Urgh. Ok, to be honest I didn't really like this chapter after writing it and re-reading it. So please give me feedback.
Thanks everyone for reviewing and suggesting words! I got so many I just couldn't choose which one to do :3 But please continue suggesting, it helps :)
Also, I might be absent/non-existent online for the next week or so since I have my yearly exams at school, meaning I have to start cramming the entire year's worth of notes and work into my miniscule-sized brain. So yes. Wish me luck~!
Love Letters
C is for CRUSH
"The truth is...I – I have a crush on you, Kunkun!"
"EEHH?"
BAM!
Suiseiseki brings her fist down on the table, rattling the teapot and saucers arranged carefully upon it.
"Damn that Miss Kitty! I hate her! How can she have a crush on Kunkun, desu?"
"Do not worry, Kunkun will not be led astray by that abominable woman, especially since she is a barbaric cat," Shinku's fist tightens on her cup of tea; nevertheless, she calmly reassures her sister from her stately seat in the middle of the couch.
"Unyuu, I hate Miss Kitty too!" declared Hinaichigo, swivelling around on her bottom to face Shinku with a pout. Her expression gradually melts into one of slight confusion. "...uuhh, what's a crush, nano?"
Shinku initially does not reply, acting as if the little doll had not spoken at all. Frustrated, Hinaichigo jumps up and tugs persistently at her older sister's sleeve.
"What does it mean when Miss Kitty has a crush on Kunkun? Heeey, Shin-kuuu!"
"Hinaichigo, kindly release my arm." Shinku frowns mildly down at Hinaichigo with an unfathomable look in her eyes. "If you do not know the meaning of having a crush on someone then I suggest you take it upon yourself to find out without unnecessarily bothering me." And with that, she leans forward and pours herself another cup of tea, signalling the end of that conversation. Still pouting, Hinaichigo turns to Jun, sitting next to Shinku.
"Jun!"
"No. Go away."
"Juuunnn!"
"Buzz off."
"JUN! JUUNNN!"
"FINE!" Jun glares down at Hinaichigo, who sits and peers expectantly up at him like a child waiting for some bedtime story. He clears his throat a little uncomfortably, wondering how best to explain this to someone as clueless as Hina is.
"A crush is when...when you like someone very much – a lot more than usual."
Hinaichigo stared at Jun blankly for a moment before her eyebrows crease into a tiny frown.
"So...if Hina likes Jun a lot, then Hina has a crush on Jun?"
"Er...nnn..."
"And...if Hina likes Shinku a lot, then Hina also has a crush on Shinku?"
"N-No, not quite like that, Hina...when I say 'like', I mean when you really...you know..." The look on Hinaichigo's face indicates that she does not. Jun sighs, running his hands through his hair.
"It's kind of like falling in love, but just...not fully yet. It's more like something along the way. Like at the beginning when you've only just realised but you're not sure yet." Hinaichigo continues to stare vacantly up at Jun, whereas Suiseiseki starts laughing like he's cracked a joke of some sort.
"The way you talk, chibi human, you must have had a crush on someone before!"
"Wh-what the hell? Don't barge into the conversation like that, you cursed doll!"
"You're such a useless chibi, using such long sentences to explain something as simple as a crush to a little kiddie like Hinaichigo. Her miniscule brain can only take so much, you know," says Suiseiseki, a maddening air of superiority about her.
"Unyuu, Hina's brain isn't mini-scule!"
"Yes it is, it's tinier than the tiniest pea, desu."
"Is NOT!"
"Humph. Either way, I can explain it much better to the chibi chibi Ichigo than Jun can." The Gardener leans in towards Hina's ear, winking conspiratorially and whispering like she is about to reveal the greatest secrets of the universe. Forgetting about her prior grudge against Suiseiseki, Hinaichigo tilts her head up eagerly.
"What's a crush, Suiseiseki?'
"Hohoh...it's really very simple. You see the chibi human over there; he has a big crush on Shinku."
Two jaws drop simultaneously – Hina's in wonder and Jun's in outrage.
"Unyuu...Jun has a crush on Shinku?"
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"
Suiseiseki smirks triumphantly. "Oh, just stop lying to yourself. It's sooo obvious any knucklehead can see it. You so have a humongous crush on Shinku."
The temperature of Jun's face skyrockets so high he wonders that his cheeks don't just melt right off his face. Shocked, he stutters about, trying to think of some retort to bite back with. None come to mind, and he is left opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish, unable to come up with a denial. Suiseiseki seems to take this to mean a victory, and she giggles at Jun's mortified face as Hinaichigo stares on in wonder.
"So...a crush is...like Jun and Shinku?"
"Yes, that's right. When you have a crush on someone you always want to be with them – that's why Jun follows Shinku around everywhere. And when you think about them all day, you know how the chibi always gives Shinku all of his attention and doesn't even look at me even though he's also my medium..."
"Who the hell would want to look at you?" yells Jun, struggling to restrain himself from strangling the Gardener.
"Ohhh, I get it now!" Hinaichigo says, her voice filled with awe.
"N-NO!"
"Yes!" Suiseiseki grinned nastily at Jun, and continued to speak earnestly to Hinaichigo, her speech punctuated with flamboyant gestures. "You know how Jun always does anything Shinku tells him to, you see how he always makes tea for Shinku but never for any of us... that's because when you have a crush on someone you're willing to do anything for them."
"SHUT UP!
"So...so Jun does have a crush on Shinku!"
"NO! WRONG! I DO NOT!" Growing increasingly desperate with every second, Jun is almost on the verge of tearing his hair out of his scalp with frustration. Unfortunately, Hinaichigo and Suiseiseki both gleefully continue as if he doesn't even exist.
"Jun has a crush on Shinku~"
"DO NOT!"
"Oh, pish-posh, I've seen the way your eyes look at her, desu~"
"Unyuu...looks at Shinku?"
"Yes, Chibi-Ichigo, it's called the look...of love..." Suiseiseki makes a dramatically sweeping pose and Hinaichigo gasps, her hands clasped together, staring wondrously up at the Gardener like she is some sort of an idol.
"Why you – "
"Suiseiseki." Shinku speaks up for the first time in the entire conversation, her clear voice cutting crisply through the air. They had almost forgotten she is still in the room, sitting right next to Jun himself as they speak. "Do you not think the joke can stop here?"
It is a mystery to him, and one he keeps to himself, that he finds his heart sinking when Shinku dismisses the whole idea of his having a crush on her as nothing more than a mean prank.
"Heh. Whoever said it was a joke?" the brunette doll scoffs, folding her arms and smirking at the scarlet-faced Jun. Shinku levels a firm gaze at Suiseiseki, her tone indicating a certain, unarguable finality, yet her eyes speaking of some unknown emotion stirring within the depths of those irises of serene blue.
"I say so." She directs her attention to the younger doll.
"Hinaichigo, keep your mouth closed. It is inelegant to leave it hanging like that. Ladies do not gawk. Now go and make me some more tea, if you please." Hina makes a face and reluctantly runs off into the kitchen.
"Boorr-rriinngg~" Suiseiseki drawls, folding her arms and sticking her tongue out. "I'm gonna go visit Souseiseki at Grandpa's, desu. See you, Shinku. Chibi-lover-boy."
"OI!" Jun swipes at the laughing Gardener but misses. When she leaves, he suddenly finds himself sitting on the couch alone with Shinku. There is a moment of silence, tinged with slight awkwardness, before he plucks up the courage to address her.
"How would you explain a crush?"
Shinku sighs, and he expects her to dismiss his question and not answer, but to his surprise, her expression changes ever so slightly – the corners of her mouth soften and her eyes grow gentler, almost wistful, almost sad.
"Love grows from the roots which it has been born from. It starts out small, unnoticed, and gradually matures, strengthens, and deepens...more and more until it fills you. Until you feel as if you are going to be overwhelmed. A crush is simply the beginning of that growth, like a newly sprouted seedling. The first realisation of love, if you will. To have a crush on someone is to hold feelings for them; romantic feelings, to be exact. And whilst Suiseiseki can certainly joke about it all she likes..." Shinku suddenly hesitates, and her eyes darken imperceptibly, a subtle shadow flickering behind the blue of her irises.
"...she is as well aware as anyone else that you cannot – do not feel that way about me, however much you do care for me...as...as a medium...so you do not need to get so worked up about her teasing..."
And then, almost inaudibly,"...after all, I am...just...a doll..."
Shinku says it so that no one can hear save for herself, but Jun hears it. He hears it, and suddenly, as if something inside him snaps at the uncertainty, the delicate sadness that threatens to break him, his hand reaches out and touches her cheek, gently but sudden enough to make her jolt with surprise.
A little thrown off by his own abrupt, impulsive action, Jun just stares at his hand on Shinku's cheek, his fingers resting on flawless pale skin with a light touch of rosy pink.
"That's...not..." he says softly, after a few moments of struggling silently to find the appropriate words to express this inexplicable, overpowering emotion that threatens to spill out of his chest. "...you're not just 'a doll'."
Simple words, stated as if they are the answer to everything.
"You're Shinku."
The world seems to stop for a split second, as if to just capture this one, single moment that Shinku and Jun share between them. A fleeting second that carries more significance than all the years they have lived up until now. The tenderness with which Jun speaks, the raw intensity in his eyes, the unsaid words that he aches to have the courage to say to her...the feeling is so strong it is almost tangible. She can almost reach out and touch pure emotion that saturates the air between them.
It is this moment that they both realise it – something much deeper, and much more profound.
A crush is a simple little thing indeed.
Of course, the moment passes, and the end of Shinku's blonde curls go flying through the air, colliding terrifically with Jun's cheek with a resounding smack!
"Don't touch me so casually."
"You cursed doll...I was trying to be nice!"
There are few words exchanged between them, but then there is no need for talk. It seems to be some unspoken realisation shared by the both of them that rejects the need to speak of what has passed between them. They sit there, both content with this mutual understanding.
"Just out of curiosity, though..." Jun looks up to see the blonde staring thoughtfully down at her teacup. "Have you ever had a crush before?" Shinku pierces Jun with that sharp, all-seeing gaze of hers, and all the excuses he has thought of die down in his throat.
He can't lie to her of all people. He won't lie to Shinku. She is the one person who is most deserving of his utmost honesty. He values her trust too much to exploit it, even for something as little as this. A betrayal is a betrayal, the truth is the truth. Jun looks down, his face red and awkward.
"I - I used to..." he finally admits, mumbling inarticulately and avoiding Shinku's eyes. "But...it changed...it's different."
He glances up quickly to see the barest traces of a smile gracing her lips before she turns away, and his pulse inadvertently quickens. It's useless to deny what is true, Jun thinks, even if that wicked Suiseiseki was just teasing him. But then, he is not completely lying when he says he doesn't have a crush on Shinku.
A single moment in which the realisation dawns, of something much deeper and much more profound.
No, perhaps he has known all along, he has just been too stubborn to admit it to himself.
That's right; what he feels – this is no longer just a little...
It is a hundred times, a thousand times, a million times...
Infinitely more than just a simple crush.
And now off for exam studying. I'll still drop by quickly for reviewing and stuff but don't expect very fast updates. Only for the next week or two. Don't worry, I'll be back straight after my exam week next week and write like it's the end of the world :)
Thanks for reading, everyone~! Meanwhile, D words, D words...
