in the Marvel Universe. Mainly New York.


i.

"…you were bitten by a magical girl." Spiderman repeated, massaging the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger.

"A radioactive magical girl," Madoka stressed. "Definitely radioactive. Glowy and everything." Her cheeks dimpled.

Spiderman felt like ringing up a therapist. Samson was a name bandied about quite often. "And now you fight crime-?"

"With great power," Madoka said solemnly, "comes great-"

ii.

Headlines:

-Iron man – the inside scoop!

-Superskrull attacks Manhattan

-Spiderman attacks little girl!

iii.

"He attacked you?" Mami asked, scandalized.

Madoka moaned, nursing the bump on her forehead with an ice pack. "Spiderman sucks."

Sayaka looked stricken. Kyouko snickered.

Homura looked slightly homicidal.

iv.

Peter Parker, better known to the world as Spiderman, was having a rather average day. Three or four genetic experiments in the morning, bank robbery in the afternoon (hi Shocker, buh-bye Shocker), a few scattered memories of having been married (what was that all about?) -

When night came, though, he met another little girl that was into fighting crime. He dropped down from the ceiling, hanging from a webline.

"You're a little young to be-"

v.

Sayaka was trying not to put a permanent dent into her forehead as she kneaded it with her fist. Still, it was a close thing.

"You kidnapped Spiderman," she finally ground out.

Homura – also known as Hourglass, a former alien invader of some sort or another – nodded politely. She was, indeed, carrying Spiderman. Or someone that was wearing Spiderman's costume.

And yeah, that was a traq dart in his shoulder, one of Gunsmith's - aka Mami's - creations.

"You can't kidnap Spiderman." Sayaka said, throwing her hands up. "Put him back where you found him!"

"He was mean to Madoka." Homura said, which was as close to petulant as the cyborg-alien-time-traveller ever got.

"We're trying to be superheroes." Sayaka said, trying very hard not to scream. Having a conversation like this in front of an apartment while in full costume at two in the morning was probably somewhat suspicious but whatever. "And to be completely fair," Sayaka pointed out, "Ma – um, Puella Magi did take out two blocks worth of city street after the Rhino showed up."

Homura frowned at her which would have been terrifying if Sayaka wasn't absolutely sure that Madoka had her pet alien on a tight leash.

Plus, healing factor. Made life a lot less stressful. More painful, yes, but less stressful.

Okay, that was a lie.

"Go." She ordered grimly. "Put him back."

vi.

Kyouko, also known as Scorpion (no relation to the green guy wearing the venom suit), blinked.

She took a can of Sprite out of the fridge and slurped it down as she considered the brand new occupants of, respectively, the floor and the couch. One was really fat. The other one had red and blue tights on.

"Madoka?" She called after two cans worth of quiet (and sugary) contemplation.

"Yes?" Came the singsong voice.

"Why is the Kingpin tied to our couch?"

There was a moment of silence.

"The Kingpin is tied to our couch?"

Kyouko considered the occupant of the couch. "Well. He's fat. And bald. And really, really big. Yeah, I think it's the Kingpin."

Another moment of silence.

"I, um, don't know?"

Kyouko shrugged and swiped an ice tea.

Another two cans of quiet contemplation ensued before she finally asked:

"Madoka?"

"Yes?"

"Why is Spiderman tied to our floor?"

vii.

Sayaka disliked dealing with guns. Mostly because she somehow always became the pincushion and secondly because her healing factor usually just buried the bullets inside until Mami could dig them out which was all sorts of uncomfortable.

Thus she was somewhat irritable when she got back to base after a gang shootout and discovered that their home had gained two new (involuntary) tenants.

"Hero-ing doesn't work like that," Sayaka roared. "You can't kidnap Spider-man and cancel out the evil of that act by kidnapping the Kingpin!"

"You are being irrational, mutant." Homura snarled back. "Clearly it does. I can prove it." Her glare intensified. "Using math."

Sayaka's eyebrow ticked. "Homura-" she growled.

Mami, blissfully unaware of the brewing conflict, untied the Kingpin of crime and the local webhead and sent them back home with a stern warning not to upset Madoka who was at 'that age' and then gave each of them a cup of very delicious chamomile tea to make up for their trouble.

viii.

"You," the Thing muttered as he gazed upon the end of the world, "have got to be kidding me. That's Galactus?"

Reed was ever so slightly inclined to agree with the sentiment.

The giant plush toy didn't blink or change its expression, but it answered anyway.

Did my herald not inform this world? I am the Ender of Entropy, Eater of Worlds and I have come to harvest this one. I am Kyuubey.


Author's Notes: I took the easy way out and pretended that our dear Puella Magi were a bit like the Runaways and made them original heroes.

For those interested:

Madoka : Ordinary, everyday girl until bitten by a radioactive… magical girl. Yes, really. Gained the powers of flight, energy projection and limited invulnerability. Considered mid-upper-tier in strength but with the potential to be much greater than that. Codename: 'Puella Magi.' Heart of the team.

Sayaka: A suspected Wolverine clone. She gets somewhat depressed when people remind her how many other Wolverine clones are running around and what that means about her future height. Technically a mutant, her only known power is her healing factor although she is a recognized prodigy when it comes to bladed weapons. She called herself Sayaka in front of national television and has been forced to stick with the codename since. De facto leader.

Mami: A whiz kid when it comes to all things mechanical, Mami designs, builds and maintains most of the equipment that the others use. She herself is an expert marksman and something of a history geek. That would explain her lovingly maintained flintlock muskets despite the pain and impracticality of carrying around a dimensional warp in her skirt just to carry around enough of them to be combat effective. Unknown whether abilities are derived from the X-gene or natural. Codename: 'Gunsmith.' The brains of the team. (Also: den mother.)

Kyouko: A martial artist, her abilities were artificially enhanced through the use of Mutant Growth Hormone by some shady scientist types. Whether she was a latent mutant or MGH happened to have a very individual affect, Kyouko gained a degree super-strength as well as greatly increased hand-eye coordination allowing her to use her chain spear with little trouble. On the other hand, unlike most mutants with super strength, her muscles consume calories at a rate a normal human would, forcing her to eat a great deal of extra sugar to make up for it. Codename: 'Scorpion.' Tactician and bruiser. Grew up as a pickpocket.

Homura: Alien-cyborg-timetraveller. Or maybe none of those things. A mysterious figure, no one is quite certain what to make of her although everyone (read: Sayaka) is afraid that she'll snap and try to kill them all. Although she began as an antagonist, she quickly switched sides and became attached to Madoka. Known powers include 'stopping' time, limited flight, teleportation (?), marksmanship and a degree of familiarity with most conventional weaponry. Codename: 'Hourglass.' A reformed villain with disturbingly yandere tendencies, she is jokingly referred to as their favorite sociopath.


Update on other fics: Heaven is a Zombie Apocalypse has been stalled by a different fic. It should be a lot shorter than HiaZA's planned run so hopefully the entire thing will be up in a few days and then we can get back to a prompter update schedule for that one. In the meantime, crossovers will be updated rather more often as they're a lot easier to pump out and the only thing limiting them was me trying to keep a ratio of crossover chapters and HiaZA chapters.

Oh, and the next chapter will be Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei. After that, Inception. Inception is looking a little less lolworthy than average so if you want, skip it. After that Princess Bride and after that - well, I'm still open to suggestions.

But if anyone wants to see a Leverage crossover, there's a mental image of Parker becoming a Puella Magi that won't get out of my head although I have to admit that the main cast would probably be Leverage characters and not PMMM characters. D: