Ah August air! The breeze felt so great as though it was actually fall, but it wasn't. Not yet. It was only August. The air was cool and it felt amazing. Tomorrow is school. I thought grumpily. High school.
Yeah I know I'm confusing you. My summer was boring even though it could be considered the summer of love… Just kidding. As if my summer could be romantic. I have always had romantic issues. For one I don't believe in love. Two I can't even get a guy to like me. And three I fear rejection. Okay getting off track. During summer I actually hung out with Shikamaru more. Unfortunately the last thing I heard from Shikamaru is that he had great news. Then he had to go home and I still don't know what it was because the next day started my high school cheerleading career. Every day of that month, July, I had cheer practice and also a week of cheer camp. Ugh. Even cheerleaders hate cheer camp.
As I was saying Shikamaru and I have gotten closer, but it's going to have to end because I will be starting, I shuddered, high school and he, being a year younger, will be going to 8th grade. So, I will have no time to spend with him. Great news though. About a week after Shikamaru and I had that embarrassing moment, which we still haven't discussed, he broke up with Ino! I know I sound like such a bitch.
Other than my relationship with Shika, my summer practically sucked. The drama between both households got worse. My parents are fighting each other using Facebook! Can you believe that? It's so absolutely ridiculous. They can't stop trash talking each other, including my dad's girlfriend and my mom's husband (I hate calling him my stepdad), in front of Gaara and I, but they have to include Facebook. It didn't seem like they were trash talking each other because they never fully addressed that they were talking about the other person (because that would be used against them in court), but they were making references that was so obvious a blonde could understand it.
But I must not dwell on the past because as I said and shall remind you again, tomorrow is school and I must look to the future and the Hell it beholds. High school is going to S.U.C.K.! Can't wait (sarcasm).
Ring! Shit. I cursed to myself as the bell that told me I was late rang. Thanks mom. She just had to insist on driving me to school on my first day when the traffic was Hell. I spotted a huge crowd in the common's area of our school. I spotted Ino and walked to her.
"What's going on?" I asked her.
"We have to get a purple schedule." I nodded and waited in the s line to get my schedule.
"I'm guessing that were not late since it's the first day of school." Ino nodded and said goodbye because her class was on the first floor. I walked up the stairs to the second and down the hallway. Finally finding it I walked in. The class was half empty. I picked an empty seat next to Sakura and Hinata who were also in my class. Thank god I won't be with people I don't know.
"What's up Temari?" Hinata asked shyly.
"Nothing much seeing as I saw both of y'all yesterday at cheer practice." I smiled. We then continued chatting to ourselves while other students that were caught up in the traffic walked in. I felt the pressure of someone sitting on my desk and I turned around ready to tell them off, but stared shocked.
"Hey Temari. Long time no see." I just stared at him.
"Shi-shika? What are you doing here?" He gave me a smirk.
"I accidentally went to the wrong school. Instead of going to Konoha Middle School I walked into Konoha High School. I'm just sitting here acting like nothing's wrong." I rolled my eyes. Damn him and his sarcasm.
"Seriously." He sighed.
"You're no fun. I took some placement test thing and skipped a grade. Guess I'm too smart for 8th grade." I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped to the floor. He skipped a grade? Not possible.
"No fucking way." I just stared at him, still in shock.
"Temari?" He asked while waving a hand in front of my face. I shook my head and smiled.
"That's so cool. Now we get to hang out more." I gave him a little hug, but was interrupted by someone clearing their throat.
"Just because your boyfriend is smart and is in our class doesn't mean you get to ignore us." I glared at Sakura.
"He isn't my boyfriend." Sakura rolled her eyes and turned back to Hinata.
"Could've fooled me."
"Just ignore her. I've missed you." He got off my desk and sat in another right next to mine and leaned on the desk lazily.
"It's been a month."
"So? It's still been a while. I'm guessing this is the good news you wanted to tell me." He nodded and I smiled. "It is good news and a surprise." He nodded and opened his mouth to say something, something important by his serious face, but he was interrupted by the teacher.
Guess it'll have to wait.
Ring! Lunchtime. Second period I said goodbye to Shikamaru and Hinata and went to my next class, on the third floor, with Sakura, who was also in that one. It was English, Pre-AP. All of my classes were. Then third period was on the first floor. Sakura and I had classes on the first floor, right across the hallway. It was one of my electives, Graphic Design. It's kind of a logo/art/computer class.
Now it was lunch and everyone on the first floor for third period had third lunch. I was starving. Sakura and I got into the lunch line and grabbed our food. We spotted Hinata, who had band, and we all sat together at a round table with four seats.
Unfortunately Hinata told us that band was going to get their students to have first lunch, meaning that Hinata wouldn't have this lunch with us after today. So it was practically Sakura and I all day.
"How was everyone's day so far?" I asked trying to start a conversation because the silence was annoying me.
"What do you mean everyone when there are only three of us Temari?" Sakura asked as I shrugged.
"You know what I meant. Just answer the question." They both answered with an okay. I groaned because of their lack of socializing and announced I had to go to the bathroom. On my way I ran into Shikamaru. I didn't notice him until he stopped me. "Oh hey Shika! I didn't know you had this lunch."
"Want to hang out?" I looked back at my friends who were in a conversation not caring I was gone. I know it was an awful thing to say, but it was the truth.
"Sure." So I allowed Shikamaru to drag me to one of the couches in the common's area. We sat there and talked about July and school and all that jazz. I hated to admit it, but I missed not being able to see him, even though during the school year I never really saw him, only once in a while when we would walk to school. You like him. I didn't deny it, but the only reason I wouldn't tell him is my fear of rejection.
"And it was totally retarde-"
"Hey Temari?" He interrupted me midsentence, which kind of irked me.
"Yes?" He fidgeted with his shirt, which was tucked in because of our stupid dress code. He looked up at me and finally opened his mouth.
"I can't stop thinking about that time in school when we were hiding from Ino and we were really close." I gulped. I didn't want to talk about this. It was embarrassing. "I was wondering what you thought about it. I know it was embarrassing, but was that the only thing you thought about it?" He seemed really shy and if it weren't for our subject I would've thought it was cute.
"Um well… It was embarrassing and all, but-" Ring! Saved by the bell. "I have to go Shika." I stood to leave, but he grabbed my wrist.
"You don't have to go. You can skip. It's only that 'Drop Everything And Read' (a.k.a. DEAR time) thing. You can skip." I watched everyone walking back to their classes and even spotted the pink hair, who was probably wondering where I was (or not) going to hers. I looked back at Shikamaru who had pleading eyes.
"Fine."I sat back down and we waited for the noise to calm down. The bell rang again and it was just the two of us, sitting quietly on the couches.
"So?" I looked down at my shoes while Shikamaru grew anxious to know my answer.
"I don't know what I was feeling besides embarrassment. What were you feeling?" Take that Shikamaru. I smartly turned the situation back at him.
"Same here."
Silence. Silence. More silence. Cricket chirp. How there was a cricket in the school I had no idea. I looked back at Shikamaru who had a slight pink tint on his cheek. Aww. Cute. Well I should say cuter because he was already cute. He looked up at me and we stared into each other's eyes. I averted my eyes for a second as I plushed. He leaned closer and I froze. I blushed deeper. His face was slowly getting closer and I noticed I was leaning in also. Stop body. Damn it. My body was being control by my heart and hormones, again. It wouldn't listen to my brain. Wait! This is oddly familiar. Shit… Realization dawned on me. This was just like the time when we almost kissed. We were centimeters apart. I could feel the warmth of his breath on my lips. I was about to touch his lips with mine when I suddenly jerked away. Too awkward. I didn't look at him again as I grabbed my stuff (making sure to grab both bags) and left quickly. I went into the bathroom, my first destination, and stared into the mirror. There was that blush that loved to torture me. I didn't leave until the bell rang.
After cheer practice I walked home. I was tired from the long boring first day and the exhausting cheer practice. The walk was peaceful and was cheering me up, that was until I got home. Right when I walk through the door my mom has some good news.
"You're going to see Kurenai!"
Kurenai was my counselor. The only reason I was going to the counselor was for the divorce situation, but that wasn't how I started going. I remember that night as clearly as my short-term memory allows me to. I had walked into my mother's room with my dark secret burning inside, forcing me to spill. I had kept it inside, but it was killing me.
I had sat in her room for minutes and every time I opened my mouth, nothing came out. She joked and asked me if I texting her would be faster. I shook my head, still unable to use my words. She waited patiently as I found my voice. "I- I c-cut myself." The weight lifted off my shoulders once those words were uttered. I felt great finally getting it off my chest. My mother broke down and said that she thinks I should see a counselor, but it wasn't just because of this. It was to help me handle the divorce.
That was how the counselor idea got to be. Now I go every other week and I didn't like it. I liked Kurenai, but the sessions didn't help me deal with all the issues going on. In fact I was feeling a lot better now than I did when I had cut myself. But to get the stories straight I didn't cut myself because I was upset. You could say it was peer pressure.
This girl at my school, who was a very cheerful person, cut herself. She would sketch designs into her arm. You could say I had wanted to try it. Which is what I did. Twice. Once at my dad's I saw this sharp thing and tried it. It wasn't very deep. The second time I was at my mom's and I used a kitchen knife. It still wasn't deep so nothing fatal. That was why I wanted the gloves. That and they were stylish. I didn't cut myself because I was depressed, even though I was upset, I did it because everyone at school was doing. I gave into peer pressure and I'm still ashamed of it.
To this day I'm pretty sure my dad doesn't know that I had cut myself. Only few people know of it: my mom, Kurenai, Sakura, Hinata, and Tenten. I never got around to telling anyone. I couldn't. When I think of it I feel horrible like I did something bad. And everytime I go see Kurenai it reminds me of the choice I made.
"I hate going to the counselor. It makes me feel like I have issues." I tell this to my mom every time and she tells me otherwise.
"You're going and that's it." I want to tell her that when I go I think of the reason why and it doesn't help me get over it.
If only she knew.
A/N: Yay my longest chapter. Enjoy please.
