Chapter 4

To all my lovely reviewers: Thank you so much! Your words really mean a lot to me, and I'm happy that you like the story. I hope you'll still say the same after this chapter…


Edmund found his brother exactly where he had expected him to be, in the park a few streets away from their house. The first raindrops were just beginning to fall, and he hoped they wouldn't be out here for too long, but considering the other's stance, this was most likely fated to be a vain wish. Peter was leaning against a tree with his fists clenched, staring at the ducks swimming around on the park's little pond with such a forbidding expression on his face that most anyone would have turned tail just seeing it.

An inexplicable frisson of dread shot through Edmund, and he had the sudden feeling that he was standing at a crossroads. Suddenly he knew with startling clarity that something would change today, though he could not say if for better or worse – or both. However, he didn't have the leisure to dwell on that now, so he pushed these rather unsettling thoughts aside and approached the tree slowly.

"Peter?"

The older boy's head shot up, and Edmund almost recoiled at the nearly unbridled fury that was reflected at him.

"What do you want?"

Peter looked away from him again, avoiding eye contact, and Edmund briefly mused that Lucy's assessment had been spot on, he really seemed to be about to snap at any moment. Nevertheless, his brother's temper had never been able to prevent him from speaking his mind. And by the Lion, did he have a lot to say!

"What do I want? You rush out of the house as if the entire army of the White Witch were chasing you, after insulting Mum in the worst possible manner, and you ask me what I want? I want to know what in the Lion's name is going on with you!"

Edmund took another step forward, he wanted Peter to look at him, but his brother turned his back to him, facing the pond.

"It's none of your business! Stay out of it!"

Edmund crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows in disbelief, even though Peter could not see it. That had to be one of the most stupid arguments he'd ever heard.

"Excuse me? ! That was also my mother you disrespected so blatantly just now! I think that makes it very much my business!"

Peter barely seemed to be listening to him, clenching and unclenching his fists and then stooping down to pick up a stone and flinging it at the pond with so much force that the ducks fluttered away in agitation.

"Whatever! And anyway, there was no disrespect! She had no right to patronise me like this, so I will talk to her as I please. Who does she think she is?"

Edmund felt his anger bubbling up and tried – quite unsuccessfully – to rein it in. He simply had had enough. Crossing the distance between them quickly, he grabbed Peter's shoulder and whirled him around.

"What is wrong with you? That's our mother you're talking about! It is you who has absolutely no right to speak to her like this, or to treat her so shamefully. She's done everything for us, trying to allow us to have at least a halfway normal childhood during the war, and she only wants what's best for us. There's no reason, and certainly no justification, for what you did!"

Peter's eyes glittered at him dangerously, but Edmund wouldn't let go. He would not let his brother get away again, he would find out what was going on, even if they came to blows over it. Peter however seemed to have other ideas because he just pushed Edmund away rudely and started pacing along the pond's edge.

"Well, if she wants what is best, she should have known not to do something like that. I am very capable of deciding what is good for me, and I do not require anyone concerning themselves with my affairs. It doesn't matter if they think I need it!"

Edmund almost didn't know what to reply. This was really a complete stranger speaking with his brother's voice. Where had his Peter gone?

"Can you even hear yourself talking? You're being completely selfish and ridiculous! You're not an island, Peter Pevensie! There are a lot of people around you who care about you and want to help you if you'd just let them!"

Peter scoffed at him, and Edmund valiantly resisted going over there and shaking some sense into him.

"Oh yes! And I'm guessing you are one of them! Edmund Pevensie, guardian of all in need and his mother's champion! You have always wanted to be the big hero, haven't you? And how convenient that I can be made out to be the evil one, right? Well, I will not have any of it! You can just take your care and leave me alone!"

Edmund recoiled as if struck, this venom stung more than any direct strike could have.

"Peter! Are you crazy? I've never… I never wanted… Peter, I'm your brother! I want to understand you, I want to help you. But I can't do that if you're acting like the biggest prat on the planet all the time!"

His words had gotten progressively louder until he was almost shouting at the end. Peter had finally turned around and they were now facing each other like two combatants, ready to launch into battle at any moment.

"Oh, now I am a prat as well, am I? Well, thank you so much for your assessment, brother!"

Peter's lips curled into a derisive smile, and Edmund almost didn't know what to do anymore. He wasn't reaching Peter at all and was nearly shaking with frustration.

"Will you stop only hearing what you want to hear! I want to help you, get into your head! But you have to cease being so self-absorbed! Do you even know what you're doing to us? Do you know how much Lucy cried last week because of your words? I had to try and console her because you are of course emotionally unavailable as of late! Because you are so busy beating up everyone who so much as looks at you wrongly! Do you even still care about anyone's feelings but your own?"

Edmund felt a tiny bit better to have gotten this off his chest, but he knew the next instant that it had been to no avail. While a stricken look briefly flashed through Peter's eyes, his face hardened again immediately.

"Don't you dare telling me what I have to stop doing! You do not know anything!"

Once again, Peter had refused to acknowledge the rest of what Edmund had said and just focused on what he deemed to be an insult. But his voice sounded nearly hysterical now, and Edmund thought that he was perhaps getting somewhere now.

"Then tell me, Peter! I've had quite enough of your brooding!"

The rain was falling quite heavily by now, and they were both already drenched. But Edmund ignored the coldness that was seeping into his body, getting Peter to talk was much more important.

"I am not brooding! I am a king and I demand the respect that is my due!"

Edmund just shook his head and blinked in surprise. That was not exactly what he had expected. He had hoped to hear what was truly on Peter's mind, beneath all the aggression and his seclusion, but he was obviously still unwilling to share. Additionally, Edmund was once again becoming very exasperated. Peter was just being so irrational!

"You demand respect? Have you forgotten everything we learned in Narnia? Respect is earned, not claimed! You can't go around insulting everyone as you please, pushing all of us away and being generally irritable all the time and then demand respect!"

Edmund realised that things were getting out of hand fast, but he felt unable to prevent it. His brother was stalking over to him, and for a moment he truly thought Peter was about to hit him because his whole body language screamed rage and violence. But he just grabbed his shirt and shook him once, hard, not letting go and practically growling at him.

"Shut up! I know very well what we learned in Narnia, and I also know that I am the High King! As such, respect is. My. Due! And you can keep your moralising to yourself! You are one to talk anyway, lecturing me on what I should do! You were the one who was a complete nightmare to live with! You were the one who always got into trouble and was generally unbearable! You were the one who had absolutely no respect for anybody! And you were the one who thought about no one but himself!"

Peter had stabbed a finger into his chest with every exclamation and shoved him away now, resuming his angry pacing. Edmund stumbled back, almost falling to the ground, feeling strangely numb for a few endless minutes before his emotions crashed down on him. Peter knew exactly which buttons to push so that it hurt the most, and he was in almost pitiful disbelief that he would use these memories against him. Was there nothing left of the bond they had shared? They had promised to always be there for each other! At the same time, Edmund was furious that Peter would stoop so low, would exploit the trust that he had put in him in such a manner. Edmund remembered how difficult it had been for him to talk to Peter about what had happened between them before Narnia. How much courage and willpower it had cost him to confess all the misdeeds he had committed. And for Peter to fling it all back into his face…

A flurry of images assailed him, he couldn't stop them. Ruining his mother's favourite scarf – on purpose because he hadn't been allowed to go to the zoo with his friends – and then blaming Lucy for it. Shattering an old vase – an heirloom from his grandmother – in a fit of rage. Pushing Susan from the swings, making Lucy eat sand cakes, a host of small things that nevertheless amounted to a huge mountain. And then of course… his treason. For a second, he was back in the Witch's camp, tied to a tree and crushed by guilt so enormous that he was sure he would die from this feeling alone. For the blink of an eye he tasted Turkish Delight and almost had to gag. Edmund felt his own vulnerability, sensed the tears that were threatening to overflow, while a great fury tried to take hold of him at the same time. So to protect himself and to deflect the stinging words, he resorted to what he knew he could handle: sarcasm.

"Well, thank you most kindly for reminding me of all my numerous transgressions, your Majesty! I am humbled by your matchless magnanimity! Does your Highness wish me to prostrate myself to demonstrate my abounding respect for your exalted person? I do hope the citizenry of this park is paying you the tribute that you are due. Or do they need to be chastised? For shame, I shall start with yonder oak. It does have an insolent look about it!"

Peter flushed a deep red, and a flash of gleeful satisfaction went through Edmund. He was perfectly aware of the fact that this kind of behaviour was not very conducive to what he was hoping to achieve, but it felt really good! And honestly, Peter's demand for respect was more than ridiculous and made him sound like a petulant child. Peter meanwhile looked about ready to jump down his throat.

"Stop mocking me! I am still your High King and as such I forbid you to talk to me like that! It is enough that all the witless adults around me are treating me like a kid when I am a king! I will not allow my own brother to deride me like this!"

"Well, if you're acting like a child…"

Edmund had been muttering this almost to himself, but Peter had heard anyway and was taking a menacing step towards him once more, so he hurried to make the point he thought was important here.

"I mean, we are kids, Peter, so it's no surprise we're treated accordingly. You're right, we are also still kings, but even you have to see that it's not the same here as it was in Narnia! We have to adapt our behaviour to the circumstances and try to make the best of it! It doesn't matter how the adults treat you, but it does matter how you react to it! And your reaction at the moment is anything but appropriate!"

Peter gave a short bark of laughter and made a sweeping gesture with his arms.

"Aha! And you suddenly know everything, or what! Are you the Wise now, as well as the Just? Have you finally found the formula for a fulfilled and righteous life? Pray, let us hear it then!"

Edmund now slumped against the tree Peter had been leaning against earlier and pressed a hand to his forehead. This was going nowhere, and he was reaching his wit's end and his limits.

"Peter, that's just stupid! I do not know everything! I only wanted to say that the crown doesn't make the monarch, and that you shouldn't forget what Aslan taught us about being kings! I'm not sure if He wanted us to leave Narnia like we did, but I do believe that nothing happens without Him knowing it! And I'm certain He has a plan, so we should try to act as He would want us to!"

Peter's eyes went hard as stone, Edmund shivered involuntarily as he glanced into them. Something sinister was swirling in their depths, and he once again wondered what had taken hold of his brother that made him be like this.

"I don't need Aslan to know how to be a king! If He sent us away, then I don't want to know what He has to say! I don't care, and I don't need Him! I do things my own way!"

A bolt of lightning flashed across the sky as if to underline Peter's words, and if the tree hadn't been supporting him, Edmund surely would have fallen to the ground. What had happened to Peter to make him talk like this? How could he deny Aslan? Shock and fury warred within Edmund. This could not be happening! He wouldn't let Peter do this, not to himself and certainly not to Aslan! Anger and disappointment finally won out.

"Are you completely out of your mind now? Have you taken leave of every last one of your senses? That's no way for the High King of Narnia to talk! You've sworn oaths to Aslan! You've sworn to rule in His name, to be the executor of His will, and His alone! You have pledged your sword, your very life to Him! Are you honestly telling me that you are renouncing all of that? That you are breaking your oaths? You know what, perhaps I shouldn't be surprised! You've not been acting like the High King in a long time because the High King I know wouldn't insult his mother or snap at his sister! He wouldn't sulk around and drown in self-pity! And he most certainly would not become a perjurer! You are no longer the king I adored, the king the Narnians loved and revered! You, my dear brother, are no king at all!"

Edmund was breathing heavily, almost overwhelmed by the tangled mess of emotions inside him, but at the same time relieved that he had finally given voice to the thoughts that had been preying on his mind for so long. He conceded that he might've worded some of it differently, but perhaps Peter had to hear it spoken that bluntly to be flung out of the downwards spiral he had gotten into. Edmund closed his eyes briefly to try and regain some control, and then looked over to his brother.

What he saw there made his heart plummet. Peter was standing very still, almost as if he had turned into a statue, and had gone deathly pale. Only his eyes were blazing maniacally, so that Edmund felt he would be scorched at any moment. And he had never before been so afraid of his own brother.

For a few seconds nothing could be heard but the softly pattering rain, but to Edmund it seemed as if a roaring wave was rolling towards them. He could not imagine at all what would happen now and tried to brace himself for anything.

And then Peter exploded.

"Shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP! How dare you accuse me of neglecting my duties? HOW DARE YOU SAY I AM NOT A KING? Do you want to take my place? Is this what you are trying to do, deposing me? Oh, I see how this is working! You have only waited for this chance to turn against me, haven't you? It is just as they say: You can't teach an old dog new tricks. You will always be a traitor! I should not have expected anything different! But you know what? I don't care! I do not care about what you have to say, I do not care about what you think! I never even wanted a brother to begin with, so why should I? Just… just… ARGH! I wish you'd never been BORN!"

With a last contemptuous glare, Peter stormed off.

TBC


Now I'm really curious what you think… And I know I'm evil. I hope you don't think Peter OOC, I believe that there are a lot of things that you'll say in the heat of the moment which you will regret immediately. But then it's usually already too late.

And on this note I wish you a Merry Christmas! I will probably not be able to post the next chapter before the beginning of next week. Oh, and can perhaps anyone tell me why ff dot net won't let me put a question and an exclamation mark right next to each other?