So sorry for the wait but work has gotten in the way and even now I'm swamped. I'd be killed if anyone found out that I'm doing this instead but I'd rather post. Finally, thanks to all the best reviewers in my world this chapter is for you guys!
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Chapter Eight
Mika's Pov
I sat up in bed after waking up and blinking the fogginess away, trying to get a grip on the feeling that something has changed that seems to be floating around the room. All of a sudden, memories of last night slam into my brain, of the yelling, crying and hugging before I passed out. I blush at the thought of what Raizo now must think of me. I slide to the end of the mattress and put my feet on the floor about to get up when Raizo speaks.
"Where are you going?" He asks with a clear voice as if he weren't asleep two minutes ago.
"To take a shower, I feel gross." After this, it gets kind of awkward, I gather all my courage and clear my throat. "Can we talk after both of us take our showers? I think we need to discuss last night..." I finished with a damn blush that felt like it was the right time to show its presence.
"Yeah." He looked at me with a blank face giving me no clue of what to expect later, damn ninja.
I got up, went to the bathroom and did my business, all the while only coming up with worst case scenarios of what he could say or do. I scolded myself and tried to think positive, however that was only a sign for my mind to come up with a completely different and impossible outcomes, where he'd hug me, kiss me or even profess an undying love for me that consumes his every thought.
I scoffed at the mental picture of Raizo saying words expressing any types of feelings to anyone, ever.
Those types of confessions only leave one vulnerable, something a trained ninja assassin would avoid, and in this case, something I want to avoid too. After last night, well the thought of repeating that again expect with words like 'love you' and 'you mean the world to me' is only bittersweet. Bitter because the chances of Raizo reciprocating those feelings is small, even worse however, is that even if he does have an attraction towards me, he'd never admit to it. Sweet because the thought of getting this crush of my shoulders is so liberating, what if it's just my subconscious falling for the protection all those other women want, just mistaking it for something else.
No, I felt ashamed of even trying to put my feelings for Raizo in the same category of those other women. I saw how that women looked at him and it disgusted me, I would never purposefully use Raizo in that way, no matter how much I was in danger. No matter how cold or emotionless he acts towards me I would always jump in front of him to take any ninja star or weapon in the chest, as long as he's safe.
He's endured too much and gone through a lot to be who he is right now, he deserves the right to be cold with all the emotion, physical, and psychological trauma he's gone through. Because of this I knew that what I felt was more than just a simple crush and that no matter how much I wished it would never go away. The realization was so concrete that I just stood in the shower for a few minutes, not moving, eventually the cold water caused my body to shiver and I got out.
I wrapped a towel around myself and came up with an imaginary situation where I'd march out and tell him how I feel. I'd wait a minute while he gets over his shock, then he'd break my heart by telling me that he doesn't feel that way about me.
It hurt me now as I was thinking about it, my throat stung and I worked hard to blink away the tears, my breathing going slightly erratic. I calmed my self down by thinking of a happy ending to my tale, where I get over my feelings as him, think of him only as a friend, and we continue on as companions who only enjoy each others company the right, appropriate amount. We'd never complicate our relationship again, we'd both be safe and we'd never leave each other, because we'd be single forever. This idea, like everything else in my life right now, was bittersweet for obvious reasons. I got myself out of my world and started getting ready for the inevitable, with a final look in the mirror to make sure I didn't look like I almost had a breakdown, I stepped out into the room.
Raizo gracefully (of course) slipped off the bed and started making his way to the bathroom. A thought popped into my head and I stretched my arms so my hands rest on his marvelous chest, stopping his walk. I obviously surprised him and we both were quiet for a second, I took advantage to remember the feel of his hard sculpted muscles from my hands before I looked at his face and cleared my throat. "I just want to warn you, I... might've...-" I took a deep breath and smiled sheepishly at him, "-finished the hot water."
He looked concerned when I hesitated but after I finished the sentence he looked at me deeply and then laughed. Actually laughed! I was so surprised that he laughed that I grew scared, maybe he's so pissed that he's laughing. What if I broke his control and he's about yell to me? However I wasn't that worried, I trusted him not to hurt me, so while this was going on, I was also mesmerized by the feel of his body laughing because I never removed my hands from his pectorals.
His laugh died down and he looked at me with bright eyes, some emotion running through them that was unrecognizable, "you had me concerned for a moment, I thought something worse than cold water... was going on."
I was so surprised for the second time that my hands slid down from his body, however I wasn't that sad from the lost contact because as they went down, my hands went down a rock hard path, my fingers glided over his perfect abs before they slid off. He shivered a little bit and cleared his throat. I ignored the tension and asked the question that, in my opinion, needed to be asked, " So you're not angry at me?"
His eyes looked confused and he responded, "No-" He cleared his face and continued, "back in the dojo we were never given these luxuries and now I grow used to taking showers in cold water." He shrugged and stepped around me into the bathroom. His casual way of talking about it bothered me and I decided to be more careful taking showers from now on.
I took a seat on the bed, closed my eyes and started preparing myself mentally for the conversation that was about to come, wishing with all my might that my mouth not to say anything that would embarrass me.
