Clare and I took off toward class. She had math, and I had French, but they were in the same general vicinity. Everything was going rather smoothly-much better than I had anticipated. The conversation stayed light, flirty, but it was nice. Things between us felt fresh again, but to insinuate that things with Clare had ever been dull would be completely ludicrous.
I'd like to say that this is where the story ends, that Clare and I skipped blissfully toward class and lived happily-ever-after, but this is me we're talking about. So no. (Plus, I don't skip. Ever. I also don't frolic or prance, just in case you were wondering. Then again, I was wearing khaki pants that day, so Hell must've frozen over, and I guess there was no telling what kind of shit was going to go down.)
It wasn't long before the comments started up again. You could say a lot of things about the students of Degrassi, but I'll be damned if they weren't persistent. Kids-some I'd never even seen before-passed me in the hallways, yelling things like:
"That's him. That's the asshole who got us into these uniforms!"
"I hope you're happy!"
"Too bad Fitz has shit aim!" (That one stung more than I'd like to admit.)
"I didn't think goth kids were in gangs. I thought cults were more your style."
"I heard you peed. Did you really pee? Cause that's pretty hilarious if you did." (The always tactful Owen, ladies and gentlemen)
I kept a poker face, ignoring every comment thrown at me. Adam was right. They just needed someone to blame. This would all blow over. People would get over it, find someone else to bitch at. It was my first day back. I had to expect some sort of backlash. This was just a phase. I hoped.
And for the record, I did not pee myself.
While all this was going on, Clare stayed by my side, sending dirty looks to the people as they passed. I'd always pegged her for the sweet type, but man, if looks could kill…
"How can people be so cruel? They don't know what happened," She whispered to me.
"Its okay, Clare. It doesn't bother me. Don't let it bother you," I forced a smile, an attempt at reassurance.
The comments continued as we navigated ourselves through the halls toward our next class, but the comments I could handle. The rumors I could handle. The aftermath I could handle. But as we turned the corner down The Hallway, Clare and I both stopped for a moment. I looked over at her before I continued walking, trying to stay calm.
Though there was always this constant air of comfort and familiarity surrounding Clare, the whole scene now felt rather tense. Like when you're speaking to someone whose just suffered a death in the family or a bad breakup, and you're not sure if you should bring it up or talk about everything else you can possibly think of until you're rambling about Morty's faulty transmission and hyperbolas and sea stars and green beans. Kind of like that.
We'd reached The Corner. Neither of us dared glance in its direction. We didn't look for the mark that the knife had left in the wall instead of me, but we knew it was there. And that was enough.
It was enough to trigger the panic I felt as Fitz backed me up against the wall. The pressing on my spine as I tried to keep as much distance between me and knife as possible. The feeling of my muscles giving up, accepting death as my brain realized he wasn't going to stab me. The defeat I conceded as the wall rose triumphantly behind me, the ground growing nearer until I was a heap on the floor.
"Eli?" Clare said quietly.
I realized I had stopped walking at some point and must've looked rather odd standing in the hallway, staring ahead at the doors. Doors that could've solved a lot of problems. But it started before those doors.
It started with a parking space, then a broken hood ornament, a blocked punch, an insincere apology, a kick to the nards, a scheme, a fake ID, a split lip, a false lead, a bullied best friend, another split lip, another kick to the nards, another false lead, an evil deal, a bottle of revenge, another insincere apology, a switched drink cup, a violent upchuck, a pocket knife, a panicked warning and then the doors. It came down to the doors.
Always the doors.
The doors I turned down, deciding confrontation was a better idea. I had ignored the doors, and they hated me for it.
"Eli?" She said again.
"I'm fine." I forced another smile.
Clare pushed open the doors, the ones I should have ran through that night, and I walked through them. A weight fell off my back and rolled into the hallway behind me. It would be back, but I didn't feel like worrying about that right then.
"Let's take the other way tomorrow. Sound good?" I said, trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing. Self-pity was only okay in my head.
Clare nodded and slowed to a stop as we approached her math class.
"Coffee after school?" I asked, a quick and welcome change in subject.
"It's a date." Clare called as she headed into the classroom.
