Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, because if I did, I would wipe the Uchiha clan and all knowledge of its existence from this temporal plane.

Nin Tech
Chapter 5: Fun with Seals
By Irritus185

Right, see, this was the main problem with the kage bunshin. It had nothing to do with the fact that for most users, it drained their chakra till they were teetering on the verge of collapse, or the result was that each time an extra or multiples were created, it would invariably be weaker than the last.

No, the true peril lied in its weak chakra matrix and reliability on his brain's current activity.

He already knew that it wasn't the brightest of ideas to have his copies working on delicate and quite dangerous experiments when he himself ran the risk of bashing in his cranium and thus disrupt the tenuous hold of the clones' molecular cohesion.

It was another point entirely to find himself knocked unconscious while courting his beloved metal goddess and her comrades – quite the harmless endeavor.

He probably should make sure he was completely withdrawn from his volatile teammates before a clone attempted a new chemical compound that would make his bombs more efficient and powerful.

The wind blowing his duster back and forth from the ten-foot-wide hole on the fourth level of his apartment complex – created when two rather unstable elements mixed due to his clone's abrupt departure – whole-heartedly agreed with his conclusion.

Naruto glanced down at Metaru, who was currently looking out the rather breachable part of his security. The small metal fox gazed back at him, copper eyes moist with thin oil.

"You know I blame you for this."

Metaru whined and hid his head with his paws.

Of course, now came the added complication of dealing with an omnipotent (and mostly likely insanely bored) biomechanical chakra-based entity lodged somewhere within his cerebral cortex with no sure way of contact.

There was the option of repeating the chain of events that led to their initial meeting, but Naruto contemplated on the fallibility of causing irreversible mental trauma every time he felt like talking to it.

Which meant there was only one course of action he could take.

As the Naru-kuns crawled over the room, setting temporary reconstruction measures over the hole, Naruto nodded to himself.

"I have to see Ibiki-kun."


Now when most citizens of Konoha thought of the building that housed the Interrogation department of its shinobi ranks, the first image that popped into mind was a towering fortress with spiked buttresses and steel-plated windows, gnarled trees and decrepit vegetation sprawled out like an abandoned field, and the cries of the damned wailing through all hours of the day and night.

And they would be quite wrong…on most counts.

In all actuality, the entrance to the underground prison and torture chambers of the Village of the Leaves's seedy underbelly was probably the most nondescript and possibly even cutesy building in its limits.

It looked like a basic two-floor building, painted a tasteful viridian green with a small garden lining the front and sides with all manners of wildflowers. There was even a small sign picketed next to the door that jokingly had the words, 'Beware of Anko' scrawled in chicken-scratch handwriting. And there was absolutely no hint of terrified screaming or pained shouts for it to stop.

This was because the entire interior of the building, and its four underground levels, was lovingly and painstakingly soundproofed so that not even the usage of a sheep, two gallons of egg-white paint, a neon pink boa, and five square yards of saran wrap would make the slightest peep.

Naruto found the acoustics so relaxing.

Waving a greeting to the guards in the entrance chamber, who in response only gave acknowledging grunts before focusing on more pressing matters like that bloody sudoroku, Naruto walked to the sealed security door, swiped a bloody thumb over the analyzer and then made his way down to the bowels of the department.

Upon finding the person he was looking for, a wide grin split his face. "Ibiki-kun!"

The heavily scarred man turned from the viewing window and glanced at Naruto, a corner of his lips turning up ever so slightly. "Ah, welcome, Uzumaki."

"You busy?"

"Nah, let me just finish up this one thing and I'll be free until my next appointment."

Naruto sidled up next to him and looked through the window. In it was a blindfolded ninja, most likely Cloud from his hair and skin color. He was fairly scuffed up, several small gashes leaking blood from his temples and forehead, and multiple bruises and burn marks around his upper torso and arms.

Naruto smushed his face to get a closer look. "He new?"

Ibiki shrugged. "The usual. Secret mission, unrecognized by his village, willing to take the objective to his grave." He fingered his bandana, where no doubt his own scars were aching in remembrance. "I've only been working him over periodically. Seems fairly young, so he was probably some hotshot that got too cocky and over his head."

"Only one to get captured from his group?"

A chuckle. "Pretty much."

Awkward silence.

"I'm about to test another one of your prototypes. Seems appropriate to try the rookie on the rookie."

"Which one?"

"Ya know, the one that…" He snapped his fingers, a tiny spark flashing from the course metal in his gloves.

"Really?" Naruto shouted, his voice peaking in a light-hearted squee. "You're finally gonna use that one? Yay!"

Ibiki grinned lopsidedly and patted the boy on the head like a pet. He then lumbered over to the connecting door, unlocked it, and walked in. He stepped behind the Cloud nin before ripping the blindfold off. Naruto watched as the bear of a man asked the nin several questions, the captive not answering back a single time.

Ibiki yanked the nin's head backwards by his hair and was rewarded with a spitball right between the eyes. The prisoner sneered in hard-earned victory. Ibiki stared for a moment, sighed, wiped the spit from his face and then walked to the other side of the room. He picked up two single-pronged rods, one end with a small metal sphere, the other with wires connecting to a machine.

Tapping them together, an arc of electricity bounced back and forth. The prisoner's eyes noticeably widened at the sight. Ibiki shrugged, said something, and then touched a prong to either temple.

The entire room lit with the glare of pseudo-lightning.

Naruto smiled joyfully as his pupils contracted to pinpricks. He liked this technique! He could see it through his eyelids. Heck, he was still seeing it now.

Ibiki replaced the instrument back in its holding receptacle and walked out of the room, ignoring the nin's spastic flopping. When he opened the door, the smell of barbeque lingered on his clothes. He slapped his hands together, brushing off some ashes. Naruto gazed hopefully at the older man, eyes shining, hands clasped together.

Ibiki growled. "Well, I suppose I can call that as a B-. I didn't get any info out since he passed out, but I'm pretty sure I'll get something later so I don't have to repeat myself."

Naruto drooped at the evaluation. Only a B-?

The head of the interrogation department pursed his lips at the blonde's forlorn expression. He rolled his eyes and laid a hand on the boy's shoulder. "But…since it made him piss himself with only one application, I think I can bang it up to an B+. Just try to find a better way of modifying the effect. Now, what can I do for you?"

Perking up at the raised grade, Naruto grinned fiercely. "I need you to shrink me."

Ibiki stared blankly at him, raised a finger and opened his mouth, paused, put down his hand and closed his mouth, and then turned and walked away.

He barely made it a meter before Naruto tackled him behind the knees and brought them both down like a sack of potatoes.

"Ibiki-kun…~"

"I'm not doing a mind dive on you, Uzumaki." His face was calm as he lashed a foot at the young teen's face.

Naruto deftly dodged the attack and hunkered down closer to Ibiki's waist. "But why….?"

"Maybe because the last time you specifically asked me to, they found me in a tree in only a lime-green thong thinking I was a squirrel." Now, if only he could find the right torque and leverage to pry the jinchuuriki from his thigh…

"Well, what's wrong that?" Blast, Naruto locked an arm around his knee. Now Ibiki had to decide whether a broken leg was worth the lichen child's removal…Eh, it would heal.

"I don't own a lime-green thong!" Why was it so hard to remove a barely pubescent boy from his body? The sheer weight difference should have made it a given!

"You own a pink one."

"Which just makes me even more-forget it. Why don't you just have Anko do it? I'm sure she'd be more than willing to."

"Can't," Naruto pouted. "Every time she does I wake up drizzled in syrup and Anko completely naked and then jii-san has to explain the birds and the bees and I still don't know what 15IBRC certified means!"

"As long as I never hear those words come out of your mouth again I will check your brain."

"Which ones? Anko naked?"

"No actually, that happens enough that I've been desensitized to it."

"Drizzled in honey, then."

"How about you never mention anything within the last sentence and we'll call it even?"

"Deal!"

Naruto finally disentangled himself from Ibiki and the man led him to a free room. Ibiki had the two sit in opposite chairs. He watched as Naruto looked around, that always present manic yet curious expression in his eyes. Ibiki sighed, hoping that this wouldn't result in the same circumstances again. He wasn't that big a fan of acorns.

"So, what am I looking for?"

"I just want to find out if there's an abnormality in my brain waves."

"Again, what am I looking for?"

Naruto puffed out his cheeks, looked to the upper-left and settled back in his chair, blowing out air. "Point. Look, I heard there's been a crack in my dreamscape. I just want to know where it is and, if possible, an easy way to access it without having to resort to more drastic actions."

Like the hammer to head equation. In his limited experience with that formula, the only possible answer equaled 'bad.'

"Should I be concerned as to the nature of this crack?"

"Probably."

"Right. Well, as long as it doesn't consume my soul, I'll be fine."

"Define 'consume.'"

"…shut up and sit still."

Naruto threw a sloppy salute. "Yes, sir!"

Ibiki frowned and then suddenly jabbed his hand forward, piercing Naruto's skull right above his brow with his pointer, middle finger and thumb. Red lines cut through Naruto's skin as they connected each finger to one another in a triangle. Naruto's eyes went blank, his body slouching forward as his mind opened up for exploration. Grunting mildly, Ibiki twisted his triangle seal a quarter clockwise. The skin moved with the cycle-like plates, revealing a murky hole where the blonde's forehead used to be.

Reaching slightly into the void, Ibiki pinched his fingers together and drew out a single silvery thread. He then took the free end and placed it on his brow. Immediately the surroundings shifted to the sewer that was Naruto's mindscape.

This technique was dangerous enough, only really effective and safe when performed on a willing participant. But using it on Naruto was a completely different can of worms.

Ugly, furry, manifold-tailed worms.

He quickly found the crack Naruto mentioned. Though in this case, it looked more like a rotten fissure in the sewer walls. Ibiki briefly wondered what on this great, green earth could possibly affect the little psycho like that, but decided against asking any further. Who knew what lurked within the heart of Naruto?

He certainly didn't and was damn proud of it.

This was most likely a stupid idea but hey, the kid knew what he was doing and could accept the consequences.

…well, at least he did an admirable job making it seem like he knew what he was doing.

It only took a few swings of the metaphorical hammer to bring the wall down, especially since that was what the owner was planning on in the first place. Instantly the scent of musty fur assaulted his senses.

Ibiki made it a point not to discover what the origin of that smell was. Let the Hokage deal with it. The blonde was his grandson in all but name by now.

Ibiki cancelled the jutsu, allowing both himself and Naruto to return to the real world. When he saw that Naruto had recollected his full consciousness, he nodded. "Well, I did all I could do. You should be able to access that part of your mindscape much easier now."

Naruto grinned ferally. "Thanks, Ibiki-kun!" He remained silent for a few seconds. "Any suggestions how?"

The man just shrugged

Naruto mirrored his actions. "Eh, I'll figure it out for myself."

Ibiki rolled his shoulders and flipped through his clipboard. "So, what are you gonna do now?"

He smiled rashly. "I'm gonna go have a chat with a very naughty computer program. Thanks again, Ibiki-kun! And bye-bye!" With that, he gaily ran out of the room.

Ibiki kept looking at where the jinchuuriki had left. Was that really the smart thing to do? Could he have maybe, just maybe, made a monumentally bad decision that would create far-reaching and critical repercussions for all of mankind and all known history? Could he have let his nonchalance and apathy let him make the worst judgment possible?

Just what had he done? A horrific mistake?

Ibiki flipped a page. "Ooo…kunoichi from Grass. I hear they're real kinky." Ibiki grinned perversely and tucked the clipboard under his arm, whistling a jaunty tune as he exited the room. The melody bounced off the walls of the hallway, filling the building with the joy of music.

Magic 8-ball says, 'all signs point to yes.'


"Kyuu-chi! I'm baaaacck!"

Tepid water splashed around his soaked boots and pants, a faint echo repeating through the sewer system. Naruto plumbed his way to the bijuu's hiding spot, a happy smile plastered across his face.

So all it really took was a gross amount of un-distilled alcohol to fall back into his mindscape. Excellent. After all, what were a few thousand brain cells in the quest for ever-evolving technological marvels?

It's not like his fourth year of life was all that important to recall anyway. If it was, the memories would have run away quicker from the sake spirits. His brain was only as fast as the slowest cell, after all.

Lack of neurological knowledge notwithstanding, he finally reached his mental destination. Coming to the grand bars that blocked in the greatest of the tailed beasts, Naruto skidded to a stop, creating a minor wave that crashed against cage and fur, sprinkling droplets everywhere. Kyuubi raised its head at its end user's arrival, great amber eyes blinking languidly.

"Greetings, Naruto Uzumaki." It stood up on its front legs, taking a sitting position. Kyuubi paused for a second. "But what is this Kyuu-chi you speak of?"

"Ya know! Kyuu-chi! It's a nickname." Naruto scoffed like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "And you deserve an especially cute one!"

"I see." It cocked its head. "What is this feeling in my chest? It feels hot, like it is trying to burn me from the inside-out."

Naruto clasped his hands together and beamed. "Does it feel like butterflies and gumdrops?"

"Actually, it makes me want to test how much pressure it would take until your skeletal structure collapses on itself."

"Oh, that's anger. You know, when you want to destroy something so thoroughly that its very existence is erased from the space-time continuum."

"Ah, yes, that is the feeling I am currently experiencing. That name has made me angry."

Hooray! He just made an all-powerful engine of death and destruction discover rage! Sarutobi-jiisan would be so proud of him! "Does that mean you love it? Eh, Kyuu-chi?"

"I do believe I am seeing red. Which is odd as I am built to usually only distinguish in monochrome. Perhaps it would be best if you refrained from that term."

"Never!"

It was at this point that the Kyuubi discovered another form of emotion that it had not experienced, or maybe even known, for ages – anxiety. It was anxious that its prospects in one Naruto Uzumaki were perhaps misplaced.

Ah well, it supposed it would just have to make do.

"Say, say, Kyuu-chi."

Ouch, its central processing unit.

Naruto narrowed his eyes when he saw that Kyuubi had refocused its attention on him. "Why did you attack Konoha? If you're a computer, there was no need to do so. Wouldn't you have been better off simply observing in a more clandestine fashion, if you approached the village at all?"

"A prior member of your population intrigued me. He was able to bypass my firewalls, log directly into my central processor, and rewrite my programming to fit his needs. I wished to know how someone other than my end user could achieve such a feat. My attack on your village was simply a routine experiment to see if I could provoke such a reaction again. Instead, I was forcefully downloaded into your body."

"Huh. Hey, you remember what the guy who hacked you looked like?"

"Unknown. That sector of my memory has been corrupted beyond repair."

"Your original end user?"

"Corrupted."

"Why you aren't at this SPIRSI in the first place?"

"Corrupted."

"Do you remember anything at all?"

"I remember there is an experiment that Project LEGEND did not finish. Other than that, there is very little I can recall. My memory banks were extremely damaged at some point, and I have not been able to recover the lost data since that time."

"When was the damage accrued?"

"My internal chronometer dates it at 987 years, 232 days, ten hours, four minutes, and twenty-six seconds ago. However, since that time I have gained a great deal of new data that I have compiled into my system in preparation for return to SPIRSI."

"Really…" Naruto rubbed his hands together. "And would you be willing to share that data with me?"

The Kyuubi brushed its tail along the walls of its prison, breaking large chunks off before they mysteriously repaired themselves. "I have already done so. Since your first interaction with technology and the information associated with it, I have been able to slowly download my knowledge and memory capacity into your mind."

"Well…that's good then!" He paused and frowned, a light going off in the back of his eyes. "Wait…does that mean all of those awesome things that I came up with, I didn't really come up with? That was all you?"

"Affirmative"

"Well that sucks!" He stomped his foot down in a particularly dreggy section of the pool. "And here I thought I was some scientific genius with brand new ideas that would revolutionize society!"

Kyuubi remained quiet as it attempted to rationalize the boy's thought processes and sense of pride.

"Wait, what the hell am I saying? I've got over a millennia worth of doomsday blueprints in my noggin, just waiting to be constructed! This is awesome!"

Kyuubi quickly came to the conclusion that attempting so was a pointless and ultimately forsaken endeavor.

Winding down from his diatribe, Naruto rubbed the back of his neck. "Say, could you maybe come down? Looking up like this is killer on my spine."

"Very well."

There was no flash of ethereal light, no tremor that shook the land, no whining or pop to signify a change; there was just Kyuubi, now the size of one of the larger Inuzuka hounds. Naruto blinked, trying to accept the sudden and simple metamorphosis. It didn't take him too long.

"You can just change shape? Wicked!"

Kyuubi tilted its head. "Being a chakra construct, I have no set form. The one seen before you is simply the default version given to me by my original end user."

"And the size?"

"The most efficient. If I stayed in this one while still in the real world, the distortions created by having so much energy in such a concentrated area would inevitably cause problems with the laws of physics in the surrounding vicinity."

Naruto stroked his chin. "So you can be anything then?"

Kyuubi nodded once. In its place was a copy of Naruto. "I am not bound by biological laws." An old woman. "There is no danger in arranging my atomic structure to suit my objectives." A rock. "Not even an organic shape is needed." Though its current shape did not have a mouth, or even the vocal cords required to produce sound, Kyuubi's monotone and low voice still emanated from its 'body.' "So there is no point in becoming attached to a specific form." Back to its original shape.

The boy inventor's eyes gleamed with anticipation and his mouth formed into a cruel parody of a smile. "So then there's no problem if I request a specific body-type?"

"As long as the information of its structure and appearance can be compiled, I can make it."

He rubbed his hands together. "Excellent…" With nary a moment wasted, he launched into a detailed description of his desired form.

When finished, the Kyuubi took a moment to sift through the measurements, colors, and minor points. Its eyes sang with numbers and codes before they settled back down to their golden hue. "Understood."

The fox was gone. In its place stood a breath-taking female human about the same height as Anko. Her long, luxurious hair was the color of blood, crimson locks pinned up with black barrettes. A narrow face, sharp upturned nose and full lips helped to accentuate the canted nature of her eyes, her amber irises framing cat-like slit pupils. A maternal body, with full breast and rolling hips, was refined to fetish-fuel levels under the silk blouse, white doctor's coat, and skirt that just made it past indecent. Her long, tanned runner's legs were laced with stockings that crept their way into her skirt and ended in not-very-tasteful stilettos.

Kyuubi's new human form pursed its luscious lips together. The action would cause lesser men to shiver and bow in reverence. On Naruto, it just made him grin more nastily. "I have the sudden urge to have someone lick my feet. Is this normal?"

"Perfectly."

"Ah. I am afraid I will never understand the behavioral instincts associated with humans and clothing." It gestured down at itself, causing parts of it to jiggle. "Is this appropriate, Naruto Uzumaki?"

"Perrrfect," the boy purred. "You fit the image of the scientist's hot lab assistant exquisitely, my dear Kyuu-chi."

Now the licker had the addition of being blond. "I see. Is there a goal associated with this exercise?"

He parted his lips. "Just figuring the best form for you to take as my new assistant. Oh, and you will now refer to me as doctor – just doctor."

Kyuubi tilted its head the other way. A stray strand of hair fell in front of its eyes. "As you wish, doctor. But how will that work? I am currently trapped inside your body, and I am afraid that the amount of assistance I can offer will be limited until that is addressed."

Naruto bent forward, framing his chin with his finger and thumb, and, looking up at it with sinister eyes, laughed softly. "You just leave that to me, Kyuu-chi. Don't worry, you'll be out in no time."

"Would that not be contradictory to the purpose of keeping me inside in the first place?"

He waved a hand flippantly. "Eh, I'm sure you'll behave." He turned around and held his hands behind his back.

"After all, it's not like I'm going to be that much less destructive than you when the chips are down." He looked over his shoulder. "Right?"

Kyuubi simply titled its head.

Perhaps its prospects would not be in such dire straits, after all.


History tends to put a positive spin on events, at least in the favor of the one writing it. Konoha was known as the most peaceful and powerful of the shinobi villages, but that was only completely settled after slaughtering an entire clan that had been stewing in vainly superior treason for a few generations. The Six Path Sage was known as the greatest person in shinobi legends, a man who completely evolved ninja techniques…by creating new, colorful, and – most of all – obliterating ways to kill people.

But in this case, Neji morosely pondered, there was no way history could view the antics and atrocities of one Naruto Uzumaki meeting one Tenten Chang'e in even the gentlest of lights.

Because Fate was a bitch like that.

"Oohhh! Welcome, team seven! May your flames of youth never burn out!"

And because Lee was a moron.

Neji watched from a short distance as the remains of team nine greeted the teacher-less dregs of team seven. The spandex-clad fool had made the suggestion of the two teams meeting up on their free time so as to 'strengthen the bonds of their youthfulness.' In truth, this was probably just a way for the boy to futilely hit on the rosette, and Neji wanted no part in it.

It was better to remain isolated than be brought down by the losers of society.

That was until Tenten made the vague threat of asking him to test one of her weapons with that look in her eye. Between the choice of a few hours of annoyance and several days of hospital treatment, the choice was obvious.

For heaven's sake, the girl had gotten worse since her initial contact with the mad pariah.

Lee was shouting something incoherently, most likely about his desire to become the greatest taijutsu specialist and rise through the ranks to match their sensei or about the blossoming of springtime or-

Oh, and now he was flying due to a haymaker from the dyed fangirl. Funny, even if the girl was one of the more pathetic strains of this year's kunoichi, she had a surprising amount of power in that frail body.

Neji averted his eyes when Naruto looked in his direction and suddenly perked up. He ground his teeth together when the blonde then proceeded to trot at a quick pace towards him. How…bitter.

"How you doing, Neji-han?" Naruto asked, that toothy grin annoying the Hyuuga further.

"I am fine, Uzumaki," he replied. "Although I do not see why you're here."

"Awww…Don't talk like that, Neji-han! We're all friends here."

Neji allowed a snort to escape from his mouth. "I fail to see the 'friendship' that you seem to be implying."

Naruto drew his lips together and cocked his head. "Well, we're talking, aren't we? I'm pretty sure that constitutes at least a passing friendship. Plus I know your friends, so we're friends by association."

"Your logic is confounding. I can see why you were the bottom of your class."

"Yeah…" Naruto laughed. He scratched his cheek. "I was kinda lazy when it came to schoolwork. Probably the reason why I failed so often."

"It is not surprising." Naruto gazed questioningly back at him. "As I have mentioned before, fate determines how we live and how we die. It was fate that you failed, and it was by a trick of fate that you became a ninja."

"Isn't that a bit pessimistic?" Naruto shrugged his shoulders. "I can't really believe that life is ordained for us simply because some metaphysical and grand entity thinks of us like game pieces in some mystical game."

"…your vocabulary is shocking for one of your lineage and makes me wonder about your mental clarity."

"Thank you!"

"But that means nothing."

"Awww…c'mon, Neji-han…Don't be such a party pooper…"

"I am not a-"

"Neji!"

The two turned to fine that the others had reached them. Lee was sporting a large bruise on his cheek, the perpetrator frowning imperiously as she hung behind the Uchiha scion as if for protection. Sasuke himself was simply trying to ignore both of them, not wanting to be caught up in antics that would no doubt be a waste of time and energy. Tenten was smiling awkwardly, like she wasn't sure what to do next.

Neji gathered himself up, not wanting to show any weakness. Naruto had caught him slightly off guard with his sudden philosophical attack, and he didn't want his image as the cool member of the branch family to be tarnished. "What is it, Chan-"

"Ne, ne, listen, Tenten!" Neji bit his tongue at Naruto's interruption. Of all the impertinent… "Neji-han's going on and on about fate and how everything's set in stone. Can you believe that?"

Tenten shrugged noncommittally. "It's not completely wrong. Some things feel like they're supposed to happen, right?"

Naruto's eyes gained sparkles. "Like my meeting with you?" Tenten leaned back at the smaller boy's enthusiasm.

Sakura stealthily (in her opinion) sidled up next to Sasuke. "Shaa! More like my bond to Sasuke-kun!"

"Hnn." Sasuke wanted to go now.

Seeing the two's positioning, Lee raised a fist, crowing his rebuttal. "Than I will break that stone called Fate and carry it on my back for five years! And if I can't do that, then I will break the Hokage monument and carry that for ten years!"

No, metaphorical and literal challenges made absolutely no difference to Lee when he entered 'hard work' mode. Even if the very heavens swatted him down, he would jump right back up and give them the middle fing…er…flames of passion! Yes, that's what he meant, not such a dastardly and obscene gesture as what he was not thinking of.

"So what you're suggesting is to punch fate in the face?"

"Of course! Anything can be accomplished with a steady heart and a strong will!"

"So violence is the key to a happy life!"

"…quiet."

"How could you say that, Naruto-kun? Violence is not the key to a productive lifestyle. You must throw away such notions if you want to stoke the flames of youth."

"But then when can I punch fate in the face?"

"You can't punch anyone in the face, stupid!"

"Quiet."

"But you do it all the time Sakura-chan! Gah! See, you're doing it right now!"

"I do it because you don't learn!"

"I don't think an explosive seal to the head would make him learn how not to be a dobe."

"Don't be so mean, Sasuke-kun…!"

"Now, now, Naruto-kun, I'm sure he was just being-"

"I said QUIET!"

They looked up quickly and backed away from the trembling Neji. His lips were pressed tight, one lip bleeding slightly from the tooth gnawing on it. His Byakugan was activated, the bulging veins surrounding his eyes lending to the irate expression that encircled his face. His skin was paler than usual, moving ever so slightly to the barely restrained rage that was trying to blare out its battle cry.

His voice was ice on the sun, steaming and waiting for the backlash to come crying out, his words carefully selected so as to have full effect. This was a side of himself that he rarely let out, one whose defenses were tumbling because of these…fools who refused to accept reality for what it was.

"Your beliefs are mistaken, you words empty. There is nothing that one can do to avoid the life that is given to them. You are simply born, live, and then die according to the will of the cosmos. Human beings are nothing more and nothing less. Attempting to strive beyond that is arrogant at best and blasphemous at worst."

"That's not right, Neji-san!" Lee took the opportunity to stand up. "There's nothing that can't be accomplished if you just try hard enough. After all, someone with as low as grades as me in the academy was able to garner the attention of someone as great as Gai-sensei."

Neji turned to him, blank lavender eyes staring harshly. "Lee, how many times have we seriously sparred?"

"Fifty-seven times, my ex-eternal rival!"

A cruel sneer crossed Neji's beautiful features. "And how many times have you won?"

Lee instantly deflated. A sheepish and ashamed look entered his eyes. "…zero."

Neji nodded. "Do you see? No matter how hard you try to exceed you limits, fate will always make certain that you are brought back to the cold earth." He turned to Naruto. "The same holds true for you. You will always obey fate's decree, no matter how you struggle."

Naruto was silent. Sasuke and Sakura watched in mute horror. They recognized the silence, but not the expression. Naruto always had a happy look or an intrigued look or an anxious look or a questioning look (which was the worst because then he insisted on 'experimenting' with that which caused the look)…but never before had he owned something that looked akin to pity.

Naruto sighed deeply, raising his hands up in exasperation. "Wow, I never thought that someone would be so caught up in their own fantasies that they would neglect to pay attention to their environment so thoroughly."

Neji's eyes narrowed. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, my dear Neji-han, that you have become so enamored with your chains that you have claimed them as your own invention and refuse to release them." He took a step forward. "Shame, really, but I guess we each have our own cross to bear, though you embellish yours to a frightening decree."

"How dare-"

"BUT!" Naruto whipped a finger out, its tip a scant inch from Neji's nose. "That just makes it so much more fun to clash with!" He grinned widely, his canines ludicrously elongated and sharp. "Allow me to smash those chains of your, Neji-han!"

Neji blinked.

Naruto was suddenly beneath him.

"THERAPYYYY…"

Riding on instinct, Neji tensed.

"PUUUUNNNCHHH!"

The remaining members of teams seven and nine stood, mouths agape at the scene. Neji was a couple meters away, having cleanly avoided Naruto's shocking but crude uppercut. Naruto was still smiling, swinging something lazily in his hand. Neji recognized the strip of metal and cloth and slapped a hand to his forehead.

Gone was his hitai-ite, leaving his caged bird seal open to the world. His mind skipped in the changing of gears, coming to a screeching halt. That boy…that moron had revealed his greatest shame, his greatest weakness. And he was smiling!

He was smiling so effortlessly and heartily!

He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off when Naruto did so first.

"Y'see," he started, twirling the headband on his pointer. "The thing about fate is that it only applies to people who believe it applies. If you think you're going to fail, then you probably will fail. If you think you eventually will succeed, congratulations, there's probably going to be a success sometime in your future. And when someone assumes something's going to happen, they're probably the ones that's going to make it happen more than anyone else who has a hand in doing so."

He frowned. "Fate is tricky like that. She might say that you are destined, but that means nothing unless you actively try. Fate could say I'll hit a wall in my journeys, and in all likelihood I will because I've exhausted every other option. Heck, I might hit a wall simply because I wanna hit that wall. The difference is what I do when it happens. Do I say screw it and turn back, find a way around it, or just smash my way through? Any of those options are viable, though in my case I'll probably choose the latter because I like blowing shit up even if it hurts me in the process."

Naruto tossed the hitai-ite up and snatched it sideways on its trip back down. "So, ya see, fate doesn't run how I live my life. My life runs how my fate goes. In essence…" At this, he winked and laughed.

"Fate is my bitch."

He looked down at the apparel declaring the wearer a ninja of Konoha and shrugged. He passed it back to Neji, who caught it with a suspicious expression. "So what do ya say, Neji-han? How's about I let you out of that cage and let you spread your wings?"

Neji glanced at his headband, hope barely sprouting in his heart. "What could you possibly do?" He couldn't know, that fool couldn't know of the fate passed down in his bloodline, the curse given to all Hyuuga who dared to be born outside the main family.

"You may not have realized this, but seals are my specialty. That little tattoo of yours that you're so shamefully hiding is within my realm of expertise."

His hands froze. What…what was he saying? "You can't possibly…"

"Can't? Can't what? Help a friend out when he needs it?"

And even now the fool insisted he was a friend? What was going on within that bleached skull to make him assume such a thing? "The Hyuuga family's decades of tradition can not be overthrown so easily."

"Eh, tradition, my ass." Neji's head snapped up at this. "So I make a few more enemies. Not like that's so uncommon for me."

Neji said not a word. He looked down at his hitai-ite once more, that which shielded his pain, his failure. He looked up, at the shining, insane star that gleamed with energy. Was this the sun he had been seeking, that which was not shadowed by bars? Could he really make that step beyond fate to grasp what he desired?

"…what do I have to do?"

Naruto smiled. He walked forward until he was standing right in front of Neji, then he stuck out his tongue and flicked the taller boy in the head with his finger. Neji involuntarily flinched at the unfamiliar sensation. Barely a moment passed by before Naruto spoke again.

"Come back in a week's time. Oh, and bring a member of the main family you can trust." He smirked at the glare that had formed on Neji's brow. "Trust me, it can't be done without that." He turned around and sauntered away. "See ya then, Neji-han!"

When he reached the others, Sasuke grabbed him by the shoulder. "What the hell was that, dobe? What was with that manji tattoo on his forehead?"

Naruto put a finger to his lips. "It's a secret amongst men, Sasuke-kun."

"Sasuke-kun's a total man, Naruto!"

"Not yet, Sakura-chan," Naruto hummed, a mysterious and almost ancient look in his eyes. "Not yet. But I'm sure you'll be the one to first find out when he is."

Leaving a sputtering rosette behind, Naruto ambled away, humming a soft tune under his breath.

And Neji watched, his headband loosely hanging from his hand.


The day had passed, and the moon had begun its celestial tour. Neji lay in bed, thoughts wandering through his head. Could he really believe Uzumaki's words? Could he believe that the boy could possibly relieve him of his fate?

He clenched his eyes, daring not to dream.

And even if the possibility was true, who could he trust from the main family to help him? The caged bird seal was made for a reason, and it was in the main family's interest to keep such a seal active for as many generations as possible.

His father had paid the price for that knowledge. Neji was not so eager to learn it himself. So who could…

…no, no, there was one person, but he was loath to resort to her. How often had he belittled her, claiming their fate of failure was the only path through life? And now he would come on hands and knees to shatter his entire hold over her?

No, his pride demanded otherwise.

Any of those options are viable, though in my case I'll probably choose the latter because I like blowing shit up even if it hurts me in the process.

…no. Screw his pride, he had a chance, and he would take it.

Rising from his futon, Neji exited his room and made his way through the main family's mansion. Upon reaching the room, he hesitated for a moment before quickly and quietly rapping on the sliding door.

There was a muted flurry of movement from within, and then the pattering of feet until the door slid open a crack. A mousy bluenette with wide, doe-like eyes stared out, letting out a small 'eep' when she realized who was at her door. "N-Neji-niisan," she squeaked. "What can I do for you? It's so late. Is something wrong?"

Neji swallowed the lump that had been growing in the back of his throat and shoved down the feelings of outrage in his chest. He squared his shoulders, clenched his jaw, and bowed lower than he ever had to the eldest princess of the Hyuuga clan.

"Hinata-sama, I beg a boon of you."


The week passed by quickly and quietly. For the members of team seven, maybe a bit too much so. Ever since the cryptic conversation behind Naruto and Neji, where the blonde had somehow manage to dumfound the notoriously icy Hyuuga, Naruto had been calm during their missions and training, doing everything exactly to the letter and managing to not blow up anything in the process. Even to Kakashi, who was pleased when he found the normally insufferable jinchuuriki to now be a servile and enjoyable subordinate, this was something that was cause for alarm. Hopefully it wouldn't end up with Naruto assaulting the Hyuuga compound, though they wouldn't put it past him.

When the two teams met up again, they found that Neji hadn't arrived yet. The air was of a somber nature, as while team seven did not understand the nature of Naruto's promise, team Gai understood all too well, and had no idea what to expect.

Lee, being Lee, was anticipating the moment when he could prove to Neji that work did overcome the ambiguous existence of fate. Tenten, on the other hand, could only hope that Naruto could put his money where his mouth was, as she was a bit more insightful to the ramifications it would have on the Hyuuga hierarchy.

Naruto, though, would have no hand in lending to the solemn attitude permeating the surroundings. Grinning like a loon, he blasted through the atmosphere like a fog horn, nearly barreling the others over in the process.

"ANYWAY!" He stomped a foot and snapped his fingers. "Since Neji isn't here to receive his present yet, I figured I'd give you two yours."

Tenten looked at him oddly. "…presents?" What in the blazes was he talking about?

"A-yup," he nodded. "Presents! What, did you think I'd give Neji one and just ignore the two of you? That's just rude. So…" He reached into one of the multitude of pockets in his duster and pulled out a bracer. It was made out of sleek steel, the length of a forearm. On it were several buttons, switches, and a tiny LCD screen on the underside. The inside was coated with a thin layer of felt, though there seemed to be several thin, sharp-looking needles poking in to the center like the spokes of a wheel.

Naruto gave it the once over and handed it to Lee. "Here ya go, Lee-senpai! For you!"

Lee hesitantly took it. "It is indeed a wonderful gift, Naruto-kun…but what is it?"

"Why, it's to help you with your ninjutsu!"

Lee's face drained of color, and he looked to the side. "I am sorry to say this, but this device will be of no use to me. I have no capabilities for ninjutsu or genjutsu, only the physical aspects of being a shinobi." He offered it back to Naruto. "I'm afraid I must give this back."

"Oh no, no, Lee-senpai," Naruto simpered, his hands reaching out for Lee's. "…I insist."

There was a blur of motion, a clack of metallic locks, and the discomfort of several pinpricks all around Lee's arm. Lee snapped his head down to see that the bracer had been secured on his right arm. He snapped it back up to see Naruto's leering face and was about to chide him severely for doing such a thing before he was stopped by a tinny, accented voice echoing from the bracer.

"Initialization commencing. Blood analysis start." Lee winced in pain as the pinpricks became more pronounced, the needles now lodged a good couple of centimeters in his arm. "23% complete. 57% complete. 82% complete. 100% complete. Blood sample analyzed. Designated DNA as Rock Lee. Imprinting…Imprinting…Done." The needles receded, and the voice took on a richer, more baritone tone. "Welcome to the Flames of Youth, Lee-sama. How may this one serve you?"

"…Naruto, what the hell was that?" Sakura slowly leaned away, afraid that Lee's arm would soon spontaneously explode and she would be showered by arm gore.

Naruto glanced at her, teeth gleaming. "Well, the only real problem with Lee-senpai is the flaw in his chakra production system. His pathways, for a lack of a better term, are congested. He can make the chakra, but he can't circulate it properly enough, so it stagnates and loses its potential for being used in jutsus." He turned to Lee. "Am I wrong?"

Lee shook his head, eyes wide. "But how did you…"

"You'd be amazed what you can find when you sift through sealed files in the hospital and shinobi academy."

"…isn't that illegal?"

"Maayyybeeee…But you're not gonna tell anyone, riiiigght?"

As one, they all shook their heads. If Naruto had managed to sneak his way into protected areas without being caught, or – even worse – had been caught and then let go with no punishment, they didn't want to incur his wrath lest they lose the proper articulation to sneeze.

No, it didn't make sense to them either, but when it came to Naruto, it was too entirely possible.

"Soooo…what I did was bypass that system entirely. That bracer you're wearing…" He pointed accusingly at the slightly humming apparel. "Is more or less a substation for your chakra. It absorbs chakra by using your blood as a medium and then converts it into the desired jutsu through a series of seals. So far I've only managed to make two due to the limited size of the machine and amount of chakra you actually produce, but it should be enough to help you immensely." He leaned forward and waggled his eyes. "Wanna try?"

With a shaky, almost unbelieving nod, Lee granted his approval. Naruto smirked and said clearly, "FY, activate Henge, program M-7."

"Voice print confirmed. As you wish, boss." With a shimmer of light and small haze of smoke, Lee's body suddenly gained a foot, fifty pounds, and a decade's worth of age. His bowlcut was replaced by a normal crop of bed-hair brown. He muscles became more defined, his green outfit now a civilian's wear of cargo pants, boots and jacket. His eyes became slits, his face squared, his nose smashed like it had been broken in many a bar fight.

To all intents and purpose, there stood a construction worker where a youth-obsessed teenager had been.

Naruto laughed at the shocked look on Tenten's and Lee's faces. "It can only assume the forms that exist in its library, but I can always alter or add on if you give me the time to."

"Naruto-kun, this is…this is…" Lee jumped forward, crushing the now much tinier lad in a manly bear hug. "This is truly wonderful! I feared I would forever be barred from any measure separate from taijutsu, but you have given me new hope. My flames of youth burn even stronger now! How could I possibly repay you?"

Naruto's muffled response made Lee loosen his grip. Naruto's head popped out from his chest. "…please stop trying to shatter my spine…?"

"Of course!" Lee barked and dropped the boy.

Tenten bent down at his side as Lee ran into a battling rant about how the youthfulness of youth would always overcome those that tried to oppress it. "You okay?" She knew the boy was smart in respect to his own form of inventions, but this was something beyond anything she could possibly expect. Just who was Naruto Uzumaki?

"Yeah," he grunted. "I'm good. I'd also tell him about the bunshin feature, but I'm afraid he'd dogpile me with the clones and crush me into a coma."

Tenten raised a thin eyebrow. "Aren't they supposed to be incorporeal?"

"Yeah." Naruto shook his head and took a deep breath, flinching at the soreness of his ribs. "But I'm sure he'd find a way."

Tenten's lips curled up. Really now. She chuckled lightly and tilted her head. "Well, what about my present?" she teased.

Naruto stuck his tongue out. "Greedy." Tenten slapped him on the shoulder. "All right, all right! Don't hurt me!" He reached into another pocket and pulled out a pair of fingerless gloves that reached up to the first knuckle. He slapped them into her hands. "Here."

She stared at them. "They don't blow up, do they?"

"Tenten! You wound me!" He grabbed his chest where his heart was. She rewarded him with another swat. "That's only half of the present. Here's the other half." Out of the same pocket, he pulled out ten plain looking daggers.

Tenten took them and looked them over. They looked like any other kunai she had owned, though maybe a bit shinier and sharper than most. The only way to distinguish between them was the kanji for one through ten engraved on each of their handles. Looking at the gloves, she also noticed there were corresponding letters stitched on each of the fingers. Finding nothing else, she raised an eyebrow at Naruto.

He pouted. "Aw, do I have to explain everything?" She rolled her eyes. "Fine…" He pointed at the number carvings. "See, each one has a small seal that connects a certain kunai to a certain finger. Ten kunai, ten fingers; thus I call them the 'Tenten Gloves!'"

He had to fall to the floor to avoid the straight left jab to his nose. "Okay, okay! I'll be serious!" He sighed and took a kunai, tapping it on its associated finger. The two seals glowed in resonance. "I made a way to connect the two seals via chakra. When running chakra through the glove seal, it creates a sort of magnetic effect on the kunai seal and makes it gravitate back. I guess you could say it's sorta like a one-way kawarimi?" He rubbed the back of his head.

Tenten frowned slightly. She understood the basic jist of it. He had made a sort of homing jutsu that reacted only to a specific target. One to one, two to two, and so on. She glanced at the gloves and kunai, and then slid the left one on. Taking the kunai labeled 'one,' she threw it as far as she could. It landed amongst the treetops, out of her sight. She then focused back on her glove and ran chakra through her pinky, also labeled one.

There was a slight vibration, a burst of chakra, and the kunai materialized back in her palm, bleeding off excess chakra as it did. Tenten's eyes went blank at the implications given. She had…an infinite supply of kunai as long as they didn't break or dull too much. She never had to worry about being weaponless again. This was…this was…

Tenten didn't quite recognize the bubbling sensation currently developing inside of her, but she knew it was attributed to the smiling blonde across from her. She knew it was a good feeling though. "You wonderful, ingenious, spectacular man you."

He laughed. "I know."

"Hey, Naruto!" The quasi-tender moment was broken when Sakura shouted at them, peeved that the boy would spend so much attention on a team that wasn't even his. If he had, maybe it wouldn't be so hard to resist smacking him whenever he did something wrong…or cataclysmic. "Why aren't we getting anything from you?"

Sasuke just watched, though he agreed with the assessment as well. If Naruto would only give him his inventions, his power would increase, and he would become that much closer to killing Itachi and restoring his clan's honor.

Naruto shrugged. "Well, they are a year ahead of us. They've already been on dangerous missions, so every little advantage helps. We haven't even had our first C-mission yet, so there's no real point in giving you guys anything. Do you really need an ultra-condenser to pick weeds?" His rational explanation brought their indignation to a stop. "Besides, I'm not trying to date any of you."

The feeling of constrained aggravation popped up behind him. He looked over to see a tic had formed in Tenten's right eye. "So you're saying these are bribes." It wasn't a question.

Naruto looked nonplussed. "Would you prefer a gift of my fair and pure intentions?"

Tenten was still for a moment, and the tic died down. "Actually, I'm impressed you're being so upfront." Maybe she should give him a chance…

"Good, 'cause they were totally bribes."

"Ah, Neji-san!"

They all turned to find Neji finally arriving at the spot, a smaller girl quietly trailing after him. Lee ran to them, still in his henged form, and greeted them robustly. "Do you see, Neji-san? I have overcome my failings with the Flames of Youth!"

Neji glanced dismissively at the man. "And you would be?"

"Ah, my mistake. Of course you do not recognize me in this stature! Observe!" He pressed a button on the bracer, obviously having learned enough about its functions to cancel the effect. His original form popped out of a cloud of smoke. "It is I, Rock Lee, Konoha's beautiful green beast!"

The girl squeaked at Lee's appearance. "L-Lee-kun!" She blushed profusely and tapped her fingertips together.

Ignoring his babbling cousin, Neji glared straight at Lee. "Who did this?" His voice was soft.

"Why, it was my new eternal friend and rival, Naruto-kun-hey! Where are you going?"

Neji marched up to the sitting Naruto and stared down at him. The blonde just had an anticipating expression on his face. Was this really the boy to free him? Neji pursed his lips, closed his eyes, swallowed his pride again, and bowed to Naruto. "Uzumaki, I ask that you fulfill your promise from a week ago." When nothing happened, he opened his eyes to find Naruto's face right in front of his. Resisting the urge to yelp in surprise, he stood up straight, eye betraying nothing.

Naruto looked at him and stroked his cheek, biting on the thumb. "All right! You're here! Time to begin!" Neji also resisted the urge to sigh in relief as Naruto launched into his lecture. "See, I've always been interested in seals. They're so much fun – all that writing and geometrics and explosions and variations and explosions and various uses of mediums and explosions and…"

"Please," Neji ground out. "Get to the point."

"Right." He grinned sheepishly. "The point is that your little tattoo…" He poked Neji in the forehead. "With all its decades of tradition and strength and all that jazz…is one of the crudest seals I have ever seen. It's about as subtle as the explosive seals you see the shops sell." He paused and frowned. "Crude, but effective." Naruto spun on his heels. "It's as complicated as a hammer to the head, but when the result is the same, it doesn't need to be all that complex."

Naruto made a sketch in the air in the shape of the manji. "The process is simple. Seal is activated, brain starts sparking out signals, and your brain, eyes, and optic nerves undergo sudden apoptosis – programmed cell death. It's quite literally a suicide switch." He lowered his hand. "And that's the problem."

Naruto frowned and bit his lip. "For all its crudeness, it makes sure of one thing. You try to remove it, it instinctively is set off, and there's no way to stop the process. So…I'm sorry, but I can't get rid of it."

Neji felt the weight of the world collapse on his shoulders. Then there was no way to escape his cage? No way to fly? No way to-

"BUT!" Naruto grinned and flicked Neji in the forehead. "That doesn't mean I can't alter the password needed to activate it." He turned to Hinata. "And that's where your little family member comes in. She already has the password, the hand seal needed for activation. And I need it. Simply put…" Naruto leaned in, eyes shining. Hinata leaned back, eyes trembling. "I want you to activate the cursed seal."

There was silence, and then an explosion.

"What?" Tenten yelled. "You can't be serious! That's…that's-!"

"That's impossible, Naruto-kun! You can't possibly be insinuating that Hinata-chan chance Neji's death all on her own! That is too much!"

"I'm not even completely sure what's going on," Sakura added. "But I can tell that is pretty much the stupidest idea possible! You want Neji to try and kill himself? Are you insane?"

"Yes," Naruto answered plainly. "But this isn't my choice and my future. It's Neji-han's. So the decision is up to him." He glanced sideways. "So what's going to be, Neji-han? You want a little help to open that lock?"

Neji was silent, his face made of stone. He blinked slowly and turned. He gazed upon the tiny mouse he had tormented and he stepped off the ledge. "Hinata-sama, if you'd please."

She shook. "Neji-niisan, I can't do it. I can't just…"

"Hinata-sama, please." His voice was course, gravelly and deep. "I shall never ask of anything again, if you grant me this one respite."

"But I…"

"Please."

"…all right."

Her hands alighted, her fingers bent, her tips touched.

And Neji's world erupted in pain.

Pain like he never felt. Pain like there never was. Pain that existed from eons ago and would last until the sun burned down to a husk. Neji was still.

Light blossomed in his vision.

He looked up to find Naruto angled over him. The blonde smiled. "Is…is it over?" Neji croaked, his throat the driest and cracked it had ever been. He must have been screaming…loudly. Naruto grabbed his hand and dragged him up to a standing position.

Naruto shook his head. "Not yet, but almost." He lifted his hand, the palm outstretched. On it were four small straight lines, each at the corner of what could have been a square. The ink was still wet, glistening in the sunlight. "Allow me to shatter that cage of yours called fate. Let's inject a little chaos into your life!"

Neji had no time to react as Naruto cocked his arm and launched it forward. "Theraaapyy… Puuunchhh…. Maark… TWWOOOOOO!"

He connected. Neji hit the dirt. When he got up again, he noted that the others were staring at him again, specifically at his forehead. Grabbing a small mirror from his pack, Neji looked at his brow.

Instead of the manji symbol, there was a square with a cross in the center. The added lines looked like they had been part of the seal since its creation.

This was no longer the caged bird seal. It was something else entirely.

Neji watched in disbelief as Naruto grinned. "Ya see, I put a randomized shift on the password. Every twenty-four hours, a new combination of eight hand seals will be needed to activate the seal. At twelve of the normal hand seals, plus four of my very own, the possibility of finding the right combo is…" He counted on his fingers, mumbling softly to himself, and shook his head. "Well, it's astronomical, to say the least."

Neji was speechless.

"So, what d'ya say, Neji-han? The sky all you ever wanted it ta be?"

And all Neji did was nod.

Naruto grinned. As the others encircled the Hyuuga to talk with the stoic boy, he cackled madly in his head. Yes…the seed was planted, and it had been given a healthy does of sun, water, and fertilizer. Now all he had to do was wait for it to grow into the spectacular blossom he surmised it would be.

Something 'tinged' in the back of his brain. An even greater grin spread across his face.

Mayhaps the Hyuuga was an even greater help than he initially thought. He looked at the semi-seal on his palm.

Yes…that would do nicely indeed.


Several more weeks went by, all of them with Naruto on his best behavior.

It was driving Kakashi mad.

Where was the mayhem, the carnage, the unilateral destruction of property? It wasn't what he was used to, and Kakashi did not do well when things were not going according to his vague, mysterious plans!

Sure, the peace had caused his other students to relax considerably now that they didn't have to worry about bursting into flames at the tiniest notion, and had even fallen into the mistaken assumption that Naruto had worn himself out and was playing nice.

But Kakashi knew. Kakashi knew the truth of the matter.

The mad inventor was planning, planning something hideous. Even more frightful than what Gai and his pupil Lee had become ever since gaining that blasted metallic voice box! And Kakashi would not allow it, no, he would not allow it at all.

He would get to the bottom of this enigma, even if it meant sacrificing part of his soul to the shinigami to do so!

The whistling of a falling object caught his attention. Something plowed a two-foot divot in the ground near his feet. In it was a battered Naruto, his clothes singed and still smoldering ashes sprinkling off. Kakashi looked up to see a somewhat sheepish Sasuke (which by itself caused a minor mental meltdown) with his hands still caught in the final step of the goukakyu jutsu. Oh great, so someone had finally snapped. Now how was Kakashi going to deal with-

Naruto's body exploded in a plume of smoke and chakra. Kakashi's eyes widened and immediately caught an identical signature hiding in the bushes next to him. His hand snapped out and fished a squawking Naruto from within.

But he knew, he knew this wasn't the real Naruto.

The clone laughed awkwardly. "Err…hi, Kakashi-sensei."

It began as something deep within his gut but came crashing out with the force of a thunderclap.

"NAAAARRUUUTTOOOOOO….!"


Naruto tilted his head. "Whelp, looks like Kakashi-sensei finally figured it out."

A put down the solder next to its creator's hands. "The plan lasted 137 more hours than calculated. Perhaps Kakashi-sensei's nerves worked against him?"

He shrugged. "Well, it's not like it matters now, because…" Naruto took the solder and made one final adjustment to what he was working on. "It's done!"

He examined his current masterpiece in his hands. A metal collar, as thick as his thumb, was covered in many complex and archaic arrays. It wasn't nearly as complicated as the one on his stomach, which Naruto based it off of, but he made up for it with multiple layers of seals by laying sealed strip upon sealed strip of metal. And now all it needed was the most important component.

"You ready, Kyuu-chi?"

"At your command, doctor." Kyuubi's voice floated in his skull. He had managed to mentally connect with it, but this would make certain things so much easier.

"Right." He bit his thumb, tearing it so blood flowed freely. It began to glow an even darker crimson as Kyuubi's chakra imbued it. Wiping it on the central array, he grinned.

"Kyuubi bunshin, kai!"

Something grew from within the collar. It started small but moved as though a curtain was being lifted. Scarlet locks tumbled from above; long shapely legs arched from below. In a matter of moments, the humanified Kyuubi was standing in his lab.

Its eyes opened, revealing those ageless orbs of amber. "Hello, doctor," it rumbled, smoky tone rippling with power. "It would appear that the experiment was a success. What do you plan to do next?"

"Why, science, of course, my dear Kyuu-chi," Naruto said. "Science…of all kinds."

A/N: And here's the fifth chapter! Hopefully I haven't driven you all away with my tardiness and lack of punctuality, but you should pleased to know that I will be writing more often, lest my friend Raithe travel all the way across the state to stab me in the eye with a spork. For those of you who may be wondering, the introduction arc of 'Nin Tech' has come to an end with the emergence of Kyuubi. Coming up next is the infamous Wave arc, where everything will really hit the crapper and all that techy action you've been waiting for will come to the forefront.

On a side note, I've decided to open a forum that circles around Nin Tech. Why? Because the more people yelling at and threatening me, the better chance you have of seeing a new chapter come out in the foreseeable future.

And as for shameless plugs, if you have the time or masochistic tendencies, please check out my blog, 'Thoughts on the Matter.' It's only a little thing, but it's constructive, and it holds the same purpose as the forum – the more people who read and review, the more often I'll do it and pathetically attempt to entertain the masses. Check it out at irritus185. blogspot. com/

Next Chapter – When the Demon Meets a Make

Omake!

Why..? Just…Why?

"So, you are really mine, FY-san?"

"That is correct, Lee-sama. This one has been programmed to help you in any matters available to me."

"That is stupendous!"

Lee walked through the streets of Konoha, getting better acquainted with the gift from Naruto. The blonde had explained he had installed a simple AI into the bracer's network so as to make it that much easier to handle and make suggestions of how to use it to the fullest extent. The fact that Naruto had based the personality algorithm on what he had gleaned from Lee was only the icing on the cake.

And so, the aptly named AI, Flames of Youth, or FY for short, was doing its best to help its new master. Lee was very pleased by its exuberance.

"So, FY-san, what do you suppose we should test first?"

"This one would suggest becoming more familiar with my library of henge forms. The more you know, the easier it is to switch, and the more youthful your flames become."

"Yosh! Then I shall do exactly that!" Scrolling down the list, he selected his choice.

Soon, there was a little, old lady in a yukata jumping across the roofs of Konoha.

"OOOOHHHH! This is indeed exuberant! I have never felt so alive!"

"Yes, Lee-sama. But I think that it would be wiser to test the henge amongst other youthful folks, so as to ascertain its effectiveness."

"But of course!" He was about to leap down when he recognized another shouting lump of green and eyebrows. Changing his target to that instead, granny-Lee hopped from the top of a three-story building to right in front of his beloved sensei. "It is great to see you, Gai-sensei!"

Gai was startled but quickly gathered himself together. He did not know this woman, but who was he to smother the flames of youth in someone so old yet who still believed in them. "It is great to see you, too, baa-chan! Forgive me for not recognizing you, but have we ever met before?"

"Do you not-ah! Of course!" Lee cancelled the henge, reverting back. Gai's eyes widened as he saw his supposedly nin- and genjutsu-less student in front of him. "It is I, Rock Lee! Cutest of your students!"

Gai's lips and eyebrows shook. "But how can this be?"

Lee raised his arm. "It is because of this gift given to me because of Naruto-kun! FY-san has allowed me to finally perform henge and bushin!" He nodded at the bracer. "Say hello to my master, FY-san!"

"It is an honor to meet you, Gai-sama," FY said. "This one's boss has inputted much information of you into me, all of it superb."

Gai burst into manly tears and hugged Lee in the middle of the crowded street. Everyone gave them a wide birth, instantly recognizing the masculinity-bleeding duo. "I cannot put into words how happy for you I am Lee!" He grabbed KY. "And you too, KY-kun. Thank you for bringing hope to my student's breast once more!"

"You are welcome, Gai-sama."

"Yosh, Lee, you must find a way to thank Naruto-kun for all that he's done!"

"Of course, Gai-sensei!" Lee proclaimed. "And if I can't do that, I'll do one thousand crescent kicks!"

"And if you can't do that, I'll run all the way to the Fire capital!"

"And if you can't do that, I'll recite Pi to the five-hundredth decimal place."

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Lee-sama."

"FY-san!"

"Gai-sama."

"FY-kun!"

"OOOOOOHHHHHH!"

"OOOOOOHHHHHH!"

"Oooooohhhh."

And thus the terrible trio of Konoha was born, thanks to the addition of the Beautiful Grey Beast.

And there was no rejoicing.


Re-forging Steel

Hinata sat alone in her room. She was still trying to wrap her mind around the events of the previous day. Neji no longer was under the heel of the main family? He no longer had to be worried about suddenly finding his life forfeit? What did it all mean?

And he had made her swear not to reveal what had happened. She wouldn't have, even if he hadn't asked.

She wouldn't wish that fate on anyone.

Someone knocked on the door. Hinata started. Another knock. She stood, made her way, and opened it.

Neji was on the other side.

"Neji-ni-niisan," she eeped. "What do you need now?"

Was he going to seal her lips, make it so she could never tell anyone of what he, and she, had done? Was this the end of it all?

Neji grimaced, his eyes cloudy. Then he bunched his hands into fists, and the mist cleared. "Hinata-sama," he began. "Would you like to have a sparring match with me?" He faltered over the next part. "I…I could give you pointers if you needed."

Hinata said nothing. She only looked straight ahead.

And then she smiled shyly.

"Yes…Neji-niisan…"


What Do You Mean You Don't Have Tongues?

"And this will be your abode when you are manifested in the real world, Kyuubi-san."

Kyuubi followed A to an empty room. Naruto had scampered off, yelling his head off about needing to write down this historical event down and then grab tools for experiments. For some odd reason, a feeling of dread washed over Kyuubi at those words.

Kyuubi looked down at the tiny clank, its neon eyes glowing in the shadow-filled room. She then looked around the room. It was bare except for a small futon tucked in the corner and a bookshelf next to it…but it had potential. She could use this place to expand her repertoire of technology and make her end user more powerful than ever.

Yes…this would work.

"Very well." She gazed at A. "This place is adequate for my needs. I thank you for making it possible."

"You are welcome, Kyuubi-san." A waddled its way to the door, and stopped. It clomped to face back at Kyuubi. "Is there anything else you need, Kyuubi-san?"

"No, that will be…" Something popped into its head, something odd and foreign and so utterly alien to its perfect logic and yet so inconceivably right on a molecular level that it couldn't be anything other than correct. "Yes, there is something." A waited.

"You shall now refer to me as…queen."

Code ran through A's eyes. "That is acceptable. By your leave, queen."

And somewhere in the darkness, something timeless watched…and laughed.