The Shape of Things to Come – Original Airdate: September 15, 2005

My apologies for this taking so long.

Disclaimer: The italic sections are Josh's words!

A week later, Sandy still found his home Kirsten-less. After their phone conversation, neither brought up the topic of her coming home. Sandy wanted to tell her she was crazy. He wanted to make her understand there was nothing to fear. Instead, he didn't say anything. He was the one now afraid to broach the subject because he didn't want to push her into staying at Suriak even longer. For the first time, he wasn't exactly sure how to handle it.

He didn't know how much longer he could go on without her in their daily routine. The house was falling apart, they barely ate as a family and they were all feeling a sense of loneliness that Sandy didn't have the energy to fill.

On top of all of this, Julie made a surprise visit to their house. She was truly the last person that Sandy wanted to see. In typical Julie fashion, she comes bearing horrific news. Marissa and Ryan could possibly be expelled from harbor, something he definitely couldn't keep from Kirsten. If what Julie said held true, he would have to come clean to Kirsten about everything and then she would definitely want to stay in the serene Suriak environment.

Meanwhile Kirsten got the official word from Dr. Woodruff that she would be released tomorrow. She knew Sandy was coming to visit her tomorrow and she figured she would surprise him. She knew he would be thrilled. She just wished she shared his excitement. She was still terrified that minute she gets home she was going to do nothing but disappoint the men in her life.

Later that day, Charlotte came to her room and ironically, she was being released tomorrow too. Kirsten could help but enjoy the fact that they were so much alike. It seemed like she truly understood what she was going through and it was a comfort.

Charlotte made mention of a place she was going before heading home to make sure she didn't do anything stupid. She even offered to have Kirsten go with her, just to escape for a little bit longer.

The whole idea was crazy. The thought of not going home to Sandy, to her boys was insane. She barely knew Charlotte, but something about the offer intrigued her. Charlotte seemed to know so much about relapsing and if it meant not disappointing her boys, why wouldn't she give it a try?

That evening Sandy had headed home to have a rare dinner with his sons. It was something that they didn't do nearly enough. A phone call came from the school, giving Sandy a great sense of relief. Ryan would be allowed to stay enrolled at Harbor. Relief was not an emotion Sandy was used to feeling these days. Call it selfish, but Sandy's sense of relief was that he was not going to have to disclose any of the summer's events to Kirsten until she came home.

That night he called Suriak to speak with her, feeling happier than he had in a few days. Even though things had not changed much from the last time they spoke, Sandy felt as if he dodged a major bullet. Sure he felt bad about Marissa and he knew Ryan wasn't going to cope well with that, but he would cross that bridge when they came to it.

"Suriak Rehabilitation Center. How may I assist your call?" The receptionist answered.

"This is Sandy Cohen? I was wondering if my wife was available."

"Good evening Mr. Cohen. Give us a few minutes."

It was the standard response. They had to locate Kirsten, then find an available hallway phone and then transfer him once Kirsten was there. It always took a few minutes, but it didn't matter. He would wait an eternity just to speak to her.

"Hey." She said, loving that he beat her to the call. "I was going to give you a half hour and then call."

"It's okay. I missed you and wanted to hear your voice." He said, knowing how sappy it sounded. He didn't care.

"I miss you too and cannot wait to see you tomorrow." She loved when she had something to look forward to.

"Me either." Sandy couldn't understand how she could make statements like that, but still not be rushing home to them.

"How is everyone? The boys? Did they register today?"

"Yes, everything is fine. They miss you." He constantly told her that.

They spoke a little bit longer and then said their goodnights.

The next morning Sandy grabbed Seth's present and headed out. He had to stop by The Newport Group for a bit and then headed out to see his Kirsten. Since she wasn't outside when he arrived, he made his way inside the massive building. After signing in, he headed down the long hallway and made a quick left to her room.

She started to head to the door to greet Sandy outside, but was pleasantly surprised to see him there about to knock. She was startled at first, but then her features eased and a genuine smile spread across her face.

"Hey you." She said before grabbing his blue shirt by the collar and pulling him close to her. She captured his lips in hers and kissed him with as much passion as she could muster. With his jacket in his arms and Seth's present, he couldn't embrace her the way he wanted. She started to walk backward and he followed suit, not wanting to break the kiss.

Once she felt the lack of his arms around her, she reached for his coat and package he was holding and threw it haphazardly on the bed. She didn't want to break their kiss and she smiled through it once Sandy embraced her fully.

He pushed her against the nearest wall, wanting her to feel the stirring in his pants. He hated that he had no self-control, but it had been so long since he had Kirsten had slept together. "What are you doing to me?" He whispered as he kissed her neck.

"I know. I'm sorry." She moaned back.

"I thought we had a pact?" He questioned.

Suddenly, she pulled back remembering that they both swore they wouldn't have sex until she was home. It was used as a motivational tool to have them both work extra hard toward her homecoming. "I'm sorry. I just can't help myself."

"You can't help yourself?" He questioned, motioning to his groin area.

She leaned in and kissed him softly and sweetly in an effort to calm him down. "So, what did you bring me?" She said as she took a seat on the bed, picking up the package.

"It's not actually from me. Seth put it together."

"Dirt, the Motley Crue story. Well, that oughta put things in perspective."

"Our son has a very strange take on self-help."

"How are the boys? I miss them."

"They're great. They miss you like crazy, but I'm guessing they're going to be seeing you soon taking that suitcase as a good sign." Sandy said, taking notice to the fact that she actually packed.

"I am leaving." She said vaguely.

"Oh honey, that's great news. Your timing couldn't be better. We cleaned up the house it was...it was a pit."

"Sandy I'm not coming home. I'm going to Lake Arrowhead with a friend."

"A friend?" Now Kirsten had friends more important than her own family.

Kirsten knew she had to explain. She didn't want Sandy to think it was another man. "Her name is Charlotte. She has a lot of experience with these things. The dangers of relapse."

"Honey if you're thinking about relapse, why check out at all?" He couldn't believe after all this time that she still had the craving to drink.

"I'm not saying that. Its just that..." She struggled with how to explain something that Sandy would never understand. Months of therapy and better communication skills and still she couldn't effectively express her feelings.

"You don't want to come home?" He asked sadly.

"No! Yes! Yes, I want to come home, of course I do. I just need to know that when I do, that I'm home for good. That this is all behind me."

Sandy was trying to understand her reasoning, but he had to ask the next logical question. "Is there a timetable for this?" He couldn't believe that this was actually happening. She can finally come home and she's not going to.

"Oh Sandy, I don't know."

"Well when you do, call me?" He didn't want to fight with her about this. He was afraid to tell her much of anything these days, so he let it slide.

She smiled, hoping he truly understood her. She leaned in to kiss him again, but she could feel that Sandy was extremely tense.

Sandy left and Kirsten could tell he was not happy with her right now. She felt terrible, but wanted to do what was right in the long run.

Confirming her worst fears, Sandy was little cold to her during their nighttime conversation. He told her that he loved her and that he would do whatever she wanted. He just didn't understand. He didn't think that all the reasoning in the world would help him make sense of this. Before hanging up, she told him she loved him for being so good about this whole thing, even though deep down he was hurting inside.

The next day, Kirsten and Charlotte arrived at her house on the lake. As beautiful as the house was, she was extremely scared of making the wrong decisions. Should she be here? Did she need her family or someone like Charlotte who has first hand experience with this? Would Sandy eventually come around?

Charlotte was speaking out loud as they entered the house, but Kirsten was caught up in her own thoughts. Charlotte was quick to notice.

"Thinking about Sandy?"

"Can't help it. I feel like I've let him down yet again."

"You're doing this for him." She said reassuringly.

"I don't think he sees it that way."

"Well then show him. Invite him over for dinner."

"You really wouldn't mind?" She asked, hoping that maybe Sandy could see everything through her eyes if he came to visit.

"Of course not! You've been talking so much about your perfect husband, I'd love to meet him."

Kirsten didn't waste any time calling Sandy and asking him to come there for dinner. She just wanted to make things right between them. Maybe this was a good first step.

Sandy arrived and Charlotte observed how truly in love the two of them were. It actually made her sick. How can two people who have been together this long still be so thrilled in one another's company?

They sat through dinner and discussed mostly the events and people at Suriak. Sandy didn't want to discuss any personal in front of Charlotte. There was just something about this woman that he didn't trust. He knew his judgment was mostly based on his anger and resentment that Kirsten chose her over him, but there was just something else that he couldn't put his finger on.

Once they finished dinner, Charlotte actually gave them some time alone, which Kirsten was grateful. He showed Sandy the room she was staying in and as soon as he closed the door behind him, she closed the gap between them. She started kissing him hard, pushing his back against the door, leaning her entire body against his. She waited so long to be out of Suriak to be doing this with Sandy. She spoke through her kiss. "You know, it's been so long since we have been alone outside of Suriak."

Sandy knew what that statement meant, but this was not how he was picturing their reunion to be. Although she was out of rehab, she was still not home. He felt her trying to probe her tongue past his lips and finally he pulled away. He knew he had to approach this is a very gentle manner. "Kirsten..." He started, cupping her face to let her know he loved her. "...it's not that I don't want this. I have been dreaming about being with you for months now, but someone else's house in Lake Arrowhead was not part of the dream."

Kirsten knew what he was saying, and suddenly she felt embarrassed. She moved out of his grasp and turned her back to him. "Okay." She whispered.

"I'm sorry." Sandy continued. "I love you and want to you to come home. I don't want this place to become that."

Her embarrassment was replaced by anger. She spun around to face him, words flowing out like sour saliva. "So you are going to withhold sex until I come home? Do you have any idea how absurd that is? This should be a time to celebrate for us and you don't see it that way. I'm finally out and you should be proud of that." She could feel the frustration pouring through her veins.

"I'll celebrate when you actually come home." He bitterly said back.

Once again she was reminded of how he didn't understand a thing she was going through. "I think you should leave." She said walking further away from him, staring out the window.

"Kirsten..." Sandy started, not wanting to fight with her.

"Just go. I want to be left alone for awhile." She turned back to face him, knowing she was going to have to appease him so way so he would actually leave. "Just call me when you get home okay?"

When Sandy arrived home, he found Ryan sitting alongside the pool.

"I thought you'd be at the carnival."

"Well, it didn't really work out." Ryan replied sadly.

"So I guess Marissa's expulsion hasn't been easy on you two huh?

"Yeah. I just wish there was something I could do. You know? Ryan said softly.

"So you want to fix this? The universal male instinct happens to the best of us." He said taking a seat next to Ryan. He spent the entire drive home trying to figure out a way to fix this thing with him and Kirsten.

"So what?" He asked. "I'm supposed to sit here and do nothing?"

"No, You need to go back, but just listen."

Ryan nodded in response. "yeah, Just listen." It seemed easy enough.

"Trust me. It works better than you think." Sandy said, deciding to take his own advice.

Once Ryan took off to go talk, or in his case, listen to Marissa, Sandy knew he had to call Kirsten. He made his way to his bedroom and sat on their bed, once again wishing she were there with him. What wasn't he getting? He needed to do some listening of his own.

Charlotte answered and it felt like she kept him waiting forever. Once he heard her voice, his heart melted. "Hi. I just calling to let you know I'm home."

"Okay." She said softly. He knew that tone. She was clearly upset by what had happened.

"That's not the only reason." He continued. "I'm so sorry. I really am, but I'm ready to listen to you. I ready to really try to understand your need to be there and not here. I'm sorry I don't get it, but you know me. I'm so stubborn and I want you here."

Kirsten felt terrible. "I feel like I'm letting you down once again."

"No. Please don't feel like that."

"How do you expect me to feel Sandy?" She asked.

"I want you to feel the pride I feel in what you have accomplished. I didn't mean to diminish that in any way."

"Thank you." She said, loving that he always knew how to make her feel better.

"So you want to explain this to me. Help me understand so what happened today never ever happens again."

"I don't know what you want me to say." She said feeling helpless.

"I want you to really tell me why you are there and not here."

"Because I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?" He couldn't understand what she could possibly be afraid of, but he promised himself he would really listen this time.

"Afraid that I am going to fail again, afraid that I'm going to let you down, afraid that you are going to ship me back to Suriak. I can list a million things."

Sandy felt terrible because ultimately she was afraid of him. "Kirsten, every little feeling you are having right now, we can get through them together. I'm never going to leave your side. We can get through anything. We are that strong. I hope you know that because I truly believe that with all my heart."

"They're just words Sandy. Actions speak louder than words."

"Well, let me prove it to you then. Give me a chance to make you feel safe and comfortable, not scared and vulnerable."

Kirsten thought about it and as tempting as it was, she was not ready. "I just need some time. Is that okay?"

Sandy sighed, but not loud enough for her to hear over the phone line. "Yes, I'll be here waiting whenever you are ready."

"Thank you."

"I love you Kirsten. Don't ever doubt that."

"I love you too Sandy."

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