***DISCLAIMER***
Me: (waiting on the guys to return, sitting with Jami and my friend Mer.) I only let you guys comet this time because you both contributed to the writing. So don't get used to it.
Jami: I've already met them once.
Mer: Don't remind me!
Me: (rolls eyes)
Adam: (walks in) I hope you let your readers understand that I have never even thought about "offing" myself.
Me: (bites lip) I'm sorry, the idea just went w/ the story.
Adam: (smiles) I know, and it was good. I just wanted people to know I've never done that.
Me: Trust me. We Glamberts know you would never do anything like that.
Tommy: (walks in and sees Jami and Mer; frowns) I thought you said it was getting too confused.
Me: (shrugs) It was, but they helped me write this chapter.
Adam: (confused) Why would you need help? You are already doing a great job.
Me: (shrugs) I'm not good at writing this kind of stuff.
Tommy: (looks at me suspiciously) What kind of stuff?
Me: (giggles) Why don't you read and find out?
Tommy: I'm not going to regret this am I?
Mer: Maybe
Jami: Maybe not
Adam: I wanna know! (smiles seductively)
Mer & Jami: (swoon)
Me: (to the readers) Enjoy this chapter you guys, and as a warning...the is a bit of a lemon...so don't say I didn't warn you!
~Chapter Nine~
Broken pieces, break into me
So imperfectly what you should be
Lay here, it's safe here, I'll let you be broken open
Hide here, confide here so we can be broken open
"Mr. Ratliff, do you realize this production is tomorrow!" Ms. O' Conner, the director, scolded me in front of the entire cast and crew in the auditorium.
"We can't afford absences, not this close to show time. . ."
Her scratchy voice continued to ramble, nagging over and over about the importance of punctuality- I zoned out the whole rant until it was nothing more than a slight buzzing noise in the background. I knew this morning when I woke up, that a lecture was inevitable, so I had prepared myself for the worst.
Practice hadn't even started yet, leaving everyone else bored shitless while she gave me the third degree. All the cast and the rest of the band were sitting on stage props or the stage itself, waiting for the endless tirade to cease. Every one of them seemed just as tired of Ms. O'Conner's birdlike voice as I was.
Adam was sitting on the edge of the stage, with his long legs dangling freely over it-just out of my reach. He seemed distracted, and he had been that way all day, but when my focus fell upon him he caught sight of me and smiled. By the time I realized I was gawking at him, it was too late, and I was already turning read at the cheeks.
". . .What could have been so important to make you miss practice!" The directors foot tapped impatiently on the thinly carpeted ground, waiting for my answer.
I doubted she even realized I hadn't been paying attention to her, because not once did she stop to make sure I was listening.
"Mr. Ratliff!" she ordered, demanding I speak.
With an annoyed sigh, I brought my undivided attention back to her. "I was in detention okay? I missed practice because kids in this school are jerks and need to get a life that doesn't make other students feel like shit! So I'm sorry I missed practice. . ." I looked up at the tall ceiling-as if to scream it to the world, "I'm sorry I stood up for my best friend and ended up breaking a kid's nose!" I then brought my line of sight down to meet Adam's crystal eyes, and my tone was softer when I spoke. ". . . And I'm sorry people don't understand and are complete ass holes."
One side of Adams lips pulled up into a slight smirk, but not a full smile; I returned the gesture. Ms. O'Conner's pale face turned a number of shades of red, and then blanched again as her expression returned to its natural permanent scowl.
"Mr. Ratliff, you'd better be glad I am in a good mood today, otherwise that mouth of yours would have just landed you another detention."
I rolled my eyes. If this was the way she acted when she was in a good mood, then I sure as hell didn't want to really piss her off. All along she had been in a good mood; she just had a shitty way of displaying it. Although it wouldn't surprise me if she was somehow hiding a pointed tail and a set of horns.
Once or lovely director decided she was done with me, practice began; therefore I placed myself next to Monte off to the side where the band was supposed to play. There were three rows of chairs, and I porously chosen to sit in the very back because I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate on playing the right cords if Adam was three feet in front of me singing and dancing. We started with the opening number, and Adam took his place on stage, naturally adapted to being in the spot light.
I had seen Grease a grand total of once, and the musical really didn't have a lasting impression on me. Thankfully, for the sake of my eardrums, the drama department decided to modernize the songs a bit, while keeping the time set still in the 1950s. At first the idea seemed disastrous to everyone but me and Adam. But once Adam started singing as the lead role, Danny, it was hard to dislike the performance, so the idea stayed. Adams talent surpassed everyone as far as acting and singing ability, and like I said, it was going to hard as fuck to ignore him.
For just a little over an hour, my fingers graced over the thick strings of my red electric bass guitar while Adam sang- filling the auditorium with his angelic vocals. Practice though, flew by too quickly; mainly because half of it was spent on lecturing me, and soon we were both sitting in Adams mustang. The engine wasn't running and the radio was silent. We were both just sitting there- it was the most unusual moment to ever pass between the two of us, and I didn't particularly like it. The emotions in my head were screaming to break open and tell him how I felt, but this wasn't the right time. Something like that needed a little more. . . I wasn't sure.
Adam shifted beside me, biting his bottom lip. Something was definitely putting him on the edge, he only bit his lip when he was nervous or something was bugging him. He had never been this quiet. I was about to give up on him, when he finally broke the suffocating silence.
"I think it's going to rain again." He said looking blindly out the windshield.
Over head, big ominous gray clouds loomed, threatening to pour down upon us. I didn't understand all the rain. Usually the weather was decent in the fall here in Cali.
"Yeah." I agreed watching them glide across the sky with the wind.
We had resulted in talking about the weather. If there was any sign something wasn't right, it was starting a conversation about the fucking weather.
"Maybe we should get home before it starts." I suggested, feeling even more awkward the longer I sat beside him. Adam nodded, stared the car and drove out of the empty parking lot.
The ride wasn't much better. I had taken the liberty of turning on the radio when the odd feeling still lingered. The music didn't help. My mind paid no attention to the song on the sound system; instead I was lost in thought. The cogs and wheels in my head were trying to unravel what was wrong. Did I do something to upset him? I thought back to the day's events, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. After yesterday, I would have thought after pouring our hearts and souls out that our bond would be stronger. Maybe it wasn't me, maybe it was the fact that the fucking principal hadn't made any effort to remove the vandalism from his locker. That definitely would piss me off. Or it could be that opening night was tomorrow, I didn't even have a speaking part and I was freaking out. But something in my gut told me that wasn't the case.
Before long, my mind drifted off into nothing, and Adam pulled up to the curb. I grabbed my things from the back and looked at Adam.
"Are you okay?" I asked, concern lining my features.
He didn't say anything. He just smiled at me, meeting my eyes and nodded. I didn't know what to say, for once I couldn't read him. I didn't want to push him into telling me what was wrong, but at the same time I really wanted to know. Before I got out, I waited for the three little words he always asked, but they never came.
"See ya tomorrow." I said with a smile, hoping to bring one to his lips.
"See ya." His tone was sad.
I pushed the car door shut and he drove away, as a loud clap of thunder echoed in the sky-sending droplets of moisture to the ground. At first the rain fell softly in tiny drops, then gradually fell heavier as the drops grew. I realized as I was stand in the rain, he wasn't coming back until tomorrow, or maybe never. He didn't promise a ride in the morning like he always did, so why should I expect one? In the past I learned not to take things for granted, because every time I did, whatever it was ended up disappearing. So I never counted on a ride unless he gave me his word.
With a sigh, I trudged through the rain and into my house. Cold water dripped from my soaked hair onto the wooden floor. There was a dim glow from the living room which lead me to suspect that was where my mother was at. Again, my nose picked up a different sent that didn't quite fit the house.
The TV was on in the living room, which explained the bluish glow. My mother was laying on the couch, staring blankly at the screen. A canceled sitcom played out on the glowing television and I sat in the chair diagonal from where my mother was sitting, and she didn't seem to notice my presence.
"Mom?" I questioned somewhat concerned.
Her brown eyes lazily moved from the TV screen to me, looking tired and blood shot, then she smiled.
"Could you, you uh. . .bring me a water bottle please?" she asked, tripping over her words.
My forehead creased, something wasn't right. "Sure. . ."
I got up slowly, watching her, and then went into the kitchen to get her the water. When I walked into the kitchen, the odor got stronger, and even more so when I opened the refrigerator. I stood with the door open for a long time, letting the cold air out into the open. Looking closely at the plastic containers, I noticed the seals were already broken on all of them, but they were still completely full. After a while, the answer to it all struck me. I picked up one of the bottles, and slowly unscrewed the plastic cap. Cautiously, I sniffed the contented, and my nose immediately was met with a burning sensation that made my eyes water.
"No. . ." I whispered. I felt as if I was falling back into a deep hole. A tidal wave of hopelessness and defeat crushed into me like the ocean to a rock. I wanted to sink to the floor and cry.
She hadn't gotten any better, not at all. If anything, she found a way to be more secretive about her addiction. It was bad enough that she was drinking again, but this time she was lying to me. How could my own mother lie to me? My mother knew I wouldn't have recognized the scent of vodka; I wasn't used to that smell. Her favorite was Jack Daniels, it always had been, but I knew that odor all too well.
"No!" I screamed, throwing the open bottle onto the ground. Frustration began pumping through my system as my hopelessness turned to anger.
My mother heard my outburst and staggered into the room. "Whatareyou doing?" her words slurred together. She glanced down at me then to the mess at my feet.
"How could you?" I hissed glaring at her. She shook her head violently; sober enough to realize she had gotten caught.
"Don't you start this Ronny. You don't understand."
"Don't understand! What the fuck is there to understand! And for the last time, I'm Tommy! Your son! Your god damn son!" I screamed at her.
She closed her eyes and shook her head again. "Nono, now uh giveme mydrink." She reached out her hand.
"Hell no!" I spat.
When I denied her the poison, she came at me, knocking me to the ground. The impact with the floor forced all the air out of my lungs, and for a second I couldn't breathe with her weight on top of me. Pain rippled through my entire body when she dug her long fingers nails along the flesh of my check. I resisted the urge to shout as the sting from my tareing flesh brought tears to my eyes. I felt warm blood rush to the wound, and out onto the floor.
My mother was never going to get better, no matter what I did to help her, it was never going to end. I rolled her over, pressing her shoulders firmly to the vodka soaked floor. Blood dripped form my scars, and onto the floor, mixing with the alcohol. Like usual, she fought back with kicks and screams; trying bit at my fingers only to fail. It was amazing how much strength she had when she was in this state. I knew her rant would run out of energy soon, so I kept her pinned do the floor.
"What the hell do I have to do to get you back to being my mother?" I cried.
Salty tears were falling from my face, fueled by anger, frustration, pity; every emotion I was fluctuating expressed themselves through heavy tears.
"Why the fuck should I try to care for you when you can't even stay sober enough to make an effort yourself!" I added.
Suddenly her mood shifted and she began to cry uncontrollably, like I predicted. "I'll try, I'll try! I'm sorry, I'll try!"
She rolled her head back and forth in the puddle of alcohol, her dark hair seeping it up like a sponge. I glared down at her, only hearing lies pour out of her mouth.
"No you won't" I seethed. "You can't let him go, and it's killing you because you just can't do it. You drink to forget but it doesn't do shit."
"You just don't understand. . ." she sobbed again.
My blood boiled. "I understand perfectly! You loved him, you miss him. I get it! Did you ever once think what it did to me when I found him? It felt like ever vessel in my system burst and my heart could no longer pump. I couldn't breath, or think or even fucking move! I was the one who got his blood on my shoes, not you. I found him!" I paused. "But I got over it. I got clean. I took care of everything while you sat on your ass and drank yourself until you couldn't feel anymore!"
I could see the shock in her brown eyes when I stood up. "You know what? I'm done. I can't fucking take it anymore. If you want to stay here and drink yourself into oblivion, be my guest. But I won't be here to find you when you do."
With my sleeve I wiped the blood from my cheek and walked away. Behind me I could hear my mother's weak begs and empty promises; all wanting me to come back. But I couldn't. Without even a backward glance I left the house and walked out into the pouring rain.
~oOo~
I was running, running blindly through the down pour, not knowing where I was going. My feet splashed into every puddle, soaking my feet in cold, muddy water. The rain masked the tears falling from my eyes as I ran. I had wanted to run for so long, but now the only thing I wanted to do was curl up on the wet ground and waste away. My good deeds went unnoticed and all the bad ones never failed to punish me.
My tired legs finally stopped, and I just stood there, letting the rain drip off my features. Slowly I could feel the world slipping from my grasp again just as I thought it was getting better. They said nothing lasted forever, and my happiness sure as hell didn't, but could this hurt and torment go on for eternity? Somehow I believed it would.
Dark clouds loomed over head rumbling louder as the storm intensified. I wasn't about to stay on the street again, but I couldn't go back to that house. There were too many nightmares. After a while, my feet began moving again, only this time I knew where they were taking me. It was the first place I knew to go.
"Tommy?" Adam's brother answered the door with a confused look on his face.
"Hey." I said, suddenly glad that the rain was hiding my tear soaked face. Adam was the only one in his family that knew my family life was fucked up. We decided that it would be easier that way. I didn't want him mom and dad to bother my mom, even if she was drunk all the time. Mainly I didn't want his parents bothering me about it.
I did my best to act cool, which with the way I was feeling was not easy. "Is your bother home?" I asked putting my hands in my pockets. The wind was starting to blow harder, sending a chill through my body.
"Um. . .yeah."
Neil left the door open, sprinting up the stairs calling for his brother. It didn't take long for Adam to appear.
"Jesus Neil!" Adam shouted over his shoulder when he reached the door. "You could have let him inside!"
Adam opened the door wider, motioning me to come inside. For the first time, I didn't feel better when I seen him. Thinking back to how he acted earlier, I wasn't sure if I was really welcome.
"Sorry about him." Adam apologized.
When he looked at me, I knew he could see through the mask of rain. "What happened?" he asked, the frustrated tone in his voice fading.
There was a light on in the living room, and in case someone was there, I didn't want to say anything. "Could we go upstairs and talk about it?" I asked, my body beginning to shiver.
There was no hesitation as Adam nodded and lead me up the stairs to his room. There was only one light lit part of his room. I didn't know how many times I sat in the darkness of my room on days that were much like this one. His script lay open on his bed from where he had been reading until I interrupted.
Without me asking, Adam pulled a pair of sweat pants and a dry hoodie from his dresser and tossed them to me. "You must be freezing. You can change in the bathroom." he smiled softly.
Grateful, I took the dry clothes to the bathroom and peeled the soaking wet cloth off my body. The baggy fabric felt good against my cold skin. Wet strands of hair stuck to my face, which was extremely irritating. I took a towel off the rack and did my best to dry it quickly with a couple of rough rubs.
When I returned to his room, he was looking over his script. His perfect lips mouthed each word silently to himself, and I was staring for a brief moment.
"I'm sorry." I finally said, standing in the door way. "I didn't know where else to go. And I had to get out of there. . .I just. . ."
I was so tired of crying, and I didn't want Adam to see me like this, but I couldn't stop. Any other time I would have opened up and poured it all out to him, but with the way he acted this afternoon, I wasn't sure what to do.
"Tell me what happened." He murmured motioning to sit beside him. My knees were weak as I walked bare foot across the room and onto the pillowy mattress.
"Tell me." Adam coxed again.
When I sat I didn't look at him. I couldn't. "I didn't work. She hasn't gotten any better Adam. She didn't even try!" I felt more tears roll down my cheek, burning my new scars.
"What do you mean?" Adams brows pulled together.
I wiped the tears on my sleeve. "She as been seeking alcohol this whole time. She put vodka in the water bottles! I don't know how but she did! I should have seen it! If only I would have found out sooner! God this is all my fault!" my pitiful sobs turned into hysteric rants. "Why can't I help her!"
Adam moved close to me, draping his arm around my torso. "Shh. . ." he cooed.
I pressed my cheek to his chest, looping my arms around his body and let my tears stain his perfectly good shirt. For a long time neither one of us said anything while we were locked in the embrace, and things between us seemed less tense. To some, I figured the picture of us would look somewhat odd, but I didn't care. Never had I ever been so close to Adam, I didn't want to let him go. The rhythmical sound of his heart beat against my ear, and it's continuous sound calmed me. My tears had stopped, but the pain still lingered.
Adam never said a word, he just gently rocked back and forth like a mother would do with a child. The entire time my thoughts drifted away until I could no longer remember what I was so upset about. Adam was like a sponge, he soaked up every ounce of pain and sadness around me, and released nothing but good energy.
With a deep breath, I released myself from his grasp, feeling somewhat better. The ache was still there, but I did my best to ignore it.
"Better now?" Adam asked with smoldering eyes. I pulled the almost dry strands of hair out of my face and nodded.
"As good as I'm ever gonna get." I muttered.
He looked at me with those hypnotizing blue eyes I loved so very much, and he smiled lovingly at me. I had to tell him how I felt. I couldn't deny it anymore. If this was to be the last time we were to ever share together, then at least I had been in his arms once.
"Adam." I said, finally looking him spare in the eye, swallowing the lump in my throat. I wanted to explain myself, but I didn't have time to.
In a blur, Adam's soft lips came crashing down on mine Adams body tensed up in surprise, then relaxed, smiling under my lips. He parted the kiss short enough to give me a delighted smirk, and then met my lips again.
His careful hands caressed my face gently on both sides, avoiding the scratches. I felt myself tremble at his delicate touches that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. My heart was pounding in my chest, making my blood run cold before quickly turning to a boil. A tightness rose in my chest that I couldn't describe, but I welcomed it.
Adams lips tasted so amazing, it was enough to make my over beating heart stop. They were more appetizing then I could have ever imagined. He breathed heavily between our kiss, and I savored the sweet breath; letting it fill my body with pleasure. With his palm on my chest, Adam pushed me back onto the mattress, our lips never leaving the others.
He glided his tongue over my heated lips, sending my head soaring above the heavens from the euphoric feelings that tingled throughout my body. We turned on our sides laying next to each other. Adams right hand trailed down the side of my body and to my waist. Despite being completely consumed and concentrated on Adam, I was fully aware of the small space separating our bodies.
My lips parted with a quiet sounding desperate moan, and his tongue slid in between the small gap. As he explored the contours of my mouth, the knot in my stomach started to tighten. I was at his mercy. There wasn't a thing I could do that I could do and I did t care. Adam was in control. I needed more of him. God I needed him.
I moved myself closer to him, sealing the gap. My heart beat drummed in my ears, although the erratic sound could've belonged to Adam.
"Tommy. . ." Adam gasped softly as his face pulled away from mine. His intense stormy blue eyes stared into mine endlessly. There was a fierceness in them that was scary, but I likes it, probably too much.
My breathes came out in laborous pants, like I had just finished running a marathon, and my head was still spinning-my heart still racing from the sensual kiss. Why had I waited so long for this moment? Nothing else would ever make me feel like the way Adam made me feel. Every second his skin was in contact with mine, my deepest passions were awakened and set free.
"Don't stop." I murmured, staring into his smoldering blue eye.
"I won't." he assured me with soft kiss. "I could do this forever."
I smiled at his words, and his lips moved to the sensitive skin on his neck. His hand glided to the inner part of my thigh, and I felt myself twitch. He laid trail of sweet butterfly kisses along my neck and jaw line. I hummed in blissful ecstasy as his tongue kneaded my delicate flesh. Everything that he did sent chills running down my spine. I was his and he knew it from the way his soft lips smiled against my neck.
"Adam. . ." I moaned, breathing heavily.
"Yes?" Adam answered. I moaned again as his hand slid under my shirt.
"Yes?" He asked again with a smile, already knowing what I wanted.
"Please." I begged.
He kissed my cheek gently and moved his fingers to the drawstring of my pants, giving the thread a small tug.
"But you look so adorable in my sweats." He teased before sliding his hand under the thick fabric, and I felt them slip off.
My toes curled and my fists clenched, gathering handfuls of thick blankets. He sucked on my neck, pressing his tongue against my skin to add to the pressure. My eyes rolled into the back of my head, and my fingers moved to his shirt and griped it tight.
"Aww Fuucck!" I groaned.
My back arched pressing my trembling body closer to his. My fingers moved from the thin cloth of his shirt to his thick brown hair. With every wave of arousal that came at me, I pulled and tugged until my fingers were tangled in it.
Breathing heavily, my shaking fingers pulled from his hair and to the small silver button on his jeans. My hand slipped from the button and I scowled making Adam laugh. He moved his lips to my earlobe, and his teeth slightly grazed the small piece of skin. I fought with the button a while longer, anxious to get his pants undone, but it was near impossible to concentrate with Adams lips on me. Finally, my frustration ripped the small piece from the hole, and I pulled the zipper down slowly.
Adam kissed my shoulder, before bringing his lips back to my ear.
"You don't have to do this." he whispered. His soft warm lips brushed against my skin and he spoke.
I shook my head. "I want to." I murmured.
With shaking hands, I slid him out of his pants.
"it's okay Tommy." Adam said.
I swallowed the build up in my throat and didn't hesitate after that. Adams own hands pulled at the zipper of my jacket, and worked it off of me. He ran his hands over my naked chest and my stomach rippled at his touch. My heart pumped erratically, causing my blood to run hot again. Adams breaths came out heavily as he snakes his tongue between my lips and into my mouth releasing a deep moan. He moved against my body as I touched him, moaning and groaning in pleasure. Adams hands left goosebumps on my chest despite how warm and welcoming his fingers were. With his body close to mine, I could tell he was getting closer to his climax from the rapid rate at which his heart was beating.
Wanting to explore more of him before he peeked, my free hand tugged at the him of his shirt, fighting vigorously to remove it. Why was I having so much trouble taking his clothes off? What ever the reason, it was beginning to piss me off. With a little help I was able to rare it off of his torso, revealing his bare chest. Adam tangled his fingers in my hair, and his back arched as he finally reached his climax.
"Toommmyy!" he groaned, his eyes fluttering close and his body going limp. Hearing my name flow from his mouth the way it did sent a haunting chill down my spine.
Adams body rolled off of mine, onto his back beside me, his sweat covered chest moving up and down rapidly. My eyes wondered over his naked body, stopping at his frozen lips. Adam's eyes were closed, his head resting on a pillow with his mouth wide open. I didn't want to stop- he tasted sweeter than I thought possible. He was more addicting than any drug I had ever poisoned myself with.
When Adam calmed down, I greedily positioned myself ontop of him, longing for more of him. There was no resistance when I touched my lips back to his, our bodies trembling with arousal as we made contact. I sucked on his bottom lip and my hands yanked his brown hair again. Slowly I felt Adams hands move down my body.
"Oh. . ." I moaned.
I wanted to be in control this time. I wanted to hear him say my name again; in a sound more invigorating than when he sang.
I clenched my fingers around his wrists, not once allowing our lips to part, and I pushed his hands over his head. Adam smiled as I moved my lips to the side of his neck and lightly brushing my fingers down his arms.
"You're amazing." Adam sighed, placing his hands on my back. I smiled back at him, taking his lips to mine. They danced together in a more delicate, tender way this time-less lust driven.
Suddenly I was tired. In the last few hours so much had happen, and not all of it was bad after all. I couldn't help but smile at how happy I felt.
Sensing the shift in my body language, Adams lips slowly pulled away from mine, and his eyes stared up at me, glistening. He smiled knowingly, and I rolled onto my back beside him. A stillness hovered in the air, creating a silence that I would never forget. Laying side by side, heads on fluffy pillows, we looked at each other, not having to say a single thing. We both knew we could no longer hide what we felt for each other. I loved Adam more than I probably should, in ways that society would say I shouldn't, but I didn't give a fuck what everyone else thought. This right here was the epitome of my happiness. I was only happy when I was with Adam even when my mother was well. Adam made all the nightmares go away, he made me forget how putrid and vile my life was.
"Thank you." I whispered, practically inaudible through the pouring rain. I realized after I said it, that the timing could have been better.
A quirky smile lit Adams face a little confused.
"You're welcome?" his chuckled response came out like a question.
"I guess that sounded kinda bad didn't it?" I laughed. "What I meant was thank you for not giving up on me."
The smile on Adams face became loving and he turned on his side, scooting closer to me.
"I would never give up on you." he told me. "You have got to be the strongest person I have ever met. I knew you would come around."
His hand moved the tangled blond away from my face as he spoke, leaving more goosebumps on my skin. My eyelids grew heavy as I laid next to him, completely content, until Adams lullaby-ish hums finally put me to sleep.
A/N: Okay, so im sorry this one took a bit to get up, but i was having a problem typing it so it didn't sound awkward, hopefully it is okay. lol any who...not very many chapters left! about three or four! Don't forget to review and let me know what you thought! xD
*Thanks for all the reviews! you guys are all so amazing! love ya!
~Jackie!
