Jane looked over at the blondie who had sat next to her with her head down all class long. She hadn't even moved when Mr. O'Neill dismissed the class. "Hey," she said a few octaves above a whisper. "Hey, Blondie, wake up." No response. "Hey Blondie, you know what you are? Just a dirty son of a..." Still no response.

Jane got out of her chair and squatted next to Blondie. She leaned closer...a little closer...and heard a very gentle snore. "Hey," she said, louder. "Hey!" she said, a little louder than normal speaking volume. "FIRE!" she screamed into the girl's ear.

"What!" Blondie shouted, lurching up and backwards, almost bringing the whole desk crashing sideways. She glared at Jane. "That wasn't very funny."

Jane's arms were clutching her stomach as she giggled madly. "Yes it was!" she choked out, tears streaming down her face.

Blondie glared at her some more, gathered her belongings up, and began to storm out.

"I wouldn't go out like that, if I were you," Jane warned, her giggles starting to subside.

Blondie swiveled around, a look of fury on her face. "Looking like what?" she asked, ice cold.

Jane was unconcerned with the intimidation. "Well, there's a good-sized drool stain on your cheek, for one!" At Blondie's look of pure horror, Jane cracked up again.

Blondie dug through her purse, but was unable to find any tissues. Embarrassed, she approached Jane. "Um, you wouldn't happen to have..." Jane handed her a paint-stained rag from her back pocket. As Blondie rubbed at the dried saliva, she looked askewedly at Jane. "This wouldn't be your snotrag, would it?"

"Nah, I use my shirttails for snot," Jane said airily. To Jane's pleasure, the response elicited a small smile from Blondie. "You know, Blondie -"

"My name is Daria," Daria said with an air of finality.

"...Daria, you won't be passing Mr. O'Neills self-esteem class if you keep sleeping through it."

"From what I heard in the five minutes I was awake, I won't pass it even if I etch Mr. O'Neill's every word onto my skin with a rusty nail."

"Fair enough. I suppose I could fill you in on what he's talking about...I've taken the class six times."

XXXX

"I don't get it, Jane. You've got the entire course memorized. How come you can't pass the test to get out?"

"I could pass the test, but I like having low self-esteem. It makes me feel special."

The two new friends were walking home as Jane gave Daria a run-down on the self-esteem 'class', which essentially boiled down to feel-good pap.

"So, how did you get into the class? Mouth off to Mrs. Manson?"

Daria shrugged. "She said that I shouldn't have anything to worry about, since I'm so pretty."

"Pff, you're not as pretty as me, and I'm in the class," Jane pointed out. Daria rolled her eyes. "Are those tits real, by the way?"

Daria's jaw dropped at Jane's brashness. "I'm 100% real," she said through gritted teeth.

"Jesus, Daria!" Jane laughed. "Why are you such a bitch about your looks, anyway?"

Daria set her jaw forward, and Jane felt the rumblings of an oncoming storm. Then, for a wonder, the storm subsided. "Did you hear about the riot I started the other day?"

Jane gaped. "That was YOU? That was AWESOME!"

Daria frowned. "It was not awesome, not when any moment can turn into the Running of the Bulls at the drop of a hat. I was 'the cutest' until I hit puberty, then I became 'the hottest'. My two best 'friends' used to be these two idiots who were at least amusing to watch, but once my breasts came in, they did nothing but look at my 'thingies', as they called them. Ever since then, every boy I've talked to has wanted to paw me, and every girl I've talked to has either been a catty bitch, or also wanted to paw me. This is the first real conversation I've had with somebody outside my family in three years."

Jane looked mournfully at Daria, then did the only thing she could think of.

"Honk."

Daria looked down at Jane's hand, which had just squeezed Daria's breast. "Jane, you fucking bitch." But try as she could, she couldn't keep the mirth out of her voice, or the corners of her mouth from curling up.