The adventures of inquisitor smallsius and random bull-refuse.
Well, today in traditional fashion we start shenanigans, and are introduced to a dark, devious force which will... meh, forget that, we know how it goes. KAY-OSSSSSSS nuff less of my foolish author ranting! Let's get cracking.
Read and review at your own pleasure.
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I opened the door and walked in my home. The place seemed completely spotless, far different to how I had left it a few hours ago. But I knew the one responsible.
Moving into the living room, I took a seat on the couch and took a small look to my right. Of course, without having been there a second before he had joined me. Being of his size, I guess I shouldn't be surprised at his incredible stealth anymore.
"So, it's done?" I looked straight at the tiny, maroon armored man, this time making sure to keep my eyes on him: I had to appear strong, in charge.
"Yes it is, the necrons have been reduced to useless scrap, and those cowardly tau made an escape to the woods." The sorcerer said, his voice seemingly lingering in my head, kinda scaring me. He then chuckled, an act more frightening than his preferred way of speaking. "Of course, we couldn't have that, so I conquered the minds of a few of those rodents... squirrels, were they? Yes, I conquered a few of those and made them give chase. Due to their, and our, new size, they should be more than sufficient."
"Excellent." I made sure to keep my gaze directly on him, making myself look fearless despite my inner horror at what the small sorcerer could do with his mind. Horror which was, incredibly, surpassed by my fascination. "So, Aduras, you told me of it earlier. Great, unlimited power?"
Even with his small size and the fact he was wearing a terrifying (if rather silly) helmet, I could tell his face was in the form of a warm, accepting smile. "Yes, child, allow me to bear the word of the dark gods..."
Imperator-Man
I like to think of myself as a rather rational person. Despite my grandfather's obsession to raise me like a paranoid spec-ops inspector combination, I managed to keep an open mind. A fact which, at a few rare, yet enjoyable, occasions had infuriated him to no end. But this was just eleven levels of silly.
"So you have war-machines so amazingly huge, that anything bigger would be considered a small moon?" I asked Eulrak, who just nodded. "And I remind you of these things?"
"Of course! Look at the difference in our respective sizes!" The imperial guard, if I'm getting it right, general said, in a tone making it sound like I was unreasonable. "Considering what you could have done to us, the captain was right to surrender to you."
Fayhr, on his end, was helping the marines settle in. He seemed to mostly spend his time with the black ones, bear hugging a few and asking questions to those resilient enough to not pass out. They had abandoned trying to get him to help explain, mostly due to the fact he had started cussing and using sound-effects after a certain time of trying to deal with a man who thought they were crazy, and incredibly small for no reason apart from squirrel warfare. What? I thought it would look awesome, seeing one of those small tanks chase a squirrel around.
We had moved back into the mansion, left to me by my (crazy) grandfather, and had settle in one of the many pointless living rooms ( I had five now). The marines had set up base on one end, apparently being best buddies or something, and the guard on the other end. They didn't camp together because of "too many difference in day to day activities and physiology", which I could understand, from what I learned of the space marines.
"Well, Imperator-man, if you'll give us leave, I feel the general will have to help coordinate his men, and I need to stop Fayhr from chocking half my men to death." Eulrak Stated, before standing a jog (run? Couldn't tell) back to his side of the room. Needless to say, he was very slow. The general followed his example, just being very much slower.
Now, I I have no real issues letting these guys crash here as long as they're tiny, but I do have a few personal itches that annoy me. Eulrak was normal and polite enough for a military man, but Fayhr was an issue in itself. First thing he does? Surrenders and hijacks my shoulder, and tear my shirt collar to kingdom come. Then, orders me around and gets me to play camping tour guide for their small army, which was apparently 5000 strong, plus the space marines. And he had never said please, or thank you.
My biggest problem, however, was that no one was polite enough to have ASKED MY NAME. "Can't be that hard to learn a person's name..." I silently muttered to myself.
"Let us try that, then. What is your name, dear benefactor?" one of the marines asked, a small, blue one with the black guys' pauldrons asked. He was carrying a staff, and had a weird mechanical object, similar to a hood, on the top of his head, with tubes reaching down to meet his skull.
But I knew what he was. Eulrak had pointed him out while he was explaining things earlier. He was a librarian, a psychic recruited into space marine chapters to give them more shiny superpowers, because they can. From what was said, I'd probably keep psychics as far away from battle as possible, to make sure they don't explode violently and become daemons.
"But you're a psyker, can't you just read my mind and know?" I answered, only half-joking.
"I would, but it's more polite to ask." He said, and judging from his tone, he was also only half-joking. "However, your mind is strong, resistant even. I cannot breach it. Not with this size, anyway. I am Korallus, by the way. You may call me Kor."
"I'll do that then, Kor. But about my name, Just call me Imperator-man like everyone else. We wouldn't want to confuse them too much, you know?" This time, I was widely smiling: I had found refuge! A space marine who, despite being a psychic and such, had proven to be the most civil member of my new roommates.
I had spent a few good minutes speaking to Kor, asking a few more questions about the future, and mankind's place in it, and if we still had television. Answer? Yes, awesome. But, epically censored by the imperium. Less awesome, but that's life. He was getting rather deep in explaining the imperium's roots, with the emperor and the primarchs, when Fayhr jumped on my shoulder, and proceeded to rip and tear the other side of the collar.
"Imperator!" What, it got shortened? "The general asked me stop by, he said that his men need some provisions. Honestly, some of mine do as well. What we have on our vehicles and in our packs are not enough to sustain our numbers."
Great, a problem to fix. Without a doubt, it will be the first of many lodging issues, though hopefully the general and captains will only bring things to my attention if they are really necessary. I swear, a single person asks me what they can use to wipe their noses and he'll go straight in the fireplace.
"Sorry Kor, I'll have to put our chat to a different time" I said, giving the librarian a small nod, then turned to the captain. "Well captain, I hope your men like cereal and eggs, because that and MREs are the only thing I can make without the kitchen exploding."
"Your kitchen is wired to explode if things go outside your food preference?" I wouldn't be surprised, knowing my grandfather. "Awesome."
Cassandra Williamson
Well, this was different. At first, having crazy green apes in the garage was a terrible situation, because I felt a lot like target practice. Then the eldar came in, and they were quite interesting. Sad thing though, was that inquisitor guy, Teliun, did something to my mind, and it hurt like hell. I was lucky enough Calenna intervened and smacked him silly, or... something might have happened, I don't know. But now? Sisters of battle. Sounds kinda poetic, given the name, but apparently they're all just over-zealous killing engines. That's what Teliun was trying to tell me while the eldar kept them paused, but I trusted him as far as I could throw this house. Which is to say, I didn't.
"I am telling you, they are pompous, arrogant fools who, at the first wrong comment on your part, will not hesitate to incinerate you!" Teliun desperately tried, again, to get me to change my mind.
"Like you didn't hesitate to give me a class 5 headache? Yeah, no. you're not killing them. I'll try to keep them from killing the eldar, but as far as I'm concerned, you, along with the orks, are fair game." and with that, I let him stew awhile. Of course I didn't mean it, but I felt that he should feel threatened by a lot more than the farseer, mostly in my house.
"Cassandra, dear child, it may be best if you set me down. The sisters, as the inquisitor said, tend to have a penchant for over-zealotry." Calenna softly whispered in my ear, and I complied, mostly because I really didn't want this to end badly. "Down by my brothers and sisters. Ah, thank you, child. Be most careful, I implore you."
"I'll try my best, thanks." Then came the hard part. Getting what was (apparently) one of the most fanatical armies in the future to stand down in the face of one of their most hated enemies. "So... who's the leader?"
One of them, colored the same as the others, in black and gold, and helmet-less like many of them, walked forwards. "That would be me, adolescent. What do you require?"
"Well, that you don't fight the eldar? I have no problem giving you shelter until my mom comes back in a week or so, but I don't want half the house missing when that happens." I felt that she wasn't quite sold on the idea just yet, so I tried something else. "If anything, it should be the orks you should be fighting! The inquisitor and Cale... the farseer have looked into a few options, but they've constantly stated that they're underpowered. With some help they could, you know, get rid of the greater threat?"
"True, the orks are more destructive... very well, we shall cleanse the greenskin infestation first, then, once you can no longer lodge us, we will turn our attention. Does that suit you?" The Sister answered, much more reasonable than Teliun had made them to be.
"Sure, deal!" I said, and stretched out my hand to the small woman. To my surprise, she bent out of the way of my fingers and looked straight up my sleeves. I brought my hand back up, but it was too late: she had seen them.
"Who hurt you, lass? Was it that damn inquisitor? The eldar?" She loudly asked, making it seem more like a command than anything else.
"No! No, it was the orks! I looked in the garage to see what was going on, and a bunch of the rocket ork guys jumped me!" I hurriedly answered, and honestly at this point I found her quite intimidating.
"Don't lie, what did the inquisitor do to you?" She asked again, her voice reflecting drill instructors seen in all those war movies and whatnot.
"Nothing! The inquisitor didn't even scratch me!" I half-lied, trying to get her off my back. Apparently the word "moderation" means nothing in the future.
"That just confirms it." She said, and judging by her continuation my face looked kind of dumb. "I already knew he was a psyker. Not only that, your eyes are bloodshot, the bags under your eyes are huge and you've been rubbing your head every few minutes ever since I saw you. How long has he been here?"
"Him and the eldar have been here two days..." I meekly answered. What was she getting at?
"Then I think that he's been trying to break your mind while you sleep, make you more susceptible to suggestion." I was pretty sure I had heard Calenna shriek at Teliun, but I was too concentrated on the warrior in front of me who, despite her size, was making her presence very commanding and known. "Judging by the way he was trying to get you to throw me out, he thought he had succeeded. I suspect the eldar farseer had a hand against that, had been protecting you."
Calenna was protecting me? This whole time? But wait... "Is there any permanent damage? Like... brain damage, that kind of thing?" to my relief, she shook her head.
"No, I good few nights of sleep, without intervention, and you'll be quite well. I imagine you must be tired, it's said to be a side-effect. And don't worry about Teliun, we'll stand watch for you as you sleep." once again she proved attentive to my facial expressions (Let's be honest, my face was 10 times her size). "Don't worry, child. Unlike a certain inquisitor getting garroted by an eldar farseer over there, we will show proper respect to our host in the few days we will be accommodated here. And then, we will leave without trouble, so don't worry."
Well, at first she kinda scared me, but I guess she isn't so bad after all.
"Well, if you'll be living here, might as well know each-others' names. I'm Cassandra Williamson." I stated, saying my name quite loudly so that the small army that had followed her could hear.
"Well met, Cassandra. I am the leader of the sisters of battle here present, Canoness Alhmeda." She answered, strong enough so that the eldar army, were it not worried about stopping their farseer from killing the inquisitor for some ungodly reason, could hear. "Now, you mentioned greenskins."
TEACH
Now that was something worth seeing once, and twice, and then some. Bunch of them squirrels were attacking little tan men! Now call me superstitious all you damn well please, but aggressive squirrels are definitely some sort of apocalyptic symbol. So I did what all sane men in the face of apocalypse alien squirrels would do and made them meet my rusty fork collection, and cooked them for supper. But that's everyday business here in these here woods. What's worth seeing is that them tan men followed me here, and started asking for help.
"Well, mister tan smurf, there's plenty of squirrel for you and all of your little friends, as long as it don't annoy Harry. It doesn't, now? Well, little man, go on ahead and have some meat." Now, Harry a great fellow, good friend of mine who's been around for as long as I have. Other people pretend not to see or hear him, but they're just downright rude.
"Thank you very much, Gue'la. Shas'la, eat and gather your strength, we have quite a way to go." Said their small boss, one of the guys wearing lots of boxes.
"Who's this Gela dude and what's he done worth thanking?" I asked. Darn it, these were some weird folk.
Tau in the hands of a crazy guy in the woods. Can I have a hell yes please?
In all honesty, that'll probably be all in terms of armies for now and the foreseeable future. But i'll try to keep things interesting. And yes, orks must be purged. Realistically, they wouldn't let themselves get bossed around by a humie, EVER. But that doesn't mean it'll be all you see of them, oh no...
Well, Please leave a review, good or bad, tell me what you like, what I should improve on, and such. Just, civility would be appreciated.
