New chapter~! I think I like this chapter a lot more than the previous one. And it took much less time to write...anyhoo, I am kind of high right now after reading Sin Oan's latest Marchen chapter of EPIC, so for anyone who's looking for a fantabulous read, just go on head over there and take a squiz. Really. Some serious stuff is happening now.

Okay, hopefully my unintelligible babbling hasn't put you off, so go forth and enjoy~! XD (Btw, formatting is still a bit dodgy. So yeah, I don't know when I'll be able to centre my titles again ;_; 'Tis very tragic).


Love Letters

H is for HANDS


"I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. Take me home. I want to go home. Let's just go home now." Jun steps back one pace, then two, three...

"Sakurada Jun. Come over here this instant." Shinku's voice rings out sharply in the corridor, stern and resolute, commanding absolute obedience. She is standing before him, her small form framed in the doorway. "Do you hear me, Jun? Get back here."

They are currently situated in the second floor corridor of the local middle school – the very one that Jun used to attend and should still be attending, albeit no longer as a first year, had he not become a social recluse. Although he had seemingly felt reasonably comfortable with returning to this place whilst considering it at home, actually being here in person was much, much harder than he expected. Earlier that morning, Tomoe had dropped by in a rush on her way to a regional kendo competition.

"Please, Jun, I left some really important books back at school and we have a class test on Monday, so could you go and get them for me?" she had begged, looking uncharacteristically flustered in his doorway.

"Of course, it would be his pleasure," Shinku butted in abruptly without so much as batting an eyelid. Unfortunately for Jun, Tomoe had then thanked him without bothering to ask him for an answer and promptly left, supposedly being quite late for this extremely important kendo competition. There had been no chance of Nori doing it instead of him, for she too was out on Saturday lacrosse training.

And so, here he ended up, confronted suddenly by his worst fear and nightmare – standing here in his old school, in front of his old classroom, and completely alone.

Well, not completely

"Geez, puny human, when are you going to grow some balls and get moving?" Suiseiseki pouts, tapping her foot against the ground impatiently. Souseiseki stands beside her, looking around in wonder.

"Why the hell did I bring you along?"

"Because Shinku insisted. Now hurry up and do whatever it is you're supposed to, desu!"

"So this is what a school looks like. I've only seen it on television. Fascinating," murmurs Souseiseki, studying a blob of dried bubblegum stuck on the wall. She gasps and points at a permanent marker scribble on the windowsill. "Is that – could that be...the famous sign that adorns school walls all over the world...the legendary...graffiti?"

"Waaahhhhh~! This is fun!" Hinaichigo is here too, running around like a child let loose at an amusement park, arms and legs flailing everywhere.

"Oh, come on, Shinku, just forget about Jun, go get the book, and let's go home already! You're wasting time," Suiseiseki complains. The fifth doll doesn't budge from where she is blocking the Gardener from barging into the classroom and snatching the books herself.

"No, Suiseiseki. This is a valuable opportunity for Jun to overcome his irrational fear. It is something that he must do himself."

"Pffft. Fine, then. We'll just spend the rest of the day waiting for the useless chibi to get over himself, desu. Come on, Souseiseki, Hinaichigo, let's go wait outside and leave these two sillies together."

Shinku watches her sisters leave with a look of mild exasperation before turning back to Jun, still hyperventilating and rooted to the spot.

Oh, did you hear about that Sakurada boy?

Yeah, I hear he has weird hobbies – he likes sewing and all that girl stuff.

What a disgusting kid.

He thinks he's so cool but he got bottom on the national tests.

Wasn't he supposed to be one of those 'gifted' students?

Huh. Gifted, my arse. He was probably just lucky last time.

Yeah, but now look at him...

The air seems to shiver with the whispers of fleeting half-memories, too painful to fully remember, too painful to ever fully forget. He can taste the bitter humiliation on his tongue, phantom eyes staring at him in accusation, pressing up against him from all sides, squeezing against his chest...

"Jun." Shinku's clear voice rings out like a bell, a crisp, clean tone that seems to slice through the air and cut away the heavy pressure creeping up all around him. His breathing eases and he feels lighter, but when he looks up at the classroom door and takes a faltering step forward, his vision swims and blurs and he stops abruptly, breath catching in his throat.

I can't do this.

"You can do this." The doll's tone is firm, but not unkind. "Come stand next to me, Jun."

"I...I...can't..."

"You can, Jun. I know you can," Shinku says it with such conviction that he is half-inclined to believe her. Her eyes hold his in a steady gaze, drawing him step by step closer. He is almost only a metre away from her when he halts, his feet seemingly frozen in place, unable to carry him closer. His breathing quickens abruptly too, and an overwhelming, unbearable wave of fear comes crashing down over him.

"Jun, you know you are able to do this" Shinku calls again, the pure, unwavering faith in the timbre of her voice enough to tip him onto the verge of tears. She believes in him. Jun can see it shining out of her like a light – she honestly believes that he can do this, with every strand of hair, every fibre of her body. With the same faith he has seen her fight with so often in the Alice Game, the faith that she has the ability to achieve her dreams, she beckons to him now with the belief that he too, can have faith in himself.

I can't do this...alone...not by myself...

Shinku has been fighting and believing for much longer than I have.

She has always been fighting a lonely battle...alone...for so long...

But I don't have even a fraction of that strength.

"Take my hand."

He blinks through his tear-clouded eyes to see Shinku's tiny hand stretched out towards him. She is smiling only very slightly, so faintly that he almost can't tell, but her eyes are as the tender as the sky's gentle breath. Slowly, ever so slowly, he reaches out until their fingertips touch lightly. And then, as his breathing calms and the fear begins to ebb away, her fingers brush across his until she has slipped her hand across his palm and gently enclosed it in hers.

She takes one step back, and he follows with a step forward.

Then another.

And another, until they are walking step for step, hand in hand.

"Come along, Jun," Shinku says quietly, leading him across the front of the room. "I believe Tomoe said she sits in the middle seat of the first row." She stops in front of a desk.

"This one?"

Jun takes a quick look at the books neatly piled on top of it.

"Yes, this is Tomoe's," he nods, surprised he is still able to even speak. He realises all of a sudden that he is no longer afraid. Indeed, some of the fear is still there, lingering at the back of his mind like a bruise that refuses to fade, but unlike before, what keeps him here now is the reassurance that he no longer needs to face it alone.

This hand intertwined with his, firm but kind, soft but strong.

So small, yet so warm. Her hand embraces his fingers the same way the first mild sunlight of spring curls around tender new green shoots and softly melts away the last of winter's harsh frost. Shinku seems to melt away his fears the same way.

"I'm sorry," he blurts out unexpectedly, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he even realises what he is saying. The blonde doll peers up curiously up at him.

"What for?"

Jun hesitates, not quite sure himself.

For being weak?

For being a coward?

"It's just that...I...even though you – "

"There is nothing to be apologising about, Jun. You did exactly what was needed of you, and that is enough."

"But I couldn't do it. I – "

"You could and you did. Aren't we standing here now?"

"I wouldn't have been able to do it if you weren't here. I can't do anything alone." His voice wavers and breaks. "You were always fighting by yourself, but I don't – "

"Jun, do you think that I would rather fight by myself than alongside others? Do you think bearing burdens alone is better than having others who would gladly shoulder them with you? Fear is unbearable unless you have someone to bear it with you, and happiness is useless unless you have someone to share it with." Shinku's hand tightens around his. They are so small, so very much smaller than his own, but her slender fingers fit in with his own like they were made to be held together, intertwined as one.

"Why do you think we seek things like love and friends and companions? Because we love to know that we are not alone. We need to know."

"But I'm useless. I'm just a hindrance to those around me. I'm better off alone."

"Wrong, Jun. You are never alone." Shinku raises her hand, still clasped with his, and stretches her fingers so that they are lined up and their palms press up flat against one another. "Look."

He stares at the ring on the fourth finger of his left hand. The medium's ring, which signifies the contract Shinku has forged with him, a bond she made in the name of her Rosa Mystica.

"Our hands are always joined together, whether I am right here with you, or if I am far away on the other side of the world."

If the past is too painful for you to gaze back,

If the future is too uncertain for you to see ahead,

Just look beside you, and I'll be there.

She holds up her hand against his, and the rings glow softly on matching fingers, warm against both their skins.

Right here.

Because...

Our hands are always joined.


Thank you for reading~! Your time is very, very much appreciated. And now...the tiny voice in your head is telling you to review...the button beckons...XD