Author's Note: THE KURT CHAPTER. I know some of you have been looking forward to this and some of you have been dreading this. I have done my best to be true to the characters (in my own fashion) and to treat them with respect and to have them treat each other with respect (again, in my/their own fashion). If you're interested in a bit more info about how I'm approaching all of this, I'll put a second AN at the bottom of the chapter.
For everyone who feels that the story has gotten too soft of late, fear not. We are in the eye of the storm. Things are very calm and quiet right now – the sex is gentle, the conversations are emotional, the characters are dealing with inner turmoil. But that entire inner journey is going to explode into external action soon. There is some serious insanity coming your way in the very near future, but I have to develop some important story bits before I can dive into the storm.
CHAPTER SIX – TELL ME A SECRET
"Nothing, nothing, nothing," Blaine mumbled as he hid his face in a pillow and, presumably, drifted off to sleep.
Kurt sighed and closed his eyes. Blaine. Just when Kurt thought he had him pegged – had him examined and defined and understood – he had to do something totally new and throw everything out of whack. It was just like the hickey Blaine tried and failed to hide last month. Kurt hadn't thought that Blaine was the hickey type. More than that, Kurt hadn't thought that Blaine was the type to have a heavy make out session with someone and then never think it necessary to discuss who it even was.
Kurt would've imagined Blaine as the declarant lover, rushing to tell everyone that he'd found someone. He didn't seem likely to keep something like that bottled up. But he hadn't even just kept the identity of mystery-boy a secret – he'd denied his very existence. It didn't make sense.
Either he was keeping a secret or whoever it was, was a random hook-up and there was nothing to tell. And if that was the case, that kind of made Blaine seem like a whore.
Now Drunk-Blaine had entered the equation and thrown all of Kurt's speculations into madness.
Maybe there was no mystery-boy. Maybe the hickey had been from a girl and maybe that was why it was 'nothing.'
Drunk-Blaine wasn't doing a whole lot to beat out the Whore-Blaine hypothesis. Kurt wasn't sure if Blaine had been about to hit on Finn or not earlier, but it sure as hell looked like it. And making out with Rachel Berry? Of all people. Rachel, freaking, Berry? The intolerable bitch who'd already stolen one crush from Kurt.
Kurt huffed a little and rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling. Maybe Blaine's not worth all this trouble, he thought. Maybe I should just find a new crush. That usually worked. Find a new obsession to force the old one out. But, if he was honest, what he felt for Blaine wasn't a crush and it was only getting worse as time passed.
He licked his lips, closed his eyes, and breathed. Then very slowly, he let his cheek fall to the pillow – let himself turn to look at the back of Blaine's sleeping head. Those dark curls, finally free of his obscenely over-used hair gel. The look was different, and at the top of the night – before the booze and the hetero-make-outs – Kurt's heart had raced at the sight of it. Blaine, unlaced. Those untamed curls changed something in Kurt – woke something in him. Seeing them free made him think about running his fingers through them, tangling his fingers in them, pulling.
Why does he have to be so perfect and dreamy and gorgeous? It's not fair. I've finally got a beautiful, talented, and charming guy, who's actually gay and actually wants to spend time with me, and he barely even gives me a second look. He's so gorgeous.
And he was in Kurt's bed. Kurt had never had a boy in his bed. And it was Blaine. Not some pathetic, settle-at-the-end-of-the-night boy. Blaine. In my bed. Under my blankets. Head on my pillows. Calling me hot... well sort of. He smelled amazing. Not that that was new – he always smelled amazing. The scent was masculine but subtle. Kurt admired a man who knew how to pick out good cologne.
Blaine shifted a little, like he was trying to curl up in a ball but couldn't really move, and Kurt's heart fluttered at the sight. He couldn't help imagining what could happen – might happen – some day in a situation much like this. Someday Blaine would be his, and someday that stupid sweater wouldn't be in the way of Kurt seeing Blaine's back, his shoulders, his arms, his sides, his hips, his...
Kurt swallowed and tried to run though the lyrics to 'Not For the Life of Me' in his head. He closed his eyes, trying vainly to remember them and fight down the growing heat in his groin.
Fabric rustled more than a little, like Blaine was rolling over, and Kurt bit his lip. No, no. Blaine's not here. Try not to think about what he might be doing on the other side of the-
Fingers touched the bare skin of Kurt's forearm, right above his wrist, where it sat tucked under his pillow. His eyes shot open, but all he saw was the back of Blaine's head. Blaine's fingers curled around Kurt's arm, cupping it. Is he asleep?
Kurt's breath came shallow as Blaine's thumb stroked back and forth across the tender skin at the inside of his wrist for a moment and then stopped.
It was nothing – nothing at all – the touch of a hand, and he might've even been asleep. But it was so much more than Kurt could handle. Kurt spoke before he realized he was about to, murmuring, "Blaine?" He couldn't not – he needed to know if Blaine was awake.
A soft, "hmm?" came back through the dark, muffled by the pillow.
"You awake?" Kurt asked, chest painfully tight with the need for something more than just that delicate touch.
Slowly – sleepily, Kurt imagined – Blaine turned his head, sliding that perfect face up out of the pillow until his cheek rested on the silk pillow-case, and his eyes rested on Kurt's face. "Nope," he murmured, smiling a goofy smile, "fast asleep."
Kurt smiled a little – too nervous to really laugh.
For a second they just stared at each other and then Kurt swallowed and forced himself to speak. "You're touching my arm," he whispered.
Blaine grinned, lips still pressed together. "I know. Something wrong with touching?"
Kurt inhaled sharply through his nose and then spoke rapidly. "No. It's just, I wanted to know why."
Blaine laughed then and pressed half his face back into the pillow, leering at Kurt with one eye. "'Cause you're soft. Like the petals of a flower. n'I like touching."
Kurt blushed and looked down, chest so tight he thought he might burst. Blaine laughed at that too, and then his thumb started to rub again and Kurt's brain flew out the window.
"That's like petals too – the way you blush. You blush so hard I can see it even in the dark." Blaine giggled. "You're like a china doll. So perfect and pretty."
Kurt's ability to breathe disappeared momentarily at the word 'perfect,' and his eyes flicked up to Blaine's. He was sure his blush was getting worse, but he couldn't do anything about it. Blaine just lay there, smiling. "Perfect?" Kurt asked, finally.
Blaine's grin widened and then suddenly his free hand was moving up and out from under the sheets. His long fingers found Kurt's cheek and rested there for a moment. "Soooooo perfect," Blaine murmured. "Edible." His fingers slid from Kurt's cheek to his lips running over them slowly.
Kurt's gaze shifted back down – unable to look Blaine in the eye as he did this to him. One fingertip teased the seam of Kurt's lips like it was about to force it's way into his mouth. Kurt had never been touched in so sexual a way by anyone – had never been sized-up, examined, prodded, praised. The thought of Blaine's fingers pushing into his mouth was suddenly thrilling, and the eroticism of it flooded Kurt's body with a painful mixture of arousal and shame. His cock stiffened uncomfortably against his belly and he felt like crying – physically shaking and sobbing – with desire, though he kept himself contained.
Then Blaine's fingers slid away and the sudden absence was as exquisitely painful as the intrusion had been. "That's why I can't be with you," Blaine murmured as he started to pull away and roll over.
Kurt reached out and grabbed Blaine's shoulder with one hand, pulling him back, forcing him to look him in the eye. "That's not a reason to not be with me, Blaine," he hissed as though he were in real physical pain from Blaine pulling away.
Blaine looked at him with a small smile and with sad eyes. "Yes it is," he said, too drunk to remember to whisper. "You're too perfect." The words stung, and there was just enough of a pause for Kurt to feel infinite wretchedness at the rejection, then Blaine explained. "I'd break you."
Kurt inhaled. That idea didn't hurt. It just confused him. His hand left Blaine's shoulder and – encouraged by how forward Blaine was being – he rested his palm on Blaine's cheek. "No," Kurt whispered, voice insistent as though he could convince Blaine if he said it with enough fervor, "you wouldn't."
Blaine looked down and laughed a little, expression growing steadily sadder. He turned his face to nuzzle Kurt's palm and Kurt felt like he might swoon. He kissed Kurt's palm with moist lips and, still close to the soft skin, he whispered, "yes. Yes I would." His eyes moved up to Kurt's face and stared – not searching, just watching – then he kissed Kurt's palm again before pulling away and rolling over to face the empty room. "And I'm too fond of you to let myself do that," he muttered before grabbing a pillow and putting it over his head, ending the conversation.
Kurt stared. Heart pounding. What just happened? He breathed hard, praying that Blaine couldn't hear it or that he wouldn't remember it in the morning. What in the hell just happened?
#
The bell rang and Blaine's face stretched into a grin. The end of the day. Time for a play date. He grabbed his bag and hurried out of the room through the bustling crowd of boys in blazers, and dug out his phone to check for a response from Dave – a response to his earlier request that they meet up.
"Not tonight. I'm doing something with Az." Blaine read and frowned.
"All night?" he typed and pressed send, waiting for a reply. No way it would be all night. What did two straight dudes have to do with each other that could possibly last all night? Blaine pocketed his phone and walked down the steps and into the downstairs hall, toward his locker.
His phone buzzed and he pulled it out of his pocket, checking it. "Pretty much," was the entirety of Dave's reply.
Blaine stopped in the middle of the hallway and glared at his phone. He thought about calling and bitching Dave out, because he really wanted to see him, but then decided that would be too clingy of him so he pocketed the phone and went to his locker, slamming it open and digging through his books.
"Somebody needs his medium drip," Kurt said, smirking as he approached.
Blaine glanced over at him, still frowning. "Yeah... or something."
Kurt smiled taking the last few steps toward him and stopping at his side. "You need to relax. You look so tightly wound you might pop."
Blaine turned back to his locker and glared.
"Stressed about regionals? Exams?" Kurt questioned.
"Yeah," Blaine mumbled. "And... yeah, I guess." For a moment they were quiet and Blaine felt like he should've started grabbing books or doing something – anything – to cover the fact that he was staring into space, lost in anger. He should've done something to look normal. But he didn't want to look normal anymore. He just wanted to be angry.
"Well, I gotta run," Kurt said. "If I didn't have to be home in time for family dinner I'd stay and try to cheer you up. You gonna be okay?"
Blaine didn't look away from the inside of his locker – scowling at his books. "Yeah. I'm fine."
Kurt reached out and put a hand on Blaine's arm. "Blaine. It's okay. It's just life. We're just teenagers. Nothing is worth worrying so much. Give it time and it'll get better."
That was true. It was only one night away from Dave. He'd be fine. Blaine's spirits lifted just a little and he smiled at Kurt. "You're right."
Kurt leaned in conspiratorially, and whispered, "you look prettier when you smile." He leaned back smiling and then said, "of course... you look pretty even when you're pissed so..." He winked. "See you at rehearsal tomorrow?"
"Yeah," Blaine said, eyes on Kurt's face – noticing suddenly how lovely he looked, and melting suddenly under Kurt's happy and undivided gaze.
Kurt nodded and walked off.
Blaine watched him go, leaning against the lockers and thinking. Something was different about Kurt. There was something so much lighter about his step – something so much curvier about his walk. His hips moved from side to side like he was on a runway. He looked like nothing could bother him.
What's gotten into him?
Blaine stared until Kurt was gone and then turned back to his locker. Maybe I should take Dave up on his offer. Maybe I should try to get something going with Kurt. Blaine grabbed the books he needed and stuffed them in his bag. He closed his locker and headed toward the parking lot, lost in thought. Back in the beginning – back when he wasn't sure that the thing he had with Dave would be a continuous situation – he'd thought about Kurt as an option. He'd thought about training Kurt to give him what he needed. What stopped me?
Impatience. He'd been too impatient.
There was no reason to be impatient now. He had all the time in the world, because most nights he had Dave, and that aching need for something dark and wonderful was usually satisfied. He didn't need Kurt to fill any particular need. So maybe he could take time figuring out what needs Kurt could fill. Blaine walked down the outer steps and saw Kurt getting into his beast of a car at the other end of the lot – his baby.
Baby steps, Blaine told himself. If I just take baby steps maybe I could find my way into something wonderful.
And Blaine wasn't kidding anyone if he tried to say he hadn't thought about the idea of all three of them together. Thought about it and wanted it.
Maybe I could open Kurt up.
#
They were arguing, and it made Kurt's insides twist horridly because he didn't want to argue with Blaine – didn't want to argue about anything, but especially not this. This was horrible. Blaine wants to have the sex talk with me? Really?
"Kurt, you're gonna have to learn about it someday," Blaine said, staring at him with determination.
"Well not today," Kurt insisted, chest tight – so infinitely uncomfortable. "I think I've learned quite enough for today, thank you. I think you should leave." Kurt looked down, trying not to see that look of exasperation and disappointment on Blaine's face.
He kept his eyes somewhere else while Blaine stood up and walked out of the room.
When he was gone – when Kurt could hear his footsteps receding down the stairs – Kurt breathed a little easier. Who does he think he is? Trying to change me? And after all that crap about being too fond of me to hurt me. Kurt sat on the bench, arms folded tight across his chest. That boy is like a puzzle. A maddeningly unsolvable puzzle. And the pieces are always moving around like he's always changing his mind and it makes me want to throw things at walls and grab him and...
...kiss him and make him sit still.
Kurt sighed. He heard the front door close downstairs and stood up, going to his window and watching Blaine walk down the drive. He wants me. And he might be the only boy around who does... the only one who's an acceptable option anyway. Kurt's mind leapt to Karofsky any time he thought this and it always just stoked his anger, because what happened with Karfosky hadn't just been incredibly inappropriate and violating it had been confusing. So wretchedly confusing. Kurt sighed a bitter sigh.
Blaine stopped at his car, opened the driver's side door and then turned to look up at Kurt's window. For a moment Kurt just stood there, staring down and wondering if Blaine could see him, then he folded his arms over his chest and glared and hoped Blaine could see him.
Blaine frowned – even so far away Kurt could see that frown. Does he want this that bad? Does he want me to change that badly that it's actually hurting him that I won't? What is he thinking?
Blaine turned and got in his car and drove away.
Kurt sighed again and walked back to his vanity, sitting on the plush bench and staring at himself. "I can be sexy," he insisted to no one. "I'm already flawless. How far away can sexy be?" He glared at himself in the mirror, and seeing his own glare made him smile. Because that glare was sexy. The smile less so, so he frowned.
He looked away and then turned back to the mirror, glaring again, and smiled just a little under the anger. "Yeah. I can be sexy. What the hell does Blaine know? I just can't be sexy when I'm uncomfortable." So find away to be more comfortable. Kurt's smile widened as he stared at himself and murmured, "confidence is beauty."
#
Blaine walked out of Burt's garage the next day feeling proud of himself – feeling like he'd done something truly good and right. Of course, he had motives for wanting Kurt to know more about sex, but he still felt like the altruism of the act outweighed the self-serving nature of it. Kurt needed to know more. Needed to understand. For all the reasons Blaine told Burt and for all the other reasons.
Hell, maybe just having the act of sex explained would spark something in Kurt. Maybe Kurt would change and open up and hunt Blaine down. People were supposed to be wild animals when it came to sex. Kurt needed to understand that side of himself.
Blaine listened to the click of his shoes on the asphalt as he made his way to the Charger, and he felt all the embarrassment and guilt about his earlier attempts to draw out Kurt's sexy-side with faux acting lessons, melt away.
He felt good.
He slid into the driver's seat and pulled out his phone, dialing Dave's number as he started the car and drove away. The phone only rang twice before Dave answered.
"Hey, Babe, I'm kind of... busy... I'm with Az," Dave said in his not-really-casual-but-trying voice.
In the background Blaine heard a mocking male voice croon, "Baaaaabe."
"Shut up," Dave muttered, lips away from the phone.
Blaine grinned. "Mmm... tell him your sexy-ass crazy-stalker-babe says hello." He imagined Dave blushing at that.
"No thanks, I'm good," Dave muttered.
Blaine laughed. "Okay. Well. When can we meet? I was kind of hoping for an early night in... before my parents get home, so we don't have to be too quiet."
There was a moment's pause, and then Dave mumbled, "not tonight, okay? I want to. Just not tonight."
Blaine bit his lip. It was the second time that week that Dave had picked Azimio over him. It hurt. But it was a tolerable pain. "Okay," he murmured, trying and failing to keep the sadness out of his voice.
Dave didn't reply at first. "Maybe later," he said. For a moment Dave started breathing hard and then there was a pause. "Sorry, I had to get a little bit away from him to really talk. And I only can for a few seconds so... Look, I really want to, you know I want to, I just can't tonight."
"I know," Blaine said, glaring at the road, turning his sadness into anger. "I understand that you have to keep up appearances with Az. It's just... it's fine. I get it."
"Baby, I'm really sorry. I promise I'll be there tomorrow morning, okay? You can call me as early as you want and... we can go somewhere – somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Somewhere we can be loud. Just... Just think about it, and text me. I can't talk for a few hours."
"Jesus, Karofsky!" Az yelled in the distance, barely audible over the phone. "You're fucking pussy-whipped you little bitch. Get back over here. We have a party to plan."
"A party?" Blaine asked – chest empty, head racing.
"Yeah. I'll tell you about it later. Bye."
Blaine's phone beeped, indicating the end of the call. For a moment he held the phone to his ear listening to the silence, then he yelled at the interior of the car. Yelled at no one. Yelled nothing. He pocketed his phone and drove on.
The idea of having two boyfriends was sounding better and better all the time. But there was still that tricky little problem – explaining things to Kurt. 'Hey, by the way, I'm fucking the guy who terrorized you for years. Is that cool?'
His phone rang suddenly, breaking him from his thoughts and he slid his hand into his pocket retrieving it. Kurt's face smiled up at him from the screen of his phone. He sighed and put the phone to his ear, answering it. "Hey, Kurt. I was just thinking about you."
"Something good I hope?" Kurt replied across the crackly line.
"My reception's bad, maybe I should call you back." Blaine changed lanes, getting closer to his house.
"Well the conversation should be short, should I just try and get it out before you lose me?"
"Sure." Blaine drove into the left turn lane and stopped for the red, thumb beating a nervous rhythm on the steering wheel.
"I'm stressing over midterms and I'm sure you are too. I thought maybe we could stress together? Keep each other motivated to work. I've got so much studying to get through this weekend and I really want to make a dent in it tonight. Maybe if we get through our work we could incentivize ourselves with something? Maybe a late night viewing of Moulin Rouge?"
Blaine laughed. "I don't know, Kurt, I'm not really in the mood to study."
"Well, maybe that's the best time to have someone forcing you to do it," Kurt quipped.
Blaine laughed again. "I'm kind of... in a bad mood." He didn't want to be the little black rain-cloud hovering over Kurt's night, but then, the knot in the pit of his stomach was loosening slowly. It was loosening because of Kurt, and Kurt wasn't even trying. Maybe hanging out would be good. Get his mind off Dave.
"I could probably cheer you up," Kurt said. "I'm really good at-" the line cut out suddenly and awkward unintelligible bits and pieces came across, "-cheering up-" "-play-" "-fun together-" "-lipstick – not with you, of course, but sometimes – facials-" "-on the carpet-" "-rough-" "-you're a stud-"
Blaine blinked. The light turned green and he pulled out. "Okay, I'm not sure what that last part was. It sounded like you were talking about having a sexual play-fight."
"What?" Kurt's voice came across in that delightfully indignant tone. "I was talking about having girl time. Talking. Watching movies. Snuggling. Cheering each other up. How did you get sexual play-fight?"
"Freudian I guess," Blaine said with a laugh. "Sorry. Um." He thought he could hear Kurt cough on the other end but it might've just been the static. "I guess I can come over for a bit. I don't know about the girl time but..."
"I know. That's what the last bit was. I said something like, 'Not that you'd be into having girl time. I know you're a stud.'" Kurt coughed and this time Blaine was sure he didn't mishear it. "Okay, that sounded less suggestive the first time I said it," Kurt insisted suddenly. "It was more like 'I know you're a stud but even guys can use a little girl time.' I'm just making this worse, aren't I?"
"A bit." Blaine bit his bottom lip, and switched lanes, getting ready to make a u-turn and find his way to Kurt's house. "You're adorable. I'll head over. I can't promise I'll participate in any of your girly sleep over rituals, but I'll try to study. It'll probably be good to not be home alone with the mood I'm in right now." He thought for a moment and then muttered, "Honestly I might just end up distracting you more than encouraging you."
"That's okay. I have the whole weekend. I'm just trying, valiantly I might add, to get an early start."
"Okay, well. Okay." Blaine pulled into the left turn lane. "I guess I'll be there in a bit."
"Wonderful. I'll be ready-" Static. "-sexual, you stud." Kurt laughed.
Blaine's eyes crossed as he tried to work out what Kurt just said. "What? You cut in and out again."
"Oh, God." Kurt groaned. "I said, 'nothing sexual, you stud.' It was a joke. Damn you, cellphone. I'm not trying to come on to you, I promise."
Blaine laughed. "Keep telling yourself that, Kurt. You know you want this studly hunk of man."
Kurt laughed but it sounded a bit like he was choking. "Oh, baby. Oh, baby," he said in an overly sarcastic voice.
"See you in a bit," Blaine said, biting back a decidedly unmanly giggle.
"See you," Kurt said, sighing languidly.
#
Even if it was by accident, the twist in their conversation put Blaine in mind of some bad things that he could do at any point when alone with Kurt. He could flirt with him. He could hint at him. He could find excuses to take off his shirt in front of him. He could instigate 'would you rather' conversations and then take them in delightfully naughty directions. There were so many things he could do to start Kurt moving in the right direction without traipsing into relationship-land and therefore having to confess to what was going on with Dave.
But he got nervous. He didn't fancy himself a nervous type of guy, but it was so easy for him to be influenced by the people around him. Dave was angry and dark, so when Blaine was around him he took that on. The Warblers were hammy and dorky, so when Blaine was around them he took that on. And with Kurt?
Kurt was perfect and reserved and calculated. Everything he did was a performance meant to inform everyone around him of how absolutely flawless he was.
So around Kurt, Blaine was flawless too. The polished, gay poster-boy.
At Kurt's house, he slipped right back into his usual patterns of behavior – polite, jovial, friendly, and sweet – and they studied quietly, side by side, sitting cross-legged on the floor of Kurt's room. It was boring, but probably the right thing to do. Every time he started thinking about Dave playing beer-pong surrounded by slutty girls who no doubt had heard rumors about the monstrosity in Dave's pants and wanted a piece of the action and had wandering hands and a drunk teenage boy might be coerced into doing things that went against even his orientation if the right girl got her hands in the right places and...
Every time he started thinking about it he got angry, but being around Kurt forced him to catch the anger before it became visible. If Kurt saw it, he'd have to explain it, and he couldn't very well do that. So he got caught in a loop. He'd get angry, catch himself, force the anger down deeper, and focus on his text book to drive the anger away, until he forgot what he was doing and let his thoughts wander again.
It was actually proving to be extremely effective as a studying technique. He was getting more done than he had in one sitting in months. On top of that, it was keeping him from sitting in his room stewing on it until he lost control and decided to do something insane. But it was winding him tighter and tighter every time it happened until he was so high strung his brain started getting impulsive.
"All right. I am done," Kurt said with a sigh, closing his book with a pen inside it, marking his page. "There's more to do, but I can't take this anymore.
"Yeah, me neither," Blaine muttered, glancing up and laughing. He closed his book too with a little sticky flag marking his place. "What now?"
"I dunno. We could talk about what was bothering you earlier?"
Blaine frowned and shrugged. "I don't really feel like it." He did, totally feel like talking about it. He wanted to talk about Dave all the time and never had anyone to listen. "I'm all... wound up. Maybe we could do something to get rid of the excess energy." Blaine laughed. "Maybe some of that sexual play-fighting you were talking about earlier."
Kurt's cheeks turned bright pink and Blaine laughed. The laugh seemed to force Kurt to look down at his lap.
"Your cheeks look like pink rose petals when you do that," Blaine said with a smirk. "Has anyone ever told you that?"
Kurt laughed then and looked up at Blaine like he knew something Blaine didn't. "Yes, actually."
Blaine grinned, entirely too self-involved to guess at what Kurt was thinking – remembering. "You're prettier when you're uncomposed," Blaine said after a moment, eyes roaming over Kurt's face. Oh, he was starting to feel a little wild; a little poised to do something bad, and Kurt was tired from studying, and he looked like he was ready to do something bad too.
"Shhh, don't say that. I like being composed." Kurt giggled playfully, blossoming under Blaine's compliment.
"But you're so lovely when you let yourself be natural. Feel naturally." Blaine blushed then and looked away. He'd gone a step too far and it was time to pull back. He stood, grabbing his book and walked over to his book bag, slipping them inside. "Maybe we could go for a walk or something? I just gotta get rid of some pent up energy." He looked out the window. It wasn't dark out yet, but it was close. The sun was gone.
"It's too bad there's not a party going on. We could go dancing," Kurt said.
Blaine glanced at Kurt with a sour expression, but Kurt was looking at himself in a mirror, touching his hair thoughtfully, and didn't see it. The word 'party' hit Blaine wrong. It made him remember how badly he wished he was with Dave instead. Dave would know what to do with Blaine's pent up energy. Kurt could probably do the same thing, given the right inspiration, but not tonight. Not yet.
"We could go to the park and play tag like little kids," Kurt said eyes lifting to Blaine's face, smiling lips a dark and lovely pink.
Blaine breathed in through his nose, and glanced back out the window. "That actually sounds fun," he said thoughtfully. Might afford me some frotting possibilities.
"Oh, my God. I was kidding," Kurt said, covering his face with a hand and laughing.
"Too late. You already put the idea in my head." Blaine smirked and walked over to Kurt, reaching down for his hand.
"Oh, God, you're going to hold me to this, aren't you?" Kurt muttered, taking Blaine's hand. Blaine pulled him up to his feet.
"Yep." For a moment they stood close together and Blaine thought he could feel Kurt pulling him in like a magnet, but their eyes didn't meet and Blaine walked away toward the door, still holding Kurt's hand, dragging him along behind.
They walked to the park, talking about the weather, and Blaine spaced out, trying not to think about Dave at the party. He thought about playing tag and imagined that it wouldn't work out as well as he was hoping – imagined that he'd have to force Kurt into it. The closer they got to the park the less Blaine wanted to play, and he almost said, 'nevermind,' but as soon as their shoes hit the grass, Kurt gave Blaine a light shove, called out, "it!" and ran like hell.
Blaine stumbled from the shove and then stared, wide-eyed after Kurt. He laughed and started running after him, chasing him around the empty play-set. Kurt ran fast, but Blaine was faster.
Blaine ducked under a tunnel tube, using it as a short-cut as Kurt went the long way around and then grabbed Kurt, forcing him to a halt. Kurt laughed.
"Damn you!" Kurt called out as Blaine ran away, and around to the other side of the farthest tower.
Kurt paused, catching his breath, and then started stalking toward Blaine with a predatory look in his eye. "I'm gonna catch you," he said.
The look and the words made Blaine's heart pound. This was SUCH a good idea. As Kurt walked slowly around the tower – slowly toward Blaine's side – Blaine paused, watching him and then bolted away, laughing. Kurt ran after him but only for a moment before stopping and returning to his slow prowl.
"Can't catch me," Blaine said, pausing again behind the opposite tower. "Gingerbread man, and all that."
Kurt grinned and laughed. His cheeks were beautifully rosy from the exertion. Kurt came right up to the front of the tower, and feinted to one side like he was about to run. Blaine ran in the opposite direction but Kurt switched mid leap, catching Blaine in the space of two steps, before Blaine could register it and turn. Kurt ran off in the opposite direction, laughing.
"Hey!" Blaine cried out, running after Kurt.
"Smarts beats speed every time," Kurt cried out, hurrying up the steps of one of the towers.
Blaine stopped at the bottom of the stairs and Kurt stopped at the top. They both watched each other in silence for a moment. Kurt faked toward a bridge and then stopped. Blaine didn't move. Kurt stared down, grinning and breathing hard – chest moving as he did. The movement was painfully suggestive. Blaine put a foot on the bottom step and stared up at Kurt with dark eyes. "I'm gonna get you," he murmured. Kurt laughed.
Blaine paused for one more moment and then ran up the steps. Kurt turned and ran up the next flight, laughing as he went and then jumped into the tube slide and disappeared. Blaine followed immediately.
He emerged at the bottom of the slide and looked around to see Kurt running off onto the grass of the nearby soccer field. Blaine grinned and ran after him.
They ran in wide circles around the field. Kurt had good distance on Blaine, but Blaine was faster. He closed in slow, breathing hard and watching Kurt's slender body dart this way and that in front of him. The idea of tackling him to the ground and ravaging him was intoxicating, and he let it run amuck in his head. Kurt's delicate arms and legs. Kurt's bare white neck. Kurt's blue eyes.
"Damn!" Kurt yelled out, stumbling and almost falling to the grass. He caught himself at the last moment and tried to keep going but Blaine was right behind him.
Blaine reached out, meaning to tap him on the back and then run ahead, but his foot caught on the same hole Kurt that had tripped Kurt. He took two massive, stumbling steps as he tried to right himself, but he wasn't as graceful as Kurt. Kurt started to turn, to watch and Blaine plowed right into him, tackling him accidentally to the ground with one dull thud.
Blaine breathed hard, adrenaline pumping through his brain and fogging everything. Kurt groaned. Slowly, Blaine tried to pick himself up. He was on top of Kurt. He started laughing and groaning at the same time.
"Shit," he muttered. "Did I squash you?"
"A bit," Kurt muttered back.
Blaine lifted his upper body off of Kurt, eyes running over the boy below him who slowly lifted a little too. "You okay?"
"Yeah," Kurt said, voice gruff. "These bones have seen worse." He smiled weakly, never looking up. Blaine realized suddenly that Kurt was looking at his shirt. There was a little rip in one of the side hems. "My clothes on the other hand..."
"Shit," Blaine muttered again. "Kurt, I'm sorry."
"Don't worry," Kurt said softly, glancing up into Blaine's eyes and smiling. "The panic attack won't start until I see the grass stains."
Blaine laughed. He felt the sudden urge to lean in and nuzzle Kurt, kiss him, but he resisted. Not yet.
"Blaine," Kurt whispered.
"Yeah?" Blaine answered, eyes slipping to Kurt's lips as he forced himself not to kiss them.
"You're crushing me."
Blaine laughed. "Sorry. Got a little... Sorry." He lifted himself up and got to his feet, reaching out to grab Kurt's hand, and then helping him up.
Kurt turned slowly, stretching a little to recover from the fall. "How bad is it?" Kurt asked, glancing back at Blaine.
Blaine ran his eyes over Kurt's backside, trying to find a way to notice anything other than how good Kurt's ass looked in those jeans. "Um. It doesn't look too bad. Should come out?" The green smudges were faint. They hadn't slid so much as plopped.
Kurt sighed. "I knew I should've said no," he said, but he turned and smiled at Blaine, eyes twinkling.
"Come on," Blaine said, mirroring Kurt's playful look, "we both had to get a little silliness out of our systems." He looked around then, and started walking in no particular direction. Kurt followed and then caught up to him and they walked across the field side by side.
"Tell me a secret," Kurt said suddenly.
Blaine laughed and looked sideways at him. "What kind of secret?"
"Doesn't matter. Something you never told anybody."
Blaine thought. He tried to think of a secret but mostly he was lost in excitement that Kurt had initiated a flirt-game before Blaine had even gotten around to considering one. Night closed in on them as they walked and Blaine's brain struggled to come up with a good secret to tell. Nothing came, so he told a lame one. "When I was little, I had a massive crush on Dan Radcliffe. The kid who plays Harry potter."
Kurt laughed aloud. "That's a secret? You've never told anyone that?"
Blaine grinned. "I never told anyone because everyone thought I had a crush on Emma Watson. I had to have an excuse for how intently I watched those movies." They exchanged a glance and Blaine winked. "Your turn."
"Well," Kurt said thoughtfully. "I have to think of a secret of equal weight. And since that wasn't a very heavy secret..."
Blaine bumped their shoulders together.
"When I was little, I had a crush on Ewan McGregor," Kurt said.
"Now I know that's not a secret," Blaine said with a laugh. "You've absolutely told me that before. Besides, who doesn't?"
Kurt smirked. "Okay... here's a scintillating one. I once had an uncontrollable crush on Britney Spears. Eventually I figured out it was because I wanted to be her, but for a long time I desperately wanted to make out with her."
Blaine grinned. "Mr. bi-sexuality isn't real."
"I told you. Scintillating. Scandalous. Your turn."
Blaine thought quietly. If the name of the game was to come up with matching secrets, Blaine had to come up with one to draw out a naughty confession. But he had to think of something that wouldn't go too far and turn Kurt off - something chaste but devious. "I get excited... excited-" Blaine gave Kurt a meaningful look and Kurt nodded. "-whenever someone touches my back. I don't know what it is. It just totally does it for me."
Kurt smiled with wide and tightly pressed lips. "For me it's my knees," he confided.
Blaine laughed and reached out like he was going to grab Kurt's knees but Kurt darted to the side. Kurt smirked at him and Blaine sighed. "Damn. Does that make it my turn again?" Blaine asked.
Kurt nodded.
Blaine walked them toward a little slope, thinking suddenly of groping Kurt's knees, just to see what would happen. "The first time I ever kissed a guy," he said, sitting on the slope and leaning back comfortably, watching Kurt pause but not sit, "was in a closet at my first boy-girl party in middle school. We both knew what was about to go down. We went in the closet expressly with the intent to kiss. He was really nervous and I was just a total little slut. Grabbed him and pushed him against the wall." Blaine laughed.
Kurt sat slowly next to Blaine, positioning himself so that they were both looking out at the field and not each other. "And then what happened?" he asked, looking sideways.
"He ran away and we never talked about it again," Blaine said. "I'm pretty sure that's what started the rumors. I think he told people. Nevermind the fact that he was the one who wanted to go in the closet in the first place."
For a while they were quiet. Blaine twisted a handful of grass and pulled up torn blades. "Your turn," he said softly.
"I've got one, but I'm afraid it's... it's a little bigger than yours."
"Should I tell another little one to even it out?" Blaine asked with a grin, leaning closer to Kurt.
"Sure."
"I keep an extra pillow in my bed that I just snuggle with – like it was a person." Blaine laughed and put a hand over his face. "Okay, that's embarrassing. Yours had better be good."
Kurt laughed. "Boy, you've seen how many pillows I have in my bed. You think I don't snuggle with them?" Again they were quiet. Blaine didn't push Kurt to divulge but he was ready to if the silence went on much longer. "Look. It's... this is pretty weird, okay? And I'm kind of... scared to tell you, or anyone, because I feel kind of... guilty about it."
"I'm not gonna judge you," Blaine said softly. "Hell. I'm sure I've got worse secrets than anything you can tell me."
Kurt nodded quietly. "I'm sure you do."
A beat passed and then Blaine muttered, "what does that mean?" His heartbeat sped up.
Kurt shrugged. "Okay, just promise me you won't repeat it or... I don't know, be a jerk about it?"
Blaine nodded. "Cross my heart, hope to die."
"After what happened with Karofsky... after he kissed me..."
Blaine tried not to move, but on the inside his whole self straightened, focused in, excited and tense, ready to hear.
"I mean... I was yelling at him, you know? Yelling loud and I was being really mean too. I was all... riled up and ready to spit in his face if he said the wrong thing."
"Yeah?" Blaine was breathless.
"And then he kissed me. And of course, I hate him. He terrifies me. I mean, I'm freaked out just by the thought of seeing him in a grocery store. I don't like this guy." Kurt paused. "So it's not about him. Not at all." He hunched forward a little, hugging his knees to his chest. "But... Sometimes I fantasize about it. Not him. But... yelling at someone, being really mean, and having them throw themselves at me. It was... It wasn't hot because it was scary and awful, but if it had've been anyone else... the idea really turns me on." He put his hands over his face. "Isn't that awful?"
"No. Not at all!" Blaine sat up straighter, getting closer to Kurt. "That's totally normal. I think a lot of people are into angry sex."
Kurt groaned. "I'm not talking about sex, just... I don't know. Kissing."
"Kissing leads to sex," Blaine said, voice rough.
"Not for me. Not yet."
Blaine bit his lip and nodded. It seemed like Kurt had no idea what his words were doing to Blaine – no idea how warm and tense Blaine was.
"But even if I was talking about sex, I'm not... I'm not like that. I like romance."
"The two don't necessarily have to conflict with each other." Blaine got up into a crouch and crawled around until he was kneeling in front of Kurt. "Think about Scarlett O'Hara yelling at Rhett Butler. Anger – fury – can be the epitome of romance." He stared at Kurt's face, at Kurt's down-turned eyes. Kurt looked up finally and Blaine kept his gaze tight on Kurt's eyes – on the light of a distant streetlamp reflecting off them. "Maybe you should explore that. You want to yell at people? Try it."
"But it's not nice. It's not appropriate. I'm not saying I've never yelled at anyone or done anything mean. I'm just saying... I wouldn't want to do it unwarranted and I wouldn't want it to end that way with anyone who deserved a real verbal assault."
"What if someone wanted you to yell at them?" Blaine asked.
Kurt laughed. "Come on, Blaine. This is ludicrous. Nobody wants to be yelled at."
"What about me?" Blaine asked and then decided to correct himself – cover himself. "I mean. I'm not saying I like getting yelled at, but if it helped you feel better about yourself I could totally be your punching bag."
Kurt stared at him with crinkled eyebrows. "You want to be my punching bag?"
"I'm not saying all the time, but maybe it would help you – get some stuff off your chest. You've gotta have stuff you want to yell at me for."
Kurt shook his head and looked down at his knees again. "I don't."
"Come on. You've been mad at me before. Bring it back. Get mad. Yell at me for Rachel. Yell at me for the hickey. I know you've got stuff you don't like about me. Express it."
"Why?"
"Because it'll make you feel better." And it'll make me feel better.
"But it'll make me..."
"Just do it. The hickey. I know that pissed you off. In fact, doesn't that make you even angrier, knowing that I know it made you mad?"
"Yes," Kurt said, voice dark and a little shaky. "You knew I had feelings for you and you were off making out with some random stranger."
"Louder," Blaine said, smiling – unable to control how excited he was by the prospect of seeing Kurt really, fully angry.
"You knew I had feelings for you, and you were off making out with some random stranger!" Kurt yelled, though it was still a quiet yell.
"And?"
"And then you just flounced around with that big ugly mark on your neck like you didn't even care! You tried to hide it but couldn't and then lied about it to my FACE and then just went around like it was nothing. You weren't even a little ashamed of it." His volume was rising beautifully. His cheeks were dark, his face twisted in actual anger.
"No. I wasn't. I was proud of it," Blaine murmured, feeding the fire, sitting on his heels and looking up at Kurt with reserve – with perfect posture.
"Which is disgusting, by the way!" Kurt yelled without restraint. "If you're going to go around with a hickey, at least be able to name who gave it to you! Do you even know his or her name? Do you even care? You know, you act like a total slut sometimes."
"I am." Blaine's cock was throbbing. If it wasn't so dark, Kurt would've seen it. He wished Kurt could see it. Then Kurt could yell about that too.
"And it was like... RIGHT after your whole, 'I'm in love with Gap boy,' nonsense." His voice was getting quieter, more bitter and less angry.
Blaine blushed and looked away. He was still embarrassed about that. He had thought his feelings for Jeremiah were legitimate, even if they had never been his only feelings. Getting rejected right in front of Kurt had really stung.
"So, what? You just rebounded into someone else right after that? I guess I should thank you for not making it me because I would've been devastated if you used me as a rebound." Kurt clamped his lips shut then and looked away.
"Don't stop, Kurt," Blaine murmured, leaning closer. "Rachel. Talk about Rachel."
"Oh, what? Talk about how you lied – AGAIN? We both know you weren't really into her. So what was that exactly? At the party you're clinging all over Rachel. Then when you're in my bed you're touching my face and telling me how beautiful I am – how EDIBLE I am – and then the next day you're DATING Rachel?"
"I did what?" Blaine's chest tightened. He didn't remember that.
"Oh, that's right. Because you had to go all Ke$ha on me and forget that that even happened. Forget that you were in my bed, running your fingers over my lips. You're a slut, aren't you? That's what you were warning me about. You're a total tease! You're a liar and a tease and I-"
It was too much. Blaine snapped – snapped like he knew he would when he'd asked Kurt to yell at him in the first place.
He lifted up off his ankles and pushed Kurt's knees apart, leaving one hand on one knee, and slid between Kurt's legs, kissing him hard on the mouth. Kurt let out a flustered "mrmph!" as their lips met and then he pushed Blaine a little, hands on Blaine's pecks, but not enough to really move Blaine. Blaine didn't pull away he just pulled down, kissing Kurt's neck, and running a hand up Kurt's chest.
"Blaine, what the hell are you doing?" Kurt whispered breathily. "Oh, God, take your hand off my knee. I can't stand it."
Blaine didn't move his hand. He just kept kissing down Kurt's neck, nudging the collar of Kurt's shirt with his chin. "Keep going," Blaine murmured. "Keep telling me off."
"You are so confusing!" Kurt exclaimed. "Why are you doing this?"
"I lied," Blaine murmured. "I didn't want you to yell to make you feel better. I wanted you to yell because I wanted to be yelled at. You're so fucking hot when you're pissed."
"Oh, God. Blaine." Kurt moaned suddenly and then in a deep voice muttered, "you really need to stop now."
"Push me," Blaine whispered before running his tongue over Kurt's clavicle.
"What?" Kurt's voice sounded dazed – drugged.
"If you want me to stop, push me away." Kurt didn't push. Blaine groaned and then pressed himself down against Kurt until he could feel Kurt's stiff cock against his belly. "Please, push me Kurt," Blaine murmured. "Before this goes further than you want it to."
"Blaine, I want you," Kurt whispered, fingers tangling in Blaine's hair. "Oh!" He cried out, thrusting upward just a little, stiffening, and then collapsing against the grass.
Blaine lifted up, looking down at Kurt who looked like he'd passed out. "Kurt?" Blaine tried to slow his breathing. "Kurt, what's going on, are you okay?"
"Wonderful," Kurt murmured, turning his head to the side.
Blaine laughed out loud, and relaxed a little. He lowered himself. "Kurt, did you come?"
Kurt groaned and put his hands over his face. "Don't..."
Blaine grinned and leaned in, pressing kisses to Kurt's neck. "That's adorable, Kurt." Slowly, Blaine's body relaxed, his cock shrunk until the strain in his pants didn't hurt anymore. It was over. At least for the moment.
Kurt groaned and slowly opened his eyes again, looking up at Blaine who looked down at him. For a moment they just stared and then Kurt blushed wretchedly and covered his face again. "I can't believe that just happened." Kurt laughed and breathed.
"Do you regret it?" Blaine asked, watching Kurt hungrily. I could totally go for this. I could totally corrupt him. I could watch every scrap of his shame and awkwardness fall away one by one. I could be responsible for this and not hate myself.
"Not yet," Kurt murmured.
Blaine pulled back further. "Don't regret it," he said softly, kissing Kurt's knee and wishing there wasn't fabric in his way. He wanted to kiss – really kiss – Kurt's spot, whatever it happened to be. The fact that it was his knees was adorable.
"What does this mean," Kurt asked, voice quiet and hollow. "Does it mean anything?"
"Of course it does!" Blaine smiled, and nuzzled Kurt's knee with his nose. "We're friends – best friends. How could it not mean anything."
Kurt took in a dragging, aching breath. "Friends?"
Blaine bit his lip, and pulled back. "Can you be okay with it being like that?" he asked.
Kurt frowned. "Well I guess so because I just let you do that without you changing anything about our friendship."
"So that's a no," Blaine said softly, sitting back on his ankles and looking at Kurt, laying there, legs spread.
Slowly, Kurt sat up. "I just don't understand why. If I understood why maybe I could. But I don't understand why you don't want to be with me."
"I do," Blaine insisted. "But... it's more complicated than that. There are things you don't know about me."
"Then tell me!" Kurt yelled.
"I can't yet."
Kurt sighed and got to his feet. "I'm uncomfortable. I need a change of clothes."
Blaine nodded. Kurt started to walk away, but Blaine reached out and put a hand on Kurt's knee, stilling him. "Kurt," Blaine whispered.
"What?" Kurt asked, voice breathy.
"Think about it. Consider it. It could end up that way – more than friends – it probably will. It just... it would have to start like this. Friends with something extra." Blaine took his hand away from Kurt's knee, and stared up at him.
After a silent moment, Kurt asked, "that's the only way I'm gonna get you?"
Blaine bit his lower lip and looked at the ground. "For now, yes."
Kurt nodded. "I'll think about it."
Author's Note:
I've struggled significantly with my choices on how to play Kurt within the fanon of this story (I'm starting to call it the "bruises-verse" because the characters are diverging so far away from what they are on the show). I've decided to stick to SOME of the canonical maiden-innocence Kurt exhibits, though I've fairly seriously undermined it with Kurt's secret kink. I don't, however, consider this a very large deviation from Kurt's character in the show (Kurt knows how to tell a bitch all about herself – knows how to put a bitch in her place). If you love Kurt, you gotta love his sass.
In this chapter I'm also delving deeper into Blaine's kink and that will continue as Kurt becomes a bigger part of the story. While the relationship with Dave was caused by Blaine's need for abuse, it didn't do much to expose and explore that need. I haven't even scratched the surface yet. We'll continue to explore both Kurt and Blaine's kinks over the next few chapters, and on top of that we're going to get to know Blaine better (outside of his kinks) and see more of his insanity in the coming chapters.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Reviews are always appreciated.
