The Bitterness of the Rain

By: Danni Lynn

Chapter 11: Past Revised Part II

~+!Saya's Pov!+~

My family stood around me, unknowing of the past that was of my own. We each held our own secrets close to our hearts, but some secrets were far worse than others.

This was my payment for the hell that I had caused. I was ready to embrace it will every fiber of my being but not until I had the truth out and the past exposed.

Diva watched me through narrowed eyes, Solomon kept shifting his gaze from me to land on something else, focus on something else as not to know the truth. Nathan couldn't even look at me and kept his stare towards the ground.

The chevaliers would never understand the ultimate pain that Diva and I both knew so well, for that they had been human once, we had not. They had their share of humanity, we had not. They had known how to feel things with their very essence where only Diva and I could only feel the pain and hate. Our happiness is very short lived. It never stays long, dissipates from our hearts in matters of moments.

Its hard to love without any love to start out with.

I took in a breath of air and sighed, I leaned back and watched the fan. It went in circles, like my memories and thoughts. Twirling, twirling, spinning, swirling. Around and around they go. Watch it go and come back. Over and over again. Like a tape that rewinds and plays again and again.

"I trained my children harshly, I beat them till they were bleeding and crying, I beat them till they were barley conscious. They needed to be strong and I made them strong, but my methods were cruel, it was how I learned and how I taught. When the twins were a little bit older about ten or nine...

The wind blew fiercely and the trees shook with the force. Rain pelted down on us as the winter cold frozen our limbs. The white snow was now brownish with the dirt and slush that stuck to our feet. We were barefoot out in the mountains of the zoo and hadn't eaten in days. I more so than the others.

I was teaching the twins how to survive when lost in the woods. Their bodies had grown use to the extremities I had put them through and they were far from cold. It had only but two years since I began their training and they were already almost as strong as me.

Their weapons glinted in the weak winter light, as they were strapped to their sides. Isabella was no longer the insufferable favorite child, Anshel had made her out to be, though she was young she was by far much crueler than her sister, Victoria. Isabella would train with her max power and wouldn't hold back, Anshel taught her that the hard way when she wouldn't stop crying after they had killed that poor servant.

Victoria wasn't as ruthless as her twin but just as powerful, if not so more. She wouldn't fight those unless there was a grudge or a mission involved. It was just how she worked.

Their eyes hardened with hatred when they looked at me, but they softened ever so slightly when they were left alone together.

Isabella was light on her feet as she dodged Victoria's lunge for her heart. After I explained to them that we couldn't be killed like normal mortals, they went all out when sparring. Isabella twisted backwards and leaped into the air and flipped over Victoria. Though her sister met her slashing arc with the hilt of her sword. Victoria brought it out and jabbed it into Isabella's abdomen, as her twin doubled over in pain, Victoria took the hilt and crashed it into Isabella's jaw, causing her to swing backwards, but she recovered quickly by catching her balancing. Wasting no time she used her dropped crouch as a way to kick her sister off her feet. Not seeing this Victoria fell onto her back, vulnerable to being stabbed through her heart, but she blocked the death blow by bringing her sword up and stopping it.

Isabella hissed through gritted teeth as she added tremendous pressure to her attack, but Victoria's sword hand didn't waver at the least. Gracefully gliding the tip of her blade towards Isabella's hand, she slashed a deep wound into her sister's forearm, then she twisted the blade under the twin's sword and knocked it out of her hand. It flew a good couple of yards away.

Victoria jumped to her feet and rammed her blade into her sister's heart and plunged in the end out of her back and into the ground. Isabella's scream was inaudible as her blood poured out of her and onto the ground. Panting heavily, Victoria wiped her sweating brow and sighed. Just as she was relaxed, Isabella's hand flicked in a quick fluid motion and Victoria collapsed to the ground with a knife sticking out of her eye.

Beaten at each others' own game they both lost but at the same time both won.

Though I trained my children with all my might, hoping one day that they would break away and get free from Anshel's hold, I pushed myself even harder. I would fight alone amongst the night when the twins get their rest and do exactly what I had made them do earlier that very day but with more things added to it to make it much worse.

Had I been human, I would have long been dead. Sleep was needed but I had long since learned how to make due without. Though the lack of nourishment was a constant problem, I kept a bottle of blood on me at all times for emergencies.

The ground vibrated with heavy footsteps but also little ones and I spun around to see who was making them. Hagi stood some-ways away, scowling at me with children a year or two younger than my own standing behind them.

I raised an eyebrow and watched them. They looked at me with blue and brown innocent eyes. I didn't let my gaze linger on them too long as I flicked my vision back towards Hagi. "These children are-"

"-Diva's." I finished for him. He nodded his head and stepped back and shoved the twins in front of him. They stumbled a bit and one of them fell onto their knees and began to cry. "Mother, mother!" She sobbed as her sister held her close into her arms. I felt the angry stares of Isabella and Victoria burning into my back, envying the love of the sisters. My heart stung with the rage.

When I saw Hagi's content stare as he saw my kids' state of being, a light flickered on into my mind as I made the connection in my head.

In a matter of moments an angry, inhuman roar erupted from between my lips and the children in the clearing all jumped back startled. My sword was gripped knuckle-white in my hand as I brought it up and down on Hagi's surprised face, but I was slow with hunger so he blocked the attack with his chiropteran arm just before I split him down in the middle. He laughed at my rage filled face. "What made you so mad Saya?" His knowing force added to strength and I tilted the blade ever so slightly that it cut right the arm and right into Hagi's chest.

"You bastard! You raped her? Who else could those children be?" I screamed at him, as I brought my sword up and down, up and down, into his body. He laughed during all of it. I stabbed him once more in the torso before I left the sword into his body and stepped back, puffing with adrenaline.

He picked up his severed arm and let it heal itself back together before he took out the blade and tossed it into the ground. "Sharp aren't we? Yes, their hers." He answered my question as he turned and walked back to where he came from, leaving the sobbing twins alone with my daughters and I. "Oh, and Anshel wished you to train Diva's children just as you do yours. Don't hold back, he said. Or it means the death of both her daughters and yours as well." He called back over his shoulder.

Tears ran down my cheeks and my knees buckled underneath me as I watched his back disappear from view. Was it my fate to be hated by all of my bloodline? I didn't know, and really hated myself as much as I hated Anshel and Hagi.

The younger twins shuffled towards me hoping to find answers and warmth, and I just watched them come up to me and grab my hand, but it was instantly slapped away by Victoria as she glared at the blue eyed girl, her eyes instantly saying 'stay away'. Understanding the warning, she took a few steps back, keeping her distance from me.

I stayed slumped to the ground with tears running down my cheeks. Isabella bent forward and snapped her fingers in front of my face trying to get my attention. I flicked my hollow gaze up at her. "Who are they?" She signaled the little ones who shook in the biting wind. I stared back at them and nodded my head.

"Yes, who are you? What are your names?" I asked as I felt around for my sword, wanting the cold metal against my skin. The brown-eyed twin stepped forward. "I'm Aurora and this is my little sister, Katherine." Aurora introduced herself. I nodded my head once more before I gripped my sword and used it to help me stand. Isabella glanced at me, unconcerned as she made Aurora back away from me. Victoria helped me stand, though I had made her suffer, she tolerated me when I was down at my lowest and would help occasionally. I waved her off. "Go get something to eat, rest, do something. Just stay away from the woods and me." I dismissed them. Isabella and Victoria shared a glance before they shrugged as they led Katherine and Aurora away.

The tears hadn't stopped running from the moment they started and the sobs racked through my body, as my small body shook with the force. My wails were loud and clear, as I cried and cried. I cried for my sister and her pain. I cried for my children. I cried for the mother I had never known. I cried for my race, but I did not cry for myself. I did not need such passion. I needed my heart isolated, cold and strong.

I picked myself off the ground and raised my sword over my head and struck the nearest tree. I swung at it, again and again, Using it as if it were an ax. Chipping the blade but cutting down the tree. I could have easily broken the tree with one kick but I needed to waste energy and soften the pain.

Soon the thin tree was down and I made my way to another but half-way through cutting it down the blade cracked and broke in half. I stopped realizing what I had done. I let my knees give out before me was I fell to the ground. I was soaked with the rain and freezing cold from the cold winter wind.

I leaned against the half chopped tree and pulled my knees to my chest and just stared blankly out into the distance. It had stopped raining and was now snowing. The snowflakes landed softly to the ground and piled up onto each other. The wind had softened and made a gentle breeze, blowing away my dripping wet bangs from my face. The tears had stopped and I felt tired, so very tired, like as if I could sleep for years to come, but I knew it was only coldness and the lack of nourishment speaking.

I closed my eyes, wishing that I would simply sleep for all of time and never wake up ever again. I didn't want happiness. I didn't want pain. I didn't want love. I wanted to be numb and alone.

Time seemed to stretch out into forever as the wind felt like rolling waves licking my hair away with its blow. The snow landed on my pale cold body and retained to its frozen form. Darkness was all I could make out through my closed eyes as I felt the fatigue of my age seep through my bones. They ached but not as much as my heart. My heart was always bleed. Just as much as it was being slashed and cut open.

Suddenly, the air was whistling with the force of it being cut at a fast paced, I instinctively jumped up and over the on-coming blade and landed like a cat onto my feet. My eyes snapped open and flashed red for a brief time as I stared into the frowning face of my daughter, Victoria. Her skin was glowing with life and her eyes shown a brilliant crimson, the side of her mouth was stained with dried blood. I leaned forward and wiped it off, she looked at me startled for the affectionate gesture. I wasn't up for being heartless today and sighed as I sat back down, with Victoria's blade resting in the air a foot away from my head.

"You've been here for a long time, Saya." She didn't asked but stated. I watched her through tired eyes, but I tilted my head sideways confused. She sighed as she sheathed her sword and crossed her arms over her chest. Her blue laced dress billowing around her like as if an invisible wind was blowing it. Her shoes were wet from the snow.

I gave her a lazy smile as I began to drift of to sleep, wishing she would leave me alone, but she nudged me awake with her foot. "Saya! Do you know how long you've been out here?" Her voice raised with anger and concern on my unusual behavior. Most of the time, if they caught me like this I would send them away and train them till they were bleeding and exhausted. I shrugged as I closed my eyes once more.

She growled as she kicked me to keep me awake. "Eight days! That long, eight days!" She snapped at my unjustly sight. I grunted as I cracked open an eye half way and stared at her. "When have you ever cared, child?" I hissed through my teeth, as I stood up and loomed over her. She was still young and was still mostly half my height but she still managed to stare me down. I took out my hand for her to take but she smacked it away and crossed her arms.

I sighed and limped away, with Victoria following suite, too close for it to be casual. I walked oddly as my feet sunk into the snow and my body felt heavy to move. My vision blurred slightly and I placed a hand on a near-by tree to catch my breath. Victoria gripped my soaked, ripped dress and dragged me forward but I only made it a few steps forward before the world spun and darkened. I heard my name being called but it sounded so far away, as I landed in something soft. It was soft and I liked it. I sighed in relief, but felt an agitated awareness. It was cold, very cold indeed.

Hot pain rippled through me and I screamed. I shot up and growled as I attacked the person that stood over me. I tackled it to the ground and sat on their mid-section with my teeth hovering over a vein in their throat. I breathed in their fear and felt satisfaction stir in my stomach before I sank my teeth in and enjoyed all they had to over.

Instantly warmth spread from my chest and belly to the tips of my toes and hands, I felt my muscles tighten then retract as they grew in strength and softened as they gained back all their lost energy. I felt the frozen blood in me mix with the new and warm heat spread throughout my entire body.

The sweet supply of crimson liquid stopped and I blinked and let my eyes focus on my surroundings. I left the body on the floor and stood up and stretched, sighing with gratitude for the fact that my body felt light and nimble and no longer heavy and fatigued.

"Nice to know your awake, though you did kill the servant. Guess that's what he gets for stabbing you in the heart. Though I did grant him freedom if he killed you, obviously it was the other way around." Anshel shrugged as he leaned against the closed door. I cracked my neck from its knots and grinned up at him, not thinking of anything pacific. He seemed surprise at my reaction and smiled back.

"Well your in a good mood. I'm about to change that very quickly." Anshel walked towards me and wrapped me into his arms. I breathed in his warm scent. At one point in time, I had loved this man, but it lasted only so long. That love had long since died out. He knew that. I knew that. Our relationship was mutual. God only knew how much I hated him now.

I leaned into his embrace and for one moment I believed I was human and in the arms of beloved, but wasn't human and Anshel was far from being my beloved.

Then Anshel pushed me away and gaze hardened as he struck me across the face. I let him smack me around for a little bit, enjoying the fresh pain. "How dare you let those children care! Our race has no need for feelings, we do not have the right to have humanity! I will beat you like you shall beat them! Beat the feelings out of them, your children and Diva's children! Make them killers! Make them what they are! Ultimate beings!" Anshel yelled as he struck me blow across blow.

Sweat trickled down his brow and his slicked hair fell askew and down onto his face. I stayed quiet, letting him have his way with me. For the pain I felt then, would not even be a fraction of the pain the children would feel. Not from my torture, but from their hurting hearts. Diva's daughters did not deserved to be beaten and broken. Neither did my own children. But I was beyond saving for that I could not give what I had taken away. It doesn't work like that.

After what felt like a short time, Anshel dragged me out by the arm out into the snow. He threw me out out the mansion and slammed the door behind me without so much as a word good bye.

Victoria, Isabella, Aurora, and Katherine all stood outside playing a game. My gaze softened and I smiled at them but when they caught sight of me, they dropped the game with fear in their eyes. Nobody said a word at my terrible state, my skin was red and my skin was still pale, and I was still wearing the same dress I wore when I collapsed in the snow.

I sighed and scowled down at the twins. I looked at Diva's children and shook my head, disapproving of their shabby appearance. I walked up to Victoria and Isabella and in a blink of an eye, held their swords in my hand, in one quick motion, I stabbed both Aurora and Katherine right in the heart. They screamed as the snow was dyed red. I don't like the color red, it reminds me of my existence. What a horrible person I am.

I leaned forward towards their ears and hissed in a low threatening voice, "Lesson number one."

I stopped as Diva pounced on me with her fury and pain. Tears ran down her face as she punched me, kicked me, struck me. Anything to rid the memories that I knew were torturing her. She learned how to leave them and be happy where, I forced myself to remember, day in and day out what I did and how should I atone for it. The pain from the memories were a blessing that reminded me what I was.

"How could you! How could you!" She repeated over and over again. Nathan came over and pulled her off of me. I just sat there were blood running from my scratched and a thin smile spread across my face. "How could I indeed, Diva." I whispered but I knew she heard because she cried out and clutched her chest as she fell to her knees sobbing.

"He took them away from me! He took them away!" She yelled as she rocked back and forth on her knees. I would have join her if it wasn't the simple fact that I wasn't done yet. There was still more to tell.

I ran a hand through my hair and got up. I wasn't tired. I was mad. At Anshel, at Hagi, at myself. I didn't have to do what I did. I had a choice, but I did what I thought was going to be that best decision. Clearly, I chose wrong.

"Diva, hear me out, okay? Just let me finish, and I'll leave, I'll do anything you want me to do. Hell, if your mad, kill me or beat me to your hearts content. The pain you feel now won't go away until you express it. Let it out, little sister, it'll be okay. You made it this far didn't you? You'll be fine.

"Alright, after that I began to train Aurora and Katherine like I did to Victoria and Isabella. They were all excellent at what they did, and they hated me just as much also. After years of beating them senseless and training them till they were dead on their feet, they were the perfect, emotionless killing machines. They were ready..."

"Alright! Today will be your first mission...go out and wipe out all the nearest villages in a hundred kilometer radius." Anshel yelled at them. They nodded their head in consent. They wore men clothes, all black with their swords strapped to their waist. Their hair was long and tied back. Their eyes shown icily blue and crimson red. They were the perfect machines and I had only myself to thank for the burden of the knowledge. Their eyes held all devoid of emotion and their bodies twitched with anticipation.

I had made myself stronger than all of them but I was still the most emotionally weakest. Anshel knew that the best and had made me train them for one of those reasons. After years of cruel, ruthless training they were finally doing what he had wanted them to do all along. To kill.

In a blink of an eye they were gone, with nothing but a gentle breeze of the wind to indicate that they were ever there. I clenched my fists into tiny balls as I glared at the ground. "What kind of mission is that? Just make them randomly kill?" I growled at him. Anshel smirked at my response. He never tells me anything unless they're orders.

"Its not a mission. Its the last training exercise I have planned for them. If they do as they are told then they will successful in completing my missions in the present and in the future. "You sick bastard." I whispered through my teeth. "What more are you to do to them?" I asked as I ran a hand through my hair and plopped down onto the grass.

It was warm in the summer's night and the moon shone in a faint slimmer up in the sky casting giant shadows in the land below. My white dress ruffled in the wind as my hair laid against my back. I was planning to head north into the mountains in the winter to train and get away for a year or so, but I knew that was not meant to be as soon as Anshel opened his mouth to speak. "Ah, monsieur, you speak wrong. Is is not what I am do to do them but to you." He spoke fluently, his voice silky soft and reassure, hiding behind delicate words to do all his bidding.

I sighed and looked up at the night sky. Stars shined brightly and dotted almost every corner of the sky. "And what might that be, Anshel?" I replied quietly, silently wishing he could just drop off the face of the Earth and leave me to wallow in my miseries instead of just adding to them.

"Saya, why must you act like its the end of the world when you speak to me?" He avoided the question with a question and I ripped up grass as I stood to my feet and glared at him my eyes shining crimson. "Because you dared to hurt my children, my sister and her kids and me. And you just don't know when to stop." I told him as I let my boiling rage drop away from me and into the night, floating away on the wind.

"Speaking of your sister, would you like to see her?" He asked me. I snapped my gaze from the ground to him, and watched him startled. Too surprised to speak, when he caught sight of my stunned face he laughed. "Scared of her, are we, Saya?" He chuckled as he gained back him cool composure. Then I stopped. "No." I told him as a murmur to the wind. He stared at me confused. "What?" He replied.

"No, I can't face her. Not right now. Not when I took what was most precious to her and crushed it to make something new." I answered him my voice loud and clear. His eyes glazed over and he muttered something, I just barely caught, "I did the same thing once too." was all that he said.

"What I have in mind for you," He began, quickly getting back to business, "Is that I want you to leave the zoo. Go to the mountains and train. Get stronger. What you wear now is what you shall have to have when you leave and also this," He paused as he tossed me my daggers and sword, I caught them with ease, "Train and train, I will come by every month to make sure you are there." He finished explaining and waved me away. "Go now." He told over his shoulder. I stood there not moving. Once he realized I hadn't moved he turned around and looked at me frowning.

"What?" He asked me. I could tell he was getting annoyed. "Why am I going to do this? What purpose is there to it?" I called after him. He turned briefly and gave me a sad smile. "I loved you since you were born, I still love you. I will always love you, but you will need to get stronger for a certain day. The day of judgment is coming. You must be prepared Saya, because when that day comes there be no one there to stop you." He said to me with remorse and pain written all over his face.

I simply sat and watched him disappear into the night.

"I did as I was told and left for the mountains. I trained myself hard enough that what I made the twins go through was a walk in the park, literally. I starved myself for months on end, I didn't drink, I didn't sleep. I sparred with the trees. I ran miles. I did all that while being starved to death and during all of that I never forgot what I did to my only family, and who I was. My sins kept my heart in constant pain as the starvation kept my body constantly weak. I was making myself die to get stronger. Whatever methods I learned how to do that, were crazy. You wouldn't believe how horrible that was. I did that for three years straight and only three times did I feed myself. Then on a normal staving day in the winter, I met my daughter."

Keep moving, Saya. Your kids starved and bled doing these kinds of things, they made it, so can you. Left, right, jump, dodge, reflect, attack. Repeat. Your a monster. You killed those kids' souls, its amazing you have one. Keep running forward, front spin, kick off the ground, leap into the air, stay...stay...slash high and then down, land on your feet and jump back away. Repeat. Your weak. Not in body but in mind. You torture and torture anyone and everything, even yourself. How can you still be standing?

Wait. Stop and stand. Sniff the air. Blood. The smell of blood and death. Attack. Leap then cut. Quiet. Shush.

Saya was high in the air as she came slashing down on somebody that happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Their flesh cut easily but the attack was cut short as another attack was headed her way. Saya removed the blade from the person and blocked it by knocking the opponent's sword out of their hand.

"Mother!"

Saya stopped. It had been along time since anyone addressed her with that title and she mentally winced at the memory. Saya panted for air and sat down, suddenly feeling shaken.

She stared up into the face of her daughter, Victoria...

What is Victoria doing out in the woods with Saya? What is this judgment day that Anshel was talking about? Will Diva ever forgive Saya for what she did? Will Saya ever forgive herself for what she did?

Stay in tune for the next chapter, Audio!

-Danni

P.S. Reviews are always nice