I sat on the roof listening to the soft chirp of whatever bird was nearby and the whistling of the wind. I looked up to see the most beautiful clouds ever. There were so many and they were all white and puffy with some stringy ones in front of them, making it look layered and painted. I sighed and relaxed onto my back. I felt the heat radiating onto my face. It was peaceful, that was until someone decided to bother me.
"Hey." I groaned.
"What do you want Shikamaru? I'm relaxing." I closed my eyes trying to get somewhat relaxed, but it wasn't working very well because I could feel his presence in my bubble.
"I just wanted to hang out and watch the clouds with you." He laid beside me, putting his hands behind his head forming a makeshift pillow. I opened an eye and peeked at him. He was staring up at the clouds intently, the sleepiness evident on his face, with his half closed eyes.
We sat in quiet, enjoying the peace. I listened for the churping of the birds, or the sound of leaves rustling, but the wind had stopped and the birds must have flown away. I was stuck with the quiet. Luckily this was a nice, not awkward silence. I stared up at the clouds, marveling in their beauty. Even though I preferred stars, because they were sparkly and more relaxing, the clouds were just as nice. I looked at the horizon and noticed a pinkish tint to the clouds.
"What time is it?" I asked. Shikamaru pulled out his phone.
"Almost seven." I nodded and went back to the clouds letting my mind wander. If only I was as pretty as a cloud. Or if my life was simple like a cloud. Then I wouldn't have to stress over everything. I could be a normal girl with normal school problems and normal friends and a boyfriend… Boyfriends are overrated. Now everyone's having sex and I haven't even made out with a guy yet. I have a kiss, but never really got that tongue action. I laughed out loud at my own thought. Tongue action. Funny words.
"Are you okay?" I looked over at Shikamaru who was staring at me like I was crazy. I just remember I had laughed randomly.
"Yeah just a funny thought popped into my head." He raised his eyebrow quizzically at my explanation.
"What was it?" I stared at him, my cheeks heating up a tiny bit.
"Nothing, just something that happened earlier. Nothing important." I couldn't tell him then it would bring back thoughts of our incidents. I really needed to ask him about that. "Hey Shika?" He didn't turn away from his clouds.
"Hm?"
"We need to talk." He looked at me, his face almost as serious as mine. I sat up and he followed suit. "It's about that time- well those times- that we were hanging out and then we just- What did we do or almost do?" He looked kind of confused, but I knew he wasn't. I knew he knew exactly what I was talking about because he was a genius and could probably remember more than I could.
"What are you talking about?" He tried to sound like he didn't know what I was talking about, but I knew he knew.
"I know you know what I'm talking about. Stop ignoring it and tell me already." His chest rose and fell as he sighed. I looked up at his face and it had one of hesitance.
"Fine troublesome woman." I rolled my eyes and chose not to lecture him on that statement. "I guess I was going to kiss you." He was staring at me straight in my eyes and I felt a little uncomfortable.
"You guess? Would you kiss back if I kissed you?" His eyes left mine and he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.
"Probably." Typical Shikamaru statement. I put my hand on his and he looked back at me. I leaned in and whispered in his ear.
"Well if you kissed me I wouldn't mind it." I moved away and gave him a little smile. "Well… Bye Shikamaru." I said before walking over to the window and climbing inside. Before I fully shut my window I caught sight of his dumbfounded expression. I giggled.
"Troublesome woman." He muttered as he stood up. I moved away from the window and went over to my bed, collapsing on it from exhaustion. I stared at a picture I had near my bed. It was an old one of my whole family, Gaara, Kankuro, my mother, my father, and me, standing outside of my grandparents house. In the picture it was snowing, which was rare in Suna, and we all looked happy. My whole family. I would never be able to say that anymore. Whole. The problem was we weren't whole and we would never be ever again.
The thought depressed me. I turned away from that one and looked at another picture by my bed. It was of the Konoha Middle School cheerleading competition squad. The first and only competition squad there will be at that school. Last year I thought. That was the best year. It was my first to compete and the squad was like my family. Cheerleading was my life and I loved it.
That was until this year. High school cheerleading. I knew I wasn't going to like high school and it was true. I didn't like it and the cheerleading drama wasn't helping. Seniority sucked and everything about being on JV, the underdogs, was worse. We were at the bottom of the food chain.
I groaned and rolled over on my bed. Placing my arm over my eyes I let silent tears slip out. Everything in my life was taking a toll on me and I was just waiting for the day, that one day, when I would crack. I would crack and it wasn't going to be pretty. The day that happened would be my last day on earth. I was going to eventually crack with all the stress, drama, and other crap my life was and I would take my life. I knew it was going to happen.
I heard a soft knock on my window. Slowly getting up as I wiped my tears I made my way to the window. Shikamaru sat on the roof outside staring at me. I opened the window. "Yes?" I asked him.
"Are you okay?" He looked worried, but I didn't care. I wasn't going to tell him my problems anytime soon. I wasn't going to tell him what was wrong because then he would think differently of me. He wouldn't see me as myself, but some crazy, lunatic that had too many issues. I forced a smile on my face.
"Yeah why do you ask?" He shifted uncomfortably and avoided my eyes.
"I heard you crying." I stiffened. I hadn't realized my silent tears had turned into full out slobs. I shook my head, denying his statement.
"I wasn't crying. You're probably hearing things." He motioned for me to move and after I did he climbed through my window and took a seat on my bed.
"Temari." His face was serious again. I stood there awkwardly.
"Yes?"
"What's wrong? I know you're keeping something from me and I hate watching you slowly crumble from your sorrow." I was shocked. Not only was that the longest thing I've heard him say, but I couldn't believe it was that obvious. Maybe I was obvious, but I wasn't used to people pointing it out because my friends don't pay attention to me or even bother to care.
"I'm fine Shikamaru." I said quietly, taking a seat next to him on the bed. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders.
"I know you're not. Tell me what's wrong." I sighed and leaned on him, the exhaustion taking over my whole body. I didn't bother fighting him so I gave in. I told him everything starting with the beginning of the divorce to the end and all the school and cheerleading drama in between. And he actually listened. Instead of falling asleep, or nodding off, or pretending to listen, he actually listened.
"I'm so sorry Mari." He never used that nickname for me. My life must've been a big sob story. I moved away from him, slightly angry.
"Don't be. It has nothing to do with you and you couldn't have prevented it or saved me from the pain. You couldn't have helped me keep sanity. There wasn't a way that you could've helped eased my pain. You couldn't have stopped me from cutting myself." His eyes bulged at this confession. "I went through Hell and I don't need your sympathy. Don't act like you care about what happened to me because my friends always pretend to care, but inside they don't. None of them care what I've gone through or even know everything. So just don't." Exhausted with the outburst I collapsed onto my bed and let the tears slip.
"I didn't know Temari." He rubbed my back, trying to cheer me up, but it wasn't working. "I didn't know that you went through so much pain. I wish you would've told me. I do care about what happens to you and if you're in pain it bothers me. I can't believe you kept that all inside. I can't believe you resorted to cutting yourself." I cringed at the memory.
"Why would you care? I'm nothing but a stupid useless girl who is nothing more than a pawn in the game of life." I continued to cry into the bed until I was lifted into someone's arms. Shikamaru wrapped his arms around me in a hug and I just cried into his shoulder. "It's not fair." I mumbled into his damp shirt.
"Nothing's fair Temari. You just have to deal with it." I sighed. The tears had subsided, but I was still shaking slightly.
"I know that, but I always wonder why it has to happen to me. Why do I have to suffer from their mistakes? Sometimes I wished that I wasn't even living. I just wished that I would just go to sleep and never wake up." I felt Shikamaru's arms tighten around me. My confession must be hard for him to hear. It's not every day someone usually confesses they wished they were dead.
"You do have importance in this world. If you died a lot of people would be depressed. There are many people who would miss you." I shook my head.
"No one would miss me. Everyone would be glad that I was out of their lives. Then I wouldn't be a burden to everyone." I sighed and closed my eyes. This talk was exhausting me and I knew that Shikamaru had to go home soon. It was getting darker outside.
"I would miss you." That shocked me. He squeezed me and I only stiffened. I regained my senses and pushed away from him.
"What are you saying?" He pulled me back into a hug.
"I'm saying if you killed yourself I would miss you terribly." I wrapped my arms around his slender waist. I smiled into his shirt.
"Thank you Shikamaru." He placed his cheek on the top of my head and held me as I drifted to sleep.
I woke up groggily. My head hurt, my hair was a mess from leaving it in the ponytail holders, my eyes were crusted from dry tears, and my clothes were wrinkled massively. I looked around the room and noticed the window was opened. I stood to close it, but stumbled extremely because I was still sleepy.
Stumbling back to the bed I fell on it in pure exhaustion. Where I lay on the bed it seemed to be harder than the rest of the bed. I tried to look through the sleepy film covering my eyes. Finally being able to see, I realized I was laying on Shikamaru. I sat up and stared at him. He stayed the whole night? Why would he do that? Wanting to find an answer I reached over and shook him violently.
"Shika wake up!" I said quietly, but harshly. He stirred and looked up at me and gave a small smile.
"Good morning." I stopped shaking him and just sat there staring at him, not knowing how I should ask him.
"Shika? Why did you stay?" He sat up rubbed his eyes.
"I couldn't leave you. You were so upset. So I called my mom and told her I was staying at Choji's." I sighed and laid back down. I hate mornings. I grabbed a pillow and snuggled to it, closing my eyes and trying to go to sleep again.
"You can stay if you want or you can leave. I'm pretty sure I won't sleep long." I told him before yawning.
"Okay." The bed shifted and Shikamaru laid down near me. I smiled a little and went back to trying to get to sleep. Shikamaru's such a good friend. I smiled even wider and snuggled deeper into my pillow. This morning was turning out pretty good.
I was lucky to have a friend that cared about me, even if it was only one. "Shika?" He turned around to face me, and I opened my eyes to look at him.
"Yea?" I smiled sweetly at him.
"Thanks." He nodded and gave me a small smile before he turned away and closed his eyes. I closed mine also and tried to get to sleep. If only my friends cared half as much as Shikamaru, then I could probably really consider them friends. Well at least I have Shika. If it weren't for him, I really wouldn't have anyone who cared about me. Quietly and to myself I whispered, "Thank you Shikamaru."
Unknowing to me, Shikamaru had heard what I said and a smile graced his face. He then whispered quietly so I wouldn't hear, "I love you Temari."
And I didn't hear it.
