Aha! It's chapter two. Now, this is where it gets really out of control. But please do enjoy. Thanks for all your lovely reviews – you really made my day! Oh, and another thanks to Chaos and Mayhem for beta-ing this chapter!

Chapter II

"You can't be serious!" Jack said in horror, his face paling.

"Oh, but I am." smirked Barbossa, unable to restrain a wicked cackle of amusement.

Pintel and Ragetti doubled over in laughter, tears starting to slip from their scrunched up eyes.

Jack scowled and snarled, before he turned his nose up and huffed, crossing his arms. "Never, ever am I going to be seen in that atrocious garment. I'd rather shave off all me hair than wear that- that - thing!"

"Well, we're goin' to have to cut off some of yer hair anyways, Jack," chuckled Barbossa. "'Else yer tangle of dreadlocks is goin' ter show under this pretty wig ye'll be wearin'." With an evil grin, Barbossa held up a wig of long, wavy ebony hair and tossed it into Jack's face.

Jack shrieked as it fell on his face and tickled his skin menacingly, tearing it off him and throwing it away in disgust as if it was a plague-ridden rat. He staggered back and shook his head as Barbossa threw back his head and laughed.

"You can't do this to me!" Jack protested. "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow! Please, I'm begging you to spare me from this overwhelming humiliation, Hector!" He fell to his knees and shuffled over to Barbossa with his hands together, pleading. The old captain blinked in alarm at the desperation in Jack's wide brown eyes. But he shook his head nonetheless.

"Nay, Jack. Yer know yer the only candidate fer the role. Would yer rather one of 'em put on that frilly frock?" Here he jabbed his head in the direction of Pintel and Ragetti, whose laughter slowly subsided into uneasy looks of fear.

"We already been in ladies' clothes before!" cried Pintel, his yellow eyes wide.

"Yeah, when we was still cursed 'n all," nodded Ragetti in agreement. "When we had to trick them marines on The Dauntless."

"And yer know we wasn't any help to yer, Captain" said Pintel.

"Looked nice though." shrugged Ragetti, who then shrunk under Pintel's glare.

"And it's not as if I would be wearin' that dress," said Barbossa. He smirked and tilted his head smugly. "I be far too imposin' and manly to be wearin' something like that."

"Not to mention you'd be so ugly that the guards would faint at the mere sight of you," piped up Jack, getting to his feet. "That might actually be better; you could sneak in, scare the living daylights out of everyone and-"

He was cut off as Barbossa snarled and cuffed him around the head, Jack ducking as the blow missed.

"No offence, mate" said Jack with a weak grin. Then the fear returned to him as he gazed at the innocent dress as it was a deadly beast. "But, why me?"

"Fer a start, ye could easily pass as a lady if ye were clean-shaven," smirked Barbossa. "What with those dainty hands and big brown eyes." Barbossa batted his eyelashes (if he had any) at Jack tauntingly.

Jack wrinkled his nose and scowled. "Not true!"

"Is so!"

"Is not!"

"Well how about that fancy swagger of yer's," smirked Barbossa. "The way yer swish yer hips as ye strut about. If that ain't feminine, then I'm a monkey's uncle." He cackled again, and the other two pirates sniggered in agreement.

Jack's lips twisted as he snarled, anger welling up inside as his pride was jabbed at with sharp cruel taunts. Then his shoulders slumped sadly; was that really what people thought of him? That he wasn't a dashing, charming and roguishly handsome pirate, and instead was a silly, feminine eunuch?

"Technically you are a monkey's uncle" Jack muttered darkly when the monkey that shared his name scampered onto Barbossa's shoulder. But the captain didn't seemed to have heard him.

"So, we have an accord?" Barbossa smirked, wiping a tear from his blue eye.

Jack twisted his fingers around distractedly. "Swear that you won't tell a soul about this embarrassing affair."

"I swear" nodded Barbossa.

"Fine then" sighed Jack, snatching the dress from Barbossa's clutches and walking behind the wooden screen he had in the far corner of the cabin.

"I'd rather … change, alone and away from your comments" Jack snarled. He heard a few sniggers as the other three pirates left him to change, and cursed them all one hundred times.

**

He stared long and hard at the dress before him. It was soft and smooth in his hands, a dark, seductive red like the colour of blood on a vampire's lips. He remembered Elizabeth in this dress, and then how she'd stripped off till she was in naught but a simple white undergarment. He was surprised it was still on his ship, as he'd never come across it since becoming captain of the Pearl again. He wondered where Barbossa found it, or was hiding it, all this time.

As he took off his weaponry, his coat and hat, then slipped out of his torn tunic shirt and rough trousers, he shuddered. The word "why" was all he could think about. Why was he cursed to wear this infernal thing? Why couldn't there be another alternative? Why was there no rum around when he needed it most?

After much cringing and wincing, he slipped into the dress and instantly felt like a fool. If Jack had any dignity before, it was all but gone now. He dared not look at himself in the mirror, afraid at the nightmare he'd seen reflected before him. He simply couldn't bear it. But he risked a brief look down at himself.

Jack was very alarmed that the dress seemed to fit him fine. Did that mean he had a similar figure to Elizabeth? He shuddered again.

His boots poked out from under the rippling material, so he pulled them off and found his feet hidden under the dress. He didn't fill up the chest, so he guessed he would have to pad that area out to make his disguise more convincing. He then groaned weakly and the thought of having to pretend to have female anatomy.

He jumped when the cabin doors opened and he heard Barbossa stride in. "Oh, Jack?" he sung tauntingly. "Are ye ready to come out?"

Jack took in a huge gulp of air to steady himself. Bloody hell, he couldn't go out there! His heart smashed against his ribs as the heat rushed up like the breath of a volcano to his face. He thought he was going to be sick.

"I-I don't think so, mate" Jack stammered.

"Pull yerself together!" he heard Barbossa snarl. "Are ye a man, or are you the lady ye disguised as? If ye don't come out, I'll just pull that screen down."

"Alright, alright!" snapped Jack, sighing.

He cautiously peered around the screen, and saw Barbossa standing there with his arms folded over his chest, his face serious. Jack then stepped out and revealed his disguise.

There was a long awkward moment. Then Barbossa's eyes widened and he snickered, shaking his head.

Jack moaned and hid his face behind his hands.

Barbossa's laughter died away. "Ye might not believe this, Jack, but ye don't look too bad."

"And I'm the Queen of Sheba." Jack growled.

"Nay!" cried Barbossa stepping forward. "It actually suits yer a little. The colour compliments yer skin tone, as it were."

"Shut it" Jack said bluntly.

"Fine, fine" said Barbossa, smirking.