A/N: 'Memory Flash Backs' are in italics. This is a death story, but it has a happy ending and it will not affect any of the other one shots. This one is by itself. Tony/McGee friendship! Spoilers for Ep. Dead Man Talking and Ep. Twisted Sister. And for McGee's book, 'Deep Six'. ^_^
"It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg
The sun before the burn
The thunder before lightning
The breathe before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?"
- Glitter in the Air by P!nk
Never Gone (Memory)
Special Agent McGregor sucked in a sharp breath at the dangerous emotions broiling through him. Closing his eyes, he battled for control. Control of his mind, his thought processes and memories. Control of his body, which was very close to betraying how sick this made him feel. And last, but not least, control of his mouth and the words that were trying very hard to escape.
He thought back on all of the things that Tommy had warned him about. All of the things he'd quoted and remembered off the top of his head, hoping that it would keep his partners safe.
"When you feel that you can go no further," Tommy had announced one day in the bullpen, his voice deep and his arms spread, like he was showing McGregor the wonders of the world, "Keep going. You're only half way there."
"What the hell does that mean?" McGregor griped, not really taking time to appreciate Tommy's easy and effortless humor regarding paperwork.
Tommy had merely blinked and sat back at his desk. Later, when McGregor had finished his paperwork, he had felt slightly bad. But he had shrugged it off, practically strutting out of the bullpen as he left Tommy alone.
"Aw kid," Tommy clapped him on the shoulder with a sympathetic face, "This is just the tip of the iceberg. I got a feeling that there's a Titanic rushing towards us."
McGregor, who at the time was just a probationary agent, newly assigned to L.J. Tibbs' team, had stared at Tommy with wide eyes and asked breathlessly, "A Titanic? Like," he wet his lips nervously, "like a disaster?"
Tommy nodded seriously, staring over McGregor's shoulder at Tibbs for a moment before murmuring, "Oh yeah. This isn't going to end pretty. A regular tragedy." His eyes grew sad at the last sentence and before McGregor could question it, Tommy had already snapped back on his mask of good humor, leaving McGregor blinking and several steps behind.
"You know that warm and wonderful feeling the sun has? Yeah, it doesn't stay that way for long. Get out before you burn." Tommy warned, his eyes dark with an anger that McGregor had never seen before.
McGregor now bold with the new Director's confidence in him, replied, annoyed, "Is that so? Well, maybe I 'zigged' differently that you 'zagged'. Maybe I landed myself in a better place than you did. Did you ever think of that?"
Tommy didn't even flinch at the barbs McGregor had thrown his way. He simply stared at him with an unreadable expression on his face. Then he shook his head and barked a bitter laugh. He stared at McGregor as if he'd never seen him before, and was almost . . . disappointed . . . before replying, "Yeah. Yeah, maybe you did."
McGregor, aghast at what had transpired, had opened and closed his mouth like a dying fish as Tommy walked away from him. Tommy was a different, darker man and McGregor wasn't sure when it had happened.
McGregor gaped in shock as L.J. Tibbs and his FBI counterpart stepped into the elevator, both looking like a murder was going to occur as soon as the doors slid shut.
"Shouldn't we call someone?" He asked franticly, only to be met by Tommy's blank stare. Still feeling the urgency of the situation, McGregor elaborated, "Before they kill each other?"
"Oh that?" Tommy shrugged as he walked back to his desk, "That was just talk. That was the thunder; he had to make it big and noisy so lightning could slip right in, unnoticed and get the job done."
"Wait, I'm confused," McGregor said, throwing his hands up, "Who's the lightning? You?" He asked incredulously.
Tommy just stared at him, patience written all over his face and answered.
"He's both." The two words hung heavy in the bullpen for a moment before Tommy broke the moment, "After all, lightning and thunder come from the same source. I thought your big brain knew that!" he ended with a grin.
McGregor huffed and sat down at his desk, pretending to be irritated, but he was really thinking about what Tommy had said and how true it was.
"C'mon Tommy," McGregor muttered, glancing at his watch for the tenth time in the two minutes since he'd called the ambulance.
"S-sorry . . . kid." Tommy gasped between clenched teeth, "D-don't think . . .I-I'm gonna m-make it . . . this t-time."
"Of course you are," McGregor said, without really registering the comment. When it sunk in, he turned and spoke quickly into Tommy's fading green eyes, "Oh my God. I didn't mean that, Tony! I meant . . . you can't . . . you can't die!" He blurted, "We need you! I need you. Oh God," he muttered again, staring at his blood-stained hands. His hands. Tony's blood.
"H-hey," Tony croaked, staring at McGregor with quickly fading eyes, "I . . . I n-need to say something . . . t-to you."
McGregor gripped Tony's hand even tighter, his knuckles turning white, "I'm here, Tony."
Tony managed a ghost of his normal smile, "I . . . know, P-Probie."
Tim let out a shaky laugh, not sure he was comfortable with Tony joking while he was dying.
Tony suddenly turned serious, his pale face stretched tight.
"T-Tim. I . . . I n-need you to t-tell G-Gibbs that I'll b-be wait-," he trying taking a deep breath but broke into a coughing fit. Tim shifted to put Tony in a more comfortable position but froze when Tony gestured for him to stop.
"Tim," Tim snapped his gaze back up to Tony's face to meet his burning gaze, "T-tell . . . Gibbs t-that I'll be w-waiting . . . f-for him. On t-the oth-other side. W-with S-Shannon . . . and Kel-Kelly." Tim stared at him for a moment and realized what Tony was saying.
"I will Tony."
Tony nodded, "G-good." He shut his eyes for a moment and Tim panicked.
"Oh God. Tony? Tony!" He cried, tapping Tony's cheek. Tony snapped his eyes opened and swung his head around, trying to determine where he was. When he finally focused back on Tim's face, he seemed to remember something.
"Probie!" He gasped, trying to grasp the other man's shirt.
"Yes, Tony, I'm here!" McGee said, choking back a sob.
"You . . . t-take care of Zi-Ziva." Tony screwed his eyes shut, trying to block out the excruciating pain and trying to get all of his last words out. He knew there were a lot.
Tim nodded, forgetting that Tony couldn't see him.
"You . . . take c-care of e-each other, y-you hear?"
Tim nodded again, tears streaming down his face. He sucked in a deep breath, preparing to tell Tony . . .
And that was when it happened. Tim barely had any time to react.
Tony stopped breathing.
McGee stopped typing. He just stopped, his hands resting in his lap as he stared at the pages he had just written. His mind's way of coming to grips with what had happened that day. Without another thought, he picked up the typewriter and was about to fling it across the room when another voice stopped him.
"Don't, Tim."
He froze and slowly turned around. He blinked, not quite believing what he was seeing. Slowly, he set the typewriter down and walked into his living room area, closer to the apparition.
"Tony?" He asked, his voice shaking.
The Tony-ghost nodded, "In the flesh."
"Okay," he lamented as McGee gagged, "Bad choice of words."
"I'll say!" McGee gasped. He stared at the Tony-ghost for a few moments before falling backing into the chair and burying his face in his hands.
"God Tony. It feels like . . . like you were just here," he said, his voice muffled by his hands and tears.
"Hey, hey," Tony said, coming to stand next to the crying man, "I'm here to ask you something important," he glanced at the clock on the wall, "And I don't have much time."
McGee snapped his head up at that.
"Okay, shoot."
Tony grimaced, his hand sliding up to finger the hole in his shirt.
McGee smiled half-heartedly, "Okay. Bad choice of words?"
Tony nodded, a small smile on his lips. They stared at each other for a moment before Tony's face grew serious once more.
"Did you hear what I said? What I asked you to do for me when I was dying?"
Tim winced at the last sentence but nodded, "Of course I did, Tony."
Tony nodded back, a satisfied smile on his lips, "Good."
Tony turned away from Tim, to face something only he could see. And before he could stop himself, Time blurted out, "Have you ever felt this way?"
Tony turned back and his eyes softened, "Like the rug's been pulled out from under you? Yeah kid. Everyone has these days. Hell, there will be weeks where you will feel exactly like this. Sometimes months." Tony snorted, shaking his head, "And I'm one of the lucky ones."
McGee stared at him, feeling like he'd been backhanded. He was taken off guard both at Tommy's nickname for McGregor and Tony's honest, unguarded answer.
"Lucky?" He managed to choke out.
Tony nodded, "I never went into years. And now it looks like I never will."
Tony turned serious once more, his eyes burning, leaving McGee in the dust again with his request.
"Don't go into years, Tim. Don't hang onto me. I'm no longer here. I don't want you guys to forget me," He held his hands up with a smile, "Don't get me wrong! But . . ." He stared at something behind Tim, his eyes unfocused, "Don't make the memory of my life a sad one, okay?" He turned back to Tim, his eyes expectant.
Tim found himself nodding, tears spilling down his face again.
"I'll miss you Tony."
"I'll miss you too." Tony hesitated before saying with a faint smile on his lips, "You were the best brother I could've asked for."
Tim smiled, "You too, Tony."
Tony grinned and suddenly, he flared bright. Bright enough that Tim had to reach up and cover his eyes. By the time he and lowered his hand, Tony was gone.
But, then again, he never will be, Tim thought with a smile has he picked up his cell and pressed the speed dial.
"Boss? It's me, McGee. Listen, I need to tell you something. Something Tony wanted me to tell you . . ."
A/N: Note 1:
Memory Flash Back #3 – I based it off of Tony's probable hate of manipulating Directors after Jenny (And yes, the Director in question is supposed to be Vance).
Memory Flash Back #4 – Inspired by the scene in Ep. Under Covers (Yes, I know Tony wasn't actually there).
...Note 2:
Just because I know someone is going to ask; Yes. The slow transformation from Tommy to Tony and McGregor to Tim was on purpose. I invoked my creative license there. :)
