Author's Note: Guys... I'm really sorry about this. There's no excuse for being this late, I know it. But I had some family drama going on and I couldn't get anything posted... And now I have writer's block. I've had some really tough problems lately but I will try to get through this chapter- even though I don't remember what my motivation was for writing this anyway- for you guys. On a further note, I have decided to keep the AN in the story because I feel it answers some very important questions. By the way... I had NO intention of putting it in this story originally, but there will be some experimental EnvyxEd shounen-ai. Nothing serious, just... Like when you kissed your best female friend to see what it felt like. Basically, it's Envy's way of trying to make Ed admit that he's gay. Oh, and Ed's a bit of a masochist in this chapter!
Ed was being followed. He was pretty sure he knew who was doing it, he just didn't know WHY. It would be so typical of the man to drive a deep blue Mustang with real leather interior and a running silver horse airbrushed on the side. During their social hour (Lunch) Roy had happened to mention that his family owned the company. He knew a bit about cars, which his father was proud of. His mother, on the other hand, freaked out anytime Roy had even a sliver of a chance of damaging his 'magic fingers.'
When Roy had used that exact phrasing at the lunch table, Ed had blushed and bit his tongue while dirty jokes and raunchy images were running rampant in his diseased mind. But now, he couldn't help but notice something. Roy's mother had said 'magic fingers' as if not everything about Roy was magic. Ed had to agree with her on the bit about him getting hurt. Ed wouldn't be able to bear it if Roy was laying in a hospital room somewhere.
Envy was in the car with him. The androgynous boy had asked if he wanted to have a sleepover that night, as for reasons yet unknown to the general public, there was no school tomorrow. Ed had asked Winry if she could babysit that night. The blond complied, and he left her with a parting shout of "And don't do anything I wouldn't do twice!" He had been forced to dodge a flying wrench, but it had been worth it. Al and Winry had been crushing on each other since preschool days, and all they needed were a few pushes in the right direction.
Envy had prepared the unsuspecting blond a manual. It was titled 'HOW TO DEAL WITH THE SHINICHI FAMILY.' Ed had asked who the Shinichi family were, and Envy had told him that they were his adopted family. Everyone in the family was adopted, because the mother couldn't have children. Envy had told him to read the manual before driving within a block of the house. He said some of his siblings could just smell a newcomer. Ed was doubtful, but pulled into the parking lot of a nearby gas station when he was urged and read the manual.
Apparently, Envy's siblings were named Greed, Lust, Gluttony, and Wrath. Well, they weren't officially named that. You see, the mother was named Sloth. The kids thought it was cool, and gave themselves nicknames that ended up being transferred to their school records because they refused to respond to anything else,
Except Envy. He had been adopted at age 10. Nobody had given him a name, so when he became part of the Shinichi family, he carried on the tradition. One tip Envy had given him was to never, EVER call a Shinichi by their first name unless you wanted to piss them off. Ed took that bit very seriously. He knew how much it grated on his nerves to hear his full first name. Al did't really mind it... But then again, the boy wasn't in his right mind.
According to the guide, they all mostly acted according to their names. Envy had said the quickest way to Greed's heart was to bring presents, so Ed planned on stopping at a gift shop somewhere before driving there. Lust tended to make innuendos at any point in time, throwing them into conversation whenever she could if there was a new person around. Luckily, after spending the day with Roy, the blond had mostly learned to control his blushes. Gluttony stayed in his room and never came out. He even sent Wrath to bring him food. Wrath, on the other hand, was a very energetic and bright child... But if you messed with him, his stuff, or anyone he cared about, he would come after you. But he was mostly a very adorable child contrary to his nickname. When Ed finished reading the manual, he put it in his backpack (in case he needed it later) and drove to a local gift shop with a jewelery store next door to get some things. Envy had protested, saying that he didn't need to get them anything, but Ed ignored him. He had plenty of money.
For Greed, Ed got a rather expensive watch and pair of sunglasses as well as some real leather gloves. Lust's present consisted of a package of Dark Chocolate and Raspberry Ghiradelli squares, a beautiful necklace with dark red, black, dark purple, green, gold, and silver beads, and a pair of earrings. They had dangly (real) silver chains that had real rubies welded on. Gluttony... he had no idea what to buy for the man, but Envy had said he liked anime... He gave him the first season box set of Bleach and a few packages of candy Envy had mentioned that his brother cared for in passing. As for Wrath, Ed's gift for him was the easiest to pick out. He got Wrath a HUGE stuffed dragon and some candy. Now, Sloth's gift was the hardest. What do you give a single mom who has raised five kids on her own who you know nothing about? He decided on a cashmere scarf and gloves, as winter was coming, and a pair of beautiful opal earrings (Envy's guide listed the birthdays. Hers was in October, so Ed decided to give her her birthstone.)
And when Envy wasn't looking, he grabbed a bottle of black nail polish, Lindor Truffles, and a thick silver chain with a tiger charm on it. He rushed to the counter with his... Five baskets of gifts. The cashier's eyes widened at the pile of stuff, and narrowed suspiciously when he saw who was trying to buy it. There was no way the kid could afford this stuff. His mind changed very quickly when he saw the bulging wallet Ed pulled out of seemingly nowhere. He rang up everything as fast as he could, and he asked the young man if he'd like these wrapped. Ed decide to color code the wrappings: gold for Greed, purple for Lust, red for Wrath, green for Envy, blue for Sloth, and orange for Gluttony. The dragon couldn't be wrapped, so Ed ended up carrying it out and throwing it in the backseat. Envy, who had left some time ago claiming illness at the amount of money Ed was spending on his family, went wide-eyed at the mountain of purchases.
He threw everything in the back and ignored Envy's protests, interrupting him with loud requests for directions. When they finally got there, Ed was grateful he had purchased such expensive gifts. Envy lived in a frigging mansion! A lakeside mansion! And the lake was named after them! When he parked his car in the vast driveway, people came filing out the front door. A petite, delicate looking brunette that Ed assumed was Sloth, a tall, busty raven-headed woman wearing dark red lipstick (definitely Lust) a tall man with spiky black hair, whom the many earrings gave away as Greed, and a little boy with slightly less so than Greed, but still spiky hair and red eyes could only be Wrath. Ed wasn't surprised that Gluttony wasn't there. Envy hopped out of the car when he saw the glares directed at Ed, and the blond followed suit.
"Guys, this is Ed. He's a friend. He's nice but a bit shy, so if any of you scare him away, I'll bash your heads in. Got it?" The siblings nodded frantically, quite afraid of Envy's promise, but the brunette just smiled. She hadn't been glaring in the first place. "Soo, Envy! Got a new boyfriend, huh?" Ed felt a red-hot blush coming up and replied as calmly as he could, "I'm not Envy's boyfriend. We're just friends. I'm new here, and he helped me around the school so I didn't wind up somewhere in Middle Earth." A few people including Envy let out a snort at that. Damn, the kid was funny. "Ed, nice to meet you." He held out his non-metal hand to Sloth, who ignored it and pulled him into a hug. "It's so nice that Envy finally has a friend! I thought his bad attitude had driven anyone decent away! So anyway, what's your last name?" Ed, who had finally been let loose from the slightly crushing embrace, hesitated. He didn't want their first impression of him to be his last name.
Thankfully, Lust seemed to understand. "You can tell us when we get to know you a bit better, but we WILL find out within the next half-hour. Okay?" Ed gulped and nodded. Then he remembered the gifts he had piled up in the backseat. "Oh, I almost forgot! In the spirit of trying to make a good first impression on the only people I've really met in this town and who are also the family of one of my best friends, I got you all gifts!" The petit genius dashed off to his car, getting Wrath's gift first. He would bring the others' out in a minute, but the dragon was so huge that he wouldn't have been able to fit that and any gift bag other than Wrath's in his arms. The little boy's eyes widened then they saw the huge dragon, and he broke into a smile when he saw the dragon heading for him. He was overjoyed by the dragon, and he loved the candy. Ed smiled gently when he saw the little boy playing with the dragon, and a flash of pain came into his golden eyes when he remembered that Al used to be that happy. Ed hid it with a fake smile, but everyone except Wrath noticed.
He ran back to the car and picked up all the gifts. He gave Sloth hers first, who gasped at how soft the scarf and necklace were, and cooed over the beautiful earrings. Everyone, especially Lust and Envy, crowded closer. "Damn, those things are real!" Lust turned to him. "Like you didn't know!" Envy grinned and said "No, sister dear, I didn't. I had to leave after about five minutes because I was almost sickened at the amount of money Ed blew on you guys." Some people seemed a bit intrigued by that, and Ed was feeling mischievous so he gave Envy his gift next. He had to dodge a punch for that one."You moron, why'd you buy ME a present? I'm not the one you're trying to win over, I'm already your friend. It's THEM you need to worry about!" the palmtree yelled, gesturing broadly at his family. At this point, Wrath and Lust had been reduced to a giggling pile of jelly, and the corners of Greed's mouth were twitching. Envy sighed and opened his gift. He instantly put on the necklace on, and after popping a truffle in, he said "Mimas mamoftst fout ohf fhishts. Hofh yuo know?" Ed took that to mean 'I was almost out of this. How did you know?' and said "I noticed the way you were fidgeting a little bit and looking at your nails. I knew for sure when you picked up the bottle but put it back when you saw the price tag. So, I decided to buy it for you." Envy nodded and went back to his chocolate.
Lust was staring at him, so he decided to give hers over next. She was bouncing when he walked over, and once she got the presents out of the paper... She squealed at a decibel that would have been going into sonar. She was happy enough about the chocolates and loved the necklace, but the earrings were what really got her. Envy and Greed's close inspection confirmed that both the silver and rubies were real, and Lust was so happy that she hugged Ed. Now, normally, this wouldn't be a problem. Ed was pretty short and she was very tall and had heels on, so he would have been pulled into her stomach. Unfortunately for the poor blond, she had been so excited that when she pulled him in for a hug, she had used a bit too much force. Thus, Ed's face was being squished between her breasts. She didn't seem to notice or care, because she was twirling around and hugging him even tighter. Eventually, Ed managed to wrestle himself free.
He landed on his ass, red-faced and panting. This was where Envy intervened. "YOU MORON! THE FIRST FRIEND I GET AND YOU TRY TO SUFFOCATE HIM!" Lust looked around the green-haired male and saw Ed's face just returning to normal from the slightly blue color it had been a while ago. "Oh... Well, sorry...!" Envy just shook his head slowly and helped his friend to his feet. Gluttony and Greed's gifts were the last ones, so Ed gave the tall man his gift. Greed grinned when he saw the watch and shades, and gave the unsuspecting Ed a noogie when he saw the leather gloves. "Sweet. I've been wanting some of these for months!" Only then did someone notice the little orange bag laying, forgotten, on the hood of Ed's car. Greed said "Hey, shortie. What's up with the orange bag?" "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE CALLING A MIDGET SO TINY THAT HE COULD DROWN IN A RAINDROP, YOU ASSHOLE!" Ed aimed a flying kick at Greed's head, but he was pulled back by Envy. "Ed, he didn't mean to call you that. And if he did, I'll kick his ass for you. How does that sound?" Ed growled and pulled slightly against Envy's restraining arms, but gave in and answered Greed's question. "It's for Gluttony. Does anybody know where he is?" Wrath grinned up at the blond and said he'd take it to him. The little boy took care to give strict orders to his dragon to protect them all while he was gone.
Ed smiled. Wrath was a lot like Al was before... That Day. So happy, so innocent and brutally honest about the way he saw the world. Childhood was an invaluable part of your life... A part where you could usually get away with being brutally honest about what you thought and nobody would blame you for it. Kids really didn't have to sugarcoat anything. He envied that. He had never really gotten a chance for that, because he always had to be careful about what he said at the social events their... father forced them to go to. And when he didn't have to do that, he had to sugarcoat because he had a job and talking disrespectfully would get you fired. Lust looked over at the golden-eyed boy and saw a look in those eyes... A look of remembered could she have not noticed it before? Those eyes... Were ancient. Far, far too old to belong to anybody not old enough to be a grandfather, and even then that might not have been old enough to have had a long enough (normal) life to hold that much sadness and pain. Soon enough, Envy followed her line of sight an went to go snap the blonde out of his daze.
Ed smiled gratefully at his friend when he was back to the world of the living. He might have been reminiscing for hours if Envy hadn't gotten his attention. Envy trotted into the house, and hesitated, looking back for Sloth's approval before he followed. Envy wasn't in sight, but Ed decided to go where his instincts took him. Luckily for him, he had excellent instincts. Before he knew it, he was outside a room with a sign proclaiming: SMART ZONE. NO MORONS ALLOWED! And then smaller, obviously handwritten in Sharpie: Greed, THIS MEANS YOU!
Ed chuckled softly before knocking on the door. "Come in!" Ed shrugged and opened the door. Envy was on the bed, wearing only a towel on his waist. Ed turned brilliant red, and spun so his back faced the taller male, who chuckled darkly. "I knew it. You ARE gay!"
Ed felt his face burn, but he didn't make a sound. Envy flipped Ed around so they faced each other. Their faces were only inches apart... Ed squeaked when searing-hot lips met his own. He was stiff as a board for a moment, and then relaxed. Envy was, surprisingly, quite gentle. He kept it chaste until the very last second where, from sheer instinct, he licked the shorter boy's lip. Then he ended it. Ed looked up at the purple-eyed male, quite confused and very turned on. "I KNEW it! You're gay! I knew, I always knew!" Ed deflated his bubble a bit by saying. "No. I'm pansexual." When Envy seemed confused to hell, Ed explained. "Pansexual... Is a sexuality where you don't care what gender the person is. It's not what gender they are that attracts you,
it's who they are as a person. All of them, not just their gender or looks." Envy nodded slowly. That sounded like Ed. "So, you're attracted to Roy as a person?" Ed turned red, but nodded. Turning his head to the left slightly, Envy could see a black string poking out somewhere... He grabbed ahold of it and snapped it back. A thong... Ed squeaked and bent his head to hide his face...Whether he would admit it or not, the blond had enjoyed that...
"You're not a virgin, are you?" his voice was unusually soft. Ed shook his head and began to tell his new friend the story of his miserable life. When he was finally up to present time, Envy was shocked to say the least. To think that Ed, the cheerful, bright and brilliant boy used to be a prostitute? When he found his voice again, he reminded Ed that he'd have to tell Roy about all of that, including his current crush on the man. Ed nodded and said he understood. Envy frowned slightly, as if trying to remember something, and then grinned. He pulled a phone out of... Somewhere Ed didn't see, and looked in his contacts for a while before finding the one he wanted. "Roy? Yeah, it's Envy. Can you come over to my house? Yeah, it's the same address as last time. By the way, Ed says hi! See ya, horsie!"
When Roy reached Envy's house, he got a text saying he should climb through the window. He rolled his eyes, but began the slow climb up the oak tree that was next to Envy's window on the third floor. Unfortunately, none of the branches came quite to the balcony. Luckily, Envy had a balcony outside his window, so this was possible. But Roy would have to take a risky jump. He could land on his back or feet on the patio, perfectly fine... Or he could drop about fifteen feet to the ground. Then he remembered that this was for Ed. So, he jumped. He landed on his back with the wind knocked out of him, but otherwise fine. Envy grinned and slid open the door. Ed was sitting on the bed, shaking slightly. "Roy, I- I have to tell you something.
Ed told Roy everything. Roy was amazed at the strength Ed had displayed to make it through to be one of the sincerely kindest and most considerate people he knew. "Are you angry with me?" Ed asked hesitantly when he was done telling his story. Roy smiled softly. "No, it's not your fault."
"And I found out our very own chibi is a bit of a masochist!" Ed's blush from before came back full-force and he buried his head in Envy's comforter. Roy raised an eyebrow at Envy, who reached over, grabbed ahold of the thong string, and snapped it back. Ed jerked and mewled. Roy was shocked and very turned on. "A thong, Ed? Really?" Ed and Envy chorused. "You can't wear anything else with these/those pants." Roy leered slightly and said "Well, remind me to thank whoever invented leather pants." Ed's face shot up from the bed, and he stared at Roy, who grinned evilly. "As for the masochist bit... Well... I'll be making use of that at a later date. "
As one would imagine, Ed was very worried for his mental state at that point.
I'm really sorry this was so short, but... My brain was shot and this chapter, if I had posted it as it was yesterday, would have consisted almost entirely of three or more pointless lemons that some people might not have been very pleased with me about, and I thought it best not to go into that so quickly. If you want the lemons back, well... Write a reveiw or PM me saying you want them back. We could talk about emailing you the uncencored version or posting it as a seperate oneshot, but I don't think I'll be putting any lemons in this story for a while.
