BON APPETENCE

Or: Taste

'I'll cook for you.'

The statement had been accompanied by such a confident, honest smile that I spluttered my agreement without thinking about it and promptly sat down at the table.

Now I'm not so sure anymore. I try not to fidget, but as I focus on keeping my restless tail still, my ears twitch at the sounds coming from the open kitchen, running water and the rhythmic taps of a knife on a chopping board.

Unease mounting, I try to distract myself by looking around Soubi's apartment, but my stomach begins to twist into its wonted knot at the prospect of a shared meal. The bitter silence while eyes follow my every movement, picking apart every bite I take without tasting in judgement. I'm always found guilty.

Only yesterday I foolishly ate some cucumber with sakekasu, having learned from Yuiko to appreciate the pickle salt undercut with the freshness of cucumber.

I forgot Ritsuka doesn't like cucumber.

A pot clangs loudly in the kitchen and I flinch, my stomach lurching. My mouth goes dry, making my tongue feel sticky and cumbersome and leaving a sour taste.

Just as I consider leaving, fleeing, as I always do when the cooking smells reach me, Soubi emerges carrying two dinner bowls.

He stops, seeing me turned in my chair, ready to get away from the net threatening to close around me with the steaming food in Soubi's hands.

'Ritsuka?'

The word robs me of the strength to rise. It always does. I slide my knees back under the table. Ritsuka is ready to eat.

I can't wrench open my jaws for a response as the full bowl is placed before me on the tabletop with a soft 'there you go.'

I glance at the door once, but then Soubi sits down across from me and I'm trapped.

Forcing myself to really look at the food, I see it's full of a murky soup with brown shapes floating in it.

'What is it?'

My hand edges towards my spoon to stall looking up.

'Miso soup with okara and nameko mushrooms,' Soubi replies, his own spoon hitting the side of his ceramic bowl with a melodious clang. 'If you don't like it I can make you something else.'

I'm so surprised by his words that I forget I'm trying to avoid looking at him.

Soubi smiles at me before lifting his spoon and carefully wrapping his lips around it, still looking at me. I watch his throat move behind the usual bandages before I realise I'm staring and quickly look down to my own spoon.

The soup is thick and full as I drag my spoon through it, watching the bits of mushroom bump out of the way.

'Is there something else you would like me to make?'

I frown. I only know what Ritsuka likes.

But not really. I don't know how Ritsuka felt about okara, so I shake my head silently and sip from my spoon.

The okara, spiced, but with what I don't know, blends smoothly with the miso soup's dashi. The pieces of mushroom are small bursts of flavour as I chew through them and when I swallow I detect a hint of soy paste.

I look up at Soubi again and catch him returning his own gaze to his food, taking another slow mouthful that he holds for a moment before swallowing.

As I watch Soubi eat I find myself remembering the advice he once gave me, to train my tongue. I had always considered that to be one of the many things Soubi said only to embarrass me, but now I wonder if that's what he's doing with every careful bite.

I take another spoonful and try to focus on it as I slowly revolve the food in my mouth.

The added okara gives the soup a thicker body and a somewhat grainy texture, while, in contrast, the mushrooms are slimy and squishy.

Focussing on every bite, I continue eating, growing accustomed to the silence, only broken by the clinging of cutlery.

My bowl is completely empty when I look up again and I'm startled to find Soubi staring at me. He smiles as he rests his chin atop laced fingers.

'Did you like it?'

Again, this catches me by surprise. I hadn't really thought about it. It's hardly relevant, I think to myself, as long as I don't know if Ritsuka likes it, it's unsafe to eat.

Soubi is still smiling expectantly.

'Did you, Ritsuka?'

I look away with a shrug.

'Sure.'

I see him rise in my peripheral vision and he squats down besides me.

'Then I think you would want to eat it all.'

He reaches out and brushes the corner of my mouth. I must have been too engrossed in eating to notice the small piece of mushroom that now sticks to the tip of his finger and Soubi presents it to me.

I don't have time to start blushing, my lips wrap around his fingertip the moment I look into his eyes, smiling more that the obligatory quirk of his lips.

The taste of the mushroom dissipates quickly, leaving the taste of nicotine spiked salt of Soubi's skin. Together with something else, something that reminds of strong arm pulling me into a hug - - even when I tell him not to!

Soubi pulls back his finger and brushes my lower lip with his thumb, even though I'm sure there are no more stray bits of food.

'Thank you,' it comes out breather than I intended.

Soubi's eyes seem ignited, shimmering from a light within and my mouth goes dry again. This time, it tastes sweet and I wonder why I feel hungry again. A hunger that runs much deeper than the need for sustenance. A hunger that is reflected in the darkening of Soubi's periwinkle eyes as he speaks.

'You're welcome, Ritsuka. What would you like for desert?'

A/N: Next week: the final part! Touch. Soubi is a creature forged from sensation.

I'm not quite finished with the next chapter yet and already it exceeds 1500 words, with many spaces for additions, so I shudder to think how long it will be when it's finished. I actually had to make a flow chart to figure out Soubi's line of reasoning. A flow chart!

Comments and critiques are very welcome.