Ch. 4 "Good Ruck: Sweetheart"

Valentine's day was fast approaching and Rachel Berry had all but lost her nerve. It seemed that every attempt she made to approach Puck with her proposition to make Finn jealous was thwarted by fate. Were the Gods so against her attempts to steal back her true love? She was beginning to wonder.

First, there was the man-suit debacle that landed her in Principal Figgins' office and then straight on home to change her outfit to one that was deemed more suitable. Well, suitable was never going to cut it with Puck. Santana and Puck were trading gum with one another before Glee rehearsal began, and Rachel's horse knit sweater didn't exactly gallop her into the victory circle that day.

So, it was on to plan B, which consisted of using her lustrous locks to win Puck over. She'd seen the witch wave her curly, thick mane at Finn and wrap her Medusa tentacles around him. If Kara could do it with that bright, glowing mop of hers, then surely Rachel could seduce Puck with her Pantene-perfect hair. Only, that didn't go so well either.

Early on, in homeroom, Rachel tried on her sexy. She played with her hair, teasing it this way and that, like she'd seen Miley Cyrus do, on stage…and, well just about everywhere else, these days. And when she saw her target walk in, she readied herself for the hair whip that would leave Puck breathless. But as she went in for the windup and threw her head back, her neck somehow contorted in an unnatural way, and she wound up in a temporary neck brace.

"You're so pathetic," Quinn snapped at her in the hallway, in passing. Rachel prepared a wilting retort that unfortunately Quinn never heard, since she couldn't turn her head in time to address her.

She did, however catch up with Quinn at the cafeteria, or rather Quinn caught up with her. In fact, it became an all-out intervention of sorts, as she was flanked by her fellow glee cohorts, with the exception of Finn and Puck. Rachel frankly wasn't used to sitting at such a crowded table. And even though she was getting chewed out by all of them at once, it was still sorta nice to have the company.

"You're so freakishly weird, it's frightening," Santana spat.

"Look guys, I'm not being any more weird than usual." That didn't come out exactly right, she thought.

Kurt opened his mouth to explain, when Rachel shot him daggers.

"What's up with the eyes, Dude?" Sam asked. She looked manic, or was it desperate?

Kurt caught the warning, acknowledging it with a nod, and for a moment Rachel looked relieved that he was going to keep her secret. How little she knew Kurt. "She wants Puck to help her make Finn jealous," he blurted.

Rachel frowned and Kurt shot her a smug little grin. Did she really think she had any power over him?

"Well, that's a relief," Quinn, was the first to say.

"Yeah," Sam agreed. "I thought she might've been after me."

"What?" Rachel screamed. "I've never even sang with you, Sam!"

"Exactly! I figured it was all a part of your plan to reel me in. Let me think you don't want to do a duet with me, but in fact, you've really wanted nothing else!"

Even Kurt raised a set of dubious eyebrows at that one.

"Come on, Quinn thought so too," he defended.

All eyes turned to Quinn.

"Well, you have to admit, you have this deluded idea that you can poach any guy you like from me," she said.

"I can't believe this! Did you think I liked Sam too, Artie?" Rachel asked.

Artie had been strangely quiet the whole time, and now he looked downright depressed. "I was sort of hoping it was me you were after."

"I don't get it," Brittany said. "How can Rachel ever be with Finn when she belongs with Puck?"

All eyes were now on Brittany.

"What are you, some skinhead or something, Brittany?" Rachel asked, clearly shocked and seemingly appalled by her inference. "You think just because Puck and I are both Jewish that we belong together? If that were true then I would belong with Jacob too!"

Brittany felt her scalp to make sure it wasn't skinned. "Jacob is Jewish?" Brittney asked, with much confusion, turning to Artie for assistance.

"I tend to think of him as more of a pervert than anything else," he explained.

Brittany nodded her agreement and smiled at her oh-so-intelligent boyfriend. "Come on, I thought it was obvious how right the two of you are together. I don't care if you're both circumsised or not.

"Do you even know what circumsised means, Brittany?" Rachel asked her.

"No…I just know it was invented in Israel along with bagels and accountants."

"Come on, we're getting way off track here. Now that we know Rachel isn't after my boyfriend, I think we should help her."

Rachel had only just gotten her brace off, and was in danger of reinjuring her neck as she whipped her head around to stare incredulously at Quinn. "You want to help me?"

"Sure. And then you'll owe me."

"What could I possibly ever do for you?" she asked.

"Oh, I have something in mind. But I'll tell you when I'm ready," Quinn replied cryptically. "For now let's just concentrate on getting Puck to ask you to the Sweetheart's dance."

"He already asked me," Santana seethed.

"And I happen to know your answer was maybe," Quinn replied.

"That's always my answer with Puck, right before we DO IT." Santana directed that last bit right at Rachel.

"But you told me you've never actually hit the sheets with Puck. You just want people to think that," Brittney pointed out.

Santana balled a fist at her on-again, off-again significant other. "You know you're really lucky Artie puts up with you, Brittany."

"Why would you pretend to have intimate relations with Puck? And more importantly, why would Puck let everyone believe you had?" Rachel asked.

"It's called being a guy," Sam informed her.

"Look it's none of anyone's business why Puck didn't hit this," Santana said, pointing at her ample assets. "But that doesn't mean I've given up on trying. Puck's going to the dance with me, and that's that. So, find a new guy, for that lame plan of yours."

Quinn seldom got in Santana's face, but she'd always known if she had to confront her, that tough girl bravado of Santana's would dissolve like sand. When it came down to it, Santana respected the cheerleading hierarchy where Quinn had always reigned supreme. "You're not going with Puck, Santana. Rachel is. So, go find yourself some love slave to escort you to the dance," she said, hands on hips.

"Fine!" she bellowed, and in moments she found herself other options. She'd made short work of zeroing in on a male target, and shoved a freshman cheerleader off the cafeteria bench, sending her flying on her buttress. In minutes, the eligible first string defensive back, the girl had previously been flirting with, was now asking Santana to the dance.

"Okay, Puck is free, but that doesn't mean he's yours. I think you're going to have to come up with some kind of payment plan to get him to go along with this. Two hundred dollars should do it," Quinn said.

"All I have is fifty," Rachel replied weakly.

"Well guys, time to ante up," Quinn said to the others.

Everyone shrugged their shoulders.

"Come on, we're still losers," Artie said. "None of us have any money."

"You don't need money," Mercedes chimed in. "All you need is what God gave you, girl. Be sexy."

"I've already tried that," Rachel said. "My revealing outfit got me detention for a week."

"That's because you weren't using the right kind of sexy," Mercedes said.

"Huh?" Rachel replied, along with the others.

"Everyone's so stupid," Brittany giggled.

Mercedes ignored her. "I'm talking about your voice, Rachel. Turn that Siren of yours on high volume and Puck won't be requiring your cash to take you to the Sweethearts Dance. He'll be begging you to go with him."

"Oh!" came the unified cry of understanding.

"That was pure genius, Mercedes," Kurt cheered.

"Why didn't I think of that?" Rachel said.

Artie whispered, "You knew she was going to say that, didn't you?"

"No," she whispered back. "I thought she was going to make a porno."

"I'll do it! And I know just the song," Rachel exclaimed.

"Forget it," Quinn interrupted. "You have no taste. I'll be picking the song. And if it doesn't get Puck in your corner, then I'll give you Sam for the dance," she said confidently.

"Don't I have any say in this?" Sam asked.

"No," she answered. "Now let's get rehearsing."

Okay, that's it for today. Hope I've left you wanting more. Oh, and Thx for the reviews and alerts! Much obliged…

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