Boss?"
Wiping a tear from his eye, Naruto smirked deviously. "That 'intruder' was actually the jounin sensei for my new genin team, Kakashi Hatake. You guys basically blew up the man who's supposed to teach me how to be a better ninja."
"I apologize for the error, boss."
He chuckled again, a high-pitched giggle escaping. "Don't be. You did what I programmed you to do. Just remember to enter him into the list of people allowed in the building." He bent down and patted the clank on the head then stopped. A nasty grin spread from one lip to the other. "Add as a supplementary program J-6 to his file."
"As you wish, boss." The Naru-kun's eyes shined as it transferred the data to all of the other droids. When it stopped, its tone held a mischief that creepily contrasted its neutrally-crafted skull. "You must really like him to add that program to his directory file, huh boss?"
Naruto shrugged. "I do what I can." His smile melted into a kinder one. "How's Metaru doing? Is he adapting to the upgrade?"
"He's been sleeping most of the day away, boss. Though I think he should be-"
A was cut off by the scrabbling of claws on tiled floors zooming towards their position. Yips filled the air as a russet orange shape bolted down the hall at them before leaping through the air and tackling Naruto to the floor thanks to the boy's unsteady stance.
Naruto could feel cold plated metal lapping at his cheek as he laughed, amber eyes staring at him in unbound adoration. Small iron nails dug into his thick clothing, searching for a good grip as a fur coated tail whipped back and forth.
Naruto peeled Metaru off of him, gazing in affection at the small fox-shaped construct in his arms. Not even two feet long, his tail nearly the same size as his body, and hardly a foot tall, the small robot barked and whimpered in happiness as his master held him close.
"Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?" Naruto cooed, Metaru butting his vulpine nose into the lad's chest. "Metaru's a good boy! Yes, you are! Yes, you are!"
Metaru was his greatest creation, but more importantly, he was Naruto's companion and friend. The construct was the result of years of labor and research, resulting in a sentient life form that learned and developed the more time it spent in its created existence.
In other words, he was the first artificially intelligent creature since centuries ago.
"Were you a good little fox?" Naruto asked. Metaru yipped in response. His smile widened. "That's right," Naruto almost simpered. "Because Metaru is the best thing in the whole wide world, right up there with ramen, yes he is…"
The little fox had already reached godhood.
"You must be hungry. You probably haven't a bite all day."
"He refused to siphon off any of the clones, boss. But I'm not sure whether this was his personal preference or if he couldn't."
"Well, they are chakra constructs. Even if they carry my astral pattern, their physical bodies don't technically exist." Naruto bit his index finger, tearing off the very tip. Beads of blood began to pool out. "They can't really bleed, and too much chakra drainage shorts them out, so I doubt they'd be able to act as a viable alternative energy source."
He placed the finger inside Metaru's mouth, who then began to suckle it like a newborn babe. A thin line of blue chakra drew itself into the construct, the blood acting as a medium. Luckily, only a few milliliters was needed to start the process, and the chakra flow increased until Metaru cut it off with a yawn and a smacking of lips.
Placing the fox on the floor, Naruto made his way to his study as both the construct and clank followed suit. A was quiet except for the whirring of gears and crackling of electricity while Metaru danced around Naruto like a mad top, gaining small laughs and giggles as his reward. When they reached the book infested room, Naruto shoved a pile over, muttering curses all the while that he should have sent his clones to do this room first, and sat at his table.
The furniture had all manners of objects, devices, and sheets of paper scattered all over it. Oddly enough it looked like a copy of the Hokage's desk.
Little did Naruto know just how quickly he was becoming attuned to the job's most terrible danger and annoyance – the paper Legion.
Metaru jumped into his creator's lap, curling up into a small ball for the blessed warmth, while A climbed the small set of stairs set at the side of the table. Naruto had created it, and many others like it around the building, after realizing that, due to the size of the Naru-kuns, there were a lot of places cut off for them. And A, being the in facto leader of the crew, was often needed to help discuss plans thanks to the many battle tactics Naruto had entered into the digital database.
"So, what are we doing, boss?"
Naruto pulled a few books from the side of him, most labeled as the current year and previous' bingo book. "I've got another test set for tomorrow that'll determine whether or not I'll actually stay a genin or get returned to the academy. The theme is survival training, so I wanna get as much data and preparation as possible."
"And your teammates?"
Naruto grinned. "That's the best part."
Sasuke Uchiha. Rookie of the year. One of the last living and loyal member of the Uchiha clan – owner of the coveted and notorious Sharingan. Top marks in all areas of nin arts – though his specialties lied in his clan's particular style of taijutsu and the knowledge of a few fire-style ninjutsu. His most powerful aspect had to be his bloodline limit to copy any jutsus used in his vision. Though his people skills stunk even worse than Naruto's.
Sakura Haruno. Top kunoichi of the year. Her academic marks were one of the highest in the academy's history, but her practical marks left her flat on the ground. No physical or ninjutsu attributes to speak off, except for her high chakra control. Instantly an analytical type. She was also tricky as one of the Uchiha's many, many fangirls.
Finally, Kakashi Hatake. Jounin. Former ANBU captain. Known as the copy-ninja, having supposedly duplicated over a thousand jutsu. He obviously had a Sharingan as well, though where he got it Naruto did not know. Powerful, quick, and an excellent strategist, but rumor had it he was also lazy, perverted, and always chronically late.
This would indeed be a fun time.
Gathering brushes, ink, and paper, Naruto reached out before his hand bonked against something. Turning, Naruto saw Metaru had a pair of headphones in his mouth, his pneumatic ears whooshing slightly. Naruto gave a grin as thanks before snapping the headphones on. Metaru climbed back into his lap, and A watched in silence as his creator began his "composing."
"And begin."
Snapping his fingers, the sound of Bach's "Air" filled his ears.
A beautiful melody, once lost, now mysteriously found again. It flowed, like the name of the tune.
Naruto's hands danced across the table.
NTNTNTNTNT
It was morning, and two halfway genins were standing around like idiots just where in the hell their other teammate and instructor was. They had come early, they hadn't eaten, they had arrived at the right place, they had prepared for the survival test, they had done everything asked…
So where the hell was Kakashi and Naruto?!
"Graaahh! I'm gonna kill that empty-headed blonde when he gets here!"
Sasuke, though he did not do so vocally for the fear of getting a gooey Sakura, found himself agreeing with the girl.
He didn't really care if Naruto didn't come (the boy was the dead last, after all.) But if they did not have a teacher, they could not pass. And if they didn't pass, he couldn't become a ninja. And if he didn't become a ninja, he would never be able to gain all the power to kill his missing nin sibling Itachi.
So this statement begs to be said.
He was going to punch Kakashi right in his smug face when the man arrived.
"Yo! Sorry we're late!"
The two turned to see Naruto beaming congenially at them…while dragging Kakashi behind him by the jounin's legs.
Sakura and Sasuke blinked. The man was obviously not enjoying himself, but neither was he doing anything to stop Naruto from the rough treatment. It appeared that he couldn't even move under his own power.
"What the…" Sakura murmured out loud.
Naruto laughed as he dropped the older man into an undignified lump on the ground. "Kakashi-sensei had a bit of a run-in with some friends of mine, and well…"
"Little metal midget bastards…" The copy nin muttered through numb lips, his body vibrating slightly.
Naruto frowned. "Ya just had to try and get them back, didn't ya? They nearly blew you up last time."
"Dobe, what did this?"
The jinchuuriki faced Sasuke, who had both a disgruntled yet intrigued expression. "The Naru-kuns."
"Naru-kuns?"
"I guess you could call them the security system installed in my apartment complex. One of them was rigged with a high-yield electrical line and kind of tagged Kakashi-sensei when he was trying to get revenge for a previous fault."
"Robot devils…"
"Is he going to be alright?" Sakura asked.
"Should be. It was only a few thousand volts."
Sasuke grunted. "Dobe, that would normally kill a person, or at least render them into a comatose state for several hours."
Naruto tilted his head. "But I get that much power shot into me all the time!"
"…this explains so much about you."
"Eh, whatever." Naruto sat down, leaning the jounin against a tree before pulling a ramen cup out of his pack and peeling off the cover. With quick snap of his fingers, the cup bulged and steam began to rise out. As he began to chow down, Saskura interrupted him.
"What are you doing?"
"What?" A stray noodle hung from his lips. "I was in the middle of eating when Kakashi-sensei burst through one of my windows strapped to the hip and demanding where he could find the 'shiny, little monstrosities.' I'm hungry!"
"But he told us not to eat!"
"No, he suggested we not eat because we might just throw up later. Might, not will. I'm not foregoing my breakfast or the energy from it on the off chance it'll come back up accidentally."
Twin growls followed his statement. He looked at the other two genin, both with looks of embarrassment and hunger sketched across their faces. "You're kidding, right?" Naruto's face fell into tumultuous mockery. "Oh, this is great. Two of the top students in the class, and they make one of the worst rookie mistakes ever. Never go without eating unless you absolutely have to, especially before something like this."
Sasuke growled. "I don't need someone like you to tell me that, dobe."
"Ahh, relax, Sasuke-kun." Naruto waved a hand noncommittally. "I'm just giving some advice. Here." He reached back into his pack and retrieved two more cups and pairs of chopsticks, tossing them over to the others.
"They're not the most filling, but they should help somewhat."
Sakura turned the cup over in her hand. She had never seen this kind before. The cup was made of metal with a thin sheet of wood on the outside, and the bottom had some unknown runes engraved in it. "What is this? It isn't going to explode on me, is it? Because if it does, your ass is mine."
"Don't worry, Sakura-chan. They're my own special brand – QuickStart Ramen™. Ah, just wait a sec." He snapped his fingers twice and steam began to escape from the cup.
"And how did you do that?"
"Custom seals on the bottom of the cup. Now eat."
Not willing to look a gifthorse in the mouth with the hunger pangs they were experiencing, they opened their cups, only to be repulsed by the insides.
"Ewwww! What in the hell is this?!" Sakura screeched as she looked at the noodles floating around in a dark black liquid.
Naruto drained the last of his cup, licking his lips for residual drops. "Ramen noodles soaked in black coffee."
"You are a freak." Sasuke noted.
"Hey, I said my likes were ramen and coffee. I just found a way of combining them." The pinkette and black-haired boy stared at him in disgust. He pursed his lips. "Don't knock it till you try it. Besides, it'll give you a boost in energy and should make this whole test easier to handle."
Sasuke grimaced at the idea of drinking the foul concoction, but if it meant that he would be better equipped he would do anything. Setting his jaw, he took the cup and downed it in one go, allowing both liquid and noodles to flow into his something without a hitch. Naruto whistled appreciatively. Sasuke let out a small burp as his stomach rumbled in protest.
"There."
"Not bad, not bad. But you shouldn't have done it so quickly. You're going to regret it later."
"Why would I-?" It smashed into him like when Naruto tore open the outer wall of his apartment's fifth floor. All the vibrant colors, the striking smells, the lilting sounds; his body felt like it was brimming with power! "What the…"
"Caffeine rush." Naruto explained. "You are going to have one heck of a headache later." He turned to Sakura. "Your turn. Just try to take it easier than the boy wonder over here."
Sakura scowled at the insult given to her Sasuke-kun but held her tongue. If being with Sasuke meant drinking this…this…whatever this thing was, she would do it and do it happily. She began to choke down the ramen.
Naruto internally leered. Yes…eat the ramen. Let it flow through you…Already they were falling into his clutches. Resisting the urge to laugh manically, Naruto waited until Sakura had finished the entire cup before nodding in approval.
"Alright then, now that we're somewhat hopped up on junk food and caffeine, I think it's time we start the test. Kakashi-sensei?" He asked, turning to the jounin.
"He's still paralyzed, Naruto."
"Ah, right, oops?" Naruto fished around the many pockets in his coats before he pulled out what looked like a small metallic pen. Touching it to Kakashi, everyone else's eyes widened as an electrical arc raced into the object. When it finished, Kakashi was able to move himself again. Naruto placed the item back into his coat.
Obviously there was more to the short boy than met the eye.
Kakashi narrowed his eyes. "And why didn't you do that before?"
Naruto grinned capriciously. "'Cause otherwise you wouldn't have let us eaten and shoved us straight into the test at a disadvantage." He leaned forward and waggled his eyebrows. "Riiiiggghhhtttt…?"
Kakashi shook his head, his eye becoming an upside-down U. "You're impossible, brat, but I think I'm starting to like you." He stood up and walked over to a stump, placing down a clock. "Right then, guess we'll start now."
The genin stood at attention. "I will set this clock to ring one hour from now. In that time span, you must steal one of these bells that I will be keeping on my person." He jingled a pair of bells for them to see. "If you manage to steal one, you will pass the test and become honorary ninja."
Sakura noted the contradiction. "But sensei, there's only two bells. One of us will be left out."
The man smirked. "Exactly."
"Then that means that…"
"One of you will definitely be sent back to the academy." Each of the children seemed shocked at this aspect. Kakashi mentally laughed at their looks. Oh, it was so fun to psychologically screw with these kids. Maybe it was a good thing he had been nominated as a potential teacher. "You can use any tools, jutsus, or weapons you may have brought with you. Strike as though you were fighting a real enemy. You won't get shit otherwise."
He nodded. "Right then. Ready…"
Naruto removed the headphones from his neck, brought for this special occasion.
"Set…"
He snapped them on.
"And…"
"GO!" Naruto roared. The sound of heavy metal invaded his ears. He snapped his fingers together.
The ground beneath Kakashi surged upward.
NTNTNTNTNT
"The idiot is insane. Absolutely and completely insane."
Sasuke had hidden himself after the huge explosion hidden right underneath Kakashi was set off, scattering all of them to the winds. Naruto had been laughing like a madman when hell broke loose, snapping his fingers to some odd beat as the ground mutated itself into fiery death.
He didn't know what the dobe had done, but he did know that it was powerful and unexpected.
He had to have it for himself.
Sasuke had to make a revaluation of the previous class clown. It was clear he had been holding a lot back. To make such a sudden explosion without the use of hand signs or any discernable jutsu? That was something not a complete idiot could accomplish.
Though at this very moment that complete idiot was challenging Kakashi to a fight in the wide open clearing after the jounin had wandered back in to try and bait the genin.
So it was official – Naruto was just crazy.
After babbling on about some stuff or other, Naruto launched himself at the man, devolving into a poor rendition of the academy's taijutsu. When he found his back turned to the jounin, Kakashi had performed his "thousand years of death" jutsu on the boy.
What was surprising was not that Kakashi had beaten Naruto so easily, but that Naruto had just poofed into a thin cloud of smoke.
So it had to be a bunshin. But it wasn't a normal bunshin. So what was it?
These questions weren't answered as a small orb swiftly levitated itself above the boy. Naruto's voice came from inside.
"Yo."
Sasuke wondered if this was what the back of his throat tasted like.
NTNTNTNTNT
Sakura stared at the hovering contraption in front of her. She had just seen Naruto explode into nothing. And now this strange thing was talking in his voice?
"N-Naruto?"
"The one and only."
"What…Is that really you? This…ball?"
"No, silly." The orb shook in a good mimicry of laughter. "This is a just a way for me to communicate with you guys without being spotted by Kakashi-sensei. I call it the Karasu."
"But…but how did you find us when sensei hasn't yet?"
"I put a tracer on you. Or rather, had you ingest one."
Sakura's mouth went dry. "The ramen?"
"Hole in one. Man, I guess that's why you're the top kunoichi in our class."
Sakura had to stop herself from blushing. Even though it wasn't a compliment from Sasuke, and it was one from Naruto, she still appreciated the praise. It wasn't often she got it other than from the teachers. "But…the tracer. Are we…?"
Naruto anticipated her question. "Nah, you don't have to worry about it. It should dissolve in the next couple of hours or so and be completely harmless in passing. But man, I couldn't believe my luck that you guys hadn't eaten. I was worried I might have to trick you or something."
Sakura found herself snorting. "Really. You? Trick us?"
"You are talking to the number one prankster in Konoha. I could trick one of the Inuzuka's inunin to hand over all their bones." The ball bobbed up and down for a second. "But that's not important. Right now, I need your help…"
NTNTNTNTNT
Sasuke petulantly blew air out his nose. "Me? Help you? And why should I?"
"Because if you don't, none of us will pass."
This struck the Uchiha scion to the core. He blew his cheeks out and sighed. "Explain."
"Think about it. We were put into a three man team, but one of us is 'supposedly' going to fail. Yet all the other teams we've ever seen have three people in it. It doesn't add up. Why would they bother to break us up into squads just so we could go at each others' throats? It's not Konoha's style."
Sasuke thought about it for a second. The dobe had a point. Even though he himself was enough to beat Kakashi and steal a bell, it didn't matter if the overall goal of the test was something different entirely. He would win the battle only to lose the war.
Uchihas did not lose wars, they ended them.
"So you think he's trying to cause dissention in the ranks for a reason?"
"For something. Think about it. What would we gain by working together if only two of us would pass?"
Sasuke pieced the shards together. Slowly, it came to him. "He's running us through team dynamics, tandem tactics. He wants us to work together despite the risk that we may not all make it."
He could feel the smile being transmitted through the communication device.
"Exactly. So what will it be, Sasuke? Shall we fall apart, or smoosh Kakashi like a bug? Is it worth it to achieve your dream?"
The boy squared his shoulders and jaw. He would do anything, even if it meant accepting another's weight on his shoulders, if it meant he could catch up to and surpass Itachi.
"What's the plan?"
NTNTNTNTNT
"So, you just want me to watch Kakashi-sensei?"
"No, I want you to shadow him. I want his every movement, every step, every turn. I want the exact measurement he walks, the exact angle of his path. Everything."
"But why me?" He voice had obvious hints of self dissatisfaction.
"Because you're the best when it comes to mathematics. Simply think of it as geometry. Gauge the way he moves, and then predict based on the facts. If anyone can do it, I know you can, Sakura-chan. And also…" The orb moved a bit closer. "Think how impressed Sasuke-kun will be with you."
That clinched it for her. If it meant Sasuke would acknowledge her then she would do it.
"I understand."
"Good, then we'll start on my command."
NTNTNTNTNT
Naruto knelt next to the clone who was interacting with Sasuke. They both were equipped with wireless transceivers, using both them and the Karasu to hold a…four-way conversation.
He was glad they were listening to him so easily. Then again, it was the first rule to apply when trying to negotiate or manipulate underlings or enemies.
Find out what their buttons are, and then push them like hell.
The kage bunshin he had set out against Kakashi was a good distraction when he set the mini cameras/communication tools out to find his hidden comrades. Though the way it had been dispelled was not pleasant. He still felt the phantom pains around his rear.
Oh yeah, he was going to pay Kakashi back for that.
To be honest, with the way he planned this out, he really didn't need either of the genins' help. With the kage bunshin, he could do it all on his own without having to worry about their thought patterns. But then that would destroy the entire purpose of this experiment.
Naruto wanted to test their abilities, wanted to see what they could do and how much. Also, if he did not work with them, how could he expect them to be loyal minions?
No, it would not do at all to ignore the two.
Forming a mental 3D image and map of the surrounding area, Naruto pinged Kakashi's location and the various sigils placed all over. Nodding to his clone, which smiled in affirmation, he spoke back into his mouthpiece. "Alright then, Sakura-chan. Let's get started."
"We'll show Kakashi-sensei just how strong we really are." His clone echoed to Sasuke in turn.
"And when it's all said and done."
"He'll see why we deserve to be more than just genin."
"We'll conquer all before us."
"Experiment initiated."
NTNTNTNTNT
Kakashi was bored. None of his "students" were coming out to play. Sure, he got a little bit of fun with that clone, but it was still just a clone – nothing more than a copy. Even so, it was a kage bunshin, something he did not expect from the recorded "dead-last." Sarutobi's words came flittering back to him.
"It would be best not to underestimate him."
But what could he expect from someone who only stayed and hid? Flipping his Icha Icha book open, he giggled as the perverse storyline engulfed him.
Something moved. Kakashi looked down to see a small orb rolling next to his foot. Barely larger than a couple marbles put together, it didn't appear to threatening. But then he remembered the reports with Mizuki's personal introduction to a bomb blast and the explosion he was caught in earlier, escaping only through a kawarimi.
He jumped through the air as it exploded, scorching the earth. Landing softly, he cursed when a click was heard. Dashing to the side, several kunai pierced through where he once was. When he stopped to measure his surroundings, the tree behind him caught fire.
It wasn't long before his entire surroundings were a pyroclastic vision of death. No matter where he moved to, some trap was set off. The constant stream of bright lights and loud sounds were doing wonders for keeping his senses all tangled up. He could hardly look one way before being distracted or have his concentration broken by something else.
He barely even noticed Sasuke leveling an axe kick at his face until his arm instinctively came up to block.
Sasuke let out the dreaded and pompous Uchiha smirk.
"You seem surprised…sensei."
NTNTNTNTNT
Sakura squealed as she saw her Sasuke-kun put the nails to the silver-haired jounin. He was so cool!
And Naruto was almost as amazing. He had listened to her every word, following her directions to where Kakashi moved and shifted. Then he activated the traps set ahead of time. With every step, Kakashi was caught off guard by another trap, twirling the man in a lethal merry-go-round.
Maybe they could really do this. They could actually beat a senior jounin, one of the elite!
She saw Sasuke twist down in a contortionist's manner, almost touching the bells. He did it! Sasuke-kun did it!
Her joy dwindled when Kakashi lurched backwards, avoiding Sasuke's fingertips. No! All that work, all that Naruto had helped with!
Naruto had actually done something! And it was ruined as Kakashi would now be on guard!
Sakura's eyes widened more when she saw it.
Naruto was at Kakashi's back, palms outstretched.
NTNTNTNTNT
Kakashi grunted as he felt a two-palmed strike smash into his back. He hadn't noticed one of the others sneaking up, so focused on Sasuke and disoriented by the traps. He twisted his body and tumbled to the ground. Skidding a couple feet, he got to his knees.
Sasuke was panting lightly, Naruto slapping him briskly on the back. Kakashi's one visible eye widened. Did they get the bells?
Chancing a look, he found that, yes, the silver musical items were still attached at his waist. He heaved a small sigh of relief. It wouldn't do to be defeated so easily by a bunch of snot-nosed brats. Kakashi let out a grin.
"Oooh, so close. Looks like your plan failed. Though I have to admit, it was rather unexpected."
Sasuke growled but stopped when Naruto put a hand on his shoulder. Looking up, he saw the blonde had a look of victory on his face. What was the boy planning?
"You think so? Because from my perspective, it looks like our win."
"You don't have the bells. Sasuke wasn't able to steal them."
"He wasn't supposed to." The other two males looked at him in surprise. "I mean sure, it would have been great if it worked out that easily, but I doubted it would have." Naruto put his hands behind his head. "Sasuke may be good and all, but he's still just a genin. Even against someone with their eyes and ears tied up like yours, he wouldn't win with just taijutsu."
Sasuke growled at the indirect insult but said nothing. He wanted to see where the blonde was going with this.
"For a distraction, however, compounded upon all those traps, he's perfect."
Kakashi felt his mouth gape. He…he… "You used them? You used your teammates? That's not what an honorable shinobi does."
"I didn't use them, I employed their skills. They made this choice all on their own." He turned and waved. They turned to see a surprised Sakura approaching them with the flying Karasu at her side and a kage bunshin. The clone gave a thumbs up before popping. Naruto waited for the pinkette to arrive. "Sakura, with her analytical skills, gave me your position at all times. It was how I knew where and when to spring my traps. Sasuke, with his superior physical abilities, kept you busy so I could land a sneak attack. And I placed the final blow and learned how to bring our teamwork to the fullest."
"But that doesn't mean you won."
"Well, yeah, it kinda does. That palm strike? It wasn't meant to do harm." Naruto's smile drooped into a malevolent leer. "It was meant to seal your fate. You know fuuinjutsu, right, Kakashi-sensei?"
"Yes…" He didn't like the way this was heading…
"Then you should know how seals can be applied to any situation, from storage space to attack capabilities. At the moment, you have a seal on your back that, when I activate it, will shock you at about the same level you've received from my darling Naru-kuns. In other words…"
Naruto raised a hand, pressing his thumb and forefinger together. "You're nothing but a giant lightning rod. We win. We all win."
Kakashi narrowed his eyes. "You're bluffing."
"Wanna find out?" Naruto grinned, rubbing his fingers back and forth.
Sasuke and Sakura watched in suspense. They could not believe this was Naruto standing before them, threatening to electrocute their sensei with mere movement of the hands.
Kakashi and Naruto stayed in that staring contest for almost a minute before the jounin shook his head and chuckled. "All right, brat, you win. Here." He unhitched the bells and tossed them. "You pass. You all do." He turned around. "Now get this seal off my back!"
Naruto grinned and tossed the bells back to Sasuke and Sakura who caught it with surprise. He then made his way over to Kakashi and placed his hands on the man's back. A pulse of chakra formed and a blue seal appeared on the man before disintegrating away. Naruto clapped his hands together before announcing it done.
Kakashi could feel the seal being stripped off. "Crap, kid, you weren't kidding? You were going to fry me if I didn't give them up."
He winked. "A good shinobi always keeps one step ahead. Welcome to the Chikamichi jutsu. It allows me to plant seals with only the use of my chakra. Quick formation, devastating effect."
Sasuke finally broke out of his stupor. "Dobe…Naruto…Naruto-dobe." He felt it fine to call the boy that – his actual name but still with the recognition of his place. "Teach me that technique." If he had that power, he could keep his brother off guard and then kill him.
Naruto pursed his lips together. He held a hand with all the fingers extended. "Five."
"Eh?"
"Five years to learn it. Two for learning basic fuuinjutsu, another two for more advanced study, and one for the actual technique. That's how long it took for its creation. Then you actually have to memorize each particular seal down to the tiniest detail. Absolute perfection. That usually takes a week for each one."
Sasuke was poleaxed. Five years? Five years for one technique? He didn't have the time for that, and he didn't think Naruto was joking on the matter. Sure, the Sharingan (once he obtained it) could copy most jutsus on sight, but fuuinjutsu was an art that required heavy study and research – something the Sharingan was not built for.
"How many seals have you created?"
"Over a hundred, I guess?"
One hundred weeks. Almost two years…
Sasuke snickered. He couldn't believe the almost zen tenacity of the boy. "Maybe you aren't as stupid as you look."
"Or sound."
"Or act."
"Hey! I…" Naruto closed his mouth. "Actually, I can't really argue against that." The others laughed at his admission. He whistled softly and the Karasu floated over to him. He clicked his tongue and they dove into his open coat pockets.
Kakashi watched in subdued awe. "And those are?" He did not recognize the devices the boy had used. They were more advanced than other ninja tools he'd seen.
"You can call them part of my own special brand of techniques, the Kinzoku jutsu."
"And those are?"
"That…is a secret."
Kakashi sighed. "Of course. Then would you mind telling me this? How did you figure out the real point of the exam?" The others looked at him as well, interested in his guesswork.
Naruto pulled a book from his pack and thumbed to a page bookmarked. "Kakashi Hatake, jounin. 'Those that disobey the rules are trash, but those that abandon their allies for the rules are even lower.'" He snapped the book shut. "For someone who quoted this in their section of the bingo book, you have to guess that he values teamwork more than anything else."
"I see…" Kakashi chuckled. Oh, if only Rin, Obito, and sensei could see him now, being lectured at by a boy not even half his age. They would never stop teasing him. "If that's the case, then fine, you're now all officially genin. Congratulations."
A cheer went throughout the newly minted nins. Sakura hugging Sasuke who hoped she'd stop soon and Naruto just dancing some stupid little jig.
"But-!" They stopped abruptly. "Now that I've seen what you're capable of, I guess that means I don't have to go easy or play safe." The man cracked the joints in his knuckles, his eye still caught in that same inverted U.
"I am going to break you."
Nothing was said until Naruto fell into a giant whoop, laughing like it was the end of the world.
It was here that Sakura and Sasuke realized something.
They were screwed.
Naruto was also now legally bat-shit crazy.
Oh yes, they were very, very screwed.
A/N: Second chapter get! This took me a while to type, as I've been busy with work and home so I rarely have time to just sit at my computer, and when I do I'm so exhausted from everything else I don't want to write. Ha! Hope people like the way I altered the bell test. Wanted something other than the usual "you pass because I pity you." Also, I hope people are noticing the new dynamics shone between the characters. Enjoy that too.
Oh, and before I forget, I wanted to publicly thank my beta-readers Firefly25 and Raithe. Raithe actually helped to beta-read the first chapter of "Nin Tech," and me, being an idiot, forgot to mention him. So…thank you! Other than that I don't have much else to say. So in this case…
Please Review, and remember, no flames!
New Jutsu
Karasu (Raven) – Small floating orbs (about the size of an average person's fist) that double as recording and communication devices. They float via subtle wind jutsus that propel air in various directions to keep them afloat and a gyroscope to keep them stabilized in the air and not tumble every which way.
Chikamichi (Shortcut) – Naruto can create seals without the need to actually draw them by supplanting them on objects via the use of mentally sketched chakra images. The jutsu is activated by clapping his hands together and pressing both palms against the object while visualizing the desired seal (ex. Shortcut: B-Ver.15). They are then activated by snapping his fingers, thereby sending a pulse of chakra which resonate specifically with each made seal.
Next Chapter: Explosions Make Everything Better!
