OMG! I've neglected this story for ages! But I have returned,! And I can honestly say I have missed the POTC fandom; you guys are a lot nicer than the other fandoms I've been exploring recently *grumbles incoherently* I promise to update more frequently now. So, onwards with the next ,belated chapter!

Chapter III

"Now," said Barbossa, gleefully rubbing his dry hands together. "Ready for the next step?"

Jack recoiled a little from the old captain. That impious glint in his dead eyes was rather disturbing. He seemed to be thoroughly enjoying tormenting Jack. Stranger still, he seemed to be enjoying the whole dressing-up-like-a-lady act. Jack half wished that when he shot the bastard that he stayed dead.

"Go on then," Jack snarled. "Do your worst."

"With pleasure" Barbossa replied, and with a lighting-fast action his hand darted out and grasped Jack's dreadlocks.

Jack yelped in pain as the old pirate's coarse fingers yanked at his hair, his scalp screaming in protest. He spluttered a volley of curses as Barbossa crossed the room and pulled him staggeringly along with him.

"What the bloody hell are you doing!" Jack yelled, trying to twist his head out of Barbossa's firm grip.

Barbossa ignored him and shoved him forward, and Jack stumbled forward and collapsed into a chair so hard that it tilted back dangerously before jerking back upright again. Jack was about to stand up when Barbossa roughly prodded him in the chest and made him fall back into his seat.

"Sit down," Barbossa ordered, hobbling over to a cabinet on the other side of the room. "And stay there."

"Since when did you 'ave the right to tell me what to do?" Jack growled, a hand flying to his hip where a sword used to hang. He was disappointed when his fingers only met the silken fabric of the dress he was wearing, and he scowled in frustration. Where was a weapon when you needed it?
"Since yer signed up fer this assignment," Barbossa replied, turning back round with a pair of scissors gleaming wickedly in the half-light like the scythe of the grim reaper, ready to announce judgement on hair follicles.

Jack's face fell in horror and he paled. "I changed me mind, mate! Surely there must be another way around this tricky mess; maybe we could turn the Pearl around and come back later, eh?"

"Ah, just yer trap," Barbossa growled, striding around the back of the chair. The scissors clicked threateningly, like the mandibles of a beetle. "Now, 'old still."

A bead of sweat slipped down Jack's forehead, his chest rising and falling sharply. The metal shears crept closer and a ray of light flashed over the blades. The tip touched his hair and-
"I can't do this!" Jack shrieked, leaping to his feet and dashing across the room as if the devil himself and itself was upon him. He tripped over the hem of the dress and smacked face first to the floor, but didn't hesitate to push himself up again and run towards the door. He hurdled straight at it and crashed into the wooden surface, the door jerking forward at the impact but refusing to open.

"Let me out!" Jack yelled, hammering his fists on the wood and his sweaty hands scrabbling and slipping over the door handles. "Open up! Let me out!"
A huge shadow stretched over him, blocking out the light. Jack froze and very slowly turned his head round, glancing out of the corner of his eye.
Barbossa towered over him, hands on his hips and his dead eyes glaring down at him and seemingly through his very soul. His face was all in shadow but the light of the cabin blazed around him, his hat huge and proud on his head.

"Yer not going anywhere" he said in a low grating voice, leaning in with his eyes blazing.
Jack shrunk under his gaze and his brown eyes grew huge within their sockets. Barbossa's hand stretched out for him, and Jack screamed again.
Outside on deck, Pintel and Ragetti were hovering outside the Captain's cabin, Ragetti adding the finishing touches to his new wooden eye as he carefully scrapped at it with a knife.
"How long are they gonna be in there?" Pintel huffed.
"Dunno," Ragetti shrugged. "I wonders what's takin' em so long?"
A sudden thud rocked the ship and the two pirates were thrown off their feet with yelps of suprise. Ragetti's eye slipped from his fingers and scuttled across the deck, rolling down a hole in the deck and out of sight.
"Me eye!" Ragetti wailed.
Pintel got to his feet with a grumble and looked at the Captain's cabin. His eyebrows rose as a muffled "NOO!" came from within, followed by a few disturbing thuds and grunts. The other crew members paused in their work to stare at the doors with mouths agape and eyes pulled wide.
"Please Hector, stop!" came Jack's shriek.
"Stop movin' around!" was Barbossa's growled reply. "Or I'll have ter tie yer down!"

"Get off me!" Jack snarled. Another collection of odd noises followed.
Pintel and Ragetti turned very slowly to look at each other. No words were exchanged but they knew exactly what the other was thinking.
"Could they be…?" Ragetti spluttered, leaving his sentence hanging in the air. His visible eye was huge and his tongue moved about his mouth as if he had just tasted something disgusting.
Pintel was silent for a few seconds. Then he let out a short laugh and said "Nah. They, they couldn't…" he froze and wrinkled his nose. "Roight?"
They both turned to look back at the doors and found that the noises had stopped. They heard Barbossa sigh and his tired voice. "There, it's done."

The crew were still paralysed, some swaying in mid air just by a rope, some with a sodden rag clenched in their hands and dribbling water onto the wood, others with a foot half-way to the floor and frozen as if playing musical statues.
Gibbs shook himself with a grunt, his jowls quivering, a took a swig of rum. "Alright, lads, get back to work!" he barked, and as if waking up from a spell the crew snapped back into action. Gibbs shivered again and took another long gulp from his hipflask.
Meanwhile, back inside the Captain's cabin, Jack was on his knees and bending over a mound of glossy black hair, the trinkets and beads that were sewn into it gleaming inside the sea of ebony like jewels from a magpie's nest. Jack scooped up a few strands with softly shaking hands and let them fall through his fingers.
"A life time's worth of memories" he murmured. It was going to take an awfully long time to grow his hair back to his original length, and twice as long to sew each bead back in its rightful place. He sighed and stood up again, wheeling round to face Barbossa, his dark eyes flashing like lightning. "Never, ever, are you gonna do that to me again. And this plan of yours had better work, or I'll, I'll…" He snarled and jabbed a finger between the grizzled old captain's eyes. "Your not immortal anymore, mate. So just you watch your back."

Barbossa grunted, unperturbed. "Whatever yer say, Jack." He limped off and muttered under his breath "All this fuss over a haircut."

Jack stooped down and picked out each bead and jewel and trinket and put them in a drawer for safe keeping. He saw a silver plate nearby and snatched it up, staring at his reflection. It was like a stranger was staring back at him. His face was the same, but the short, spiky black locks were a foreign and unwelcome look. He gingerly touched a tuft of it. "I don't like it" he grumbled.
"Yer gotta sort out yer beard too" Barbossa pointed out.
"I can do that meslef!" Jack growled.

A few minutes later, Jack was stroking his bare chin with a frown on his face. All of this wasn't right. In a way, he felt like he was a youth again, with his dreadlocks yet to be formed and the first sprinkle of stubble sprouting on his face.

"Here" Barbossa said, and tossed that dreaded ladies wig at him. Scowling, Jack snatched it out of the hair and regarded it with distain. Honestly, the lengths a pirate had to go through for the sake of immortality were ridiculous. Why couldn't these ancient treasures be easier to obtain? Why couldn't people leave them in a simple, curse-free place with a sign saying "Here's the reward, do what you want with it, have a nice day"?
"Put it on," Barbossa said. "And be quick about it. Time's running short and we've got an adventure ahead."

Sorry if my writing wasn't up to the best standard but I was kind of in a rush when I wrote this. Honestly, I think this is the weirdest fanfiction I've ever written…but it's also been the funnest! There's only one more chapter of torture and then the real adventure begins! Apologies for the extremely slow update, but next time it will be faster.