I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist; all credit goes to Hiromu Arakawa.

This chapter was written by listening to If You Were Gay by Avenue Q and Never Too Late by Three Days Grace. I hope the former didn't influence my writing that much, otherwise this is going to be insanely random… Yeah.

Warnings for this chapter- Ed used to… do some things for money. Just a warning. Other than that, it's the same as usual, but Ed and Envy WILL be friends. If you have a problem with that… Well, live with it. Ed and Envy are quite similar, and I thought that if it weren't for the whole homunculi-mortal-enemies thing, they could be great friends. Shounen-ai may be involved as well. I probably won't be doing lemons until a while later, and the warning for that will be in the chapter title. There will also be a border to warn you when the lemon begins so you can skip over that bit if you want.

On an additional note, I am now officially available as a Beta! Yay! *crickets*

… I guess you guys aren't as exited as I am. Now, one last thing before I start this chapter: I am going to try and make fanfictions for all the categories I can betaread for, so I may not have quite as much time to work on this. The updates for Whiplash will probably be on Friday nights, Saturdays, or Sundays. But I WILL try my best to update as much as I can. I would also like to get at least one more review before the next chapter goes up.

Whiplash Ch. 4- If You Were Gay and Never Too Late

The time in Chemistry flew by. Ed learned that Mr. and Mrs. Curtis were in fact married, but they were to call the latter Teacher to avoid confusion. Ed admitted that that had been worrying him, but that was only in his head. He didn't want to come off as a dork, especially with the ange- ROY right beside him. It was hard not to call the older man an angel, because that was exactly how he looked. A fallen angel in the middle of Hades' Asscrack, Amestris.

If there was one thing in this world he was certain of, it was that he had a strange sort of obsession with Roy Mustang. And if there were two things… The second would be that Roy was so far out of his league that it was a crime for Ed to taint his perfection by being in a 100-mile radius of him. After all, Roy was probably pure to the fullest extent. And even if he wasn't, he had probably lost that pureness to someone far better than Ed could ever hope to be.

Someone stunningly intelligent, incredibly beautiful and talented… Someone with a brilliant smile that just lit up his face and the nearby vicinity with mirth. A person that was so like Roy, and would cherish the gift of Roy's affection every day for the rest of eternity. Just standing next to the black-haired Mustang made him feel almost… whole again.

But then it would come back that Ed wasn't pure. He would never quite be whole again. This damage was of the kind that couldn't be fixed.

(Flashback)

Ed sat on the plain bed with his head bent, staring at the clenched fists in his lap. The room he was in was nice enough- pale blue walls, a cream-colored nightstand with a drawer in it, and luxurious black sheets on the king-sized bed. He wasn't this way because he was displeased with the room… Just what went on in it.

Ed hated that he had to do this, but it was to keep Al and himself alive. In that moment, he heard the door open and turned to see who he got this time. He sighed. So, James was back again, huh? The guy was good-looking enough with chocolate brown eyes and hair but he was married. And the guy liked it rough. He consistently refused to lube or prepare Ed in any way, and wouldn't even have tried to help Ed get any pleasure out of it, except that he liked the feel of Ed's walls clenching around him as he orgasmed.

(End Flashback)

The memory of this must have been too much for Ed to handle at the moment, as no one seemed to have noticed that he was in a flashback so he would have had to forcibly ejected himself out of his memories. Ed knew he was shaking slightly if his hands were any indication. Roy looked over to the shaking teen, concerned once he saw Ed's pale face and dilated pupils, tiny shudders wracking his lithe form.

Ed thanked every god he could think of when the bell rang before Roy had a chance to ask him what was wrong. He ran out of the room as quickly as his attempts to not notify the public of his metal leg would allow. He had been pleased to find out after Music that his and Envy's lockers were 67 and 69 respectively. Envy said that he had burst into hysterical laughter when he found out what his locker number was in freshman year, though Ed couldn't imagine why.

When Ed had asked Envy why it was so funny, Envy went wide-eyed and just stared. That was confusing Ed. Envy then started muttering "…how could he not know, he's attractive enough…well, pretty hot if you think about…too damned innocent for his own good." Envy then proceeded to EXPLAIN to Ed, in the MIDDLE of the freaking HALLWAY, exactly what the number 69 meant.

By the time Envy had finished explaining, Ed's eyes had gone impossibly wide and his cheeks were burning a shade of red to rival his shirt. People were shooting him sympathetic glances as they passed; they all knew how Envy could be after going to school with him for 4 years. Ed pitied those who had ended up getting this same explanation.

Ed talked of the Art class that he had been slotted in for directly after Music, and the duo discussed the teacher, Mr. Hughes, who had memorials to and photos of his young daughter, Elisya, plastered on any and every available surface in the room. Envy had had the psychopath as well, and they talked about what would keep him from going on one of his infamous rants about his daughter as they walked to lunch. Ed knew the two of them made an odd (yet strangely similar) pair as they walked down the hallway together. He knew people were staring as they walked past… And for the first time in a long time, it didn't bother him.

The walk there was fairly uneventful, but that changed when they sat down. Ed had just pulled out his bottle of orange juice and granola bar when Roy appeared. "Hey, Ed. Do you want to come and sit with my friends and I?" he jerked a thumb towards a table. Ed saw that there was only one available seat and, ignoring Envy's frantic motions for him to go ahead, calmly said "I'm sorry, but I promised that I would sit with Envy today, and we're friends."

Roy shifted uncomfortably on his feet for a few seconds and then asked "Well, do you mind if I sit here?" Ed looked towards Envy, who nodded. "Sure, that's fine." As soon as Roy had gotten out of hearing distance, Envy gave a high-pitched squeal. "Oh, Ed! I can't believe it! Roy Mustang- not only does he want to sit with you at lunch, but he's willing to leave his table so he can sit with you! And you've got it bad too, I can tell."

Ignoring the comment about his liking Roy that hit far too close to home for comfort, he said "What's so special about Roy's table or him coming to sit with us?" Envy almost choked on his water, but then sputtered "Y-you don't KNOW? Well, I suppose I never told you, did I? Roy is one of the most popular guys in the entire school, even though he seems really scary, and is sometimes very rude to people who annoy him."

"He's actually the only son of a very rich family of doctors, surgeons, scientists, ect. But he can be really sweet sometimes, and he's absolutely amazing on the cello." Before Envy could continue his little fangirl-rant, Roy showed up with an admittedly quite handsome blond at his side. "Uh, this is Havoc, one of my close friends. Can he sit here as well? The other guys sometimes tease him about his hair color when I'm not around."

Envy's eyes flickered with recognition before he nodded. When Roy and Havoc sat down, Ed pulled a bag out of his backpack, and Envy's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. "No way, you got RBS'?" Havoc, oh so eloquently, voiced what both he and Roy were thinking at that moment: "What the hell is an RBS?"

Envy's eyes didn't even glance his way as he said "Rich bitch squares…" in a sort of entranced voice. Only then did Roy notice the brand name of Ghiradelli© and just under that- Milk Chocolate with Almonds. Roy made a mental note that Ed liked that particular chocolate. Ed caught Envy's look that said 'You and me are going to have a talk about what's going on here later' and he nodded slightly in response. All throughout lunch, they were subject to gapes and stares as they talked and laughed and joked.

But they didn't notice, and if they had, they wouldn't have cared.