Disclaimer: Why would I bother owning Naruto? It's too troublesome…
Nin Tech
Chapter 3: Explosions Make Everything Better!
By Irritus185
It was just another day in Konoha.
Okay, maybe there were just a few differences.
The figure leaped far above the streets of Konoha, silver hair rustling in the wind. Though it couldn't be seen under the mask perpetually covering his face, Kakashi's mouth was twisted into a definite half-scowl. Looking below him, he could already see the citizens making their daily rounds as he quite literally bounded across the tops of the buildings.
He just didn't understand it. Here he was, looking for one of his idiot genin. Him – the great copy-nin Kakashi Hatake! And all because that little blonde brat was late! How dare he be late!
Kakashi had even only showed up two hours late this time instead of his customary three!
But Naruto hadn't showed hide or hair of himself at team seven's meeting ground for nearly a half-hour after his arrival and was now considered late, something that no confident or proud shinobi would do.
Yes, Kakashi obviously chose to ignore the irony in this thought.
It had been one week since he had become the jounin instructor of team seven, and he was no closer to understanding the enigma that was the insane jinchuuriki than when the boy had first nearly blown him up. The Hokage wasn't joking when he had said that Naruto was troublesome. It was like trying to hold a tsunami inside a jam jar only to be surprised when the jar shattered and you got swept away.
No matter what Kakashi did, he just could not seem to pick apart Naruto's thought process. Sasuke and Sakura were simple by comparison; one was driven by revenge and the other by idol worship. But Naruto…Naruto…
The boy did not have one single button that could be consistently pressed. He switched between reason and chaos at the drop of a hat, and more than once Kakashi found himself wondering just what the hell he had gotten himself into.
He remembered a few things that had happened earlier in Naruto's childhood when he was chosen as an ANBU bodyguard. The mayhem, the mischief, the horror…and, ye gods, the random explosions…
It was hard not to see the Kyuubi inside Naruto as the preteen was such an obvious pyromaniac.
Why Naruto had been making paper airplanes out of explosive tags he'd never know, but Kakashi prayed that Naruto's…creative imagination wouldn't attempt something like a small-scale aerial assault on the merchants' sector again.
This was part of the reason for the hellish training of Kakashi's team. For the past week he had been whipping them into shape through a grueling training regiment that would make Maito Gai cry youthful tears of joy. Running fifty laps around Konoha followed by a dozen sets of one hundred pushups, sit-ups, squats, etc. was the basic plan. With time, he would keep boosting their physical training until just their basic taijutsu would make them absolute monsters. Add to that their daily D-rank missions and the little shinobi and kunoichi should have been utter darlings as they passed out from fatigue.
But that little empty-headed brat just would not…go…down! Unlike his teammates who seemed on the verge of exhaustion only halfway through their initial training, Naruto was still as fresh as a daisy throughout the entire practice. He actually looked excited over the idea of more torture-sorry-training. Kakashi could not understand it. Naruto had more stamina than most chunin combined! What horrible past deeds had Kakashi done to be stuck with the equivalent of a supernova as one of his pupils?
How could he possibly show his tenderness and caring nature as a teacher if the child refused to break down into a blubbering, vomiting mess?!
He wanted his petty revenge, damn it!
And on top of Naruto's incredible endurance, the various "quirks" that pervaded his personality were like the deadly poison found on a nail-encrusted baseball bat. Like his sleeping disorder…
A chill wind blew.
Kakashi shivered in mid-bound as that memory came up. He really wished he had read the documents on Naruto's progress in the academy, but he had originally believed that controlling the little munchkin would be an easy task.
Oh, how wrong was he.
It was during their third day as a team. Kakashi had decided to give a quick lecture on the advantages of teamwork between the genin when he was rudely interrupted by a subtle snoring emanating from Naruto. Looking over at him, Kakashi was both amused and irked by what he saw.
The blonde had fallen asleep on his feet! Well, he couldn't have that, now could he? He'd just have to show him who was the student and who was the sensei. If only he had taken note of how Sakura and Sasuke were quickly inching away from the sleeping blonde, he could have saved himself a lot of trouble, time, and pain.
Kakashi hadn't.
The result was obvious.
Reaching over to flick the boy on the forehead, and thus wake him up, Kakashi found himself experiencing the all-too-delightful sensation of spontaneous combustion.
No signs, no flare of chakra, nothing. Just one second perfectly inert, and the next perfectly swathed in flames and screaming as he threw himself into the stop, drop, and roll maneuver.
And Naruto just slept through the entire event while Sakura and Sasuke fled.
There was still a small patch on his left thigh that wouldn't grow hair after the intense inferno brought down upon him. From then on, Kakashi made sure to look up any information he could find on Naruto.
He was sure he would live a long and healthy life if he did so. Plus, his Icha-chan wouldn't have to suffer the consequences of his negligence. Oh…poor Volume Twenty-Two. Nami-chan would so hate him for being so very, very careless.
There were also those kinzoku jutsu to consider. Kakashi had no idea where Naruto had discovered them, but it was clear to him that such technology was very rare in Konoha and probably in all the elemental countries as well. Even the chakra armor and mechanical devices used in Snow country had nothing on the intricacies that he could glean from the few times he had seen the items.
What were they? How did Naruto know of them? How could he even create such wondrous tools? Kakashi had a million questions and no answers for them. Naruto was extremely secretive about his inventions, giving only capricious grins and half-delirious riddles in response to Kakashi's probing. Kakashi had even thought about making it an order for Naruto to explain everything. He was now the jounin's soldier, after all, and would have to tell all so that Kakashi could make an accurate assessment of his skills. And yet…he hadn't announced the order.
Why?
Maybe it was because Kakashi himself wasn't able to bring himself to share all of his skills with his own jounin sensei; maybe it had to do with the strict dressing-down Sarutobi had given him prior to his first meeting with his team.
Or maybe it had to with the fact that Kakashi was actually scared of what the answer would entail. If Naruto was a psycho from fiddling with such devices, what effect would they have on Kakashi?
Icha Icha Icha Icha Icha Icha Icha Icha Icha…
Tee-hee. Cough, right, moving on.
Kakashi slowed to a stop as he reached his destination. Looking in front of him, he stared at the perilous Uzumaki mansion – eight floors of psychotic crazies, metallic monsters, and unknown atrocities. The apartment building loomed over its neighbors, waiting to devour any who showed weakness. Hell, it even had the obligatory ominous clouds sparking with lightning above-
Wait, what? The hell?
There actually were thunder clouds above the building, and only above that building. They hovered a couple meters directly over the roof, none floating any further than perhaps a few feet out from the roof's edge. It was like they were there exactly for the purpose of adding a foreboding atmosphere.
Kakashi suppressed the shiver traveling down his spine. There was just something so wrong with this scene. Shaking his head, he leapt across the street to an open window. Kakashi meticulously scanned the room before he was adequately satisfied.
"Good, no traps, and those little metal freaks aren't anywhere to be-"
"Yo! Bakashi-sensei!"
"Huh?"
Kakashi looked down only to have something slam into his face, bursting upon contacting and splashing him with some viscous and unknown liquid. He blinked once, twice, and then wiped his face off. In front of him was one of the Naru-kuns, J by the letter hammered on its chest, standing at attention with a large barrel sticking part-way out of its mouth. The barrel receded, and the Naru-kun gave a crisp salute with its stubby arms.
"Welcome! Would you like a complimentary towel with your greeting?" Kakashi didn't know if it was possible, but he could swear that the clank was smirking at him.
"Why you little-" He was cut off again as a small hand towel smacked into his face. Growling, he tore it off only to discover that the Naru-kun had disappeared somewhere back into its villainous hive.
"Please enjoy your stay here at Naruto, Inc., future ruler of the world. When finished, fill out the suggestion card so that we can make your next visit more enjoyable. Have a nice day!"
Kakashi glanced at the towel, which actually did have a little suggestion card neatly tucked into a side pocket. On it were various questions like, "Did you enjoy your visit?", "Would you like to join us in world domination?", and "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck with a chainsaw and five pounds of TNT?"
Tearing the card into as many pieces as he could, Kakashi forced himself to calm down as he slowly wiped his face of with the towel. This time it looked like rainbow-colored paint. Last time he had come it was tar and feathers, and the time before that it was heavy duty catnip in spray form.
The kitties…Oh those amorous kitties…
He clenched his fist tightly and ground his teeth together. Oh, he would get those little monsters. He would make them pay; especially that J one. He would enjoy putting a chidori through its metallic little heart, over and over again…
Shaking his head, Kakashi directed himself back to the task at hand. First he had to find his AWOL student…then he could disassemble J into as many individual parts as possible before tossing them into the fires of Mt. Hanrou in Earth country. That would teach the little bugger!
His head swiveled to one side as something caught his ears. It sounded like muffled laughter and giggling. Following the sound, Kakashi walked down the hallway and one flight of stairs before he saw what looked like smoke sifting out a door. His ninja training kicking into high gear, Kakashi dashed to the door and kicked it open, thanking the heavens that his mask didn't just make him look cool and impress the ladies but also doubled as a filter.
"Naruto!" he shouted, fearing the fool had finally blown himself to pieces. "You in here?!" He wasn't sure if what he found actually assuaged his fears or just made brand new ones. "Gurk!"
Naruto was okay, albeit apparently stoned out of his mind. What really screwed the image up was that Anko – bloody ex-apprentice of the traitor Orochimaru, stab-stabbity-stabby fetishist, and all-around sadistic sociopath Anko – was in the same state and also molesting said jinchuuriki as she tickled him mercilessly in places people nearly twice your age should not tickle.
Now normally, in a situation like this, Kakashi would just liken it to something he found in the Icha Icha series and giggle absently. But there was something about this image that just touched some deep primal facet of him, something that just screamed "WRONG! OH, GODS SO WRONG!" So he could not, he simple could not. Instead, his jaw went slack and he just stared as the Wrongness continued.
Naruto's giggling trailed off as he finally noticed another occupant in the room. "Oh, hee-hee, hey, Kakashi-sensei, bwa-ha-ha-ha! What-what are you, scheetn, doing here? You wanna get in on this, heh, too?"
"Nooo…~" Anko whined throatily as she groped at the blonde. "You're all mine, Naru-chan! No one else…~"
Kakashi subtly closed his mouth and put his fingers to his forehead while his brain tried to process and then delete what he was seeing. "Naruto, what in the nine hells are you doing?"
"Just a – Anko-hime, stop that! – just an experiment, hiiiii, gone awry. I was playing with chemicals and Anko-hime – hey, not there – decided to surprise me, and…" The boy's lips trembled and he suddenly cut himself off as he fell into tumultuous laughter, Anko taking the opportunity to pin him to the floor.
"And…?" Kakashi didn't know why he was just standing there while Anko was trying to deflower Konoha's greatest secret and deadliest citizen, but he figured that, despite the sheer wrongness of it all, every shinobi deserved to get it on with a hot, older kunoichi.
Kakashi has a very skewed sense of morals and ethics. A lifetime of reading nothing but porn will do that to you.
"Nitrous oxide," Naruto managed to gasp out before he succumbed to Anko's attacks.
Laughing gas. The boy was wasted off his ass with laughing gas. Kakashi took a quick glance around, and for the first time noticed that the room they were in swarmed with all kinds of beakers, test tubes and chemicals. A fat stack of papers, books, and such was piled off to the side of the room, mirrored by a large blackboard that had several chemical equations scribbled haphazardly on the opposite side of the room. Naruto must have been doing something with chemistry when Anko ambushed him and then, well…
Boom.
Seeing that the windows were shut tight and he had to kick the door in, it wasn't surprising that the two got wasted so damn easily.
"Okay, that's enough playing around. We have to get back to your teammates and…" Kakashi blinked when he noticed that Naruto was no longer there and Anko was leering at him intently. What just happened?
"Hey, look, I'm Kakashi!" The jounin turned around to see Naruto dancing recklessly as he covered his mouth with a cloth and held a familiar orange book in his hand. Kakashi instinctively grasped at the pocket where he kept it, his lone visible eye widening when he didn't feel it there and locking onto Naruto. "I read pornographic material in highly inappropriate situations!"
Anko snorted drunkenly and clapped her hands together at the younger male's imitation. Kakashi's ire grew but he swallowed it and put on his infamous U-smile. The Uzumaki was going to pay for that. Dashing forward, he stole the novel back and shoved it into his pants quicker than Naruto could blink. The boy reacted by jumping forward and hiding behind Anko, smiling smugly at the older shinobi. Then he did something Kakashi would never expect him to do.
He groped Anko's boobs.
Initiate bodily harm.
In the span of a second, Naruto's body suddenly became filled with kunai. He had a look of glee and amused surprise on his face before he exploded into a puff of smoke. Anko had a disappointed look on her face, absently licking a kunai she had impaled the clone with.
"Aww…poo. I wanted to have some more fun."
"You seem to have become a lot more affectionate since you found out I might not always die from your advances, huh, Anko-hime?"
Anko frowned. "It's just my way of showing my love, Naru-chan."
"Heh, as you wish."
Kakashi turned around to see Naruto clad in his normal apparel, a thin pair of glasses resting on his nose. What looked like a mechanical fox was strewn across his shoulders, and he was holding a mug of coffee in his right hand, an open notebook in his other. "Yo, Kakashi-sensei," he said, taking a sip. "What're you doing here?"
Kakashi blinked. A clone? That entire time he was talking to a clone? He knew kage bunshin was an amazing technique, and even he used it from time to time, but he had never kept a single clone active long enough to see how close it was to the original personality. But Naruto…He grinned internally at the possibilities. Heh, he was going to have more fun with this team than he initially thought.
Staying in his U-smile mode, Kakashi addressed Naruto. "So, are you the real one, or am I just wasting my time again?"
"You'll just have to find that out yourself."
"I suppose I could just stab you, but I don't think Hokage-sama would be very pleased with that course of action."
"Eh, jiji would forgive ya. Lord knows he's considered it more than once."
"You're late, you know."
"Eh? Really?" Naruto pushed up his sleeve and look at something on his wrist. "I could have sworn I had another ten minutes or so before you showed up with your customary tardiness. Guess that's my bad then, huh?"
"That's fine; consider it a warning for now. But if you ever show up even later than me again, I'll double your physical training for the next month."
"Ooh! Ooh! Can you make me run with a boulder tied to my back?! I've always wanted to try that before!"
Kakashi stopped himself from palming his face. Good lord, was the kid distantly related to Gai in some way? He really didn't want to know. And speaking about not wanting to know… "I probably shouldn't be asking this, but did you know you have a thunderstorm that seems to be attracted to your apartment building?"
"Oh, that? It's an experimental controller for localized weather patterns which-Wait, did you say it actually worked?!" Naruto phased out of existence, and the only warnings Kakashi had was the slight pop associated with air being pulled into a vacuum in space, the coffee cup, notebook, and Metaru crashing to the ground, and the slamming of wood against metal. Looking behind him, he saw Naruto stick his head out the window, whooping and hollering up a storm.
"Yes! I knew I could do it! They laughed when I said I could control the very forces of nature! Well, who's laughing now Plato?! Who's laughing now, Einstein?! Who's laughing now, Goodall?! Me, that's who! Bwahahahahaha! I'm the one that's laughing! Bwahahaha-!"
He was silenced when the window was bathed in a ring of light and thunder crashed its way through the building. Naruto slowly pulled his head back in, his face a charcoaled mess, his glasses shattered, and his hair smoldering slightly. Coughing out a plume of smoke, he frowned sadly. "Awww…I was going for typhoon, not squall. Looks like it's back to the drawing board for me…"
Kakashi couldn't believe it. The boy had been struck by lightning and he was disappointed because it wasn't the natural disaster he wanted? That clinched it – the boy was certifiably insane.
Kakashi couldn't wait to see what crap the blonde thought up next.
"Huh, I didn't know you wore glasses though. They weren't in your medical files."
"Oh, these?" Naruto shrugged and tosses the shattered frames into a random trashcan. "They're just plain glass. But they make me look I have smarts in my brain goo, don't they?"
Right, just par for the course. Kakashi shook his head and smiled again. "Right. Well, we have to get back to the others. We're late enough as it is."
Naruto nodded. He waved goodbye to Anko as he climbed onto the open windowsill. "See ya, Anko-hime. Try not to destroy too much of my labs while I'm gone."
"I promise nothing."
"Eh, good enough for me. C'mon, sensei! Let's go!" He then proceeded to not jump but fall out the window…head first.
Kakashi's mind suddenly filled with fear. "Shit!" With a leap, he followed after the plummeting Uzumaki.
Anko watched lazily as Metaru climbed into her lap, begging for a good petting. She acquiesced easily enough, barking out orders all the while. "Yo, metal-boya!"
A Naru-kun popped out of nowhere. "What is it you desire, mistress?"
"Sake and dango! And it better be here in the next five minutes or I'll shove ya into the building's electrical circuits!"
"As you wish, mistress!"
Anko laid back as the clank frantically fulfilled her wishes. Ah, servants at her beck and call, and a cute, luscious playtoy to answer her every carnal need. Now all she had to do was dispose of that ramen girl and she would have Naru-chan all to herself. Bitch was hella dangerous with that ladle of hers though. Regardless, she would defeat her and take the boytoy all for herself.
Her wicked laughter filled the room.
Naruto smiled as he heard deranged mirth echoing from above him. Ah, it looked like Anko was having a good time already. He would have to do a full debugging on his Naru-kuns after her visit. Somehow their programming always seemed to go a little wonky whenever she came over. The air whooshed by him as he continued to fall. Huh, it'd probably be best if he did something soon, lest he have an impromptu meeting with the not-so-far-below ground.
Swiping a hand over his leg, Naruto gave a quick command. "Kinton: Ukabeita!"
Runes flashed wildly as the board materialized with a burst of chakra, Naruto's feet cementing themselves to its upper side. Tilting the nose up, jets of wind chakra erupted from below, changing his angle and velocity so suddenly that the ground and sky switched places and Naruto found himself rocketing into the sky. "Hi, Kakashi-sensei!" he greeted cheerily at the shocked jounin. With another flare of chakra, the Ukabeita picked up speed, and Naruto zoomed down the streets, deftly slaloming between startled civilians, and occasionally riding the walls of building to avoid traffic completely.
Kakashi followed at a quick clip. The jinchuuriki never ceased to amaze him. Whatever it was he was riding was going extremely fast. He himself wasn't going as fast as he could, but he definitely had to use chakra to amplify his leg muscles to keep up. When he finally came side by side with Naruto, he let out a cheeky grin. "And what might you call this invention?"
Naruto gave a harsh bark as did a flip over a rather tubby merchant. "Ukabeita – for when ya wanna travel in style!"
"And what about your relationship with Anko?"
"That, my dear sensei…" Naruto winked and put a finger to his mouth in a lazy drawl. "Is a secret!"
With that, Naruto sped up even more, quickly moving out of Kakashi's sight. The jounin shook his head. He just knew that things would only get even wilder from this point on.
He grinned. It was the kind of grin he hadn't used since his ANBU days. A grin that spelled trouble and suffering for all that came in contact with him.
Oh yes…he just couldn't wait.
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"Ah, my worthy archenemy! So we finally meet again! It has been many a day since we saw each other last!"
"…"
"Oh, I see you're giving me the silent treatment again! As expected of the one who acts as the only barrier between me and my goals!"
"…"
"Very well! Now…we must kung fu fight!"
"…is…is he claiming a rivalry with…with a cat?"
"He's so frickin' retarded."
Sakura and Sasuke looked on in dumb fascination as Naruto settled into a taijutsu stance in front of the striped cat. What…what the hell was wrong with the kid? And why was the cat staring back at him with clear intent to follow through on the challenge?
Kakashi was doing his best to force back the laughter that was battering at his mouth to escape while keeping his balance on the tree branch. This…this was better than he could ever hope for! Naruto facing off against a cat, and the cat readying itself in turn! No one could come up with this stuff!
Team seven had just received their D-rank mission for the day. Unfortunately, it was to recapture the Fire Damiyo's wife's cat, Tora, who had escaped yet again for the umpteenth time. Catching Tora was considered a rite of passage for all aspiring shinobi, as the cat (and it looks like a cat the same way a katana looks like a butter knife) was unanimously considered more ferocious, ornery, and deadly than most A-class ninjas. If you could catch the cat without gaining some sort of injury, you would be ready for anything. Kakashi wondered how old the damn thing was, as even he had to capture Tora in his own genin days.
Though…he had heard rumors in recent months that the Konoha council was considering upgrading the Tora mission to B-rank. How or why, he did not know.
What he did not expect was Naruto's reaction to the job description. As soon as Tora's name passed the Sandaime's lips, the boy's eyes had flared up wildly, his lips curled into a feral grin, and he started to spout nonsense about how it was fate and the like that had brought the two eternal enemies together again.
He hadn't stopped babbling about all his battles and exploits with the feline the entire time the cell had tracked Tora down. By this point in time, his other two teammates had become increasingly frightened and disturbed by his demeanor. Kakashi just thought it was funny as hell. All great ninja had one or two quirks. Naruto was just getting a step up on the crazy-o-meter.
Kakashi focused his attention back on the "fight" at hand. Neither Naruto nor Tora had moved from their spots, though Tora had taken a definite aggressive stance by raising his haunches and flattening his ears. It was a scene that would fit in a samurai epic.
Okay, not really.
The wind blew.
A leaf fell down between the two.
They disappeared.
That's when trees started turning into scrap paper.
Kakashi blinked. Huh. How…interesting.
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Sakura had no idea what to think at the time. She was supposed to catch a stupid cat, but her insane teammate ruined their carefully coordinated ambush by simply dashing out and issuing a duel. Luckily for her, the cat did not immediately run away, instead choosing to watch Naruto with a careful eye.
They had only been teammates for a couple weeks, and already Sakura was wishing for the boy's messy and horribly painful demise. Not only did he cause all of their missions to end in complete and utter chaos, but he was cutting into her time with her beloved Sasuke-kun!
Sasuke was constantly questioning the inventor about those techniques of his, resulting in him ignoring her even more than usual. And Naruto wouldn't even be a good kid and tell Sasuke all that he wanted! Sasuke spent his regal time with the unworthy boy, and Naruto didn't even appreciate it! How rude!
As soon as this mission was over, she was going to smack some good-old common sense into the blonde. There was no doubt in her mind that he needed it, and as long as Naruto wasn't asleep or in the middle of a mission or training, there was no danger involved. He took all his lumps with the greatest nonchalance, leading Sakura to speculate on exactly how the mad nin's brain worked.
Had she known how perilous Naruto's experiments usually were, she would have realized that a few bruises and cuts was nothing compared to blowing off an appendage or gaining a new orifice. As long as Naruto retained more than 66% use of all his limbs, he considered the damage minimal.
So, what was she supposed to do now? If anyone else moved, the cat would be spooked off and run and where the hell did Naruto and Tora go off to?
A sharp breeze whisked above her and a few leaves, thin sheets of bark, and strands of hair flitted into her vision. Pink strands of hair.
Reaching above her, she felt at the top of her head. Okay, she wasn't going to go bald…That was good…Bald was bad…So what had-?
A low, hollow groaning noise filled the forest, and Sakura absently watched as the tree she was hiding behind slipped neatly off its trunk and fell to the ground with a resounding crash. The cut was smooth and tidy, like the wood had been made out of butter. And as far as she could tell, the same thing was happening to many of the trees surrounding her.
Sakura/exe has performed an illegal function and must now shut down. Press any key to continue.
Sakura giggled vapidly and passed out.
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Idiot.
Moron.
Fool.
Imbecile.
Retard.
Cretin.
Bonehead.
And…and…Hnn. What was another word for a dull-witted dunce who couldn't follow a single order if his life depended on it? Oh wait, that was a good one.
"Dull-witted dunce."
Suffice to say, Sasuke was not entirely pleased with the situation he was currently placed in. While he also could not stand D-missions, as they gave no information or training in his quest to kill Itachi and restore his clan's honor and prestige, as an Uchiha, he still had to complete the assignment given to him in as quick and efficient a manner as possible.
Besides, the sooner it was over, the sooner he could get to more meaningful training.
But that…that…dobe screwed up every mission team seven had taken thus far. Sure, they had completed each one, but not without massive collateral damage in either the sense of property destruction or mental trauma. Sasuke sneered to suppress the chill creeping through his bones at the thought of the last mission.
He didn't know the human body could bend that way, or that it was so inherently flammable.
Naruto had to be hiding a lot behind that haphazardly loose smile of his. How else could he bring out device after device that performed so many destructive actions? There wasn't much variety among them, as every single one exploded at one point or another, but still, just the intensity of the explosions made it simple to figure out that those machines carried a great deal of force within them. How such power belonged to one of the stupidest members of the human race Sasuke would never know.
There was also the fact that Naruto himself was weak. Every time Naruto had a bout with either him or Sakura, Naruto would be soundly defeated. Except for his monstrous stamina, everything else physical about him was sub-par – speed, strength, reaction time, flexibility, everything! The blonde was weaker than most girls his age! His taijutsu style was a joke, a mockery of the academy's! There was nothing that could distinguish him as a ninja – nothing! The only thing promising about him were those blasted kinzoku jutsu of his!
Sasuke had to have that power to kill Itachi. He had to! But Naruto just wouldn't give it to him! Argh! It was so infuriating!
And now this fight with the mission's target? What was the dobe thinking?! How could he…
Sasuke's thought process swiftly changed as the forest was mowed down, as though by dozens of invisible lumberjacks.
Eyes widening, he looked around as gashes mysteriously carved themselves into the bark of the trees with no distinct origin. Both Naruto and the target had disappeared, and he couldn't sense either of them at all. Could they be the reason for this sudden tree-felling event?
Sasuke examined one of the gashes on the trees. Four parallel slashes, each about a couple inches deep and a few centimeters apart were randomly sliced across the bark. If Sasuke didn't know better, he'd say they looked like they were caused by some kind of animal. But the only known animal in the vicinity was the target, and he highly doubted that a housecat could cause such damage, vicious as it may be. So what exactly…?
"Ah, Tora! It seems that you have become stronger since the last time we met. I applaud you for that, but I'm afraid that this battle must now come to an end!"
Sasuke turned and saw that Naruto and the target had reappeared, both standing in the exact position that they had started. Naruto had thrust one arm out in a daring accusation, and Tora was staring back intently while licking a paw.
"Not even you can win against this justu! And so I-look, a huge bowl of milk and catnip!" Tora snapped his head in the direction Naruto was pointing, and Sasuke could have sworn he saw the cat wince at its own gullibility when it became obvious there was nothing there.
"Kinton: Inazuma Ami!" Naruto chucked a small capsule at the cat. A large, finely-woven net burst forth, swiftly expanding to encompass the feline. Tora struggled, clawing at the net to escape, but it was to no avail. Naruto grinned. "Ha! You can't escape that net! It's made up of a metal alloy that not even your titanium claws can rip through! But just in case…" Naruto snapped his fingers.
Tora lit up like a neon Christmas tree as several thousand volts of electricity coursed through him from the net.
Then he exploded.
The forest was quiet, each inhabitant watching in dull bafflement as the cat slowly smoldered. Naruto was the first to react, jumping forth and grabbing the cat, holding him in his arms as one would with a small child. Tears streamed down his face as he sobbed loudly for all to hear.
"No! What have I done?! It wasn't supposed to end this way! Tora! Toraaaaaaa!"
Yes, Naruto-dobe was truly the stupidest person in existence.
NTNTNTNTNT
Sarutobi rifled through the papers on his desk, checking on the mission reports for the new rookie teams that had just graduated. His eyes fell onto one, and he sighed in bitter amusement as the same name, written in bold, red letters, popped up again and again with details on its owner's escapades.
Blew up a water main while digging for sweet potatoes.
Set fire to a field to rid it of all weeds and vermin.
Gave children access to low-yield explosives to play "hot potato" with.
Bore a hole through two houses and one fruit cart with a high-pressure hose modified for painting.
Sarutobi chuckled as word of the old and new terror that held a tyrannical grip on Konoha rose steadily to the surface of the village's citizens. Naruto was certainly making an impression on everyone, one that was different from his original moniker of "demon child" and "fox brat." However, that didn't necessarily mean the new nicknames for him were any better.
Mad inventor. Explosive devil. Chaos nin.
Sarutobi picked up his pipe and took a long, lazy breath of tobacco. Puffing out a ring of smoke, he clenched the pipe between his teeth and swiveled around in his chair to face out the window from his office. From his position in the Hokage tower, he could see over all of Konoha – the Hyuuga compound, the merchants' market, the ninja academy, the mushroom cloud that was once training ground 34.
He blinked and leaned forward, squinting his eyes to see better. Yes, he could just barely out the scorched earth and a humongous crater as well as several trees that had been stripped clean from the force of the explosion.
Pausing for a second, Sarutobi turned back in his chair and started back on the paperwork, waiting for the inevitable call of the council to do something about the blonde jinchuuriki. He had a few things to discuss with them as well about the boy he considered his own grandchild.
He smiled. Perhaps Naruto's involvement in ANBU should be brought to light?
NTNTNTNTNT
Far below the Hokage tower, a one-eyed, one-armed, one-legged (scratch that last part) man sneezed. Why did it feel like someone had just walked over his grave?
NTNTNTNTNT
Piles of metal, electronics, and various scrap parts rose up like hastily slapped-together monoliths. The buzz of chakra and electricity was palpable in the air, charging the surroundings like one huge thunderstorm, waiting to unleash its energy on whoever dared to enter its domain.
The Junkyard was an odd sector of Konoha. No one knew how it came to be, or even when it appeared, but it was a fragment of the hidden village that had existed since even before Harashima Senjuu raised the trees that made up Konoha. People only knew that the Junkyard was a veritable hotspot of natural chakra emanations, one of many that were scattered all over the Elemental countries. Most hidden villages had a Junkyard, and each one was the same as this one.
For some odd reason, all forms of modern technology were originally discovered in the Junkyard. Televisions, refrigerators, radios, and like – anything that could be considered technologically advanced and required electricity were excavated from these sites. It was as if the machines simply popped into existence, because no matter how much collectors took, there were always more the next day or even as soon as they turned around. The general consensus was that, due to the high concentration of chakra, the Junkyard acted as a stationary summoning device, reaching into an alternative dimension to bring the machines into the Elemental countries.
Even decades after people searched through and became familiar with the Junkyard and its contents, there was still so much left unknown about technology. Very few people put in effort to understand more about it, and as a result, technology was viewed as little more than a replaceable resource. If a machine broke, it would simply be thrown back into the Junkyard and another would be found to replace it.
A wizened man with a thin head of hair and pudgy stature sighed as he fiddled with a washing machine, his oil-stained fingers aching with arthritis. The caretaker of the Junkyard was viewed as just as much an oddity as the place he looked after. Only known as Gizmo, he had been there for so long, people forgot what his origin or even his age was. Even Sarutobi could remember the man shuffling around the piles of mechanical devices when he was just a child.
Gizmo was a strange man, utterly involved in deciphering the mysteries of the Junkyard and its machines. He felt that technology could truly benefit mankind, and that they had to have a significant involvement with the world if they were found in so many places other than Konoha. It was too bad that no one else attempted to understand as well. He would be so happy if other people would join him in his quest. Gizmo was sure that by doing so, humanity would reach a new step in evolution.
Engineering was like a dance. It took a steady hand and a lot of finesse to properly work with machines. Each part was a beat, each connection a melody, and each result a step. You had to listen and feel rather than just look, and it was something that not everybody could learn to do perfectly. It was a slow process, and not many had the patience or the drive for it.
A smile crept onto his face as he plugged a hose into the appropriate inlet valve. Well, there was at least one person who held the same passion for machines as he did. Gizmo wondered when the boy would next visit.
"Yo, Gizmo-shishou! Got a request for ya!"
Ah, there he was. Gizmo turned as the door to his workspace slammed open, a grinning blonde entering and giving a sharp salute. The boy was dressed in his usual attire, but had an additional attachment in the form of a large, striped cat perched on his head and purring peacefully.
Naruto's grin grew even larger as he set eyes on the much older man. Gizmo had taught him almost everything he knew about machines. It seemed like it was just yesterday when he had been caught trying to pilfer some random parts from the Junkyard. But instead of a fierce scolding like he expected or perhaps even a beating, Gizmo had almost immediately begun to drill him on the generalities and finer aspects of mechanics, both surprising and pleasing the future inventor beyond words.
Gizmo was one of the few people Naruto could swear with all honesty he would do anything for. Gizmo actually cashed in on this reward quite often, but luckily it was almost always to have Naruto help him with some new device or perhaps to upgrade an already existing one, something he was all too happy to help with.
Gizmo nodded and stood up slowly, his bones creaking in protest. "Whut kin I do fer ya, young'in?"
"I need some extra supplies this week. I have to readjust all of Tora's implants after I fried them the other day."
The aforementioned cat yowled in agreement, biting the blonde on his head. Tora knew he was much stronger than the average cat thanks to the adjustments Naruto had made on his body, but having to go through upkeep so soon? He wouldn't allow the boy to forget his wrongdoings so easily.
Naruto laughed as titanium-coated teeth scratched against his skull. Heheh, that tickled! He still remembered the day he saved Tora from being a crippled kitty from one-too-many killer hugs. The first bionic cat – great in theory, but it required a lot of maintenance. "I need the processor from an X137-DII, a fifty-volt capacitor, several servos, and a buttload of rebar. Think ya have any of that in stock?"
Gizmo pursed his lips in thought as he walked towards his specially cared-for inventory list. "Duh last fyuh er easy, but I'm not so shur 'bout duh processer. Konoha ain't received many computers lately, at lease none that ain't 'ad thur components crashed upon entry." He flipped through the pages. "I do 'ave an X135, but I don' know if it'll work fer ya."
Naruto frowned as he tapped his foot on the linoleum floor. An older processor wouldn't be as precise, but he knew the X135 was considered much faster than its descendants. For the moment, he just had to use something to make sure all of Tora's implants would be in working order again, so as long as the cat didn't attempt to take on a samurai army, he was pretty sure it would fill the requirements. He nodded. "I can probably throw some other components together to make up for the discrepancies, so I'll take it. Thanks."
Gizmo nodded. "I'll put it on yer tab."
"Thanks." Naruto pointed at the washer. "Job?"
"No, it's actuerly a new version. Think it came ovur in duh last coupa days. Wanted ta see if it 'ad any new parts I cou' use."
"Ah, that's cool."
Gizmo let out a fond smile as Naruto inched over to the machine and stuck his head into it, his feet dangling over the edge as he balanced on the opening. Tora had decided to sharpen his claws on a two-inch thick slab of sheet metal, his enhanced nails making quick work of the impromptu scratching post. Gizmo considered the boy as his own grandson, if he had ever had children in the first place. Who cared if the boy was a jinchuuriki? As familiar with machines as he was, Gizmo knew that software and hardware were two completely different elements. Confusing one for the other was a rookie mistake, and a dumb one at that.
Besides, comparing Naruto to the Kyuubi was like comparing a monsoon to another…well, a more compact force of destruction. But at least the boy was likeable! Bright-eyed, enthusiastic, inquisitive – these were the makings of a great inventor and engineer. He just couldn't wait to see how Naruto would turn out. Speaking of which… "'Ow's duh ninjer business goin', young'in? Ya kill yer team yet?"
"Nah, they're still alive," Naruto called from inside the washer, his voice taking on a muffled echo effect. "Surprising really, they seem a bit soft for the ninja business. Did you know they've never seen a two-story house collapse when all of its support beams have been taken out with pinpoint charges of C4?"
"Ya removed duh filtar fer yer brain, din' ya?"
"But it's so much more fun when I don't think or care about the likely consequences of my actions! How can I take over the world when I think about all the people I'm likely to squash or blow up?"
"Yer a real piece of work, young'in. I'm proud ta know that someone I trained'll becum a vicious overlerd."
"I thank you for the compliment. When the world is mine, you will be spared from the coal mines and shall receive a lovely gift basket in gratitude."
Gizmo chuckled at Naruto's promise, and it grew to a full-blown laugh when the blonde fell straight into the washer, his surprised cry giving way to glee.
"Hey! A 500 ryo coin! Score!"
Shaking his head, Gizmo grabbed the back of Naruto's coat and pulled. Naruto flew backwards with a resounding pop and slammed into the ground. Naruto picked himself up and gave his head a shake. Gizmo rolled his eyes. "And yer jutsu? 'Ow they cumin' 'long?"
If possible, Naruto's smile increased in size. The corners of his lips strained terribly at his joy. "Great! Now that I can do kage bunshin, I have so much more time on my hands to create weapons of mass destruction! It's awesome!"
The elder snorted. "Kage bunshin, 'uh? Whut's that, some new invention of yers?"
Naruto's grin became malicious in nature. Plugging his fingers into the reverse ram seal, he called out the jounin-level technique. The room filled with smoke, slowly filtering away to reveal a dozen more of the boy. Gizmo blinked. Reaching a hand forward, he patted one of the clones on the chest. It puffed out, a prideful expression written across its features.
"So, what do ya think?"
With a deadpan look on his face, Gizmo pointed at the door. "All of ya, out. Yer organizin' duh entire Junkyerd."
The group of Narutos let out a synchronized, "Awwww…" Building things was fun, but they didn't want to clean up more stuff, especially stuff they didn't mess up in the first place!
"Originul kin go. Others stay hur."
"Whoo! See ya suckers!"
Gizmo watched as Naruto clicked his heels together while the clones grumbled darkly. He pointed out to the Junkyard's storage building. "Duh processer's located in bunker A2. Ya know whur duh others er." He turned back to the washer. "Ya wanna cum back to 'elp me wit this, or er ya too busy latur?"
"Sorry, I've got some jobs of my own I've gotta do. Maybe tomorrow, but for now, I gotta go." Naruto gave another crisp salute, scooped Tora up in one arm, and walked halfway out the door. "See ya, Gizmo-shishou!" The door slammed again behind him.
Gizmo looked at the clones. "Well? Whut er ya waitin' fer?! Git out thur! I wunt duh Junkyerd spotless!"
They each raised a hand in compliance. "Roger, shishou!" With that, they quickly fled from the room, off to places and bodily injuries unknown.
Gizmo sighed in bemusement before focusing his attention back on the washer. "Now…on ta ya, me purty."
Tools burst from his hands, glittering in excitement and anticipation. Not a second to waste. The waltz had begun.
Parts went flying everywhere.
NTNTNTNTNT
Whistling filled the air amongst the rows of flowers, ferns, and other plants. A blonde man in his late twenties moved amongst them with a grace uncommon for a man of his size and build.
The Yamanaka patriarch carefully watered his shop's goods, meticulously checking each one to make sure they had received their designated amount. There was no greater joy for Inoichi then to take care of his shop. Being a ninja was definitely exciting and kept his blood pumping and him always on his toes, but when there was a need to unwind, there was no better option than to tend to the veritable garden he owned.
Perhaps it was Konoha's own sense of irony, but his flower shop was the most visited and well-liked in the hidden village. Being of a ninja clan that dealt with mind techniques, most of his family paid the bills by either performing full-time in the Interrogation department, or as part-time psychologists or psychiatrists. But while Inoichi did do some jobs for Ibiki from time to time, he much more preferred taking the more passive side-career of botanist/florist.
He couldn't really explain it, but perhaps it was because of his intimate connection to the human mind that people loved his flowers so much more than others. There were studies about plants reacting positively to positive attitudes and the tendency to try and bond with them. If he could understand the intricacies of the human psyche, he could easily understand the feelings of plants. Through that, he could make them bloom even more beautifully than anyone else. It was something that he took pride in, and something that he doubted he would ever come to loathe.
Now that sounds like tempting fate. Well, ask and ye shall receive.
Turning around, Inoichi almost dropped the potted flowers he was holding when he came face to inverted face with Naruto. The younger blonde was dangling upside-down, his feet hooked onto a hanging planter. The boy raised (lowered?) a hand in greeting.
"Yo."
Inoichi grumbled, an eye twitching in annoyance, as he placed the pot carefully on the floor. He never got how a boy that was barely into puberty could be so good as hiding his presence, especially since he always wore such garish clothing. Then again, Naruto had been running from villagers – both civilian and ninja – as well as the elite ANBU for the better half of a decade. If he could do that then Inoichi supposed it would be easy for him to hide when Inoichi's guard was down while he was surrounded by his plants.
"Naruto, get down from there before you hurt yourself."
Naruto flipped to the ground, putting his arms out perpendicular to his body. He gave a deep bow. "Ta dah!" The planter, jostled from his movements, unhooked itself from the ceiling and crashed onto his head. The holder had a nice even crack down the middle, each half falling to the side while the soil rubbed itself into Naruto's hair. He grimaced. "Ouch."
"Oh, you poor thing!" Inoichi rushed forward. "Are you hurt? Here, let me make it all better." He scooped up the flowers planted on Naruto's head and transferred them to a new planter, lovingly covering the roots with dirt and placing them off to side. He threw a disinterested look over his shoulder. "Go clean yourself up, Naruto. You look a mess."
Naruto puffed out his cheeks as he brushed the dirt out of his hair. "You're so cruel, Inoichi-kun. How could you act this way towards such a good friend?"
"Maybe it's because the last time we saw each other, you almost destroyed my greenhouse with those modifications you made to my sprinkler. How much pressure did you add to it?"
Naruto grinned sheepishly. "Heheh, oops? But-but I warned you to use the lowest setting! It's not my fault you turned it up to maximum on the initial usage!"
"Maybe because I didn't expect it to blast me out a wall! For heaven's sake, you used a Suiryuudan as the base for it!"
"Aesthetic purposes. How cool is it to have dragons watering your plants?"
"Naruto, you should thank whatever god you pray to that I need you for maintenance on all the more complicated devices for my shop. Otherwise I'd mind-rape your ass till you were nothing more than a drooling vegetable."
"I doubt jii-san would let ya do that."
"I'd like to see him try and stop me."
"Ahh…that's what I love about ya, Inoichi-kun; your threats of mental decapitation are always so pleasant to listen to."
Inoichi blinked, paused for a moment, and then shook his head in resignation. Really, he just couldn't win against this kid. Jinchuuriki or not, he was a force not to be taken lightly. He was certainly crazy, but also certainly quite a jokester and honestly enjoyable to be around. Shrugging his shoulders, a light smile crossed his face. "Well, what're you here for today? Want to buy some more flowers for your garden?"
"Nah…it's good. Besides, I think Lily and the others would get jealous if I brought even more competition into the fray. They're bad enough with what I have already."
"How are they, by the way? Last time I saw them, they were still pretty small but growing strong."
Naruto laughed heartily. "Eh, they're fine! Too fine in fact! They're so damn energetic and are always wanting out of the lab. Can you imagine the panic that would result if they were wandering the streets?"
Inoichi had a sudden image of the mentioned "girls" walking through Konoha. To be honest, he wasn't sure if they would be feared or revered thanks to their nature, but it would definitely cause a stir. To him, they were a gardener's ultimate dream, and Naruto had been the one to bring the dream to life. Just for that, he would be a lifelong friend of the inventor. Chuckling at the thought, he returned his attention back to the present. "So, if not that, then what are you here for?" His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You're not going to try and 'upgrade' my tools again, are you?"
Naruto took a step back at the killing intent leaking out from the older man. His eye twitched for a second, and his grin turned anxious. "No, no, nothing like that. Just thought you'd like ta know that 'IT' is ready."
"'It?' What the hell are you…?" Inoichi's eyes widened. "Wait, you don't mean…?"
Naruto's smile became confident again. "Da da dah!" he crowed, whisking out a small vial. Inside was a green liquid with the consistency of honey. He waved it tauntingly in the air, taking note how Inoichi's eyes followed its every movement. "The ultimate potion for the ultimate gardener – Garden QuickGrow™!"
"I can't believe you actually finished it."
Naruto shook his head. "It took me a long time to figure out the right formula and ratios for it, but I finally got it working. Taken straight from the ultimate plants, my beauties back at home, this'll make sure any plant grows into a thriving jungle. Careful though, it's really potent."
Ionichi subtly wiped the drool forming at the corner of his mouth and straightened up. "How potent?"
"One milliliter to fifty liters of water."
Inoichi scoffed. "It can't be that potent. Nothing has to be diffused that much."
Something changed in Naruto's eyes. They began to glitter dangerous. "Oh, really? Shall we test it out then?" He took a look around the greenhouse, his eyes falling onto a rather sickly-looking plant. Most of its leaves had fallen off, its stem and roots were dry and shriveled, and it was hunched over so badly more of it was on the ground than off it. "How 'bout this one then?"
Inoichi frowned when he looked at it. He knew that fern. No matter how much care he lavished on it, it just didn't want to grow. Water, sunlight, fertilizer – everything seemed to make it worse instead of better. By this point, he wrote it off as an impossible cause. "Sure, go ahead. But I doubt it'll work. Nothing else has so far."
Naruto grinned and fished an eyedropper from one of his duster's many pockets. Popping the lid on the vial, he drew a miniscule amount of the liquid and then deposited it on the plant. It was quickly absorbed and, for a brief moment, the plant glowed a pale green. Seconds went by, and then minutes, but nothing happened.
Inoichi rolled his eyes. "See? Nothin-"
He was interrupted when a rumbling shook his feet. Looking down, he saw that the pot was vibrating wildly, shaking on the table like a mad jackrabbit. With a sudden 'crack,' the pot exploded, large, thick roots crawling away. The plant regained its color and more as it grew to gargantuan size, leaves and flowers sprouting every which way, the stem reaching up to the ceiling. In mere seconds, the plant that had been on the verge of death was now thriving with energy and life.
Inoichi's jaw slipped open. He…he just couldn't…This…this was… "Naruto, this is unbelievable. Do you know what this means? Horticulture is going to have its history rewritten because of this discovery!"
Naruto nodded rapidly. "I know! Isn't it great?! But…there are a few things I have to warn you about."
"Anything!"
"Don't use too much of this stuff. That means in one dosage or over continuous usage. It has some…bad side-effects on the plant's physiology."
Inoichi turned his head when he heard his daughter calling for him from inside the store. "Daddy! There's some customers waiting for you! Could you come greet them?"
"In a minute, princess!" Inoichi looked back at Naruto. "What kind of…side-effects…?" He froze.
"Well, the plant's need for nitrogen grows at an exponential rate, and since the soil can no longer meet those needs, it adapts so it can receive nitrogen from other sources."
The plant had grown even larger and created some new appendages that weren't there before. Leaf-blades that resembled those on a Venus flytrap grew out from the sides, large enough to fit a baby cow in. They opened up, drool falling from their "mouths." A low growl filled the air as they slowly snapped open and shut.
"FEEEED MEEEEE…"
Inoichi could not do a thing as they descended on him.
NTNTNTNTNT
"Daddy? What's taking you so long?" Ino popped her head into the greenhouse. Her eyes widened in shock. "Daddy?!"
Inoichi was suspended in the air, half swallowed by one of the plant's leaf-blades. He was struggling, but the trap was clamped down tightly on him, and he could already feel the plant's enzymes dissolving his hair. Naruto was nowhere to be found.
"Daddy!" Ino cried, stomping her feet on the ground. "Stop playing with the merchandise! We have customers to help!"
Inoichi swore he was going to kill that child the next time he saw him. A dense glob of drool slapped onto his cheek.
Eww.
NTNTNTNTNT
Three ash-colored hounds followed a pretty girl in her late teens, red clan markings on both her cheeks. There was nary a cloud in the sky, the birds were singing, the wind gently blowing by…
Today was such a beautiful and perfect day.
"Hana-taaaaan…!"
Never mind. The Inuzuka heiress looked towards who was calling her name, the Haimaru Sankyodai following their master's gaze. There, running towards them, was Naruto, though he was moving rather slowly. Scratch that, he was literally moving in slow-motion, his legs pumping sluggishly and his arm waving at the same pace. A brainless grin was on the boy's face as he called out for the older girl.
Hana let out a feral grin. Stupid boy…Even stupider if he thought she forgot what he did last time. Nodding towards the only male of the inunin, she ordered him, "Masato, sic him."
Giving a slight growl in ascension, the dog launched forward, quickly shortening the distance between him and Naruto and tackling him to the ground. He latched his fangs around the boy's neck, taking care to not pierce his flesh, but rather to clamp onto the thick fabric of his jacket. He growled in greeting.
Naruto patted the dog's head. "Hey, Masato! How ya doin', boy?" His face became sunny when Hana walked up to him with her other inunin, Rikko and Mihato. "Hana-tan! I missed you!"
"You're really pushing it, aren't you, brat?" The girl growled. "Didn't I say the last time we met that I would sign my name into your hide?"
"I'd gladly accept your gifts of love, Hana-tan! All you have to do is ask!"
"Then please, just die."
"As you wish!"
Hana's eyes bugged out when Naruto lurched forward, his throat ripping itself on Masato's fangs. Blood spurted everywhere before Naruto's head lolled back and rolled off his body completely. His lifeless eyes stared back at her her before it and his body exploded, confetti falling everywhere from the blast. Hana and her inunin stood in shock as streamers and other minute party favors gathered on them.
"Wheee…! That was awesome!" Hana reacted on instinct, spinning on her heels and lobbing a fist in a vicious right hook. She caught Naruto right in the face, propelling him backwards and into the alley's wall. He sat up from the blow wobbly, his eyes spinning in a comical manner. "Whoa…spinny spinny…Can't ya take a joke, Hana-tan?"
The girl frowned. "You have a twisted sense of humor."
"I prefer 'laughing outside the box.'"
Hana sighed and walked over to the boy. Putting a hand against his cheek where a large bruise had begun to form, perfectly shaped like her fist, her hand began to glow green. "You are such an idiot, Naruto-kun." She watched in amazement as the bruise almost instantly faded away. His regenerative powers thanks to the fox were no laughing matter. Even with the medical jutsu she was using, it required at least a minute or so for an injury of that size to heal.
Naruto laughed sheepishly. Hana just didn't get the boy. Smelled like a fox, acted like a fox, heck, he even looked like a fox, but when it came down to it, he was even more fiercely loyal than an Inuzuka. Kyuubi or not, she felt a faint attraction to the boy. It was mixed with a healthy dose of bloodlust, but she supposed that was natural considering his attitude. She sighed in frustration. Why'd she have to be friends with a scrawny idiot who was more unpredictable than he own little brother?
"So, what are you here for, besides givin' me a heart-attack?"
Naruto grinned and stood up. "Nothin'. Just thought I'd thank ya for helping me with Metaru's personality matrix. The insight ya gave me was really, really helpful."
Hana nodded. She knew about the pseudo-fox. Naruto had come to the Inuzuka clan to ask about how dogs acted around their family and friends. Much of the clan had initially turned him away thanks to his correlation to the Kyuubi, but thankfully the clan elder, Tsume, found him to be quite the interesting brat and had assigned Hana to help him due to her job as a veterinarian.
It probably helped that Naruto was the personal fix-it man for not only the Inuzaka but also most of the other ninja clans in Konoha thanks to his own renowned skills with machines. Of course, having such a close relationship with the village leader helped as well. In any case, you don't mess with the person that keeps the plumbing and electricity for your household running.
Besides, the boy himself was a riot to be around. If there was anything that Tsume appreciated, it was a good practical joke now and then, especially when members of her clan – human and canine – became too lax and lazy for her taste. Hooray for pepper bombs in dog bones, indeed.
"So how's the little guy doin'? You should realize he's gonna act more like a dog than a fox."
"Eh, I only gave him that exterior because I like foxes. Dogs are pretty awesome too, plus they're really good partners! Metaru's two awesome things in one!"
Rikko responded with a bark and a tail smack to Naruto's rear, causing him to stumble. Hana smiled. Well, that was another thing she liked about him – him liking dogs. That little bit never hurt. "Well, at least you realize who your betters are. Good boy." She patted Naruto on the head.
If he had a tail of his own, he'd have been wagging it at that moment. "Yup! And to show my appreciation, here! Gifts!"
He pulled out three bones and a small box, handing them to the appropriate receivers. Hana looked at the box suspiciously. "These aren't gonna explode on us, are they? Because if they do, you know what'll happen."
Naruto put a hand to his chest. "Hana-tan, you wound me deeply. Don't you trust me?" He added big, watery eyes for effect.
"Hmm…let me think about it, uh, no."
"Eh, whatever. See ya later, Hana-tan. See ya, doggies!" Naruto waved goodbye and ran off, quickly disappearing around a corner.
Hana looked carefully at the box. She tapped it – nothing happened. She listened carefully – no muted ticking. She took a slight whiff – nothing there either. Allowing a smile to grace her lips, she shrugged and pulled on the festive bow on the top. The box sprung open, a grey cloud assaulting her face. Her eyes watered and she began to sneeze uncontrollably. Next to her, the Haimaru Sankyodai suffered the same fate when the bones cracked open.
As Hana stood in the grey mist, a red mist formed in her mind. Pepper…bombs…Her pupils contracted, her canines drawing over her lips. "Masato, Rikko, Mihato – formation 'Kitsune Hunt.' Rip 'im to shreds."
The air filled with the angry barks of the hunters and the maniacal laughter of the hunted.
All together a perfect day.
NTNTNTNTNT
"All right! That's enough for now! You've earned your break!"
Sakura collapsed on her butt, sweating and breathing heavily. "Finally! So…tired…"
Kakashi grinned. "What's wrong, pinky? You seemed a bit bushed."
"Like you don't know the reason," she mumbled underneath her breath.
"Shaaaa! Kakashi-sensei's such a jerk! Smack him one!"
"Hmmm…?" The jounin leaned over, his eye caught in a U-shape. "What was that?"
Sakura immediately recognized the facial expression. The man made it enough times for her to realize that she was in much peril. "Nothing!" she squeaked. She didn't want to do the babysitting missions! Not again! So…much…cleaning…and…changing…
Sasuke watched with an impassive eye at the two. Hnnn…Everyone in his cell was worthless. Sakura had no stamina at all and would hardly be of any help, even with all the intense training they had gone through. Kakashi refused to teach them any jutsus, instead focusing on improving their physical limits and chakra control and reserves. How was he supposed to take revenge if he didn't learn any powerful techniques? As the man who killed off nearly his entire clan, Itachi wouldn't be cornered just from some added muscle mass and chakra finesse. Sasuke needed brute force!
But the one who pissed him off most of all, the one who truly got underneath his skin…Sasuke chanced a glance at the tree they had been practicing tree-walking on for most of the morning. How in the hells did the dobe have such good chakra control already?! He made Sakura look even more useless than usual, and she had beaten Sasuke like it was nothing!
Curse that dobe! Curse hiiiiim…!
Sasuke twitched. Oh gods, now he was even starting to think like the fool! What was next? A horrible fashion sense that involved pigments no shinobi with enough common sense to fill a thimble would have? Gah! Why him?!
Naruto watched from the boughs of the trees as the Uchiha scion's features fell into turmoil. Excellent…Everything was progressing just as he had seen it. Slowly, but ever so surely, his minions were coming around to his world All too soon, they would realize just who the true genius and master was.
And then his dreams would come to fruition! Bwahahahahahaha!
Naruto shook with poorly contained laughter. "Yes…yes…All according to plan…"
A month had passed since his induction into the ranks of Konoha's ninja and his position in team seven. So far, everything had been coming along smoothly, and his machinations for the future were becoming more clear and certain with every passing day. His exploits amongst Konoha's civilian sector, his careful corruption of his teammates and jounin sensei, his ever growing hold over the ninja clans he acted as mechanic for – everything was a piece of the grand puzzle that would culminate in his eventual takeover of Konoha. From there, it would only be a short time before his influence would infect the rest of the elemental countries, and then…whatever lied beyond them.
Naruto leaned back against the tree's trunk, tapping his fingers on his crossed arms. His mind sank into his fantasies, leaving reality behind for a more pleasant version. A beautiful moment, a lifetime of preparation, and the result that would consume the world. Ahh…such a wonderful thought…Of course, he couldn't relax yet. There were more events to figure out, more people to affect, and more jutsus he had to create. Becoming ruler of the world was a never-ending job. He couldn't afford such lenient breaks.
His thoughts floated over to Sarutobi. He wondered…Just how much did the old man know, and how much was he letting escape his ever vigilant sight. As leader of a hidden village, he couldn't just allow such an obvious threat continue on. Then again, with all the times they met, Naruto assumed that the man either simply didn't care, or secretly found the whole concept amusing and supported it from the sideline.
Yet another person who would gain a respectful position at his side once the world was his.
And as for his minions-err, teammates-no, no, minions was right…
Sakura first up. Still a total fangirl for Sasuke. The harsh training had barely acted as a deterrent for her heavy crush, and instead seemed to have the opposite effect. Now she chased after the Uchiha with a renewed and even more zealous fervor. Perhaps because she believed herself to be even more worthy of his affections? This could be a good or a bad thing. If Naruto managed to conquer Sasuke's loyalties, then Sakura would come leaping in. But there was also the chance of Sasuke doing the opposite. A 50/50 chance…
Sounded like fun!
Her chakra control was amazing, though that should be obvious considering her female gender and small reserves. She was becoming more physically fit, but her mind was still her top resource. Hmm…He still had to see how she would react in live combat. Though that wouldn't be for a while, or at least till they earned C-rank missions.
Sasuke was a whole different matter. Strong, fast, average control and reserves, and even a few fire jutsu; the child was well-rounded. He was most definitely a combat-type, and Naruto shivered at the thought of how the boy would rise once his bloodline awoke. Naruto had no problems with Sasuke's capabilities as a ninja. His mind, however, was something else.
Obsession could be useful. It created drive, and drive helped one become stronger. But the backlash of that drive could be considerably more harmful than its benefits. However…
Well, he could just deal with it when it came to it.
And Kakashi? Kakashi was Kakashi.
…
Yeah, that summed it up quite nicely.
Looking down at his minions, Naruto smiled imperiously. He was in his place, and all was right with the world.
As one, team seven, and the entirety of Konoha, shivered when a chill struck them through their very soul. The horror…the horror…
Yup, just another day in Konoha.
A/N: And that's the third chapter. Yeah, I'm finally back, but please don't kill me for being so late. Anyway, hope you enjoy this one. It is a bit fillertastic, but I wanted to expand on Naruto's contribution and place in Konoha outside of Team 7. Hope you liked the OC Gizmo. Naruto didn't just create those kinzoku jutsu all by himself, ya know. He needed someone to teach him about machines. As for his accent, I wanted something really thick and nigh-unintelligible. What I got was something between hillbilly and middle earth dwarf. Also, in case you can't tell from the preview, Tenten makes her appearance! Let the love begin, yay! Please Review, and remember, no flames!
Next Chapter: Psychos in Love, Teams in Distress
New Jutsu
Inazuma Ami (Lightning Net) – One type of Naruto's bombs. Initially, it's a small capsule that explodes into a large metallic net which covers the opponent. Naruto can then channel electricity through the net to subdue the opponent.
Ukabeita (Floating Board) – A hover board that Naruto can use to fly places at speeds higher than normal running and/or tree hopping. It creates a mix of wind/water chakra to propel itself forward and keeps him levitated by pushing up against the ground via wind and water via water. Sealed into his right leg.
Omake!
When Crazy Met Crazier
Ibiki looked down at his clipboard. He always loved whenever the ninja academy opened again. So many ripe minds, just waiting to be violated in so many vile and cruel ways. It was the only time the Interrogations department of Konoha was allowed carte blanch on its children. After all, they had to make sure no one with severe mental defects was being allowed into the academy.
Whether they came in or out of the psyche interviews with such defects was totally irrelevant.
His gaze scanned through the various names. One in particular caught his attention. One reason was because of the age of the applicant as he was a year younger than the age requirement, and another was because of who the person was. He checked who it was supposed to be interviewing him. A cruel smile crossed his face. Her, huh? It was a match made in heaven.
The Kyuubi jinchuuriki and the traitor's ex-apprentice.
Well, he couldn't allow two people who were obviously meant for each other to be separated for much longer, could he? He called over to the special jounin who was lounging in a chair, picking her nails with a kunai.
"Mitarashi! You're up!"
A leer crossed her face. "Really? Yay!" She hopped up, snatching the sheet Ibiki held out and ran all the way to the designated interview room. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Fresh meat!
Slamming the door upon, she strutted in, immediately taking in the appearance of the boy waiting inside. Wild blond hair, extremely short (his feet were a good foot off the ground while he sat in the chair), messy, oil-stained clothes, and, from his face, very, very young. Anko blatantly licked her lips. The boy started to shake. Excellent…
She spun the other chair in the room around and straddled it. "So, brat, I'm gonna be your interviewer. Just answer all these questions as honestly as you can, and I'll be sure to make this as…painless…as possible." At the pause, she leaned forward, exposing her mesh-covered bosom to the boy. He shook even more. She grinned. "Name?"
"Naruto Uzumaki."
"Dreams?" She leaned further forward. He said nothing. She frowned. "Dreams?" Still nothing. Anko's non-existent temper ran out on her and flared. "Look, brat, are ya gonna answer me, or am I gonna have ta make ya?"
"To take over the world."
She blinked. She must have misheard that. "Eh?"
The blonde's head snapped up, his eyes burning with overflowing passion. He jumped up, knocking his chair onto its back. "To take over the world!" he shouted. "To stand at the head of it all, and make everyone bow before my scientific genius! I will rule all that lies before me and beyond, and all shall know of my majesty and prestige!" He stomped forward, grabbing Anko's face.
For some reason, the urge to stab the boy in his face repeatedly and without remorse at his brazen action drained away. "I know of you, Anko Mitarashi! I know of those that betrayed you, of those that ridiculed and despised you because of their own pettiness! I know of your desire to rule over the peons that dare cast you to the side without recognition or respect! I know how you wish to grind them under your feet and claim yourself as grand queen of the world!" He jerked her towards him so that their faces were barely an inch apart. "Join me, Anko-hime! Join me and I'll lay the world at your feet, the power to crush all that oppose you!
"Rule by my side as gods of this pitiful world!"
For the first time in years, Anko felt herself swept away by a force greater than her. The word she had kept locked away in her mind for so long came rushing back as those icy-blue orbs stared right through her.
Master…
Once again, her tongue darted over her lips.
NTNTNTNTNT
Ibiki walked over to the interview room. It had been almost a half-hour already and he hadn't heard any cries of pain or pleas for mercy originating from Anko's case yet. As he drew closer, raised voices did begin to reach his ears. But they seemed a bit…odd. He opened the door…and blinked.
Anko was perched on the chair, sitting on her haunches like a cat as she started intensely at the ceiling, ready to pounce. "Come down here! I must have you now!"
Naruto was sticking to a corner of the ceiling, his face crossed and stubborn. "No! You only want me for my mind!"
"Yes, give me those delicious brains! I must haves thems!"
"Never!"
Anko leapt up, grabbing the younger boy by his duster and attempting to drag him down. His fingers dug into the ceiling and walls…through solid concrete, shouting out rape and how he didn't mean this. Anko told him to just take it like a man.
Ibiki slowly closed the door and turned around. He looked at his clipboard again. Retrieving a pen, he scribbled something on the sheet of paper.
No known mental problem or deficiencies. Pass.
He nodded and headed back down the hall.
The ruckus continued.
The Six-Million Ryo Cat
He must save him. Found on the road with multiple crushed organs and fractured bones, obviously from a great, unknown amount of pressure placed upon his small frame. He had to make sure he lived, or else he couldn't live up to his own expectations.
He pulled on the latex gloves, snapping them as they fit around his fingers. Each tool was laid out before him, waiting to be used to save this small, forgotten life. Parts were set aside until they could be implanted. The patient was tenderly placed upon the surgical table, a bright light focused on him, various sensors attached to check and regulate his vital signs.
He looked at his assistants surrounding the doctor and patient, their glowing eyes waiting for commands and assurances. He nodded.
"Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic cat. Tora will be that cat. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster."
Their eyes shimmered with anticipation. He nodded again and took the scalpel.
He made the first incision.
